My weight is destroying my marriage.

First off, I'm so sorry that you are going thru this and I want you to know that you don't have to. This is emotional, verbal, and mental abuse, and the threat that he'd get everything if you initiate divorce sounds like a d@mn lie especially if you haven't worked in over 2 years. Sounds like with the case you have he'd have to pay out of his @*kitten* in alimony, but it's best to find out for yourself because that is the only way to rectify your situation. Stand up for yourself and you don't have real love if YOU have to be the one to change and HE doesn't! It all depends on what YOU want out of life and I hope that you're not just living with that piece of ****on a stick just because you feel you have no choice! Realize that you are a strong person to have gone thru this crap as long as you have and you definitely have the strength and know-how to fix it whichever way you choose, all you need now is the tools. Get a lawyer if you don't want to deal with this and HE will probably be the one to have to pay for it WHOEVER initiates it because you're unemployed. Know your rights as a housewife and research the laws in your state if you want out, it can be done. If you decide to stay with it, I suggest you let your n*ts hang and let him know that you are not taking the crap, you will lose weight when you f***ing feel like it and if he wants to leave - help his @ss pack! You have to live for yourself, and love yourself before anyone else really can. This site is a very good place to get the support and motivation you need to get fit and I believe that it will actually help you to become emotionally stronger and have better self-esteem. You can do anything you put your mind to and I hope that you stick with us...we'll love you and assure you that you're not alone. Once again, I'm sorry about this...you don't deserve it so don't take it!!!!!!:noway: :noway: :noway: :smokin:

I am wondering what this so called mancho man looks like, is he so slim and trim ? You know and easy way to drop a lot of pounds get rid of this man automatic weight loss.....lol. I could bet anything that if you did get rid of him the weight would come off for your self esteem and been distroyed.

I left my first loser husband and everything is spit so do yourself a favor and start your life over with someone that WILL love you for you.

I'm new to MFP. I have gradually gained weight since I got married. About 80 pounds over eight years. I now weigh 230 pounds. Even when I was not overweight, my husband would threaten to leave me if I ever got fat. Now it's gotten to a point that he just flat out resents me for being fat. He offers no support when I attempt to lose weight. He says things like, "I've heard that before, and you won't do it, you haven't yet." He says that he wants the woman that he married back. He is a designer, and very superficial. He used to be kind, generous, and sweet. He says that he loves me, but not in love with me. And that he only wants to see me healthy and happy. Now, he is just there. One great example is when we were walking, I twisted my ankle and falling, and grabbed for he. He stepped away in a panic. When I called him out on it, he said "like I could support your weight anyway." Geez!

I would leave him, but unfortunately, I was told that if I initiate the divorce, he get pretty much everything. I have been without a paying job for over 2 1/2 years. I feel stuck. Dependent on him for money to live. I really don't know what to do. I have been thinking of finding a job in NYC where I know I have a good support system. But the cost of living is too high. Any advice?

Reading that gave me goosebumps...I use to be you, I stayed for the same reasons as you are right now, I was afraid. He is not worth it, this is emotional abuse and it will destroy you to the point where you'll just stay there and just be no one. Seek legal counsel. I wish I had done it earlier, I got out of it with barely a scratch and yes, lost the house, but found a great temporary apartment that I still live in until everything gets steadier. If you ever need to talk, i'm there, I know exactly where you're at now. Sometimes, it's better to start again with nothing than staying and risking your mental health (I was bordeline suicidal when I decided it was time to risk it and just leave).

My ex left me unconscious on the floor once because he said he thought I was faking it. He told me I was disgusting him and making him want to vomit when looking at me (even at my lighter weight). This won't stop...you need to step away.

Do you have a family member or close friend that you can talk to in case you need somewhere to go??

Your weight is not destroying anything. The only weight that is an issue is the burden this must place on you. I agree with what everyone here has said. You cant live your life like this. I know it is easy for all of us to say, but sometime it takes an outside perepective to get the clear picture. I know it will not be easy, but in the long run, it will be worth it. Stand up for yourself. Let him know that he can no longer treat you this way. HE is the the one that needs to change, not you. If he is not willing, then he is going to loose out. Take care of yourself.

Absolutely right.

You probably do need to lose the weight for your own health emotionally, physically and spiritually. But, you can't do it for him. This is all about you and it is alright to be selfish about it. he is not invested in you as you are, but who he wants you to be. You can't change him, but you can have your life changed.

