advice needed!

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  • Mamapengu
    Mamapengu Posts: 250
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    I'm sorry you're getting beat up over this- what you describe is very very difficult. I have been friends with people who have become mentally ill in the past and it is very hard. Honestly, in high school my best friend engaged in some very dangerous activity and later I learned that she was not well, all I felt at the time was the push/pull of the relationship and it became too much for me. We stopped seeing each other after graduation, years later we spoke and agreed that 1- she tried to both use me and get from me what I was too immature and experienced to give, and 2- she needed/wanted others to help her identify what was wrong with her, as scared as she was of it, because she felt trapped by her own behavior but never understood them. You are being a friend by being there, but you do need to set up some limits of what behavior is acceptable or not- that does not mean you have to walk away, but let her know where the line of acceptable and unacceptable is. She needs professional help, I know you know this, but even if she won't go that is where her family should be coming in. Sit down with her family let them know and let them know she really needs help before she permanently damages her body or dies. You are not the professional and you can not give her all the help in this area that she needs. Her family can talk to her doctor, they can have a psych eval done without her agreeing to it if it is endangering her life.
    I hope that helps just a little bit. Do things for yourself because you are a lovely person. Get some other friends around you who you enjoy being with, too.
  • barbsus1991
    barbsus1991 Posts: 46 Member
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    Theres more to it than the original post, as i explained, now if you need to sit here and argue over the internet to make you life more interesting then so be it, i shall leave to to it (and quite frankly i feel sorry for you). Thank you to everyone who has given proper advice and tried to understand.

    I'm sorry the thread has been derailed. Hopefully you were able to find some advice to consider before things were diverted.

    It is very difficult to maintain friendships with people who are not yet ready to fully participate in their own recovery. I've been there too.

    But I don't think it's unreasonable to expect your friend to call and cancel when she can't keep a social date, no matter why she can't keep it.

    Thanks, Ive spoken to her since i posted and explained that i want to be supportive but find it harder to do so when i feel like the whole thing is one sided. She agrees she should in future let me know when she cant keep to plans we have made. Were going to go back to the doctor next week, because last time they just fobbed her off with some group, which she couldn't attend because of work, hopefully this time they will be more helpful.
  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
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    Theres more to it than the original post, as i explained, now if you need to sit here and argue over the internet to make you life more interesting then so be it, i shall leave to to it (and quite frankly i feel sorry for you). Thank you to everyone who has given proper advice and tried to understand.

    Yes, YOU had to come on the Internet for ADVICE...that is SAD. When You get some advice that You do not like, You cry about it. From what YOU Originally said, to Me, You are a bad friend...No Not a Friend at all. You come off as more interested in being texted back, knowing that your friend is binging and purging. You said you knew what she was doing, she has done it before. From what YOU SAID, your priorities seem out of place or mixed up. REMEMBER: YOU put your "stuff" on the Internet, think twice the next time, you may actually get advice from honest, emotionally mature people>>>like Me.
  • Dawntodusk
    Dawntodusk Posts: 262 Member
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    Theres more to it than the original post, as i explained, now if you need to sit here and argue over the internet to make you life more interesting then so be it, i shall leave to to it (and quite frankly i feel sorry for you). Thank you to everyone who has given proper advice and tried to understand.

    Yes, YOU had to come on the Internet for ADVICE...that is SAD. When You get some advice that You do not like, You cry about it. From what YOU Originally said, to Me, You are a bad friend...No Not a Friend at all. You come off as more interested in being texted back, knowing that your friend is binging and purging. You said you knew what she was doing, she has done it before. From what YOU SAID, your priorities seem out of place or mixed up. REMEMBER: YOU put your "stuff" on the Internet, think twice the next time, you may actually get advice from honest, emotionally mature people>>>like Me.

    More honesty: You are a bully and need to get some help.
  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
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    Theres more to it than the original post, as i explained, now if you need to sit here and argue over the internet to make you life more interesting then so be it, i shall leave to to it (and quite frankly i feel sorry for you). Thank you to everyone who has given proper advice and tried to understand.

