People are treating me differently... sad but true

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  • SolidGoaled
    SolidGoaled Posts: 504 Member
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    Finally, whilst I can completely understand why some women in particular are longing to be noticed once they lose the weight but I can assure you it is not all its cracked up to be. Too much attention is just as bad as none at all. In fact it can be worse. I know from women I have known that beauty can be more of a curse than a blessing. There's a lot to be said to for being just ordinary and happy...

    I want to hear more about this ^^^^^^^ Care to elaborate?

    Sure. People see the upside of being slim and attractive, and let's face it there are lots of them. Getting more attention, generally being treated better, getting invited to all the cool parties.

    What a lot of people forget is that there are also plenty of downsides. The grass is always greener? No, the grass is just different. What if all that attention becomes oppressive? That you can't go anywhere without someone hassling you or trying to pick you up. Or people being uneccessarily nasty to you because they perceive you must be arrogant or full or yourself. Or having difficulty finding or maintaining a relationship because people feel intimidated by your outward appearance and not seeing you for the person you actually are under the skin..

    I have known some very, and I mean very, beautiful women in my youth simply due to the social circles I mixed in. Look behind the veneer or glitz and glamour and you will find a lot of loneliness and unhappiness. Not in all cases but in many and it is heartbreaking. The problem is that unless a person has a strong and clear sense of self, and understand who they are as a person and what they believe in it is easy to be conditioned by your environment and the way people react to you. This can cause a whole host of issues where you become distanced from the person you want to be at heart due to external influences.

    Losing weight isn't the end of the journey. It is just the beginning....


    Thank you so much for explaining - I have been checking all day to see if you expanded yet. Lots and lots to think about. Were you also overweight once? I am intrigued.
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
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    Thank you so much for explaining - I have been checking all day to see if you expanded yet. Lots and lots to think about. Were you also overweight once? I am intrigued.

    Yes, I was overweight as a kid until a discovered weights and rowing in my mid teens. The "puppy" fat came off quickly after that and I have had a reasonably good physique for most of my adult life. There have been a few short term blips along the way which tied in with periods of acute stress but I never reached the stage where I was considered overweight and the excess weight never hung around for too long ;)

    Losing a significant amount of weight over a short time frame at such a young age was bewildering. I was still exactly the same person on the inside but the way I got treated changed dramatically. In reality it took me many years before my mind and body synchronised but after that my confidence rocketed and has remained in a very good place ever since. Sometimes I wonder if I now just have a little too much of the stuf...

    I am happy and content being me. My life is ordinary but there is a lot of beauty and wonder in day to day life which routinely gets overlooked in our quest for bigger and better. The celebrity lifestyle which so many seem to aspire to is simply a facade. People are just people, be they famous or not, beautiful or plain, rich or poor. They have the same fears and insecurities if you can look beyond the surface.
  • meganjbennett
    meganjbennett Posts: 6
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    What a very intersting thread! I have found sort of the opposite to be true that many would expect. I have found people to be friendlier when I am heavier than when I am slim...to a certain point. When I am 20-30 lbs overweight strangers are much more chatty and friendly and even men are more relaxed around me. When was much thinnner, I think (as someone said earlier) that people assumed I was full of myself and people invited me out less because they said they assumed I was busy! My male patients seem much more comfortable around me. I don't know if this is one reason I haven't put much effort into losing weight over the past year or so, but it is a strange observation. I don't think my personality is any different either way. I am a few years older than I was when I was thinner so I wonder how that plays into it as well.
  • SolidGoaled
    SolidGoaled Posts: 504 Member
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    . In reality it took me many years before my mind and body synchronised but after that my confidence rocketed and has remained in a very good place ever since. Sometimes I wonder if I now just have a little too much of the stuf...

    Ha ha! I love this... so how do you know when you have a little too much of that great stuff called "confidence"?
  • MyNameIsNotBob
    MyNameIsNotBob Posts: 565 Member
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    Yeah, I notice this, too. I'm 100% introverted, so the attention makes me a little uncomfortable. Probably one reason I didn't mind gaining the weight in the first place.

    I have a friend who has told me she's jealous... but when I try to talk to her about how I'm doing it and how it can work for her, she just rolls her eyes or dismisses me.
    that doesnt really sound like a friend.

    No, it doesn't, does it? But I think it's really just dissatisfaction with herself.
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
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    . In reality it took me many years before my mind and body synchronised but after that my confidence rocketed and has remained in a very good place ever since. Sometimes I wonder if I now just have a little too much of the stuf...

    Ha ha! I love this... so how do you know when you have a little too much of that great stuff called "confidence"?

    It's actually quite difficult to explain. Most of it is belief in myself leading to a lack of self consciousness and being at ease in situations. My actions seem to flow naturally without me having to overthink them and they are congruent with how I view myself. I'm just....me.

    Don't get me wrong. I do have moments of self doubt and I can be monumentally arrogant and blunt at times but that is very much the minority ;)

    This has been a fascinating discussion (now why do I think that when the conversation turns to being about me I wonder?) but it's late here in the UK. A boy needs his beauty sleep. I don't stay this pretty by accident you know...

    Stay strong.

