*Help* I could use a woman's perspective
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Ah... the evil fact of life that men seem to lose weight faster than women. It's a tough one to be sure, but I would tell her not to pay too much attention to the scale. It's not the best indicator. How are her clothes fitting, etc. Muscle may not truly weigh more than fat, but it is denser and takes up much less space. It sounds like you're doing a lot of strength training as well as cardio, so if she is adding muscle, she might weigh more but still be thinner. And that is true.
My weight fluctuates 3-5 pounds (sometimes as much as 7 lbs) during the course of the day. Is she weighing herself the same time of day... wearing the same amt. of clothing, etc... ? That could also play into it. However, if you say you can see more muscle definition, then I'd be willing to bet it's what many of us have already said....she's gaining muscle. Good news is that it also will help her burn more fat throughout the day, later. Muscle is better for your metabolism.
Again... I'd stress to concentrate on before/after pics as a way of judging how she's doing. How her clothes are fitting... is there a pair of pants that was tight and she can use that as her scale so-to-speak? I'd recommend putting up the scale for a whole month and concentrate on how her clothes are fitting.
However, if it is weight loss that she is concerned with more than inches --- has she taken her measurements, btw.... she should so she can have something to compare her results to/ show her progress ---- then she should concentrate more heavily on the cardio and make sure she's drinking plenty of water. Obviously, she can cut back on calories some, too... but if you all are working out 90 minutes a day, she needs to make sure she's getting enough fuel/ food to keep her going. Make sure she is eating ENOUGH food. Preferably, every 3 hours or so.
*** I am just now starting to add exercise into the equation... concentrated on food first. My biggest problem was that I was only eating 700-800 calories most days of the week because of the long shifts I work. I'm making sure that I'm eating more and I'm losing weight. So... BOTH OF YOU.... don't fall below 1200 calories --- so if you are burning 900 calories from working out.... you should be eating 2200 calories (MINIMUM) during the course of the day. ****
Kudos for being so supportive. That's awesome.
Best of luck to both of you. Hang tough.... she'll see the results soon enough... again... (and I know it's easier said than done) but get rid of the scale for awhile. Just keep doing as she's doing, but perhaps spend more time on cardio... then break out the scale again in a month.0 -
It's very sweet that you want to be able to help her, but the only thing you can really do right now is be there whilst she wants to cry and keep things on the same track.
It will happen, but as the others have said...men can burn fat quicker.
Focus on her inches...do her clothes feel looser?
And most importantly, remember to tell her how gorgeous she is. As well as just being nice, it'll make her feel good and want to keep going.
Good luck x0 -
mikeyml - Our eating habits were horrible. Lost of fast food, dining out, high fat, carbs and sugar. She has cut all of that out.
We eat breakfast everyday (we never ate breakfast before). Usually a bowl of healthy cereal, or perhaps a low cal breakfast sandwich (homemade). She eats every 2- 4 hours; smaller meals/snacks (e.g. string cheese, Lara bar, or a banana). The exercise is completely new for us. We were hikers at one time (we climbed Mt St. Helens last August) but have pretty much been couch potatoes. Her weekly goal is 2 lbs.
To all: Thanks for all of the great advice. We did take measurement of ourselves 2 weeks ago and will measure tonight when she gets home. I am really hoping she sees a little progress in that area (I know she will - she looks so much slimmer).0 -
I have not had time to go through all of the posts but I would encourage her to measure her inches and not go by the weight. She may be significantly surprised with those results.
As far as her feeling better, you may not be able to do anything. Just be sensitive yet strong. Don't let her go on pity parties but encourage her and remind her how beautiful you know she is.0 -
Wow! Just wanted to say she's lucky to have a BF that gives a crap. I remember being in tears the first time I stepped on my DH body comp scale. I thought I was doing great, and turned out by that scales measurements I wasn't.
I say ditch the scale and buy a $10 pair of body fat calipers.
