How do you react to people who don't support you?

emadigan
emadigan Posts: 89 Member
edited September 26 in Health and Weight Loss
Since I've lost weight, I've been getting a lot of reactions. Most people are supportive, tell me how great I look, ask me how I did it, etc. But some people are unsupportive, make nasty comments, and are rude! For example, my boyfriend's family starting questioning why I thought I needed to lose weight, how much I used to weigh, and what I weigh now. I found these comments to be completely rude and inappropriate. I also have a friend who likes to make snide comments whenever I report meeting a goal or say something about how hard it is.

Has anyone else experienced this?

How do you handle it?
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Replies

  • kittyloo123
    kittyloo123 Posts: 300 Member
    to the people who you know are going to make these remarks, i would not be sharing your good news of lbs. lost. Their loss.
  • Newfiedan
    Newfiedan Posts: 1,517 Member
    kick them in the junk! lol, just kidding, I do not need their support I do what works for me, if they do not like it then sucks to be them.
  • I'm kind of in the same boat. My mom hinders my weight loss a LOT. I think the reason why is because she is overweight herself and is jealous.

    As for what to do about it, my only suggestion would let it to roll right off your back. I know it may be hard. But that's the best way to do it. Oh, and I journal a lot. That helps tons as far as venting goes.

    Don't let 'em get the best of you. You're doing a great job!! Keep it up!
  • ShelbyLB
    ShelbyLB Posts: 431
    When people make rude or unnecessary comments, simply throw a smile on your face, and remember WHY you are doing what you're doing....TO MAKE YOURSELF HEALTHIER AND HAPPIER, right?? Don't let anyone else's way of thinking bring you down!!

    Often, people have rude things to say only when they are envious....so keep doing what you're doing girl....you're worth it! :)
  • sounds to me like they are jealous of your success ... hmmm
  • BaronessBlixen
    BaronessBlixen Posts: 56 Member
    I get this a lot because I'm already thin and petite. So if I make any comment, ranging from "I need to firm up" to "I'd like to drop just a few pounds" to "I'd like to shape up some problem areas," I always get pelted with nasty remarks. Mostly from people who weigh more than I do and have legitimately struggled with weight all their lives. I understand, and I am sympathetic, but I don't criticize your plan to eat better and exercise more. Don't criticize mine. Everyone has things about themselves that they don't like, and that could be improved.
  • Walt75
    Walt75 Posts: 182 Member
    Kick them in the- ouch! Sympathy pains!!
  • Angel1066
    Angel1066 Posts: 816 Member
    There will always be insecure wanting to hold you back, just ignore them and do what makes you happy. good job by the way.
  • sweebum
    sweebum Posts: 1,060 Member
    The last person that asked me how much I've lost, I said the equivalent of an elephants p*nis. That shut 'em up :laugh:

    Seriously though, "I wanted to be as healthy as I could be, and when you know better, you do better. Bless your heart for thinking of me." :bigsmile: And try not to cough or burst out laughing :wink:
  • biggiwig
    biggiwig Posts: 76
    If it is a fat person, who attacks me, I usually say: Because I don't want to be as fat as you.
    If it is a skinny person, I say: It is easy for you to say, since you are skinny.
  • cjwolfjen
    cjwolfjen Posts: 323 Member
    You're still young so its probably just the maturity of the people around you. The younger people are the harder it is for them to have sympathy, empathy or understanding... or support for that matter. I would just keep your weight loss to yourself around them. You're not doing it for them anyways, you're doing it for YOU. So celebrate your goals to yourself and feel happy and giddy, but don't consistently talk about it around others. For people who don't understand, or can't lose weight themselves it can trigger annoying or irritating thoughts when they hear you talk about it. Some one may think you are bragging about it (which you have every right to!!) But if they aren't willing to be happy for your success and offer support then don't even bother bringing it up. Just let them be jealous when they see you so much thinner. If they continue to be negative even once you stop discussing it on your part, then try giving it time to pass. Once they realize this is the real thing for you, a new way of living and that you're going to keep it up and be thin and healthy then they'll get over it and accept it as the new you.
  • Coyla
    Coyla Posts: 444 Member
    Maybe those people actually thought you looked fine at the weight you were. I don't find that rude. I think it's somewhat liberating, in fact. Ultimately, you're trying to be healthy ,and that's a good thing. So you've a right to be proud of yourself.

