My husband wants a divorce...normally, I would binge eat rig

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  • QueenofCups
    QueenofCups Posts: 365 Member
    I didn't read all the replies, so this might be redundant, but I just want to say that although you started this journey "for him" now is the best time to say F-You to him by completing your journey and being the best YOU for YOU.
    As far as good workouts fr therapy - I HIGHLY recommend kickboxing. It is a great workout #1, and #2 you can pretend your are kickboxing the ex. Although violence is not the answer, fake violence is awesome! Then, when you come to a place of forgiveness you can send him love and light and hope he is at least half as happy as you are/will be.

    ((HUGS))
  • stacimusmax
    stacimusmax Posts: 172 Member
    You guys are awesome! It is so great to have a group of people out there encouraging me. I am still on track for my fitness and doing my best in every day life to preserve or persevere...
  • stacimusmax
    stacimusmax Posts: 172 Member
    Well............come to find out, not only is he unhappy with our marriage (for some time now) but he has been having an affair with a girl from work (we work together) for the last 2 months.
    I am dying inside!
    I have screamed, yelled, cried and then started all over again. I went 36 hours (2-12hr night shifts) and a day that I should have been sleeping, without sleep. I took appropriate drugs this morning and finally slept a little. Now, I am back at work working with the other woman. DID I CONFRONT HER? HELL YES! But, I was kind and calm. I think that was worse than yelling and being a *****. I told her that I was not going to be mean to her. I asked how she was doing because I know that there are 3 of us hurting right now. She said that it was not planned, it just happened. I believe that but, it did happen. She said that she knows that although what they did was wrong, it was not the problem. She is right. There are problems but I told her that currently she is the freshest problem. He says he broke up with her. I think me being nice to her has got to be "killing her with kindness' and making this worse for her.
    He is planning to move out some time next month. He does't know what he wants.
    THIS HURTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • lilliemelissa
    lilliemelissa Posts: 28 Member
    let him go, honey...let him go. i hurt for you, as you can see many of us have gone through similar situations and chosen different paths. i'm not saying it's easy. ITS ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS YOU WILL EVER HAVE TO DO. my opinion, while absolutely not better or worse than any other, is that for someone to have an affair means they have zero respect for you as a person. would he still have left if he didn't have the other woman? strangely enough, probably not. he would have continued along, never telling you how he felt while your marriage died and you had no idea why. he wants to leave now as he's had a taste of the life of no responsibility to anything but his own selfish desires. and he will continue to seek out that life, and you now know he's looking for a way out. please be kind to yourself and find happiness in your own desires. this will have to come from stepping outside your comfort zone and realizing you are YOU, and perfect just the way you are. HE is the defective one. i'm here if you ever need to talk.
    p.s. kudos to you for being a strong woman and playing your cards with HER the way you did. already you've proven you're stronger without him!!
  • janesmith1
    janesmith1 Posts: 1,511 Member
    Ok, get the BEST lawyer in your state or town and just sue him for EVERY last red cent. And read lots of zen books.
  • BerryH
    BerryH Posts: 4,698 Member
    To me it sounds like your husband is having a mid-life crisis (which can happen at any age!). The affair wasn't that he was looking for love or sex, or even that he was unhappy with your marriage, he is unhappy with himself and was looking for a catalyst to move on. I know because I've been there myself.

    Please never blame yourself.

    IF you think there's something worth saving, suggest marriage counselling. It won't necessarily patch over the relationship, but it will help you both identify whether staying together and working it out is the way to go or whether you will both be happier apart.

    The only other thing I can add to what all these lovely people have said is write down EVERYTHING - not just practical details about what happened when or your financial situation, but everything feeling and pain that pops into your head. you will rest a lot better having it out of your head and onto paper.

    Call all your friends and try to meet up with some this weekend, OK. And drop me a line if you want.

    Good luck, and stay strong x
  • BobertC
    BobertC Posts: 123
    This was sad to read this. I went through something similar. when she said Divorce and separation, I tried to be civil for a few weeks for the kids but we just ended up hurting each others feelings so one night I packed all of my stuff and left to live with a friend who was going through a divorce also. I took ALL of my stuff and tried not to see her, it was a really hard time. luckily we worked things out, I would go into more detail but it's too fresh and we're still trying to move past it. We still have good and bad days :( One of the issues was my shape. I was a gym rat before we got married and I loved it after a few injuries and not having time to stay a gym rat I gained a lot of weight. Now it's one of the things I won't neglect again, I'm a selfish gym rat again and although she complains at times she is glad that I am doing something for myself. Turns out that the biggest issue was me being unhappy with myself.
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