Men! I need your help!

Marla64
Marla64 Posts: 23,120 Member
in Motivation and Support
All right gentlemen--

So, I have this 19 year old daughter, dating a 20 year old guy whom my husband and I detest. He is more like a third grade girl. Stays up all night skyping and texting my child. Sends her cute love notes in code on her facebook page, and uses smileys in replies to his male buddies.

So I ask you, gentleman...... Do dudes use smilies with other dudes?

Please, please, please-- your opinions, please?
«134

Replies

  • MakingAChoice
    MakingAChoice Posts: 481 Member
    Smileys are kind of a built into texting thing these days. yes I use them with buddies but they are more like :-Þ
  • polo571
    polo571 Posts: 708 Member
    The more you tell someone no the more they want them =).....Try going overboard on liking him and making your daughter sick of that person. I have some friends who said that worked better then saying no. I use to manage up to 90 people like this a day and you would be surprised how it works
  • SHBoss1673
    SHBoss1673 Posts: 7,161 Member
    Um, not usually. If I can get away with a grunt or an "mmm hmmm", I don't even talk to other dudes.
  • alecta337
    alecta337 Posts: 622 Member
    I am kind of biased because I am a 20 yr old girl. But your daughter is an adult. You may not like her boyfriend, but no matter what you say, if she likes him, she will stay with him.

    I think you should be less interested with how he texts and more interested in getting to know more about him. You should be supportive of your daughter. If he is bad for her, she will eventually figure it out and leave him.
  • Smartyfan
    Smartyfan Posts: 10
    We adopted the Corleone Theory when relating to our kids friends - "keep your friends close, your enemies closer." It helps when you keep an eye on the ones that concern you. We haven't had a problem with any of our kids friends so far. The ones we didn't like so much have pretty much fallen by the wayside.
  • Marla64
    Marla64 Posts: 23,120 Member
    I am kind of biased because I am a 20 yr old girl. But your daughter is an adult. You may not like her boyfriend, but no matter what you say, if she likes him, she will stay with him.

    I think you should be less interested with how he texts and more interested in getting to know more about him. You should be supportive of your daughter. If he is bad for her, she will eventually figure it out and leave him.

    totally didn't ask for your opinion-- but thanks for playing.

    And all "adult" means in this house at the age of 19 is that I can now legally kick your behind out.
  • Marla64
    Marla64 Posts: 23,120 Member
    Um, not usually. If I can get away with a grunt or an "mmm hmmm", I don't even talk to other dudes.

    Part and parcel of why I love you, Banks.
  • taso42_DELETED
    taso42_DELETED Posts: 3,394 Member
    I use smileys all the time, but most of my male friends and i have an unspoken agreement that we're not going to spontaneously start making out with each other.
  • Marla64
    Marla64 Posts: 23,120 Member
    I use smileys all the time, but most of my male friends and i have an unspoken agreement that we're not going to spontaneously start making out with each other.

    A good agreement-- lol
  • rockabyesarojane
    rockabyesarojane Posts: 471
    perhaps i missed the point, but was that list supposed to be what you don't like about him?

    who cares if he texts smilies to his friends?

    is he mean? does he hit her? does he talk down to her? does he curse?

    those seem like the types of things to be more alarmed about. if not, i'd let it go.
  • itskristina
    itskristina Posts: 16 Member
    I'm not a guy, but what are specific reasons (besides he keeps her up at night) you and your husband don't like him? From what you say he seems (so far) like a nice guy. I agree that he should not be keeping her up all night, but does she have something to do the next day? Does she tell him she doesn't want to talk all night, etc.? Also, how long have they been dating/talking. If it's still early on, they'll probably talk all the time then it'll phase out. Without knowing the entire situation or about the guy as a person it's hard to make any suggestion or comment about the smiley faces. Guys I know don't normally use smiley faces, etc. with each other, but let's not add him to the stereotype. He may be different. I'd say you should suggest your concerns to your daughter, and see what she has to say about the situation. Otherwise, let it play out.
  • soze
    soze Posts: 604 Member
    I didn't/don't like anyone my oldest daughter dated. They were all weird. But I kept my mouth shut. I always felt my youngest could do better.

    As far as emoticons go I use them sparingly. If you know someone I wouldn't think they would be necessary. However I have seen a few emoticons that were just hilarious.
  • Karleyyy
    Karleyyy Posts: 857
    I use smileys all the time, but most of my male friends and i have an unspoken agreement that we're not going to spontaneously start making out with each other.

