My husband wants a divorce...normally, I would binge eat rig

Having been there, done that, I know that this is some of the worst pain ever but, rest assured, you will survive it.

And just think, someday you'll be able to look back and say you joined MFP in March 2011 and damn, you lost about 200 lbs of ugly fat the first month.

I'm so sorry to hear that. In the end it does come down to you and you should be doing this for you not him. You should never change yourself for someone else. You should want the change for yourself and I applaud you for keeping the positive attitude. Just keep doing what you are doing and you will be one hot lady and yes you are pretty!! No need to second guess that!

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Truly.

I hope you are able to find the right therapudic activities. I also hope you are comforted in any way that is most beneficial to you.

We're all here for you.

Charmagne

Loving the great new picture and great new attitude! *hugs*

Ditto everything she said!

I would also like to add that now is a really good time to take a look at your finances. Make copies of all your tax returns/bank statements/credit cards/loan papers and retirement info. It also wouldn't hurt to consult with a lawyer to get their advice on property settlement, child issues, etc.

You're not giving up on your marriage if you do these things. You are proactively preparing yourself for whatever may come your way.

This is exceptionally good advice. My husband chose to leave after about 13 years. Someone else had mentioned the sense of rejection, and that is a very painful thing. I made the mistake of trying to be tough and took the attitude of, "Okay, if you don't want to be with me that's fine...I'll find someone who does." In retrospect, what I should have done if fought to go to therapy together and see if we could have repaired the damage. Five-ish years later, and we both now realize that was a very big mistake. We didn't realize what we had and should have worked much harder to preserve it.

Even though there may be someone else in the picture (hard to know, but often the case), please try to get him to consider therapy. If he doesn't agree to it or goes half-heartedly, you can at least be at peace with yourself in knowing you did everything you could to make things work. You both were very much in love at one time, and that shouldn't be casually tossed aside.

Either way, PLEASE consider seeing a therapist for a while by yourself. It will help you work through all the issues that pop up along the way much faster, and can help you with your weight loss journey, too.

And the good news is, I'm now remarried to a wonderful man who cares very much about me. He's also been very supportive of my efforts to lose weight, and his biggest motivation is for me to be healthy...not the asthetics part of it. Things always have a way of eventually working out...just keep looking to the positives, like all the support you have on MFP.

Feel free to friend me if you'd like, and may every day be better than the last one for you!

let him go, honey...let him go. i hurt for you, as you can see many of us have gone through similar situations and chosen different paths. i'm not saying it's easy. ITS ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS YOU WILL EVER HAVE TO DO. my opinion, while absolutely not better or worse than any other, is that for someone to have an affair means they have zero respect for you as a person. would he still have left if he didn't have the other woman? strangely enough, probably not. he would have continued along, never telling you how he felt while your marriage died and you had no idea why. he wants to leave now as he's had a taste of the life of no responsibility to anything but his own selfish desires. and he will continue to seek out that life, and you now know he's looking for a way out. please be kind to yourself and find happiness in your own desires. this will have to come from stepping outside your comfort zone and realizing you are YOU, and perfect just the way you are. HE is the defective one. i'm here if you ever need to talk.
p.s. kudos to you for being a strong woman and playing your cards with HER the way you did. already you've proven you're stronger without him!!

To me it sounds like your husband is having a mid-life crisis (which can happen at any age!). The affair wasn't that he was looking for love or sex, or even that he was unhappy with your marriage, he is unhappy with himself and was looking for a catalyst to move on. I know because I've been there myself.

Please never blame yourself.

IF you think there's something worth saving, suggest marriage counselling. It won't necessarily patch over the relationship, but it will help you both identify whether staying together and working it out is the way to go or whether you will both be happier apart.

The only other thing I can add to what all these lovely people have said is write down EVERYTHING - not just practical details about what happened when or your financial situation, but everything feeling and pain that pops into your head. you will rest a lot better having it out of your head and onto paper.

Call all your friends and try to meet up with some this weekend, OK. And drop me a line if you want.

Good luck, and stay strong x