Totally OFF subject, but wasnt sure where to post...I need s

Wow, this is scary! My daughter only just turned ten and I'm really hoping to not have to face this situtation. I read over several of the responses given here and definetly think a girls day with your daughter is best. I don't think you should necessarily wait until the end of the fun day and spring the surprise talk on her though. Recently I had to have the sex talk with my daughter because some girls at her aftercare started talking about sex bracelets. One parent found out and passed the word along, etc. I waited until the nex day (to build up the nerve to even mention it - because it made me feel SICK and then I told my girl we were going to going to grab something out for dinner on Friday and have a talk about sex and sex bracelets. I told her this two days before so she'd have a chance to mentally prepare for the day (and me too). I don't know what kind of kid your daughter is, only you know if this method would work for your daughter or if it would hinder, but I thought I'd mention it.

The fact that you read her facebook account "behind her back" is bad, becuase this is how she will view it, as behind her back. Last year I made an email account for my daughter, but the rule was, I would also have the password until a later, undecided age. You have two choices here, you can tell your daughter the truth and aplogize to her for the breaking of trust though it may have been done out of love and concern (I'm betting this is how she is going to see it - my mother read my diary once when I was around 13 and this is how I felt - and then I got in trouble for calling her a B -hah) . Or you can not mention it. This may result in her feeling lied to at a later day if she were to find out.

Whatever you choose to do, what is best is that you're daughter know you love her and you refrain from yelling during your discussion. IT IS OK for her to know you are upset but you both need to agree to have a discussion, not an argument. And remember there are many reasons people choose to drink alcohol or smoke weed. It may have been as simple as peer pressure and then she found she liked the feeling or it could be a way to take the edge off of her angsty teenage hormones. Try to get to the bottom of the reason and then work together to find alternate methods of dealing with those issues. I think it would be important to discuss the damage to her health drinking at such a young age can cause, damages she would see in her early adult years, age 23 -25, espcially if it becomes a habit. If there are serious issues and you don't know which course of action is best, as one other member mentioned, there are resources available to assist you.

My personal beleif is there should be some form of restriction on her. Whether you choose to restrict her free time with friends, or whatever. Children need guidlines and rules. I believe it helps in many ways incluiding the enhancement of a healthy conscious and it shows your daughter (even though she won't admit it for a while) that you care about her. If there are no restrictions, she may believe she is free to do anything without consequence.

Good luck with whatever you choose!
I'll be praying for you.

BTW I disagree with not expressing your anger (appropriately of course). You are a human being and a mother. You have a right to be angry with your child. She did something very wrong and you can tell her (not yell) that you are really angry with her. I think kids need to know that we are human and how much their actions affect us. I would also explain why I was/am angry with her... because we love them... and we love our children more than life itself!!

Im going to say a prayer for you and your daughter today. I hope your confrontation with your daughter goes better than expected.

What happens when that very hormonal teenager has anger inside to express too?

They should be encouraged to express themselves appropriately as well. Why are we so afraid of anger or emotions? But the key word is "appropriately". No screaming or slamming doors or throwing things, etc. I know the hormones are there and conversations are not always the "ideal" but pretending or hiding your anger at the fact that she is getting involved in something very dangerous would be a mistake, I believe. I would very careful not to let her reaction guide your response. If she is yelling or screaming or acting inappropriately, I would make sure that I didn't go to that level. Not that Ive never yelled at my kids, mind you. Im human too. But because this situation is soooo incredibly dangerous, I would make sure that Im in control of my behavior and words, so that the conversation will not be regretted. That's my humble thoughts... as a mother.

send her to an all girls school.

=D

or just do one of those teen rehab groups over the summer.

my older brother is 21, and has been using very hard drugs since he was 13. he got out of his 4th rehab last october for heroin... and hes still on the drugs.

its terrible to say, and i know its not what ANYONE wants to hear... but if its what she WANTS to do, its what she WILL do. My family and my parents and even myself have done EVERYTHING to help him... but he doesn't want to stop... well scratch that..

drug addicts will SAY they want to quit, will TRY to quit... but when it comes to that final decision... its so hard to QUIT

i'm not calling your daughter a drug addict, but all i can say... i give her ALL the information she needs.

take her to a rehab or a jail (they do teen tours) and let her see the life she can live.

send her (and GO WITH HER) to AA or NA classes, make her KNOW what shes getting into

theres also classes that you as a parent can take

it was very helpful for me (even as his sister) and my parents...

its EXTREMELY hard not to become an enabler...

this is a great link... read it if you'd like... the types of family members is extremely helpful...

i took Drug Addiction in the Family (its a class) in college, it was helpful, but it hit close to home...

if you need help deciphering codes from your daughter... i spent most of my childhood watching my mom struggle with drugs
and my adolescent, teenage, and now in my 20's watching my brother....

i hope you caught it soon enough... and i hope she has a good head on her shoulders...

let me know =]

The thing that a lot of parents forget is that children, even though they may be intelligent, aren't miniature adults and DON'T reason the same way adults do. 13 year olds (and most teenagers) are oh so concerned with the short term and saving face with their friends, and could really care less about what long term consequences they might face because of their actions. You have to speak their language.
Talking is definitely a good thing...and I wish my parents had done more of it...but what ultimately kept me out of trouble as a teen (for the most part) was not wanting to get my *kitten* kicked...or lose car privileges, or be kept home on the weekends, etc etc etc.