    M.
  • Tree72
    Tree72 Posts: 942 Member
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    I definitely know how you are feeling. It wasn't all that long ago that I was having similar fears and questions going through my head. Fortunately I have a very good friend I could talk to about all of it. He helped me realize that it would all work out ok.

    I definitely wondered, and still do, how much of the people-treating-me-differently is due to how I look versus how I act. I know that I'm generally a lot more friendly myself, not just because I weigh less but because I exercise regularly now. Regular exercise has a huge impact on my mental outlook. And I think of myself differently now, which probably shows. It's not a very nice way to put it, but I think of myself as "normal fat" now rather than somehow unacceptable. I still have no idea how it will feel to be a completely normal, healthy weight. That worries me sometimes, but you can only live life one day at a time. There's no point in dwelling on it at the moment.

    So, know that you aren't alone. Many of us obviously have similar fears and questions. And take it as a positive sign. You decided to make changes in your life because you weren't happy as you were. This is a sign that it's a real change, you are now thinking differently. It may seem strange and a bit scary at first, but you'll eventually grow accustomed to the "new" you.
  • Cella30
    Cella30 Posts: 539 Member
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    This has been a fascinating discussion (now why do I think that when the conversation turns to being about me I wonder?) but it's late here in the UK. A boy needs his beauty sleep. I don't stay this pretty by accident you know...

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • SolidGoaled
    SolidGoaled Posts: 504 Member
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    . In reality it took me many years before my mind and body synchronised but after that my confidence rocketed and has remained in a very good place ever since. Sometimes I wonder if I now just have a little too much of the stuf...

    Ha ha! I love this... so how do you know when you have a little too much of that great stuff called "confidence"?

    It's actually quite difficult to explain. Most of it is belief in myself leading to a lack of self consciousness and being at ease in situations. My actions seem to flow naturally without me having to overthink them and they are congruent with how I view myself. I'm just....me.

    Don't get me wrong. I do have moments of self doubt and I can be monumentally arrogant and blunt at times but that is very much the minority ;)

    This has been a fascinating discussion (now why do I think that when the conversation turns to being about me I wonder?) but it's late here in the UK. A boy needs his beauty sleep. I don't stay this pretty by accident you know...

    Stay strong.

    M.

    Wow... thanks for keeping up with the thread today. I want my actions to relect who I am - I am not sure how to check that? I do find myself doubting conversations I have, actions I take, things I say... very very often. Goodnight. :)
  • SolidGoaled
    SolidGoaled Posts: 504 Member
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    You know, I wonder how many good friendships I've lost out on through the years because I've been afraid to put myself out there just to get rejected - because of course (I would think to myself), no one would want to be friends with a slob like me. :/

    I'm not saying no one would have wanted to be friend with me - I am saying, that was what I THOUGHT so I didn't bother to try. It will be interesting to see how I perceive myself a year from now.
  • justsummie
    justsummie Posts: 320 Member
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    Does anyone else find themselves putting off things they want to do until they lose "even more" weight? I have friends I'd like to visit - places I'd like to go - social situations I'd like to be part of - but I feel like I am putting it off until I lose a little more and move further away from my fat version of myself. Wierd???

    No, this makes "sense" at least emotional sense. For people who are significantly overweight being fat can be like an emotional safety-net. (Think people don't like you? Blame the fat. Didn't get the job? Blame the fat. Afraid to socialize/go back to school/leave the house? Blame the fat.) Once the fat is gone there are no excuses left and it's up to us to face our fears.

    There are even psychological theories that suggest people subconsciously gain weight on purpose so to avoid such circumstances. It's like literally building a wall (with your body) to keep people out.

    I think it's something that most introverted people really have to work on after a huge weight loss. I know I do.
  • SolidGoaled
    SolidGoaled Posts: 504 Member
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    Bumping cause its so darn good... :)
  • JennyJogger
    JennyJogger Posts: 13
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    I've experienced this too, so don't feel alone! It was really weird the first time someone made a big deal about my weight loss, I felt so uncomfortable, & they were just being nice. For example, I went into the salon where my sister works to get a haircut & when I was walking to her chair she said "Look at how much weight my sister has lost!" to all of her co-workers (who had clients in their chairs) & then they all started staring at me. My sister was just proud of me, but I was shocked by how naked I felt. When you keep losing weight and looking better, people are going to notice, comment, & in some cases treat you differently, it definitely takes getting used to! Hang in there :)
  • kaymac1908
    kaymac1908 Posts: 39 Member
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    On previous weight loss attempts I got comments a couple of times from "friends" who insisted that I would just put the weight back on. One person told me I was not "built to be thin". Unfortunately I believed them, but there are always more chances to do things better as long as I am breathing and I am not accepting negativity any more.

    The people who truly care for you will celebrate your success with you and support you if you should happen to fall. Keep your head up and "do you"!
  • MyNameIsNotBob
    MyNameIsNotBob Posts: 565 Member
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    There are even psychological theories that suggest people subconsciously gain weight on purpose so to avoid such circumstances. It's like literally building a wall (with your body) to keep people out.

    I think it's something that most introverted people really have to work on after a huge weight loss. I know I do.

    ITA.

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