Question for married people.....

My fiance does this too. I sort of took offense at first, and I came back at him with "What, do you not think I could leave you for a younger man looking like this?" LOL

Joke right back at him in ways that lay his fears to rest: "I won't be able to get out and meet any new guys because you'll be keeping my hot new self so busy in our bedroom!" Or "How could I leave the guy who loved me even when I wasn't hot?"

maybe hes doing it in a playful sense? like he wants you to know that he thinks it important, but he doesnt want to make you insecure at the moment.

no husband would ever say 'your getting kinda chunky, maybe we should start you on a diet'. so when you decide to go on a diet, maybe he thinks that you dont see yourself as 'good enough for him', if he weighs less than you do.

i gained alot of weight during my recent pregnancy because of complications, and my husband is muscular, BUT TINY. Hes like 5'8 and 140 pounds, and most of that is just muscle because he works construction, and it makes him uncomfortable everytime i say that im sick of being fat.

alot of men just dont know the right words to say, or how to make you feel better, because they cant necessarily fix the problem. they can tell you your beautiful 24/7, but because of society, we are lead to believe we are less than that 110 pound girl whos almost 6 feet ****ing tall =]

My husband & I are both dieting right now. We've done it where we're both on one, and also when one falls off the wagon & the other keeps going - I've been on both sides. It's sort of a guilty feeling you get - your spouse is doing all this to look better, but you aren't and you get to thinking all sorts of stuff like, what if he/she thinks I"m lazy, too fat, out of shape, etc. when we really just fell in love with who they are rather than what they look like. I think it's good to just have a chat and let him know that you're doing this for you - not to get another man - and in the long run, you'll be able to spend time doing more fun/active things together.

our guys just want to know we are still theirs! When he says that you can just give a hug or a kiss and say always yours no matter what size. They like it when we are open about our feelings especially when it concerns our love for them! Keep going and know when you are losing weight it is for you. It is ok to look in the mirror and think, "wow, I really do look great in these jeans!" It is hard work what we do so when we lose we have to love what we see!!! Try to think of cute phrases that only your man would apprieciate and when he says things like "I not going to be able to let you out of the house alone anymore." come back with something that will make him smile inside and out!! It is a good problem!

He will live, he is adjusting to the changes.

Perhaps asking in return, "Why do you say that? I married you and only you!"

I agree^ I think it's normal for a spouse to get a little insecure during such a body image change. Just keep reminding him why you married him and that you would do it all over again My husband doesn't want me to get breast implants and I think it has more to do with him being paranoid that I'll be able to fill out a bikini for once. He would get over it and so will your husband. If he becomes crazy and doesn't want you leaving the house, then that's a different story! For now, take it as a "compliment" that he thinks you are so hot any man is going to want you and give it time

You know him better than we do.. does he sound like he is sincerely kidding?

I don't have this issue with my husband and he isn't really the jealous type and he knows he treats me well so I have no reason to go elsewhere. That being said, I have seen it in several other couples.

If there is something behond his comments, it might actually be better to get it out in the open. Maybe he has some self worth issues. He may need to know that the changes you are making in you, don't change how you look at him. And if you haven't already, tell him you appreciate all the support he is giving you.

Okay. My husband did the same thing and I had a guy friend explain it to me. It's messed up yes, but it's his way of motivating you. Guys think in reverse psychology when it comes to things like this. They think if they say things like "I bet this wont last" meaning your change in food or exercise that you'll get the "F**K YOU!!I'LL PROVE YOU WRONG" attitude and push even harder. Since my friend explained that to me, I just let them slide right off my shoulder.

Your husband just needs to be reassured that he is your one and only. We all need to hear it once in a while. Give him a ''skinny hug'!!

My fiance does this too. I sort of took offense at first, and I came back at him with "What, do you not think I could leave you for a younger man looking like this?" LOL

Ok, from a guy's perspective, that is a horrible and mean response to someone who is showing that he is insecure about your hard work and improvement. If my wife said something like that to be, I would be LIVID!

The response by jenbusick is MUCH better: Joke right back at him in ways that lay his fears to rest: "I won't be able to get out and meet any new guys because you'll be keeping my hot new self so busy in our bedroom!" Or "How could I leave the guy who loved me even when I wasn't hot?"

Try and understand why is threatened, remind him how much you love him and that he is the only guy for you. "Joking" about being able to leave him will only piss him off, regardless of whether he tells you it does or not. Guaranteed.

