Dealing with people's reactions

Definitely! The other day someone at work said I was getting thinner and asked how much I have lost. I kind of got defensive and rude and just said a lot. I know she was trying to be nice but I didn't want her to know how fat I really was you know? I have very low self esteem when it comes to the way I look and my weight but losing it is the only thing that's making me feel better about myself.

I would just let people know that you are trying to be healthy. There should be no judgement in that. If you are eating healthy nutritious food and being physically active, there is NOTHING wrong with that. And just remember, that you are doing this for YOU. If you are happy with the results, that's great!

No matter how they "mean it" - just smile and say "thank you!" or "thanks for noticing". They will get that you see it as a positive thing, that you think they should be supportive, and that you are not going to go into depth on it - all without doing anything more than responding politely!

Stiving for healthy body is a noble objective. You will feel more empowered in a fit body.

Trying to look like the bilboard toothpick girls is vain. Working towards having a healthy body is a positive action, don`t spin it into something negative.

I can relate, but you're not allowed to diet to look better and be healthier and then get upset when someone notices... that's part of the point

Remember that most people know how hard it is and they say something because they respect and are proud of you. It's something you should be proud of, not ashamed of. You may lead a healthy lifestyle (I did when I started too), but that doesn't mean there isn't room to improve yourself.

And, as you can probably tell by looking at pictures on these forums, the "last ten" make a huge difference with your overall appearance, which is probably why you're getting compliments. This statement isn't meant to detract from the amount of effort individuals with a lot to lose put in, but the lower your body-fat, the more noticeable each percentage point change becomes (really, it's almost exponential). Look at the change from 35% body-fat to 15% body-fat. Then look at 15% to ~10%. That's when things go from "average" to "athlete!"

Here's a reference for that phenomenon:

http://www.naturalphysiques.com/cms/index.php?itemid=144

Anyway, I understand how you feel OP, but I think you should just embrace it and take the compliment for what it is. And by the way... congrats on the compliments

hmm now i wonder if i offended my cousin at xmas time...she had gastric bypass and when i saw her and how great she looked i think i may of gotten a little overly excited. i didnt ask her how much she lost or anything i just gave her a great big hug and told her how good she looked.

My family and others who knew me when I was obese, look at me now and tell me that I don't need to lose any more weight or keep exercising because I have this tendency to do things in extremes. I tell them I'm not trying to lose "weight," but that I'm going for fat loss. They give me all this blah blah blah about how it's okay to have a little bit of fat on the body and that I'm overdoing it. No. I'm not. I would tell them to stop offering me their food because I'm not going to eat it and I really don't have feelings if they take offense to it. I'm still diabetic, even if my blood sugar is maintaining at normal levels... and it's maintaining because I'm eating what *I* eat. I ended up with diabetes because of what *THEY* are eating.

I can relate, but you're not allowed to diet to look better and be healthier and then get upset when someone notices... that's part of the point

Thanks for the support. But the thing is, I didn't diet to look better or get healthier. I was already pretty healthy and had a good body image. I did it because I felt my life was going crazy and it was the one thing I could control. When people bring up the weight loss, it just reminds me of all the things that triggered it...

At a healthy weight and even a healthy calorie intake level or not - that is a symptom of an eating disorder ("one thing you can control"). You should probably have someone to talk to this about - maybe you have a more supportive friend or family member or if you are in university a counselor? Especially if someone mentioning it triggers bad memories or feelings, etc. You don't dye your hair, buy a new shirt, or get a piercing and think no one will mention it. Same thing sort of.

Whenever someone asks if I've lost weight I just go ''really? I didn't think so'' because I almost see it as an insult, implying I used to be fat when I actually wasn't.

Don't let these situations frustrate you, in the end you're doing this for yourself and not them.

This! I mean, I hate that people consider the fact I've lost a few pounds worth mentioning. I mean, it's kind of my 'project' at the moment, but I don't spend time thinking about anyone elses weight, so I find it really hard to comprehend their interest.

Odds are the reason people are interested is because they wish they could do it too. You don't have to be comfortable talking about it. Maybe you should talk about it though, it might help someone else learn how to live the healthy lifestyle that you know so well. You can shrug it off and say 'oh I didn't really notice', but they know you are lying. Looking good for yourself is not about the skinny girl syndrome. It is about being happy with who you are or have become. Until you learn to love yourself nothing else will matter.

Very well said. I totally agree.

Yeah, that has occurred to me, which is kind of why I bought it up here... I know something is not right, even though I'm physically getting enough nutrition etc. I'm just hoping that as the other things in my life improve I'll be able to let go a bit...

Your problem is likely related to your stress and possibly depression, a councilor or some sort of friendly ear may not be a bad thing. It's entirely possibly that you're projecting hurt onto the people who are complimenting you.

That said, there's nothing wrong with wanting to get more fit or change your appearance (even at a 'healthy' weight: see "skinny fat"), but combined with the other stuff you described it may not be a bad idea to have some sort of short counseling session to see if you could use more... it can't hurt at least . Don't stress yourself out and don't sweat the small stuff, it sounds like you've had a hard enough year without it.

I think in the society we live now, losing weight usually means that you are trying and that you are expecting compliments about it. Most people find weight loss to be very hard, as well as eat healthy, so they probably want to find out how you are doing it.

From what I've read, I think the issue is making peace with all that happened in those 6 months. It's a lot for such short amount of time and it's ok to be upset about each one of these things. Losing a job could mean losing current lifestyle, sacrificing choices, struggling financially to make ends meet... Parents divorce shakes the view of the perfect family most people desire and what one wants in their own life. My parents have been divorced since I was 2, so it was a bit easier for me in some ways, but in other ways, it did complicate things too... And, the break-up. It's never fun to spend so much time dedicating yourself to a relationship when, at the end of the day, it doesn't work out. Let yourself be upset and process these things truly...

And when someone comments on your weight loss, just think that by saying thanks, you are really thanking them for wanting to recognize something on you that they think it's an accomplishment. They are complimenting you on being healthy, eating well, taking care of your body. Then change the subject and compliment them back on something else! I don't think any of them would say anything if they knew it was hurtful to you.

Good luck!