Being treated better by men........

2

Replies

  • LittleD311
    LittleD311 Posts: 618 Member
    I agree with this as well. I have noticed that my boyfriend has been more affectionate and clingy since I've lost my 11lbs.....He isn't one to constantly tell me how good I look, or anything, so him sorta having his hands all over me, lets me know! but, MOST men are very shallow....lol
  • 123456654321
    123456654321 Posts: 1,311 Member
    Also, I'd just like to add that I don't think it's fair to label a person who cares about their potential mates physical condition as "shallow." It may be important to a person, but it doesn't necessarily mean it's ALL that's important to them.
  • rockabyesarojane
    rockabyesarojane Posts: 471
    Men are shallow. Fact :P

    just not quite as shallow as women.

    oh wait that's right! both of these statements are far too generalized!
  • SolidGoaled
    SolidGoaled Posts: 504 Member
    I have noticed the same thing. Since losing the weight men treat me better and women treat me worse. Simple and sad as that.

    I have to tell ya - I am so AFRAID of this happening, that I think that is alot of the underlying phsychology that has held me back all these yars AND still screws with my head with ever 10 lb milestone. :/
  • NovemberJune
    NovemberJune Posts: 2,525 Member
    I'm honestly not too surprised, and i bet it's not just men!!!! it is really sad but this is the world we live in.
  • deeharley
    deeharley Posts: 1,208 Member
    Women are shallow. Fact :P

    Fixed it for you

    Women do all the things that men have been accused of doing on this thread.

    Not nearly as openly & often as the machismos :laugh:

    So, women are shallow and sneaky - much better. :tongue:
  • rockabyesarojane
    rockabyesarojane Posts: 471
    Also, I'd just like to add that I don't think it's fair to label a person who cares about their potential mates physical condition as "shallow." It may be important to a person, but it doesn't necessarily mean it's ALL that's important to them.

    agreed.
  • Panda_Jack
    Panda_Jack Posts: 829 Member
    Women are shallow. Fact :P

    Fixed it for you

    Women do all the things that men have been accused of doing on this thread.

    Not nearly as openly & often as the machismos :laugh:

    So, women are shallow and sneaky - much better. :tongue:

    This!^^
  • eeeekie
    eeeekie Posts: 1,011 Member
    I find it kind of funny that the men are taking this so seriously and taking offense to it. It's no secret that man are VISUAL creatures. If you say you're not a visual creature you're a liar. You have no control over being a visual its ingrained so deep inside of your nature.

    "First the obvious merit of using visual criteria is that physical attributes have been quite important for most of human evolution. Strength, agility, foot speed, youth, and energy are all obviously valuable attributes that have made both males and females genetically desirable and clearly made sense as mate selection criteria. Even the typical male infatuation with large breasts is obviously based on the fact that they promise excellent nutrition for her offspring."
  • aekriebs
    aekriebs Posts: 45
    [quote\]

    I'm married, and went on a MNO (mom night out) with a fellow mom-friend, and it was amazing the amount of men that try to talk to me now, & of all different nationalities, that would have never done so before when I was huge. I even called out this white guy on it, I said "I guarantee you would have never came up to me even prior to my pregnancies, b/c I was still 50lbs. heavier than I am now!" We laughed, and he said "You're right!" He then said it's not only a lack of physical attraction, but that he thinks maybe there is something mentally wrong with the overweight girl, that she doesn't value her health or is lazy about becoming slimmer. It was HILARIOUS. I said, "Well, nothing wrong with me mentally, I just grew up with pasta, pizza, and fried chicken cutlets! hahaahha!"

    I'm so happy that I found a man who loved me pre-weight loss size. He comes from a family that also loves food, and has healthy women in it that embrace all sizes. Good men are out there, you just have to find them through family, at a library, at the grocery store lol, not in a shallow atmosphere.

    [/quote]

    What a fabulous attitude!!! And good advice: atmosphere makes a big difference.

    I don't believe in blanket statements like "all men are superficial" because they aren't - I have met a lot of women much more superficial than most men. I think it goes back to the atmosphere: if you meet a man in a bar who is just there to look for hot chicks, then yes, you are probably going to meet a superficial man.
  • Me4me68
    Me4me68 Posts: 19
    It's probably not only due to your weight. As you've been taking better care of yourself, your attitude, self-confidence and the way you dress have also all probably cahnged. Some of the response you are getting is to these changes as well.

    Ditto! The way u think and feel will radiate magnetically, and men and woman are drawn to the positivity! Keep it up!:)
  • trishlambert
    trishlambert Posts: 213 Member
    I agree with many of the observations here. Yes, halo effect. Yes, the change in appearance DOES bring about changes in interactions with both men and women.

    I had a similar experience re: my hair color. I had let my hair go gray naturally, and have only been coloring it a couple of years now. I have seen a big change in how people (especially my clients) relate to me. I expect to see a similar thing when I've lost close to the 60 lbs I'm targeting (10 down, 50 to go!).

