My weight is destroying my marriage.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this, it's awful what he has done.
I personally wouldn't care if it was possible to get something from him or not, I would leave, go far away, start my life over, focus on my needs and what i need to do. Money isn't worth abuse, it's just not. And if there are kids involved,which I would assume, but you didn't mention them, they certainly don't need to be living with parents in a dead marriage.

I'm going to say what everyone has been dancing around.:mad:
WHAT AN *kitten*!!:explode: :explode: :explode: :explode:

Do what is best for you. And don't believe too much of the "the spouse will get everything" stuff. When I divorced, the "50/50" split turned out more like 90/10 in my ex's willfully unemployed favor. (still stings a bit after all these years)
Do what you already know is best for you. Godspeed!
Ted

Unless you signed a pre-nup, marriage is a 50/50 split, and if you've been without a paying job for that long and he's been supporting you, in most states you would be a prime candidate for being awarded alimony. While it will definitely look better in the court if he brings suit for divorce first, I think you're better off leaving him anyway. What you've described is an indifferent man who is verbally abusive. While you need to lose weight to be healthy, I can assure, you your weight is NOT what is destroying your marriage. Your husband is, and he's just using your weight as an excuse to do so.

I dont want to be a downer here but I am going to say this hopefully you will take this as the advice its meant to be. NYC is one of the hardest city's in the US to live and survive in. The rent's are outrageous and the job market is hard to break into. If you have been a stay at home wife this is going to be an uber tough place to start over in.

My best advice to you would be stay put and get a divorce attorney. I just looked up the laws of Ohio divorce and they will be able to help you.

Spousal support is set up there on a case to case basis but your attorney should know where you stand. I wouldnt say squat to your husband about it because he is going to make your life a living hell I would imagine. Go see an attorney. The consultation is usually free.

I am so sorry to hear you're going through this. I lived through a similar situation in my last marriage. The only thing your weight is destroying is your own self confidence, and as mentioned previously, you could have added the weight simply as a way to deal with a control freak.

In my case, I tuned him out, lost the weight for myself and then discovered that the marriage wasn't any better for it. Mr. Control didn't like my new self esteem and outgoing personality. I had "changed."

My advice would be to reach out to friends and family for support you can count on, both in your weight loss journey and what may come of your marital situation.

Use the time of your weight loss to work out the logistics of a separation, a career, and a new, independant life. It will give you the emotional strength and will power you need to face this guy down eye-to-eye.

You don't have to end your marriage, but knowing what needs to be done and how you can do it to protect your best interests, makes you an equal in the marriage and it will change the dynamic of a relationship in need of repair.

First off, I'm so sorry that you are going thru this and I want you to know that you don't have to. This is emotional, verbal, and mental abuse, and the threat that he'd get everything if you initiate divorce sounds like a d@mn lie especially if you haven't worked in over 2 years. Sounds like with the case you have he'd have to pay out of his @*kitten* in alimony, but it's best to find out for yourself because that is the only way to rectify your situation. Stand up for yourself and you don't have real love if YOU have to be the one to change and HE doesn't! It all depends on what YOU want out of life and I hope that you're not just living with that piece of ****on a stick just because you feel you have no choice! Realize that you are a strong person to have gone thru this crap as long as you have and you definitely have the strength and know-how to fix it whichever way you choose, all you need now is the tools. Get a lawyer if you don't want to deal with this and HE will probably be the one to have to pay for it WHOEVER initiates it because you're unemployed. Know your rights as a housewife and research the laws in your state if you want out, it can be done. If you decide to stay with it, I suggest you let your n*ts hang and let him know that you are not taking the crap, you will lose weight when you f***ing feel like it and if he wants to leave - help his @ss pack! You have to live for yourself, and love yourself before anyone else really can. This site is a very good place to get the support and motivation you need to get fit and I believe that it will actually help you to become emotionally stronger and have better self-esteem. You can do anything you put your mind to and I hope that you stick with us...we'll love you and assure you that you're not alone. Once again, I'm sorry about this...you don't deserve it so don't take it!!!!!!:noway: :noway: :noway: :smokin:

I am wondering what this so called mancho man looks like, is he so slim and trim ? You know and easy way to drop a lot of pounds get rid of this man automatic weight loss.....lol. I could bet anything that if you did get rid of him the weight would come off for your self esteem and been distroyed.

I left my first loser husband and everything is spit so do yourself a favor and start your life over with someone that WILL love you for you.

I'm new to MFP. I have gradually gained weight since I got married. About 80 pounds over eight years. I now weigh 230 pounds. Even when I was not overweight, my husband would threaten to leave me if I ever got fat. Now it's gotten to a point that he just flat out resents me for being fat. He offers no support when I attempt to lose weight. He says things like, "I've heard that before, and you won't do it, you haven't yet." He says that he wants the woman that he married back. He is a designer, and very superficial. He used to be kind, generous, and sweet. He says that he loves me, but not in love with me. And that he only wants to see me healthy and happy. Now, he is just there. One great example is when we were walking, I twisted my ankle and falling, and grabbed for he. He stepped away in a panic. When I called him out on it, he said "like I could support your weight anyway." Geez!

I would leave him, but unfortunately, I was told that if I initiate the divorce, he get pretty much everything. I have been without a paying job for over 2 1/2 years. I feel stuck. Dependent on him for money to live. I really don't know what to do. I have been thinking of finding a job in NYC where I know I have a good support system. But the cost of living is too high. Any advice?

Reading that gave me goosebumps...I use to be you, I stayed for the same reasons as you are right now, I was afraid. He is not worth it, this is emotional abuse and it will destroy you to the point where you'll just stay there and just be no one. Seek legal counsel. I wish I had done it earlier, I got out of it with barely a scratch and yes, lost the house, but found a great temporary apartment that I still live in until everything gets steadier. If you ever need to talk, i'm there, I know exactly where you're at now. Sometimes, it's better to start again with nothing than staying and risking your mental health (I was bordeline suicidal when I decided it was time to risk it and just leave).

My ex left me unconscious on the floor once because he said he thought I was faking it. He told me I was disgusting him and making him want to vomit when looking at me (even at my lighter weight). This won't stop...you need to step away.

Do you have a family member or close friend that you can talk to in case you need somewhere to go??

Your weight is not destroying anything. The only weight that is an issue is the burden this must place on you. I agree with what everyone here has said. You cant live your life like this. I know it is easy for all of us to say, but sometime it takes an outside perepective to get the clear picture. I know it will not be easy, but in the long run, it will be worth it. Stand up for yourself. Let him know that he can no longer treat you this way. HE is the the one that needs to change, not you. If he is not willing, then he is going to loose out. Take care of yourself.

Absolutely right.

You probably do need to lose the weight for your own health emotionally, physically and spiritually. But, you can't do it for him. This is all about you and it is alright to be selfish about it. he is not invested in you as you are, but who he wants you to be. You can't change him, but you can have your life changed.

I guess the first step is severing the ties that he holds over you emotionally. That takes a helluva lot of courage, because there will be hell to pay. However, you sound like you are in hell now.