Sorry to be so blunt with you missrugby but I felt I had to weigh in from a male perspective.

Back in 2007 My exwife, and I(We were married at the time) decided to lose weight. She had a lot more weight to lose than I did. After she lost about 150lbs, she started getting curious about if guys would think she was "hot", and started flirting. She has been overweight her whole life, and since I told her she was beautiful at 350lbs she didn't believe me anymore. She became obsessed with flirting, started lying to me, and had a few online affairs. I never thought she would do something like that, but it happened. We tried marriage counseling, but I never could get her to really stop the flirting online, pretending to be single, etc. We eventually got divorced. That is one thing that started the marriage on the way to failure. There were many other reasons it failed though.

I heard there was an episode on Oprah a few years ago about that. People change, not always for the better in all things. He may have valid concerns.

I agree that people change. And I know someone who lost weight and left their spouse, and another person who lost weight and called off her engagement (both had weight loss surgery).... and I simply don't get it. I am glad I met my fiance when I was heavy because I know he loves me for who I am inside and out. Who says these people aren't going to find someone else who loves them for their size, and when they gain weight again (like many people do), they will be rejected?! Idk, I just don't understand their logic.

I don't think my wife has become insecure. She's been supportive, complimentary and encouraging. She's been my biggest cheerleader. My weight loss, I believe, has inspired her to "get moving" herself. She's been hitting the gym 2-3 times per week.

God Bless!


Shawn

When I read this, I flashed back to when I first started losing weight. I was 118 pounds when I moved in with my ex-husband, and over 200 pounds when I decided to get my body and health back. At first, my ex-husband was supportive. When I got into size 18 pants (down from a size 22) the "joking" comments started... the more weight I lost, the worse it got, until I came right out and asked him if he really believed what he was saying when he "joked" with me, and told him that I found these so-called jokes insulting and hurtful. Since I've already stated that he's my EX husband, I'm sure you can tell it didn't go well. We tried counseling, as a couple and on our own, but his insecurities were so deeply rooted that he couldn't see that I was doing this for myself, as well as him and our children. At 200+ pounds, my health was suffering. All he could see was his fears.

The reason I say all this is because one of the lines in your post jumped out at me. You said you are afraid to talk to him about it because you are afraid to know what may be behind it. Unfortunately, you NEED to talk to him about it. He may not realize his jokes bother you (which they obviously do, or you wouldn't be soliciting advice on here), and if that's true he'll want to know so he doesn't keep upsetting you. And like many others said (or suggested) he may just need reassurance that you aren't going to leave when you get thin. These jokes may be his way of asking for your support on that end. But either way, you need to know what's behind it, because you can't fix any problem if you don't face it head on~ just like you are doing with your weight loss! And just so you don't get too worried based on my post, my ex-husband had issues with control, anger, and massive insecurities and it showed in all aspects of his life, not just my weight loss. If you husband is generally pretty secure, he's probably just worried about losing the love of his life!

(And I know I'm no longer married, and this post was for married people, but I'm now with my soul mate, does that count? lol!)

Does your spouse ever seem uncomfortable with your weight loss? Like does it seem like you losing weight makes them insecure?

My husband is being supportive for the most part...he eats what I need to eat, avoiding junk in the house, goes out walking with me, but he does make snark comments like "I won't be able to let you leave the house because if you think your hott you'll walk around naked all the time"....or "So what younger guy are you going to leave me for when this is over".....

Oh boy, I am probably the wrong person to chime in on this. The short answer is YES- my husband became very insecure the first time I lost weight.

The long-ish version is that he was very supportive at first, but then he started complaining about time I spent at the gym, or about the foods I was cooking. My weight loss led to more self confidence and I began making friends. He complained if I ever wanted to do anything with them.

There is a much longer version, but I'll save that for a blog one day. End f the story is- I ended up gaining weight back.

We are both on this journey now. He seems to be more supportive, but I've started to hear a few comments again.

He probably thinks he's being funny. And he might mean no harm.

But it wouldn't do any harm to let him know if it's truly bothering you.

We men are interesting creatures. When we're around other guys, sometimes the only humor is self-deprecating. So some guys think this is normal, but most women don't appreciate this the same way.

If you do talk to him, make sure you let him know that you are aware that he's probably doing it to be funny and be supportive, but that you'd be more comfortable without the talk of leaving each other, etc. Even in jest, this can often not be healthy.