Are Men Sensitive?

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  • SarahR1984
    SarahR1984 Posts: 212
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    I don't know if he's tired of being made fun of, because he does nothing but make fun of people all day. We all have very thick skin, because we do a lot of poking at each other...friends and family included.

    Is it looked upon as weak or something? He's very very strong (can lift a whole transmission by himself, and nearly a whole engine).

    #1 yes skinny guys are sterotyped as weak whether it's true or not
    #2 maybe he makes fun of people out of his own insecurity
  • toddgaines
    toddgaines Posts: 130
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    Even the most hardened guy still wants to be seen as "a man". Despite changing societal gender roles we still have part of us that wants to be the provider, the protector, and the athlete because that is what society has always told us a man should be. Making fun of a man's lack of height, lack of weight, or lack of athletic ability is like making fun of his manhood, his ability to be what society tells them they should be. So it can hurt. Especially when it is a physical attribute they have little or no control over. Obviously if he has tried to change it he views it as something he is not happy with, and the fact that he was unsuccessful at changing it makes it that much more of a sensitive subject. So yeah, I can see why he might be a little frustrated with people making fun of it. Anyway, that's my 2 cents.
  • Mrs_McFadden
    Mrs_McFadden Posts: 1,139
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    Here's a thought- perhaps he's just sick of his body being the topic of conversation? Regularly?
  • Wileyjoe
    Wileyjoe Posts: 282
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    Saying a guy is skinny can be taken as a shot at his manliness - by society standards the ideal standard is tall, dark and handsome - just look at some of the threads that ask what women like about a man. I could see how being reminded of how one doesn't fit into the mold could make you a bit defensive. Has nothing to do with how great of a guy he may be.
  • jdrop
    jdrop Posts: 24
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    Here's a thought- perhaps he's just sick of his body being the topic of conversation? Regularly?

    It's not. It comes up, usually around meal time, because he eats like a fiend.
  • Mrs_McFadden
    Mrs_McFadden Posts: 1,139
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    Here's a thought- perhaps he's just sick of his body being the topic of conversation? Regularly?

    It's not. It comes up, usually around meal time, because he eats like a fiend.

    And how often is mealtime perchance? lol
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,291 Member
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    Huh? Just the overly sensitive and the overly hard? I have to say that is damned sexist! That would be like saying "you know women are either frigid or crying wimps". What the hell?

    About time someone said it

    Yeah I'd be irritated after a while if people kept taking shots at my weight, but then again, if you can dish it, you should be able to take it as well
  • OGFleabag
    OGFleabag Posts: 137 Member
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    My hubs is super insecure about his skinniness too, he has tried to bulk up as well and has great difficulty. He can eat enough food for 6 people in one sitting and not gain one oz. I agree with everyone...its no different than someone making cracks about an overweight person.
  • ajbeans
    ajbeans Posts: 2,857 Member
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    Here's a thought- perhaps he's just sick of his body being the topic of conversation? Regularly?

    It's not. It comes up, usually around meal time, because he eats like a fiend.

    Would you make fun of a fat person while they ate? Probably not. Use the same discretion when talking with a thin person. Or just don't make fun of people, period, especially if they've shown that it's a topic they don't like to discuss.
  • ksimms
    ksimms Posts: 31 Member
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    You said he was seeing a nutritionist to gain muscle but gave up when that didn't work, you don't see that this is something that bothers him?

    Lay off the guy, my boyfriend is only 128 lbs and I joke about him being skinny. He doesn't care, but I assure you if he got upset with me for pointing it out I'd never bring it up again. I have enough respect for him to not want to upset him.
  • DowntimeDesigns
    DowntimeDesigns Posts: 134 Member
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    I'll agree with everyone else and say he's sick of it AND the fact that he has TRIED to gain weight, and been unsuccessful. You are reminding him of a failure.

    To me, thats the same as someone reminding me everyday that I'm not at my goal yet. He had a goal, and for whatever reason, it wasn't attained, no one likes to fail at what we try to do!
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
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    Don't know about others, but I can say that I am hyper-aware of my shortcomings. While I appreciate a compliment, negative comments only make me defensive or worse, non-responsive.

    I think it's all in how you deliver a comment.

    Telling me I'm fat is not neccessary; I already know it. Offering me a low cal- recipe or mentioning a new diet or exercise you just heard about might be more helpful and well received.