Here are some off the "weight loss" scale suggestions:
1. Have her go the dr and have her thyroid checked. She may be having something else going on that she doesn't understand.
2. Have a Tissue Mineral Analysis performed, I like the one at www.unikey.com, she may be out of balance on her vitamins and minerals which make it hard to lose if out of balance.
3. Have salvia hormone testing done - if she is on Birth Control Pills, it is way harder to build or develop muscle because estrogen levels are not in balance. It would check her cortisol levels too, stress hormones make it hard for women to lose weight as well. This also would check for adrenal function.
4. Send her for a good massage!! This works wonders for the mind and body, add Yoga one day a week for focus.
5. I'm personally a fan of a detox diet to jump start weight loss, but do the right one that doesn't starve you and just "cleans" out thinks to get back into balance before starting weightloss. My go to is at www.smoothieshakedown.com.0 -
A lot of it depends on what you and her have done before diet-wise and weight-loss wise. Your body tends to cling to weights where you've "hung out" for longer periods of time, because you've trained it to think that it's the normal weight.
Also, the suggestions of measuring inches would be real helpful. Pounds aren't the only metric for measuring progress (did you hear that "BIGGEST LOSER"?!?!). Two people who are 5'8" and 180 could have VERY different physiques.
It might also be worth getting a body fat analysis at a local gym. Even if it costs a few bucks, go get one now, and go back in 3 months and get another one.
Write all this stuff down. Because it is very possible that she could see minimal weight loss but major progress in other areas.
And I'm with amyoliver, too, on the muscle vs fat exchange. This is thrown out there ALL the time. And people don't really think about what they're really saying. Which weighs more: a pound of feathers or a pound of gold? (They're both a pound). Daylight Saving Time is great because it gives us an extra hour of sunlight (uh, no, we just moved our clocks, we didn't make the sun stop).
I also had a post just a bit ago about a stall-out I'm on, and I'm not worried in the least bit. Granted I've lost some weight first, but each body is going to respond to change differently. Maybe go 2-3 weeks between weigh-ins ... lots of things to consider.0 -
Oh, I meant to link to my "stall-out" post ...
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/199401-6-weeks-in-67-pounds-to-go-and-stalled-out-not-to-worry0 -
I don't know if you are still reading this, but I don't eat back my exercise calories. Some people say you should some people say you shouldn't. I only eat the calories I am already given, that might help her. Women already have a harder time losing weight than men, if she is eating almost all of her exercise calories, its probably not helping.0
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Yes, I am definitely still reading everything. I want to be of help in any way possible. There are some awesome suggestions/points/ideas from everyone and I can't thank you all enough. I will never turn away sound advice.0
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Two things. First keep telling her she looks slimmer, that will help her stay motivated. Secdondly, ask her to try measuring instead of weighing.
Us women need some extra fluff for our baby making organs so sometimes we don't lose weight as fast. And her gain could be muscle, it does weigh more than fat. I gained .4 pounds since my last weigh in, but I can feel the muscles in my legs. So I going to start measuring this weekend along with weighing.
You could also suggest he finding a place were she can get her body fat checked. She can do that every month or so and see how it changes. If that goes down, she will know it's muscle and not fat.
Good luck and great job for posting. You can tell you care and want her to feel better. She has a great guy
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I don't know if you are still reading this, but I don't eat back my exercise calories. Some people say you should some people say you shouldn't. I only eat the calories I am already given, that might help her. Women already have a harder time losing weight than men, if she is eating almost all of her exercise calories, its probably not helping.
Sorry, but this is NOT a good idea. Your body will go into "save everything" mode if you're not supplementing the workouts with extra fuel. It will work for awhile, but long-term it is not a good plan. MFP has built this in for a reason, and you SHOULD eat back your calories, otherwise it risks putting your net calories at starvation levels.0 -
First, I think it is great that you are doing this together. It is so helpful having a partner to be on the same path.