    As for the friend who makes snide comments, that may be a jealousy issue, or she may feel left out. Sometimes dieting, especially really heavy dieting, can make others feel isolated. We can be so focused on our weight loss that we forget that the world is still turning, and our friends still need us.
  • Lula16
    Lula16 Posts: 628 Member
    plain ol' jealousy!! the same with me, i dont get much support when MFP links my exercises to my facebook. And i only have my freinds that i know and talk to! i thought about taking the link off, but im not. it helps motivate me to workout on days when i dont feel like it. Thats why i love MFP! we are all on the same boat! i'm here to support you and cheer you on....woo hooo!!! keep up the great work!
  • heathhumble
    heathhumble Posts: 178
    Family and friends will support you through good and bad.You have made a decision in your life a" health decision" to change the way you live.You don't owe any of them a explination.Stay focused and best of luck to you.Feel free to add me as a friend.
  • Sounds like jealousy on your friends behalf. and on your boyfriends family... maybe they already think you're perfect so don't see the reason for it or maybe are concerned it could negatively effect your relationship with him?

    Let your friend know that her remarks are not necessary or just not talk to her about your weight loss journey. She'll probably come around and maybe even come to you for weight loss advice in the future when she seeks you kiss a$s!
  • pftjill
    pftjill Posts: 488
    I am sorry to any of you getting negative responses. Especially from family and friends-the people who should be your biggest supporters. I am 100% on your side. I love when people decided to get healthier and want to live a longer more fulfilling life. No matter what anyone says-keep this up!!! You are awesome and amazing.

    I work at a boot camp and my boss always says to people-I am saving your life right now. Keep it up!
  • suemar74
    suemar74 Posts: 447 Member
    I don't get rude comments, but I get unhealthy eaters offering me unhealthy food. It was the same when I quit smoking. Smokers offered me cigarettes. I think the un-supporters fear being left behind, and they feel like they are lacking if we are successful in our attempts.

    Sometimes it even comes in the guise of being "helpful"..."Oh, you're having a bad day? Let's get ice cream (or have a cigarette)."

    Know yourself and why you're doing this, and live for yourself. Take what you need and ignore the rest. You can't change their ways anymore than they can change yours. And most of all, be proud of what you accomplish :)
  • Ten years ago, I lost 100 lbs. the old fashioned way and ran into the exact same stuff. People can just be downright ugly. I even had a co-worker ask to see my breasts because she suspected they were flabby and saggy now. I even lost my best friend from childhood, No doubt, as you lose weight, you gain confidence and you change your attitude....you must. A positive attitude is required to be successful. Some people sense that and somehow they are threatened by it. My advice? Focus on the positive feedback and realize that not everyone is your cheerleader.
  • mkennedym
    mkennedym Posts: 253 Member
    what kind of sick, twisted a-holes don't support someone who wants to lose weight and be healthy?

    frankly you should cut them out of your life. they are a pox.
  • LaDiablesse
    LaDiablesse Posts: 862 Member
    I haven't encountered negative comments. Around this area & where I'm originally from so many things are about food. When you go visit someone, they are always wanting to feed you. My grandma will ask me if I'm eating enough, because I look too skinny. There are a lot of overweight & obese people in southern Louisiana, & if your choosing to eat something different (Usually healthy) they wonder what's wrong...lol
  • hey there.. some people just dont know when to keep there mouth shut or just say something nice. On the other hand if its coming from a guy who doesnt know what to say it usually comes out wrong. I was at work and a guy came up to me and asked if i had lost weight because he noticed my pants were a little baggy, when i told him i was running alot he said "well that sucks i kinda like girls to be a little bigger." I was crushed. I am 6 feet tall but i have never thought of myself as being a "big girl" i have always been active and i just put on a little growing pudge. People that dont care about the way they look dont know how to talk to somebody that is trying to better themselves. And alot of people are just dumb or jelous:)
  • Marcus_E
    Marcus_E Posts: 124
    It's awful when you are achieving something for yourself and people put you down. Unfortunately it's in some peoples nature to continue to live their lives negatively.

