Family Dilemma...

My advice is to be an example, but let her live her life. You can't make choices for other people, and she's made it clear that she doesn't want to hear it. Continue on your path, and hopefully she'll learn from your example and want to make changes too. When that happens, and only then, offer your advice.

About the dinner invitations though -- again, you have to choose your own path. You're trying to eat healthy, and you know you won't get that there. She chooses to be offended when you decline the invitation. You are not responsible for that. As long as you're being polite, you've done all you can do.

Go every once in a while and account for it ahead of time....then return the favor and cook one of her favorite foods in a healthier way.

I have a dilemma. I have been on MFP for about a month and a half now…and love it! I’ve lost 7 pounds and can’t wait to lose the rest. Now for my dilemma. I have an older sister who means everything to me. She is severely overweight and shows no interest in losing any of it. She eats whatever she wants, whenever she wants. I talk about MFP with her and she judges me for counting calories. I have invited her to the gym but “something always comes up”. She had minor knee surgery back in September ’10 and is still hobbling because she does not exercise her knee at all. I am really concerned for her health. Not only getting her knee back up to par..but also how overweight she is and how hard that must be on her heart. We live about 2 minutes apart and she always invites me over for supper but I always decline because I know non of it will be healthy…ofcourse she gets offended. Any advice is much appreciated!

I have an older brother who showed no interest in losing weight and As everyone kept complimenting me on my weight loss he suddenly joined the gym. What I am getting to is lead by example and hopefully she will follow. Keep up the good work!!!

It's funny, but a friend of mine asked me the exact same question a few weeks ago. She told me that she worked with a girl that was really overweight. The girl missed work a lot because of knee pain - due to being overweight. She wanted to know if I could share any advice to help my friend talk to this girl. I will tell you what I told her.

One thing I have learned in my 10+ years of trying to lose weight is that it won't happen unless you want it to. Yes, for 10 years I hated being overweight... but I really wasn't willing to commit to the hard work it took. I went from diet plan to diet plan looking for the quickest fix with the littlest amount of work required - and you know what happened? I ended up even bigger than when I started.

I knew that my health (or lack thereof) was killing me. I knew if I didn't lose the weight, I'd probably end up dying sooner than I should....I just didn't or couldn't think about changing any of it.

I had people, close to me, tell me over and over how serious my weight was - and that I needed to do something about it. I ended up resenting those people - bless them - even though they were just trying to help. I wasn't interested, and I was tired of people telling me what I "needed" to do about my "situation".

I can't say that I had one major incident that lead to turning it all around. I just got tired of being tired. I was tired ALL of the time. I was in pain (with my knees) ALL of the time. I couldn't play with my kids. So, I decided to just start out small...walking around a track for 10 minutes a day. I started replacing some of the junk with better, healthier options.

I don't think there's anything wrong with expressing your concerns with your sister - but be ready for some turmoil to erupt. No one is going to be able to make her change - until she's ready. Continue to express how much better you feel about your decisions to get healthy. Constantly remark about how much better you feel, look, and how much you've been able to accomplish - but don't try to force it down her throat to do the same....or things may end up worse for her.

you cant make someone change they have to want to.

It's tough! My sister is 100 lbs over weight and a Type II diabetic. She really does not take care of herself and it drives me crazy. We lost our mom to Diabetes so she's full aware of what can happen. I don't harass her about loosing wieght. She knows already but just doesn't have the drive. I tend to think the more you tell someone that they should loose weight, they'll do the opposite. She's an adult and makes her own choices. It is hard when I go to her house though. She lives 2.5 hours away so when I go I spend the weekend. She always has ice cream, brownies, ect.. and I usually pig out. If we lived closer, I probably would encouarge her to take walks with me and when she comes over to eat, make healthy meals.


Good luck!

Greetings,

Love and judgement can't fit in the same space at the same time. You'll have to choose if you want to be loving and compassionate with your sister, or if you want to continue to judge her harshly for her choices. Your sister is fat for good reasons that work for her, and they must work for her more than the annoyance of the knee or she would be more interested in losing weight.

I fully agree with the suggestion to offer to make dinner for her and her family at her house or at yours. You should stick up for what you need, and feel free to talk about the calories and how you will track what you eat at her house. I would just eat what she prepares in small amounts that fit in your plan, or bring the food you want to eat.

Eating together is an opportunity to celebrate family and love. I hope you won't stop eating with your sister just because she doesn't want to eat what you want to eat right now.

--Emma