I don't really have any recommendations except to buy her a measuring tape. I have been stalled at 148lbs for about 2 months. I have lost an inch in my waist, an inch in my calves, and a half inch in my arms. I have finally told myself to stop going by the scale and go by the results that I can see and feel.
Keep standing by her and be proud of her. Don't let her give up out of frustration. Good luck to you both!0 -
It sounds like you're already doing thing but the best thing you can do is just tell her how amazing she is and how great she looks as often as possible. it will make a huge difference to the way she feels about her self.
my other suggestion is that although you're doing this together it cant be a competition between you (even unintentionally) you should both be comparing your results to your old selves not each other. maybe weigh in on different days or share other achievements rather than weight. i.e. "I did x number of pushups and beat my record this week"
Hope she's feeling better 0 -
Wow! Just wanted to say she's lucky to have a BF that gives a crap. I remember being in tears the first time I stepped on my DH body comp scale. I thought I was doing great, and turned out by that scales measurements I wasn't.
I say ditch the scale and buy a $10 pair of body fat calipers.
Here are some off the "weight loss" scale suggestions:
1. Have her go the dr and have her thyroid checked. She may be having something else going on that she doesn't understand.
2. Have a Tissue Mineral Analysis performed, I like the one at www.unikey.com, she may be out of balance on her vitamins and minerals which make it hard to lose if out of balance.
3. Have salvia hormone testing done - if she is on Birth Control Pills, it is way harder to build or develop muscle because estrogen levels are not in balance. It would check her cortisol levels too, stress hormones make it hard for women to lose weight as well. This also would check for adrenal function.
4. Send her for a good massage!! This works wonders for the mind and body, add Yoga one day a week for focus.
5. I'm personally a fan of a detox diet to jump start weight loss, but do the right one that doesn't starve you and just "cleans" out thinks to get back into balance before starting weightloss. My go to is at www.smoothieshakedown.com.
Holy expensive suggestions Batman! While at some point, it MIGHT be beneficial to look into medical reasons why someone isn't losing weight, after 2 weeks is not the time. Which I'm surprised no one has mentioned this relatively short time period. Yes it is very frustrating (especially in the face of your huge loss (congrats, btw)) but it has only been two weeks. A lot have suggestions have been given that I agree with (including measuring and upping calories) but as much as it sucks, sometimes the body just does what it wants. No ryhme or reason about it. I've had weeks of bad eating where I lost weight and weeks of good where I've gained or stayed the same. Perhaps her next weigh in will result in a 6 pound loss!
Either way, the changes you are making are for the good (just please eat more) and they should be continued despite what a hunk of plastic and metal (the scale) tells you.0 -
I know it is hard for her. I have read alot of the responses since I am in the same situation. My husband and I started exercising and eating healthy, making that life style change, back in January. He has lost almost 20 pounds and I have only lost 6. I agree with alot of what I have read, it is easier for men than women to lose weight, muscle weighs more than fat, go by inches not the number on a scale, etc. This is all very good and true, but the fact remains it is hard to be the women standing there next to your skinner, slimmer man while you are struggling. I hate when people comment on his weight lose and he feels obligated to tell them that I am losing weight also. Best advise I can give you is just remind her that she is the love of your life and support her as best that you can. I cried also the first time we weighed in together. I now try to weigh-in on a different day. I love to hear about my husbands success, but it seems easier for me to hear about it, rather than compare the numbers right then and there. Plus, if I have a bad week and end up gaining a pound or two, it doesn't seem so "in-my-face" about how much he lost. And when I ask him about it, he just gives me the number and leaves it at that, I think he has learned how upset I can get so he tries to be sweet about it. When I lose more than him, which has happened when he gets off track, I try not be just as kind to him when he asks me about it.
I had a hard time getting my weight loss started. So I did a little bit more cardio than my husband until I really got it going. The six pounds I have lost have been in the past month. The first month I didn't lose any weight, I actually gained 2 pounds also. I have built alot of muscle, which remember needs time to heal between workouts.
