Chub Rub and Other Funny Reasons to Finally Lose the Weight

Funny but true!!! Here are my 12 Funny Reasons (in no particular order) to finally lose the weight:

Reason #1: Chub rub sucks.
My thighs literally ruin my pants- true story. And, no wonder. When I walk long distances, its like a fire is about to start down there (and not in a good way).

Reason #2: To wear more high heels.
You know what I mean if you are a heavy lady (or a man, I dunno) who likes to rock a nice pair of pumps. Its like trying to balance a pound of sugar on a golf tee.

Reason #3: Spanks are not cheap.
I miss buying tiny, dainty, little thongs and panties from the $1.00 pick bin. Bras and panties should be pretty, not industrial. I figure losing weight will save me a good $360 a year on undergarments (don't get excited hubby! I plan to use that extra cash on high heels).

Reason #4: Since we are on the subject, no more friggin' annoying fat tax.
Plus size clothes are given a fat tax. That's right, skinny people. My clothes cost on average $2 more.

Reason #5: Increasing chance of survival...should a zombie apocalypse occur.
Fast zombies, a meteor shower, a tsunami. How are you going to escape if you are too chubby to run? Seriously! Think of this: you're taking a nice dip in the ocean and the lifeguard yells "shark!" Those extra pounds are gonna weigh you down in the water! Or, you're on a camping trip with friends and all of a sudden, a bear comes out of nowhere. Who is getting out alive? Ever read a book or see a movie about a group of individuals trapped for a long period with no food? They aren't considering the skinny girl for dinner, I will tell you that much.

Reason #6: I'm bringin' "flex-y" back.
I used to be really flexible! Now, not so much. And, its a hard reality that, as much as I love yoga for weight loss, my chub prevents me from doing a lot of the poses!! In thinner years, I used to be able to hold a bow and arrow pose. Let's just say that it doesn't look this pretty anymore!

Reason #7: I won't fear Dr. Glenn, Dr. McDermont, or any doctor anymore.
They are such nice doctors. But, honestly, I want to hide a hammer in my handbag and sneak it into the room before the examining room. You know, the room with the scale. When the nurse excuses herself to get the blood pressure machine, I want to take said hammer and bash the hell out of the scale to no repair. When the nurse returns she can take my blood pressure but I won't know a thing about what happened to that scale.

Reason #8: Back fat.
'Nough said.

Reason #9: If its my birthday, I want a darn slice of cake.
Don't look at me weird waitress from Olive Garden because you heard me right. Yes, I would like a piece of tiramasu.

Reason #10: Because the letter of the day shouldn't be double D.
I want to be able to take a jog without fear that I will bounce my boobies right off my body. And, I figure that if I lose a little bit in the chest region, my husband will pay much more attention to what I am saying. They are distracting and he has admitted it!

Reason #11: Intimacy will look a lot better.
Okay, plenty of hefty people can get it on! But, you have to agree that when you are big, there is a lot more happening then there should be. Just sayin'.

Reason #12: Because if another person asks me when I am due, I'm going to jail for murder.
I have literally said, "Oh no. I am not pregnant. I'm just fat".

Do you have any funny reasons to add?

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