    Yes, YOU had to come on the Internet for ADVICE...that is SAD. When You get some advice that You do not like, You cry about it. From what YOU Originally said, to Me, You are a bad friend...No Not a Friend at all. You come off as more interested in being texted back, knowing that your friend is binging and purging. You said you knew what she was doing, she has done it before. From what YOU SAID, your priorities seem out of place or mixed up. REMEMBER: YOU put your "stuff" on the Internet, think twice the next time, you may actually get advice from honest, emotionally mature people>>>like Me.

    More honesty: You are a bully and need to get some help.
    No, you are an Emotionally Immature 49 yr old woman who don't even get what this 20 yr old "woman" is saying, nor do you get that there is a "Culture" of eating disorder among this age group and that they keep it a secret among themselves, and in fact they think it is OK. READ what the Original Poster said...PLEASE! She says that SHE, also had/s an eating disorder so she knows what is going on with her friend. This is why young people are so confused and unhappy, "Adults" like You MISLEAD them. The problem is that from an EMOTIONAL perspective YOU are her age or Younger.
  • Atlantique
    Atlantique Posts: 2,484 Member
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    Theres more to it than the original post, as i explained, now if you need to sit here and argue over the internet to make you life more interesting then so be it, i shall leave to to it (and quite frankly i feel sorry for you). Thank you to everyone who has given proper advice and tried to understand.

    I'm sorry the thread has been derailed. Hopefully you were able to find some advice to consider before things were diverted.

    It is very difficult to maintain friendships with people who are not yet ready to fully participate in their own recovery. I've been there too.

    But I don't think it's unreasonable to expect your friend to call and cancel when she can't keep a social date, no matter why she can't keep it.

    Thanks, Ive spoken to her since i posted and explained that i want to be supportive but find it harder to do so when i feel like the whole thing is one sided. She agrees she should in future let me know when she cant keep to plans we have made. Were going to go back to the doctor next week, because last time they just fobbed her off with some group, which she couldn't attend because of work, hopefully this time they will be more helpful.

    Glad that the conversation seems to have gone well!

    Most of the friends I've known who suffered with eating disorders needed to try more than one program to find one that 'clicked'. Maybe it was the program, maybe it was that they were more ready to really work on recovery. But it took most of them more than one try to find success.

    Hope that things go well next week!
  • joanndixon
    joanndixon Posts: 11
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    hi ya,
    i agree, your friend does need to be texting you back not only to just cancel your dates you have made but to also put your mind at rest cos god knows whats racing through your head when she has failed to turn up. So yes i do agree you are not asking to much for her to text you and i see your friendship is in question here but what some people here are failing to notice is that she isn't being a good friend by not texting 1. to let you know she isn't coming and 2. to give you peace of mind, she knows, you know about her illness so you would think she would have some consideration and text or phone!

    I'd say give your friend some time about her disorder tell her you will be here to support her but you will not be her emotional punching bag, don't always bang on about it but listen when she chooses to talk and state your opinions clearly. Its great that you are going to the doctors with her and helping her with her family but remember you have your self and your family to take care of too. That's not being selfish, it's being real hope it helps a little and yes you are being a fantastic friend by asking for advice online cos sometimes others know what you do not :)
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
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    4) Do not attack/slam/insult other users. The forums are here so that members can help support one another. Attacks or insults against each other takes away from the supportive atmosphere and will not be tolerated. You can discuss the message or topic, but not the messenger - NO EXCEPTIONS. If you are attacked by another user, and you reciprocate, YOU will also be subject to the same consequences. Defending yourself, defending a friend, etc. are NOT excuses. Violations of this rule are taken very seriously and may result in being banned without warning! If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

    I am locking this thread without sending a warning to anyone this time. Please be civil and abide by the MFP Forum rules.

    Thank You,

    Arewethereyet
    MFP Forum Moderator
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