    One other thing: Biologically speaking, it's been well established that men's brains are much more visually oriented than women's. I'm betting that many of the men who are treating women who have slimmed down differently aren't doing so consciously or because they're shallow. It's a part of how they are physiologically built.
  • kimmerroze
    kimmerroze Posts: 1,330 Member
    I am going to stand up for the guys here... Its nothing but basic instinct just like it is for Women.... We want someone healthy and Fit....

    There is not a women out there that would rank a 500 pound guy as sexier and more desirable over george clooney (personal fav,) or Jake gyllenhal, or brad pit, or johnny depp, or any of the celebrity heart throbs out there...

    same goes for men, they want the J-lo's or the Angelina Jolie's

    Now with that said, women are genetically more compassionate so that gives them the upper hand in looking past physical appearance better than guys. Which explains why guys don't have to wear makeup and women do. and guys clothes are baggy where as girls clothes are form fitting... its party of the male psychee. We cant knock that...

    My mother always told me, to be the person that your future husband/boyfriend/partner would want, I want the "jake gyllenhal" for lack of better words, so by gollie, I am going to strive to be the "amy adams/angelina jolie."

    Fit healthy able to do the things that he likes to do...
  • marji4x
    marji4x Posts: 144 Member
    Yaknowww......it's sad to hear about and I hate when people do it but I find myself judging others by outward appearances and it makes one realize how terribly human we all are.
  • juleseybaby
    juleseybaby Posts: 712 Member
    Even the typical male infatuation with large breasts is obviously based on the fact that they promise excellent nutrition for her offspring."

    Just a side note...

    As a 'well endowed' woman that did offer nutrition to 2 of my beautiful children - I can tell you that size has absolutely NO effect on the quality or quantity of the nutrition. I produced HORRIBLY for the first and GREAT for the second. :-)
  • Tangerine302
    Tangerine302 Posts: 1,509 Member
    I find I have the opposite problem, only with women. I made friends easier with women 25 pounds ago. Now that I am thin it is almost like they turn their nose up at me - unless it is a woman that is thin. I find it odd.

    As a thin person I feel the same way sometimes about other women. It's like you have to try so much harder and be so much more friendlier all the time. The ones you don't have to do that to are the ones you find that are confident in themselves no matter what size they are. They are usually the most friendly. I don't go by size and they shouldn't either I guess is the way I think about it.
  • eeeekie
    eeeekie Posts: 1,011 Member
    Even the typical male infatuation with large breasts is obviously based on the fact that they promise excellent nutrition for her offspring."

    Just a side note...

    As a 'well endowed' woman that did offer nutrition to 2 of my beautiful children - I can tell you that size has absolutely NO effect on the quality or quantity of the nutrition. I produced HORRIBLY for the first and GREAT for the second. :-)

    The perception of large breasts being able to produce milk is just that...perception. I was quoting some reading material.
  • 123456654321
    123456654321 Posts: 1,311 Member

    Which explains why guys don't have to wear makeup and women do.

    We do?
  • loro1971
    loro1971 Posts: 135
    WOW!! im not saying this isnt a fact or not, as i am not there to witness who you deal with. i do believe that your own positve/negative energy might reflect some of that. if you are not feeling great about yourself, maybe people noticed that?? head up/shoulders back/better dressed/ smiling/ new hair/ new clothes/ not tired etc...???? i have also heard that as you get a better feeling about yourself and start to lose weight/dress better... WOMEN will start treating you worse.... WORSE! LIKE YOU ARE COMPETITION!!??!! so all i can say is surround yourself with good positive people and do what is best for you! now that you feel more positive about your outside DO NOT let anger or ugliness fill you up with others actions and just remember how people have made you feel when you didnt feel treated like you would have wanted and NEVER do that to someone else..( SORRY FOR MY PUNCTUATION.. I HAVE A BROKEN ARM):flowerforyou: SENDING POSITIVE VIBES YOUR WAY!!!!
  • live2smyle
    live2smyle Posts: 592 Member
    Women have always been weird rude snobbish and mean to me. I have 4 women friends in real life. There spread out all over the Country sucks. I never could make friends with chicks...For some reason they always thought I wanted their man :/ Get real hun hes not that great of a catch *sigh*

    I always hung out with guys because of this...then the girls would get pissed and the cycle continued. Even in adult hood I find women to be caddy and mean. Im soooo not interested. I will happily grab a bud light sit on the couch and watch the football game tyvm :)
  • anulle2009
    anulle2009 Posts: 580 Member
    I personally feel that all people have their moments of shallowness not just men. I think it just really all depends. Though I dont think we can deny the fact that being in better shape may make the opposite sex look at us more. when i intially dropped tons of weight it was like that, but also too i believe i was more confident also in myself! I had more self esteem that I finally got the nerve to dump a bf that was just HORRIABLE to me.
  • AnneGenevieveS
    AnneGenevieveS Posts: 441 Member
    that happened to me growing up as a "fat" kid. Lost weight in my teens and boys started talking to me. I was like, "excuse, me if you wouldn't be nice to me before, I certainly don't want to talk to you now!"