I guess the first step is severing the ties that he holds over you emotionally. That takes a helluva lot of courage, because there will be hell to pay. However, you sound like you are in hell now.

Your weight is not destroying anything. The only weight that is an issue is the burden this must place on you. I agree with what everyone here has said. You cant live your life like this. I know it is easy for all of us to say, but sometime it takes an outside perepective to get the clear picture. I know it will not be easy, but in the long run, it will be worth it. Stand up for yourself. Let him know that he can no longer treat you this way. HE is the the one that needs to change, not you. If he is not willing, then he is going to loose out. Take care of yourself.

Absolutely right.

You probably do need to lose the weight for your own health emotionally, physically and spiritually. But, you can't do it for him. This is all about you and it is alright to be selfish about it. he is not invested in you as you are, but who he wants you to be. You can't change him, but you can have your life changed.

I guess the first step is severing the ties that he holds over you emotionally. That takes a helluva lot of courage, because there will be hell to pay. However, you sound like you are in hell now.

Been there, like I said earlier, it was hell inside, but so much better outside, what you have to do after is nothing compared to the pressure of being emotionally abused and trying to survive through it. I'm almost 2 years out and things are going upward right now.

Erin,

I am very sorry for what you are going through. A lot of people are stating that you should divorce him. I can't 100% disagree with them-he said he loves you, but is not "in love with you." I also feel that perhaps the first move should talk to your husband about his behavior and how much it hurts you. Perhaps a family counselor could help mediate. If you have done this or he is not willing to do it, then I don't see any other option but divorce.

As other people have stated, if divorce is the best decision for you, you should definitely talk to a lawyer about your rights. Also, yes, document everything he has said to you that is verbally abusive.

Ultimately, you need to be the person who decides what is best for you. Noone deserves to be treated this way.

Best of luck to you,

Natalie

So much to say!! But know that you are a beautiful person and that you DON't deserve to be treated that way by anyone, Especially your husband!

I just finished reading yours and rest of the posts .I was in such a bad relationship and put up with a bad man far to many years I finally left him and realized I am worth so much more . Being alone is so much better than being in a terrable relationship for myself I said do I still want to be in this place a year from now and then I started finding a way out I will continue to lift you up in prayer feel free to add me to your friend list God bless

All I have to say is that you don't deserve this. You are so much better than that loser man. He isn't even a man. I am worried for you and am going to send you a friend request. Do this for you. And get away from that guy. You can do sooo much better.

my husband is kind of the same way its funny though once you start losing weight and feeling better about yourself oh then they dont like it one of those damned if you do damned if you dont things. i say do what makes you feel good get your **** together and if you want to leave do it you can be broke and miserable with him or be broke and happy all by yourself. the broke thing you can change but happiness well that is priceless

This makes me sad. I echo everyone else on finding a way to get out. I'd rather be broke than with someone like him

You poor thing! Losing weight and breaking bad habits is hard enough when you are not being berated by someone who is supposed to care about you. You have found a great place to find guidance and support in your quest to get and stay healthy.

I think you have been given good advice about your relationship. Consulting with a well recommended attorney, would be my first stop. I also urge you to seek some psychological counseling as well. While your body is getting stronger and in better shape, you will surely need the guidance of someone who will help you overcome the emotional hardship you have endured.

Good luck to you. Friend me if you would like a weight loss buddy!

M

I say leave your husband. Seek couseling. Use this site to lose weight. Send pictures of yourself in a bikini to your EX-husband after you lose the weight with a sexy younger man at your side. :laugh:

He is a jerk. You don't need that in your life. His behavior seems to be factoring into your weight gain. Lose him, you may lose the weight, too!

Also, you are GORGEOUS. He doesn't know what he is missing if he only see your weight. If I was a straight dude, I'd slip you my number.

There is your whole life in front of you. Make it a fun place to be by not keeping someone who drags you down.

I'm going to say what everyone has been dancing around.:mad:
WHAT AN *kitten*!!:explode: :explode: :explode: :explode:

Do what is best for you. And don't believe too much of the "the spouse will get everything" stuff. When I divorced, the "50/50" split turned out more like 90/10 in my ex's willfully unemployed favor. (still stings a bit after all these years)
Do what you already know is best for you. Godspeed!
Ted

Go Ted!