Too skinny for him....but not for me ;(

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rockinbettygrl
rockinbettygrl Posts: 17 Member
in Motivation and Support
I know someone else must be having this problem....
My husband told me today that not only does he think I am obsessed with "my weight loss journey"....but also that he thinks I would look unhealthy at my goal weight. I am 5'3" and I weigh 143.0 right now....no where near unhealthy skinny or anything. I am 13 lbs away from my goal weight of 130. I am sooooo close! He thinks that my frame is " built larger" ( I have always been curvy in all the right areas...get my drift?) I wonder if he perhaps prefers larger women.....I was 189 when we met and started dating. He is not angry with me, and has brough this to my attention in an "up for discusion" sort of way...( he's not a jerk who has like demanded I stop what I'm doing or he's leaving or anything.....I dont want anyone to get the wrong impression of him). My real problem is that I just feel that I am sooooo close to my goal and I really want to get there!!!!! ....but I dont want to create a problem in my marriage...or frankly, in my bedroom....wich has already kind of started. When I started this he was REALLY supportive and even started losing with me...he is in the military and very active so this is not like we no longer have being heavy in common or anything. About 10 lbs ago I asked him if he thought I was getting to thin...he aswered with," babe you are ultimate beauty to me...I dont care how large or small you get...." I beleive his feelings of concern for my mental health, and my figure, to be strongly felt by him or he would not of said anything......
HELP!
ADVICE PLEASE!!!!!!!
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Replies

  • gummy09
    gummy09 Posts: 1
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    i get this alott to from guys but im like 131 pounds
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
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    Talk about all the interesting things you can do now that you are more fit (re: bedroom things...). That'll get his attention :)
  • xraychick77
    xraychick77 Posts: 1,775 Member
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    i am 5'2" and i weigh 120 ish now. i used to weigh 140 and was not happy with my apperance. i am still not totally happy, as i have flab still, but i am looking to build muscle so i'll look fit, not skinny fat.

    i know sometimes people may have issue with your fitness because they feel threatened. does he work out with you? at lot of the times people will think you are getting skinny and you'll look good so you wont want them anymore.
  • rockinbettygrl
    rockinbettygrl Posts: 17 Member
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    i am 5'2" and i weigh 120 ish now. i used to weigh 140 and was not happy with my apperance. i am still not totally happy, as i have flab still, but i am looking to build muscle so i'll look fit, not skinny fat.

    i know sometimes people may have issue with your fitness because they feel threatened. does he work out with you? at lot of the times people will think you are getting skinny and you'll look good so you wont want them anymore.
    He does workout with me and he knows that there is no one in the world I'd rather be with....I honestly don't think that's the problem....
  • gabbygirl37_2001
    gabbygirl37_2001 Posts: 93 Member
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    My husband will make comments, like....lose all you want, but don't lose your butt or boobs. lol. So...men like curves, that obvious! But another thing comes into play which is the fact that when you get skinnier, more men look at you. Is your husband the jealous type? Just a thought. The other thing, maybe he really does just like a little extra padding on you. Who knows, maybe this is all so new to him, that he hasnt adjusted yet. Give him time, he'll get use to it, and learn to love the new you!
  • squishycow7
    squishycow7 Posts: 820 Member
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    I had a past bf who said similar things... I think he DID like a little chub, but, honestly it's YOUR body, and if you're more comfortable at a lower weight, he should be supportive! As long as you're happy and healthy, I don't think his judgement is anything to worry about. If things are slacking in other areas of the relationship as a result, that would make him shallow, right? :) I'm sure you'll work it out. Sometimes it's just hard to picture the person you love any differently as they are, because you do love them. OR, maybe he just plain old wants you to feel beautiful and unpressured about your weight loss! And that's super sweet.

    I'm rambling, but I hope it helped.
  • Jcat52643
    Jcat52643 Posts: 16 Member
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    A lot of people start to feel insecure when their significant other loses weight and gets fit. I'm not sure that there is much you can do about it except to reassure them and just let them wait it out to see for themselves that they are not going to lose you to someone more attractive. I say 130 lbs is perfectly reasonable for your height and you should not compromise your goal especially when something like your health is concerned. I'm not expert though. I wish you the best.
  • sinclare
    sinclare Posts: 369 Member
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    maybe he's insecure that you will look so hot that other guys will be after you...?

