Not sure where to post this... (rant warning)

kirstinkrueger
kirstinkrueger Posts: 346
edited September 25 in Motivation and Support
maybe it should even be a blog (if i could figure that out) but i had to vent to people who aren't personally in my life. I have a friend who is 6'2 and MAYBE 120lbs soaking wet. She lives a very unhealthy lifestyle, smokes, smokes weed, eats whatever she wants and CONSTANTLY complains about how ":fat" she is. especially around me. She knows i struggle with my weight but all she talks about when we are together is her "baby flab" and how she needs to work out and makes fun of bigger people when they walk by. Always pointing out that they are "gross" or that they shouldn't be wearing what they are wearing. And I am just at wits end. I tried to hang out with her last night for the first time in a very long time and all her and her skinny friends talked about was how they could never date a big person and how they hate having to look at these two girls at work cause they are big even though they have a 'Pretty face" and i seriously came home and cried for an hour. I mean yes they werent talking about me and maybe I am being a little too sensitive but it just really bothers me and really makes me feel like giving up.

With that said, I think it is so wonderful how people on don't judge and support each other,. I have friends on here that are trying to loose weight, gain weight or just tone up, and no one has ever said anything negative to anyone else.

I just needed to get that out. Thanks for reading.
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Replies

  • MizzDoc
    MizzDoc Posts: 493 Member
    Stay strong and keep on working on being a better, healthier you!
  • Sherri0706
    Sherri0706 Posts: 64
    It's truly a shame when people are too shallow to see past a person's outer packaging to the inner beauty. Don't give up! You are worth it!!!
  • kayemme
    kayemme Posts: 1,782 Member
    this obviously has nothing to do with you.

    if you're really her friend, you may want to consider working on her self esteem as well as your own, though it sounds like her problem is maybe deeper than yours since you can recognize it and she may not be able to.

    this is the time to be compassionate. she is obviously insecure with her body and someone has trained her to believe that any extra weight at all is "bad" when fact is, usually it's quite sexy to most people.
  • thisbitch
    thisbitch Posts: 26
    All of my friends are skinny and I would say they rarely put down larger people but a few of them have called themselves fat. And as the larger friend, calling yourself fat around me makes me feel A. fatter and B. like you may be calling me fat behind my back.
  • sarahs440
    sarahs440 Posts: 405
    I couldnt agree more. It drives me crazy when my skinny friends complain. I know they have insecurities as well, I understand that, but dont talk about it to me!! Talk to our 10 other skinny friends!! Hang in there.
  • InfamousQ
    InfamousQ Posts: 266 Member
    I would remove those people out of my life. I mean if you work with them then I understand, but if not I would just slowly move them out. Just find people who would think like you and hold your views and morals and move on with them...just my 2 cents
  • tlkoehl
    tlkoehl Posts: 27
    personally I would tell her how you feel, if she is a true friend she will understand, if not the maybe it is not a friendship you need. I hope it works out for you. Feel free to rant anytime :flowerforyou:
  • sheilamo
    sheilamo Posts: 115 Member
    I think if she's a really good friend that you could bring this up to her? If she just sounds miffed then you have your answer.

    The other point is that you really know what she thinks and feels about others. How bad do you want your friendship with a friend that can only see the wrong in people and not the positive....?
  • sturgill
    sturgill Posts: 118
    maybe it is time to tell her how you feel- if she don't understand then she is not much of a friend anyway- hang in there and keep your head up you have everything to be proud of
  • SueSee
    SueSee Posts: 65
    I'm afraid I wouldn't have your sensitivity. I wouldn't have gone home and cried, i'm afraid I may have made my "friend" cry. I would have had to say something to all of them. And for sure I would find a better set of people to hang with. I'm sorry, but you sound like you are WAY too good for these rude, insensitive clods.
  • Michelle_J
    Michelle_J Posts: 362 Member
    In her defense (for only a split second) I thought I was fat at size 4. And I would say I'm so big around my other friends. If only I could be that "fat" now. But I saw my flaws, my thighs, my butt and to me, I was fat. That being said, I did NOT make fun of bigger people. Ever. I know that could be me very easily. I'm glad you're here w/ people that will support you and encourage you and motivate you. Sounds like you need to shed about 120 soaking wet lbs....=]
  • manymuses
    manymuses Posts: 162 Member
    People like that are small, insecure individuals who truly do not like themselves on the inside, so they put others down to make themselves seem better. It never works though. They are the ones who hate what is inside them so they continue to punish their own bodies by bad habits, whereas you are working every day to be the best person you can.