    HAHAHA!!!
  • Still_Sossy
    Still_Sossy Posts: 868 Member
    I am kind of biased because I am a 20 yr old girl. But your daughter is an adult. You may not like her boyfriend, but no matter what you say, if she likes him, she will stay with him.

    I think you should be less interested with how he texts and more interested in getting to know more about him. You should be supportive of your daughter. If he is bad for her, she will eventually figure it out and leave him.

    totally didn't ask for your opinion-- but thanks for playing.

    And all "adult" means in this house at the age of 19 is that I can now legally kick your behind out.

    If you do not want honest UNBIASED opinions you should not post a topic. Not everyone is going to tell you what you want to hear.
  • erickirb
    erickirb Posts: 12,294 Member
    I use smileys all the time, but most of my male friends and i have an unspoken agreement that we're not going to spontaneously start making out with each other.

    There goes my hopes and dreams :cry: LOL
  • sillygoose1977
    sillygoose1977 Posts: 2,151 Member
    I would say that if cute little smilies and love notes are the only reason you detest him then consider yourself lucky! He could be smacking her around and controlling her. He could be into drugs. He could be a car thief. He could be any number of really horrible things that don't include being sweet to your daughter. I would pick my battles on this one if I were you.
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
    I am kind of biased because I am a 20 yr old girl. But your daughter is an adult. You may not like her boyfriend, but no matter what you say, if she likes him, she will stay with him.

    I think you should be less interested with how he texts and more interested in getting to know more about him. You should be supportive of your daughter. If he is bad for her, she will eventually figure it out and leave him.

    totally didn't ask for your opinion-- but thanks for playing.

    And all "adult" means in this house at the age of 19 is that I can now legally kick your behind out.


    If you post in a public forum you are going to get lots of opinions.No need to be rude.
  • kevbrinks
    kevbrinks Posts: 42 Member
    I agree that no matter how immature she is, she is 20 years old and should be permitted to do what she wants. If you aren't okay with it, make her move out so she can stay up late at her own place. If you are paying for her phone and the texts annoy you, make her get her own phone plan. If her staying up late with the light on or talking loudly, tell her to be quiet - it's your house. If you don't like the guy, tell her so at least you can give her an "I'll told you so!" if/when they break up. If they don't break up though, you'll be screwed and you could jeopardize your relationship.

    I vote you make her move out so she can make her mistakes by herself and come to you if/when she needs help :)

    I use emoticons all the time when talking to my fiance. I use them occasionally with guy friends, mostly to take the "bite" out of an insult.
  • jtsmou
    jtsmou Posts: 503 Member
    I use smileys all the time and it's fabulous!!
  • 123456654321
    123456654321 Posts: 1,311 Member
    but most of my male friends and i have an unspoken agreement that we're not going to spontaneously start making out with each other.

    BORING ..... *yawns*
  • taso42_DELETED
    taso42_DELETED Posts: 3,394 Member
    There goes my hopes and dreams LOL

    it's ok, we can still cuddle :wink:
    I use smileys all the time and it's fabulous!!

    Sup bro? :smile:
  • 1FITmamaofTWINS
    1FITmamaofTWINS Posts: 185
    :laugh: The fact that you are concerned about your daughters boyfriends texting style shows you need a hobby
  • LBATL
    LBATL Posts: 76 Member
    I am kind of biased because I am a 20 yr old girl. But your daughter is an adult. You may not like her boyfriend, but no matter what you say, if she likes him, she will stay with him.

    I think you should be less interested with how he texts and more interested in getting to know more about him. You should be supportive of your daughter. If he is bad for her, she will eventually figure it out and leave him.

    totally didn't ask for your opinion-- but thanks for playing.

    And all "adult" means in this house at the age of 19 is that I can now legally kick your behind out.

    Seriously? That's a pretty rude response.

    Obviously you have too much time on your hands if you are worrying about this kid's texting style. Good luck with this - all you are going to do is end up alienating your daughter which will push her closer to her boyfriend. Kick her *kitten* out if it's that serious. The world has bigger problems then men using emoticons...you may have to google "emoticon" since that's not in your generation's vocabulary.
  • jessimacar
    jessimacar Posts: 291
    I am kind of biased because I am a 20 yr old girl. But your daughter is an adult. You may not like her boyfriend, but no matter what you say, if she likes him, she will stay with him.

