Advice on loneliness

I do know the pain of loneliness...I wonder if this new life style invites us to sit in the pain rather than turn to that old trusted friend - food! I tend to believe that if you are meant to meet someone, they will cross you path - you don't have to go looking. In the mean time, maybe fill the quiet with a new hobby of some sort? Write that book; read a great novel; be the person you would want to live with!!!

Hi there,

Wow, you sound like a great Dad! Maybe I can share some advice that has come my way many times since I first became a Mom about 6 years ago: "You need to make some time for yourself in order to be the best mother/father you can to your kids." And from the sounds of it you are lacking an adult social life, as so many parents do!

I hear you about the babysitting. I have no family nearby and didn't feel comfortable leaving my young kids with a teenager that I didn't know real well. But I came up with an idea that worked for me and it might help you. I hired a girl down the street to come over every Thursday from 4-6 pm and play with my kids while I did stuff around the house. It technically wasn't babysitting because I was there, too, and available to the kids. But they really got to know this girl as the weeks went by, and more importantly, I got to know her too. I got to see how she handled the kids, and she got to learn from me how I wanted things to be handled (e.g. if the kids weren't cooperating about something). She picked up on my approach and I got to see her in action.

Eventually I graduated from tidying up the house and making dinner while she was there to going out to pick up a few groceries, and then once in a while booking a 1-hour massage during her visits. I knew that I could trust her to handle the kids while I was out for a little while, and I knew my kids were comfortable with her and saw her as "in charge" when I was out. And inevitably she became a Saturday night babysitter for us so my husband and I could go out to a movie once in a while.

Maybe this might work for you and once you have a babysitter you can start to take up some of those women on their invitations for a date! It's probably exactly what you are needing.

Best of luck to you.

I deal with loneliness all the time, only it's a different situation than yours. I am a 12 hour drive from any friends or family in any direction. I rarely get invited out and when I do go out apparently I seem "unhappy" so I'm not invited out again. I've only ever had one boyfriend and that last for 13 months. I have no kids, and I live in a room and share a bathroom with my headmate. Work is everything to me. Even when I complain and have a bad day I still love that I get to work so much because that, and going places like the store are how I get my human interaction throughout the day. On top of that my job recquired me to have PRP-http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personnel_Reliability_Program. It's ridiculous the kinds of things they will take you off PRP for (loneliness is one since they feel it is a dign of depression). I had to explain to them that taking me away from people will only make me truly lonely, that work is pretty much my life.

Anyway, our lives are totally different, but I do understand the way you feel. I'm sorry I have no advice, but I can say that just coming on this message board, and PMing/talking with the people here has really helped my attitude in the past couple of weeks. I hope you can find some way to overcome this feeling of loneliness you have.

You have gotten some excellent advice here. The best of which so far has been getting a baby sitter. You can go slow, go at your own pace until you are comfortable with The sitter and then please do go out. Also Parents without partners is a wonderful group and a lot of their events are organized so the whole family attends. They do fun things and then they do do things for the adults as well. You could meet a lot of friends that way. I know how you feel I raised my children alone. And most parents alone or together know the pain of loneliness when their children become adults and begin their lives. So the best thing to do is to continue living yours at the same time that they are growing up. Make sure that you have your much needed adult time.
Mary

I completely understand the feelings of loneliness. I am for the first time in my life alone. I got married when I was eighteen and had my two children. I proceeded to raise them , work, take care of the house etc. Forward 23 years , when my sons were teenagers I decided to go back to school and get a degree in nursing. I finished school and have been working as a nurse for a few years. To make a long story short, both of my sons have their own homes and in February of this year I caught my husband cheating and he moved out. So for the first time in my life I am alone. I go through feelings of peacefulness which can suddenly turn to loneliness. I really just try to stay busy and thank goodness I found MFP in March , I had been going out to the local tavern almost every evening to avoid the loneliness , but I now realize I have to face it and make peace with being alone. I say take one day at a time and try to find friends that will help you, and to make time to interact with adults it is important for your emotional well being. You are to be admired for what you are doing.

First, congrats on your weight loss! Be sure you're getting enough nutrients, especially fats to oil your brain, since the lack of these can cause depression.
A single parents' group is a great place to meet people. Some churches have parents' night out too where they watch the kids for a few hours. When my kids were little and I was single, I did online dating (met my now husband that way) which is a nice way to get to know somebody on a schedule - meet for dinner or a movie at 7:00 and be home by 9:30 or 10:00. You definitely NEED adult companionship with males and/or females to stay sane. Hang in there!