    It's hard to ignore them, but that's what I'd suggest. Remember that you are actually setting yourself a goal and achieving it, something they probably haven't done in their lives.. This makes you better than them, it makes you inspirational and you will find that if you ignore their comments, they will eventually stop, but you may even be surprised when they ask you "how did you do it..", "can you help me".. It does happen and it's a mini hop-skip-jump of rejoice when it does..

    Keep it going and ignore the doubters - the world is full of them and unfortunately we all know at least one...
  • ahmedlogic
    ahmedlogic Posts: 29 Member
    Haters gonna hate.

    Try to take this aspect and turn it around. I've always heard and read that when people are not supportive to one's weight loss goals, it is usually because of their own security. But whatever the reason, use it as motivation. They are only fueling the fire.

    Nothing burns me up more than when I hear someone saying that "I will end up gaining it back anyway" or that "I can't do something".

    Think about what these people would say to you if you weren't losing weight and trying to get healthy: probably nothing. So that would mean that as long as they not being supportive (i.e. being haters), you are doing something right. Jealousy is an inevitable human emotion. Like I said, haters gonna hate.
  • RunHardBeStrong
    RunHardBeStrong Posts: 33,069 Member
    I have learned that most of the haters are jealous and have feelings of itheir own inadaquecy. I say *crew 'em!!! It's their choice to stay on the couch, get bigger and stay miserable. It's not what I choose and they are not going to make me feel bad for it!
  • taiyola
    taiyola Posts: 964 Member
    I don't get rude comments, but I get unhealthy eaters offering me unhealthy food. It was the same when I quit smoking. Smokers offered me cigarettes. I think the un-supporters fear being left behind, and they feel like they are lacking if we are successful in our attempts.

    Sometimes it even comes in the guise of being "helpful"..."Oh, you're having a bad day? Let's get ice cream (or have a cigarette)."

    I get this. Overweight people around me trying to feed me up! I can do that perfectly well on my own, thanks :laugh:

    Also, I rarely drink or go 'clubbing' and want to stop drinking for a few months, and my friends are always like 'you coming out? let's go for drinks... oh just the one! go on, it's only one!' One cake, one drink, one drunken cigarette and takeaway meal... ugh. They don't have the will power to stop drinking, smoking and eating kebabs, and they want some company so they don't feel so bad about it.
  • dieseljay74
    dieseljay74 Posts: 376
    Don't forget the saying....." Obsession is the word lazy people use for dedication". Get's 'em every time.

    Good job and hope you reach your goals by summer!
  • wildon883r
    wildon883r Posts: 429 Member
    I'm doing it for me. I could care less what anybody else thinks. I don't require support to accomplish my goal. Take pride in yourself that eventually most of your friends will be overweight and you will be the exception. Good Luck
  • anubis609
    anubis609 Posts: 3,966 Member
    Being an *kitten* elitist, with an ego that puts megalomaniacs with delusions of grandeur to shame, helps me breathe my rose-scented *kitten* throughout the day, worry-free from opinions other than mine.
  • emadigan
    emadigan Posts: 89 Member
    Thanks for all the very humorous suggestions. In all honesty, I can't cut my boyfriend's family out of my life. And they definitely were NOT complimenting me when saying I didn't need to lose weight. They were legit being rude and invasive. I can't be rude back; I just had no idea what to say to them. A healthy lifestyle is not at all important to them. Luckily, my boyfriend feels very differently than his parents and is especially inspired since I lost weight, so we are both very committed to living a healthy lifestyle.
  • babygurl48
    babygurl48 Posts: 1,237 Member
    from experience.. i find that people are envious when u lose weight and that is why they question the weight loss and the side remarks or whatever. i just ignore them now and do my own thing and let them eat their hearts out!!!!
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