    I think you should be less interested with how he texts and more interested in getting to know more about him. You should be supportive of your daughter. If he is bad for her, she will eventually figure it out and leave him.

    totally didn't ask for your opinion-- but thanks for playing.

    And all "adult" means in this house at the age of 19 is that I can now legally kick your behind out.

    WOW! Seriously? I think that's a very appropriate response to your question. Why do you care if he sends smileys to his guy friends? Why do you care that he sends her coded love notes? That's adorable!

    Just give her a break and let her make her own mistakes. She'll thank you later for it. She's not a child, she's allowed to date who she wants.
  • jtsmou
    jtsmou Posts: 503 Member
    I use smileys all the time and it's fabulous!!

    Sup bro? :smile:

    I meant ummm... Manly.. it's very MANLY!!

    Yes...
  • HalfofHilary
    HalfofHilary Posts: 224
    I am kind of biased because I am a 20 yr old girl. But your daughter is an adult. You may not like her boyfriend, but no matter what you say, if she likes him, she will stay with him.

    I think you should be less interested with how he texts and more interested in getting to know more about him. You should be supportive of your daughter. If he is bad for her, she will eventually figure it out and leave him.

    totally didn't ask for your opinion-- but thanks for playing.

    And all "adult" means in this house at the age of 19 is that I can now legally kick your behind out.


    WOW. . . That wasn't nessesary. She gave an honest opinion, and you asked in a public forum. There really wasn't a need to be nasty to her and jump down her throat. But then again, I suppose sometimes the truth does hurt us adults.
  • merrillfoster
    merrillfoster Posts: 855 Member
    Um, who cares how he texts? Whether men do it or not (and I know lots who do, and are perfectly lovely people and boyfriends/husbands to their significant others), it's not exactly indicative of a horrible person to use smileys in a text message.

    I also agree with the other posters. If you ask for an opinion, you'll get it. No need to be rude to people who don't tell you what you want to hear. And what you are looking to hear, honestly, is so irrelevant to any real issue that I'm kinda confused as to why you even care about it at all.
  • rockabyesarojane
    rockabyesarojane Posts: 471
    I am kind of biased because I am a 20 yr old girl. But your daughter is an adult. You may not like her boyfriend, but no matter what you say, if she likes him, she will stay with him.

    I think you should be less interested with how he texts and more interested in getting to know more about him. You should be supportive of your daughter. If he is bad for her, she will eventually figure it out and leave him.

    totally didn't ask for your opinion-- but thanks for playing.

    And all "adult" means in this house at the age of 19 is that I can now legally kick your behind out.

    If you do not want honest UNBIASED opinions you should not post a topic. Not everyone is going to tell you what you want to hear.

    to be fair. we're not men. which is what she asked for.
    but i would think the more input the better- that's just me though.

    although i have to admit that i don't see the harm in finding out from someone around the same age what thier perspective might be to figure how best you'd want to handle the situation when it comes to directly dealing with the daughter in question.
  • ChuckgM3
    ChuckgM3 Posts: 302 Member
    Reminds me of Charlie Murphy in The Boondocks "Bi*ches love smiley faces" haha.

    But in all seriousness, the guy is 20, he's still kind of a kid, kids these days grew up texting and using emoticons so it's probably not that uncommon for his demographic.

    I don't use them that often when texting but I do use them occasionally in an IM. My favorite one to use is :D because I detest the phrase "lol" and I refuse to use it... except for just now, that may have been the only time I've ever used it in my life.
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
    I am kind of biased because I am a 20 yr old girl. But your daughter is an adult. You may not like her boyfriend, but no matter what you say, if she likes him, she will stay with him.

    I think you should be less interested with how he texts and more interested in getting to know more about him. You should be supportive of your daughter. If he is bad for her, she will eventually figure it out and leave him.

    Pretty good advice.

    I have three daughters. I've always been supportive in their choices. Haven't always approved, but always been there for them. If you try to manage their lives, they will be less likely to confide in you, and the less likely they are to confide in you, the more likely they are to turn to someone else for help when they need it.

    Texting. I think it's ridiculous, but it is what it is and everyone in her generation is doing it. How is it that you are reading his text messages?
This discussion has been closed.

Categories