Just keep encouraging her and loving her for who she is. My husband is always telling me that he loves me the way I am now, and the way I was with the six pounds. Good luck!!!!!!!0 -
mikeyml - Our eating habits were horrible. Lost of fast food, dining out, high fat, carbs and sugar. She has cut all of that out.
We eat breakfast everyday (we never ate breakfast before). Usually a bowl of healthy cereal, or perhaps a low cal breakfast sandwich (homemade). She eats every 2- 4 hours; smaller meals/snacks (e.g. string cheese, Lara bar, or a banana). The exercise is completely new for us. We were hikers at one time (we climbed Mt St. Helens last August) but have pretty much been couch potatoes. Her weekly goal is 2 lbs.
To all: Thanks for all of the great advice. We did take measurement of ourselves 2 weeks ago and will measure tonight when she gets home. I am really hoping she sees a little progress in that area (I know she will - she looks so much slimmer).
It sounds like you are making some really good decisions and on the right path. I think she just needs to stick with it and not compare herself to you or anyone else. You two are great examples of how everyone loses weight differently.
I also think the devil is in the details here, as usual, and it will take some trial and error for her to get the results she wants. So you guys never ate breakfast and now you do...that seems like a really small detail but it is actually a really big deal. Her metabolism is confused as to why it's getting food earlier in the day and more often...it is thinking that these changes are temporary and should just keep storing fat. Once her body realizes it's going to get fuel throughout the day in healthy amounts it will turn into a fat burning machine. I really suggest sharing this thread with her (it's stickied in General Diet and Weight Loss help)...it's quite long..and might not fit her 100% but it will give her A LOT to think about.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/3047-700-calories-a-day-and-not-losing
My only other tip...and this is a small one...you guys might want to consider doing measurements at the beginning of the day. Our bodies gain a good amount of weight throughout the day and that might give you bigger measurements than you really have. I guess if you're always consistent with the time you measure you will not have a big problem. The issue is we don't eat exactly the same everyday so a measurement change could be from just eating more or less that day. I try to do mine first thing in the morning on Saturdays in 2 week intervals.
I hope all this helps and that you guys see the results you want. It sounds like you're both doing a great job!0 -
It seem's that she is eating to many calories. If she is wanting to weigh 160 lbs. then she needs to eat only 1600 calories a day. My goal weight is 140 so I eat 1400 a day. it just sounds like she may be eating to many calories, and HRM arnt acurate alot of the time.
She is eating 1900 and burning 900, that is like eating 1000 calories and not exercising, if anything she needs to eat a little more, not less. Please stop telling people to eat less when they are already under MFP recommendations.
I agree--if she is burning that much, she needs to eat more! My suggestion would be for her to calculate her BMR using the tool on this site, and then to shoot for at least that number for her NET calories each day. Right now, her net is only at around 1000, which is very low. I'm very petite, and my BMR is around 1200, so hers is probably a couple hundred calories more than that.
I also agree with other posters that she is very likely losing fat and gaining muscle, which is more dense. Tell her to put on her skinniest pair of skinny jeans and see how much better they fit now! 0 -
It seem's that she is eating to many calories. If she is wanting to weigh 160 lbs. then she needs to eat only 1600 calories a day. My goal weight is 140 so I eat 1400 a day. it just sounds like she may be eating to many calories, and HRM arnt acurate alot of the time.
She is eating 1900 and burning 900, that is like eating 1000 calories and not exercising, if anything she needs to eat a little more, not less. Please stop telling people to eat less when they are already under MFP recommendations.
I’m sharing my experience and what I have been told by several nutrionists/ dietitians (with degrees) and personal trainers. I'm not just giving out bunk advice I have research to support it. When I was eating back my calories it made me gain/ maintain... but when I stuck to my 1400 calories I started losing fat and I have gain muscle. Not every body is the same. Different people have different needs. Do some research like I did.0 -
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