I'm sad....

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  • mrsyac2
    mrsyac2 Posts: 2,784 Member
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    Another issue, that keeps coming up.... cause I live with the parentals til he comes home....

    My father is always pressuring me to SAVE SAVE SAVE, which makes sense, especially in these times. However, I have to buy things for hobbies, books, I even buy my own healthy foods (to ease some of their burden). My fiance and I don't share finances, which is good but it means my little budget is streched extremely tight. Which makes me stress about packages, etc.

    Ugh...I feel so whinney. :brokenheart:

    I agree with the save save save idea personally now is the time since your not paying rent/mortgage- He will be making extra money while he is over there and can bank alot of that if thats his plan and you can save your own money as well- you would be suprised- I wish i didnt have to pay rent/mortgage when my guy deployed we would be loaded and not stressed. deployments are very difficult on the people deploying remember that and when you two do talk dont bring up the bad stuff unless he mentions it- they dont need that- I know my husband has a very dangerous job so he doesnt need stress from the homefront on top of stress over there
  • gmpearse
    gmpearse Posts: 136
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    Just sending great big hugs your way.
  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
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    bluemanwithheart.gif

    You are such a giver Bunny:flowerforyou: You're always sharing new recipes and tips and always so sweet & supportive. I'm glad you posted and shared what's going on in your heart. We may not be able to fix it all or even part of it....

    But.....please know we all care and are here for you at whatever place you're at in this journeyHUGFriend.gif to hold you up along the way when you don't feel so strong...

    Being strong is a good quality...but sometimes it truly is ok to ask for help and take a lil break from being the strong one:heart:
  • ChubbyBunny
    ChubbyBunny Posts: 3,523 Member
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    Ha! Not so sure about the "sweet" part... and I've tried to be more...supportive and visible in the community here.

    I hope whatever does happen for me...it's for the best in the long run. :cry:
  • Marla64
    Marla64 Posts: 23,120 Member
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    rose.gif

    Don't be so hard on yourself-- you are a sweet voice here. I joked around with you about the days you were snapoutofit.gif -- but that is a quality that is also very needed around here. But, even on those days, you were never harsh--

    Just lean on us when you need-- grouphugg.gif --
  • LonelyPilgrim
    LonelyPilgrim Posts: 255 Member
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    I have ZERO experience with military deployment/ long absences etc.

    So take what I say with a grain (ahem, a brick) of salt.

    but.

    I think you should not beat yourself up for being angry. You and your fiancee may not be "handeling it" as well as some people but I'm sure you're doing a lot better than others. This is a huge change in your life. A lot of military wives have been through it before, and have learned what they need to do to adjust. Their husbands have learned too (that's why they're still married!) They've found out what works for them.

    This is brand new for you. You and your fiancee haven't navigated all the nuances of this separation yet.

    It's miserable to be lonely. And it's miserable to be away from the one you love. He isn't able to respond to you in the way that you have expected. IT's ok to feel anger. I would try not to direct it at him, specifically. But anger at the circumstances is ok.

    and KUDOS to you, for even making it this far. I don't think you're being needy or pissy. If I was in your shoes, I'd be a complete mess.

    My boyfriend was "gone a lot" last year (he coaches cross-country and track, and also had a few family things that took him out of town). And by "a lot" I mean... oh, probably a total of 15-20 nights the whole year (yes, I'm needy), and I was bummed a lot of THOSE times when he didn't call frequently enough, or stay on the phone long enough, or when his cell ran out of batteries after he hiked to the top of the nearby mountain so he could get a "teeny" bit of cellphone service.

    See. so there is your comparison of being "unreasonable" (I know, I am. somehow he still loves me).

    You are not being unreasonable. True, you don't really understand what it's like over there. But if you let all of your needs just be ignored, you may feel resentful when he DOES come back. Like you said, you had some problems before he left. IT would be great if you could come out of this on a positive note, feeling stronger than ever. That's a good tone to start a marriage.

    Until then *big hugs* . Navigating theses waters is tricky. Remind yourself that there is a learning curve, both for you and your fiance, and they won't necessarily "curve" together at first.
  • KaitieBug
    KaitieBug Posts: 559 Member
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    It's not bad that you locked it away. You kinda have to, in order to keep going. Yeah, the internet is horrible over there! But you're right that isn't a good excuse why he can't sacrifice a that time every now and then to get a dang email to you!

    Have you ever heard of Motomail? www.motomail.us Just sign up for an account, go through the steps (it's all free!) and you can send him letters via the internet and he should receive them anywhere from 24 to 72 hours (depends on the convoys getting through sometimes) But it's really really great! I loved it and pretty much everyone in my unit uses it. My family loved it too! Write him everything that's bothering you-try not to sound too accusing, even if it's all his fault-it's always the man's fault! :laugh: Make sure to remind him gently that HE was the one stressing communication and that since he's gone it's more important now than ever.