    My nice husband has loved me through fatness and thinness. He is a person who sees me for who I really am.

    I know its nice to get the attention, but those people don't really care about you for who you are. Its sad. Wish most men could see through what is on the outside, as far as (if nothing else!) just being kind to larger girls.

    Not all men are like that though.
  • shreddingit
    shreddingit Posts: 1,133 Member
    Its natural.. z
  • peteyTwang
    peteyTwang Posts: 250
    EXACTLY! take some responsibility for _yourself_
    - - -

    The behaviour described isn't a 'gender' trait - it's a 'people' trait and not necessarily shallow or bad, either.
    When you start caring about your health and body all kinds of changes happen...
    "recent studies have designated the "contagion effect" of obesity, which suggests that people who have fat friends are more likely to gain weight too..."

    see: http://healthland.time.com/2011/04/20/why-seeing-overweight-people-makes-us-eat-more-not-less/

    Which explains why guys don't have to wear makeup and women do.

    We do?
  • peteyTwang
    peteyTwang Posts: 250
    Oops...double posted and you can't delete posts...so I'll just add a little...
    PS: I got exactly same treatment from (most) women that you have described and attributed to men :)
  • MissKMN
    MissKMN Posts: 119
    I guess I'm alone in this, but having been extremely thin before and being extreeeemely overweight now, I can say that people actually treat me better OVERALL as a heavy person. And I'll admit, I get hit on significantly less but since that isn't my priority...I'm a little terrified of the repurcussions of losing so much weight. I find it incredibly easy to make friends as a heavier woman, and even better, at work I am the happy but professional girl that isn't viewed as much of a threat.

    For some reason, professionally, people (especially women) view thin women as more of a threat to their job or status or title, or man...and can be pretty judgy. Men, in general, treat me like an equal and a professional instead of a piece of meat.

    I'm not saying this is like this for everyone or is gender specific but, I know that for me personally, the difference has been DRASTIC and in the opposite way someone might think.
  • bellinachuchina
    bellinachuchina Posts: 498 Member
    Women are shallow. Fact :P

    Fixed it for you

    Women do all the things that men have been accused of doing on this thread.

    Not nearly as openly & often as the machismos :laugh:

    So, women are shallow and sneaky - much better. :tongue:


    Yes. :flowerforyou:
  • gailosborne
    gailosborne Posts: 435
    I think for the reasons (the good, bad and whatever) previously and thoroughly discussed - I'd agree men tend to show more interest in you when you are a healthy weight! I know this works the other way round aswel!

    I don't think I have noticed generally that people treat me differently though, except for some nasty women and I really didn't expect that!

    ,,,,and to end on a really positive note,,,I think dating can suck if you are fat/thin/male/ female whatever!!!
  • Marcus_E
    Marcus_E Posts: 124
    Firstly, there's so many comments here I'd like to quote, but here's one that sums up a good response
    The behaviour described isn't a 'gender' trait - it's a 'people' trait and not necessarily shallow or bad, either.

    The one aspect that annoys me, as a bloke, is that when someone makes a genuine observation, that it is traditionally a woman that is likely to make the first derogatory comment such as 'men are shallow' or 'men are like pumpkins' (actually that one was quite funny).. You rarely see a man respond with comments like this, we tend to show a bit more decorum - which to an extent should highlight who is quicker to make judgement / comments.

    In response though, people in general react to others differently in all circles of life. This could be through education, understanding etc, but also a general lack of common sense. As a bloke that has been bigger, I can guarantee that I was treated very differently by women in the past and as I lost weight, those same women treated me differently again. It wasn't necessarily about looks / image , it was general attitude, demeanor, presentation, confidence etc. A general air of change appeals to many other people.

    I believe that this is what both sexes look for in potential partners, friends, colleagues, associates etc. When I was at my biggest, I wasn't confident, I didn't feel motivated or attracted/attractive, I had a lazy attitude and this does carry across. Different circles of people look at different aspects.. This is, unfortunately, human nature. We all judge each other, as much as some may say they don't - I can guarantee that at some point, they have.

    And then the next old age issue - maybe it also seems more prevalent, because men approach women more and therefore the stigma is that it continually happens and unfortunately there are a minority of men that give the gender a bad rap..

    To end my rambling - what happened to sometimes just accepting an advance or a compliment versus looking back and making comparisons. The past has happened, it can not be changed. We live for today only, so chose those around you as though it were your last day... :)

    - Geez I think I bored myself with all that.. haha :)
  • zeeeb
    zeeeb Posts: 805 Member
    i agree, men and women are often shallow.

    i noticed it bad, because i've never been huge before, and after I had kids, i felt like i got treated like cr@p because I was so big. i found it hard to make friends (due to my insecurities), felt no confidence going for a job interview etc.

    so it's half and half.

    you have less confidence, and people treat fat people bad.

    i have more confidence now, and i feel that i am commanding more respect from people rather than just getting it because i'm not as fat.
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