    "Friends" like that are better off forgotten. You have us here to encourage you in this new phase of your new and improved life! Feel free to add me if you need cheering on!
  • mjtmorr
    mjtmorr Posts: 75
    You need to think about purging poisonous people like that from your life, its hard enough to keep up this fight to get healthy and fit without listening to people who project their own self image issues on people around them.
  • neelia
    neelia Posts: 750 Member
    I used to have friends like that...and I dropped them quicker than the black plague. Surrounding yourself with friends like that will only bring you down and you don't deserve that!

    Don't listen to them- you are beautiful!
  • 0oKareno0
    0oKareno0 Posts: 14 Member
    I know exactly where you are coming from. I remember in my second year of high school, I was maybe 185 and walking up the staircase with a friend who weighs probably about 95 pounds. She's 5'3'', but still. And she tells me she's going on a diet, because she's getting so fat. I had no idea what to say, and it made me feel like crap. I've had it happen numerous times. It hurts, I know. Good on you for getting it all out, you always feel better afterwards. I've got no advice except to perhaps talk to your friend. I had one friend who used to make comments like this (not the derogatory kind, just needing to lose weight when she obviously didn't). I just told her how I felt, and she immediately apologized and learned to watch what she said a little.

    Best of luck to you in the future! Keep up the good work and I'm sure you'll reach your goals.
  • hawinnicki
    hawinnicki Posts: 4
    Free yourself!
  • kirstinkrueger
    kirstinkrueger Posts: 346
    I honestly think her "im fat rants" are a jab at bigger people. it's all in her tone. it's hard to explain i guess. I just really needed to get it out its been bugging me all day. We havent hung out in a very long time cause the last time we did we were playing pool and she walked over with some guy and said "Kirstin meet john he likes bigger girls his last girlfriend was huge" (first of all, not funny AT ALL, and second she knows im married) i got so mad at her i walked the 5 miles home.
  • glitterbell23
    glitterbell23 Posts: 10 Member
    Hello, your friend seems to have her head too far up in the clouds to really realize whats going on. She is probably very influenced by the people around her, such as all her friends talking about how they cant stand "big people". Anymore it is so hard to eat healthy and stay in shape. The cost of food is outrageous, especially for fruits and veggies. The majority of the population is probably overweight. So what, if you are trying your best and eating healthy then that is all that matters. Do you feel good about yourself? Even before you heard them talking about "big people"?
    The fact that them saying that about people bothers you shows you are a good person and sympathetic to people who are struggling with their weight.. Whether it be losing, gaining, or toning. I have a friend who is probably 5'7 and maybe 110 pounds. She has an issue gaining weight and wants to weigh the same amount I weigh now, 136 and I want to weigh what she weighs. Everyone has their own issues to deal with.
    In this situation, maybe you should talk to her and let her know that the conversations are bothering you. You know her better than I do obviously. If you think talking to her is a good idea then do it. If not, I would suggest not hanging around her. She is not helping you in anyway at all. She is putting you down without really realizing it. You dont need that period, especially when struggling with weight loss.

    You are doing a great job, keep it up!
  • halphord
    halphord Posts: 379 Member
    "there comes a time in your life when you realize who will always matter, who does matter and who never did matter. so, don't worry about people from your past. there's a reason they didn't make it to your future."

    Think about this....life is too short to be weighed down by negativity and when you are working so hard to be healthier and happier, this is just a speed bump in the road. Don't let anyone bring you down. You are beautiful...you are caring (I can tell from this post)...you deserve only the best in your life..and unfortunately, this may mean weeding the negative friends out.
  • kirstinkrueger
    kirstinkrueger Posts: 346
    Thank you guys :) a lot.
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