    I know what you're going though. Sometimes, guys especially, don't realize what it's like for those of us left behind, waiting by the phone constantly. They don't seem to understand that all we want is to hear their voice. And the time difference IS awful, I finally started getting up around 4 on the days I called home so I could try to catch my folks at home, rather than at work on the toilet (that happened once heehee!)
  • TheHottestMama
    TheHottestMama Posts: 141
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    im sorry sweetie it really is rough!
    i know it isnt the same thing but i def can relate to how your feeling.
    my husbands a firefighter and sometimes gets sent out on fires and is gone for 2weeks at a time. and the guys that got sent with him
    they were calling and txting their wives and i felt so sad and mad and upset it was a horrible feeling...my brain KNEW he was busy but my girly feelings were feeling neglected and sad because the other guys could talk to their wives. and this happened alot before i said anything.
    i told him id like to hear from him as often as possible esp since im worriied about him! and now it seems like hes always calling and txting
    so maybe try to explaine how it makes you feel and he might understand and change. ive been married TEN years and i still sometimes have to sit down and explaine even simple things to him!
    im here if you ever wanna talk or even vent!
    xoxox
  • ChubbyBunny
    ChubbyBunny Posts: 3,523 Member
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    Thanks you guys.
    It means a lot that you are sharing your stories. Those who are in different situations they are still so relevant and I sympathise for you too. I am sure it is just as hard.

    I haven't heard of motomail, what is it exactly? If we ever communicate again and want to still communicate by the end of the conversation...it would be a great resource to have.

    I took my ring off last night (as I said...it's a LONG story about the "engagement")...
    I am not wearing it today...first time it's actually been off... :cry:
    I am not giving up on the relationship (even though last night was nothing but nightmares of getting a call and having him say, "I've found someone else.") Some pretty serious things need to be resolved though before I put that ring on again (as I said, if you want the details PM me).

    Again you guys are so amazing, I didn't realize how much I missed MFP as a support group til this all imploded on me. I'll keep you up to date on what eventually happens.
  • TheHottestMama
    TheHottestMama Posts: 141
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    please PM me
    id like details
    and ill share my story with you also it might give you some hope

    im on my cell and i can only reply to messages
    not send a message first.
  • TheHottestMama
    TheHottestMama Posts: 141
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    please PM me
    id like details
    and ill share my story with you also it might give you some hope

    im on my cell and i can only reply to messages
    not send a message first.
  • ChubbyBunny
    ChubbyBunny Posts: 3,523 Member
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    The drama is sent. :tongue:
  • ChubbyBunny
    ChubbyBunny Posts: 3,523 Member
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    Update...

    He called, we weren't able to talk about everything...he hasn't gotten my emails yet, but is realizing that he needs to put forth much more effort.

    I don't have it as bad as others and I am trying to be more supportive of others who are struggling. At least I haven't found out mine is cheating... :cry: Like one of my old college roomates
  • Marla64
    Marla64 Posts: 23,120 Member
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    Update...

    He called, we weren't able to talk about everything...he hasn't gotten my emails yet, but is realizing that he needs to put forth much more effort.

    I don't have it as bad as others and I am trying to be more supportive of others who are struggling. At least I haven't found out mine is cheating... :cry: Like one of my old college roomates

    Was it enough to put your ring back on? You sweet thing-- tough times. I can't imagine what you go through with him over there-- bless your heart. Chin up. :flowerforyou:
  • ChubbyBunny
    ChubbyBunny Posts: 3,523 Member
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    Update...

    He called, we weren't able to talk about everything...he hasn't gotten my emails yet, but is realizing that he needs to put forth much more effort.

    I don't have it as bad as others and I am trying to be more supportive of others who are struggling. At least I haven't found out mine is cheating... :cry: Like one of my old college roomates

    Was it enough to put your ring back on? You sweet thing-- tough times. I can't imagine what you go through with him over there-- bless your heart. Chin up. :flowerforyou:

    No... the ring is still off. Since I called off my engagement technically in July and he's wanting to re-propose when things are resolved. Oddly a weight is lifted... I still love him to death and want to be with him. But until HE'S ready for that commitment and to make it... I'll keep it off.
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
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    I haven't been the wife/fiance/gf of someone who was deployed. But my stepmom was with my dad when he got sent off to who-knows-where during the Gulf War. Apparently they had to go 6 weeks without talking one time and my stepmom wasn't sure if he was alive or not. An officer also broke into their housing unit and tried to attack her during that time and she wasn't even able to tell him for weeks (fortunately the man left and she was unharmed). I can't imagine how difficult it must have been, how stressful and painful. But she and my dad remained faithful to one another for the year he was gone and despite the fact that they could barely communicate (this was back before the internet too lol). He wrote to her when he could and they still have all the letters. They have been together for 18 years now.

    My whole point is that communication isn't just about speaking verbally or sending texts or e-mails all the time. Sometimes we need to communicate emotionally by just trusting each other and realizing that things are never going to be ideal, whether there are extenuating circumstances or not. It's the things we don't have to say that mean the most.

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