    Plus, if your husband is at 130 naturally and isn't exhibiting any unhealthy traits, there is nothing wrong with it.
  • Mrs_McFadden
    Mrs_McFadden Posts: 1,139
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    I'm not a man but when I was my slender self in my early 20's I was *regularly* harangued and accosted by strangers who felt the need to ask me directly to my FACE if I was anorexic, bulemic, etc. I have never had an ED and lived like a normal person, well, actually I ate exactly like your fiance. I ate whatever I wanted and I had a nuclear plant metabolism. I would lift things up and people would dash toward me because they thought I was going to break in half or something- I was NORMAL for myself but people would go on and on about how I should eat more. It does get annoying at the very least. I can only imagine what it feels like for a man. A man who probably on some level feels that his body should be a solid and test the world around him vs the other way around.
    I would STFU about his weight!!!! I don't know- basically- in my marriage, I prefer to give my guy COMPLIMENTS.
  • Goal_Seeker_1988
    Goal_Seeker_1988 Posts: 1,619 Member
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    He probably feels weak when he is called skinny.
  • backinthenines
    backinthenines Posts: 1,083 Member
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    Why does he get angry?

    Maybe he's bored of being the butt of family jokes all the time and maybe as his fiancee you should know better??

    My man is 6'2" and only weighs around 160. He's a long-distance runner and Ironman and very fit and not short of normal confidence, but he still has stuff he is paranoid and touchy about. Don't we all?

    My other half is just a typical ectomorph body shape and even when he weight trains he just doesn't build up. "Skinny" in the world of man is not a selling point and I know he's sensitive about it so I won't rub it in...
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
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    However, when we (meaning his family, friends, and I) joke about how skinny he is, he takes it in stride and then gets angry and defensive. Why is this? He's perfectly healthy, and it's just genetics that make him as naturally thin as he is. He even retorted, "Well how would you feel if I told you that you were too fat all the time, and that you should lose weight?"

    Why does he get angry?

    By the way, nobody likes to be the butt of someone else's jokes. It sounds to me like it is not an isolated incident either.

    I think that "Well how would you feel if I told you that you were too fat all the time, and that you should lose weight?" is a lot nicer than I would respond, if this happened more than once.
  • ZebraHead
    ZebraHead Posts: 15,207 Member
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    I'm all sad just thinking about his pain... :sad: Group hug anyone? *humming kumbaya
  • jdrop
    jdrop Posts: 24
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    You said he was seeing a nutritionist to gain muscle but gave up when that didn't work, you don't see that this is something that bothers him?

    Lay off the guy, my boyfriend is only 128 lbs and I joke about him being skinny. He doesn't care, but I assure you if he got upset with me for pointing it out I'd never bring it up again. I have enough respect for him to not want to upset him.

    No no no, he was seeint a nutritionist in COLLEGE, which was years ago. He tried drinking some Ensure, but that lasted for about 10 days, and he quit because they are quite nasty.

    I'm of the mindset that if you can dish it out, you might as well take it. He is perfectly healthy, and his parents are naturally quite thin (Asian), and he pinches my rolls/jiggles all the time, but I suppose if I really am going to marry the guy I should probably pick and choose my battles.
  • PJilly
    PJilly Posts: 21,740 Member
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    Let me start by saying I have the most wonderful fiancee ever. He's smart, funny, talented, and just a good man. That being said, he is 5'11" and 130 lbs.

    He was at 155 in college, playing hockey/working out/seeing a nutritionist 4-6 days per week. He was trying to gain weight for a while, but has since given up.

    I'm far from "fat" but I'm soft around the edges and a full foot shorter than he is. However, when we (meaning his family, friends, and I) joke about how skinny he is, he takes it in stride and then gets angry and defensive. Why is this? He's perfectly healthy, and it's just genetics that make him as naturally thin as he is. He even retorted, "Well how would you feel if I told you that you were too fat all the time, and that you should lose weight?"

    Why does he get angry?
    I don't know why he gets angry, but what does it matter? If you know if bothers him when you joke about it, whether you understand why or not, why would you continue to do it?
  • ZebraHead
    ZebraHead Posts: 15,207 Member
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    ^Because with other humans (especially family/friends) we can't help but continue to push their buttons (even better when we know what button to push). We think we are just kidding or showing that we like them but that only goes so far before the pain sets in.

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