    if he told you though that he would love you any way you looked, I wouldn't worry too much. You got yourself a keeper there, buy some new lingerie and show off!
  • HelenTheKitchen
    HelenTheKitchen Posts: 383
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    PLEASE don't take this offensively, I am saying this from the point of view of someone who has been there. Have you ever considered a session or two of marriage counseling? Sometimes in these situations it's a really good idea to get a third party in there. It doesn't mean your marriage is failing or anything like that, I've gone with my husband a few times here and there and it's always helped. Just a suggestion. Best of luck!
  • Mistykelly
    Mistykelly Posts: 47 Member
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    I would be happy you have a supportive husband who loves you unconditionally. Unfortunately how he feels about you does not change how you feel about you. Personally I would maybe back off the hard core dieting a little and maybe stop giving him details and take the last 13 lbs slow. My husband sometimes just gets sick of me dieting and would like to see me splurge, so if me eating ice cream with him will help the peace in the house.... poor me:} It is a hard one, and everyone's husband is different, everyone's situation is different. Good luck!
  • crystal_sapphire
    crystal_sapphire Posts: 1,205 Member
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    I think you need to follow your own goal and discuss with him why it's important to you. is there a chance he's a bit insecure about your weight loss?
  • llm12
    llm12 Posts: 49
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    You aren't alone! My fiance is the same way. When we first met, I was sitting around 165lbs. Now, I am at 141, and loving it! However, he has become concerned that I am going to get "too skinny." He says that he doesn't want me to look like I "need to eat a sandwich." Now, don't get me wrong, he is an amazing man. We have a great life and are very happy together. We had a talk about this issue, andI told him that I am going to continue to exercise and get fit. Our deal is that if he ever thinks I'm getting close to the point of "needing a sandwich" we will talk. Until then, he has agreed to be happy for me and how far I have come. Ultimately, I think your significant other should love and support you regardless of size. If this isn't possible, then maybe the relationship should be reconsidered.
  • rockinbettygrl
    rockinbettygrl Posts: 17 Member
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    Totaly not the jealous type at all gals.....trust me, the absolute right amount of caring and understanding in our relationship.
    the big question is, " do I keep going and reach my goal, or do I stop now cause I know it might make him happy?"
  • RunChinni
    RunChinni Posts: 149 Member
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    I am 5'7" and weigh 135 now. My hubby is on a weight loss journey too. I was skinnier when I first met him. And I did put on some weight after we got married, you know, the newly happily married weight gain.
    He does tell me that I look skinny now. He probably got used to the chub. But his skinny comment comes from me not having alot of lean muscle.
    I am sure he isn't threatened by you. He's probably concerned about you focusing too much on your weight loss. I understand you are close to your goal. But 140 at 5'3" is a very healthy weight. All you need to do is convince him that you aren't obsessing with the weight loss. And do give him time to adjust to the change in you. I doubt it's jealousy.
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
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    Totaly not the jealous type at all gals.....trust me, the absolute right amount of caring and understanding in our relationship.
    the big question is, " do I keep going and reach my goal, or do I stop now cause I know it might make him happy?"

    I think you should find out specifically what his concerns are and go from there. Is he worried you'll lose your curves? Is he worried that you're overdo'ing it? Try to talk it out with him and get down to the heart of it.
  • rockinbettygrl
    rockinbettygrl Posts: 17 Member
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    WOW! Already getting some absolutly great feedback and advice on here!!!!! Thank you so very much!
  • b00b0084
    b00b0084 Posts: 729 Member
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    It has ben statistically proven that men prefer curvy women over rail thin women. yet women seem to think that they have to be rail thin to be found attractive by a man.
  • hroush
    hroush Posts: 2,073 Member
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    My wife is saying very similar things. I still have a stomach that I can't seem to get rid of. The funny thing is that she loves to rub her hands over my muscles, which are even easier for her to feel and she also likes to play with my collar bones. She wants it both ways! I am currently weight training with the hopes of getting my strength back and hopefully get rid of this stomach.

    Have you had your body fat % taken? It could be that you are currently at your healthy body weight for your body type. I have big bones and muscular, so I will always be "overweight" according to the BMI scale, which is perfectly fine by me.
  • savannahgro
    savannahgro Posts: 113 Member
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    I am 5'3 and have reached 130(.8!) I started MFP at 147, so we are kind of in the same boat. Not being a tall person at all, you lose your curves easier when going from that to this. The only thing I had going for me was my bum and I've lost a good portion of it (but not my crumby thighs!) So, if he's into your curves, and that's what he finds sexy, I could see why he'd be concerned with you losing more weight. I believe for a 5'3 woman 141 is in the healthy range for BMI. Maybe you should make this your next goal. Tone up and go from there? See how you both feel. Ultimately, I'd say go for what makes you happy but if you can find a happy, healthy medium- why not try it and have two happy, healthy people =)
  • etroupe
    etroupe Posts: 54
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    I have had a similar problem but my hubby kept mum about it. It was family members that kept telling me that I looked too thin and was I really trying to loose anymore weight. I am 5'4 and currently weight 135 lbs, my goal was to get to 130 but after going shopping and catching a look at myself in a mirror outside of my home I realize maybe 130 isn't a good idea for me. In my home my 135 looks all tummy and thighs, I can find all sorts of areas that required me to get to 130 but when I caught a look at myself in a carsons department mirror as I was trying on a size 7 juniors dress(still a little big) see side photo. I realize that that was it for me. I am now focusing on building muscle..If I loose a few pounds while in the process its not big deal but in the mean time my focus is not on loosing weight but to maintain an to build muscle.. while you are on the journey through this next 13lbs try getting out and trying on clothes outside of your house.. keep an eye you how you see yourself and when you reach that comfortable place you will know when enough is enough... congrats on your loss so far : )

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