A B*tchy Rant - not for the easily offended 'cuz I might be

Title: A B*itchy Rant - not for easily offended 'cuz I might be talking about you.

I didn't know which thread to post this on, but this seemed reasonable.

I am afraid this is going to come off as sounding b*tchy, and I don't mean it to be. I'm equally annoyed, mystified, and troubled by a trend I've been noticing both here and in my real life.

First, I am proud to say that yes, I have indeed lost a LOT of weight.

Second, it was not easy and it did not happen overnight.

Third, I struggle with my inner demons and weight-issues EVERY HOUR of EVERY DAY. While it does get more routine, it is NEVER easy. There is not an end to my healthy lifestyle. It's not a diet. It's a series of choices that I make every single day.

Fourth, there is no "secret." It's calories out have to exceed calories in. There are some strategies that work better than others to achieve this. Everyone has to find their best fit. Mine is typically homemade, planned, natural meals. I personally found I also have to move everyday, even if it's just for 15 minutes.

Fifth, weight loss did not solve all my problems. In fact, it created some - and created some issues with certain relationships. Not all my friends and family have hung around for my transformation. And, it's an ongoing transformation - - - I'm sure I will lose more than the last 50 pounds. Before I found my best friend (my boyfriend) and we started our now 5-year relationship, I had men tell me I was too fat, too thin, or too-something-else. Well, they are exes for a reason.

Sixth, I believe in surrounding yourself with people that can encourage and support you. That let you make your own mistakes, but that are always looking out for your best interests. I don't allow saboteurs to remain in my inner circle for long.

Seventh, being selfish and putting myself first is one of the most important tenets I live by. I want to give to others and make those around me happier, but not at the expense of MY happiness, health, or life. When I take time for me, I find I have much more quality time for everyone else. This is an unwavering belief that I refuse to sacrifice. I only wish I had learned this about 20 years earlier.

Eighth, I refuse to conform to others' definition of health. F* the BMI charts. F* the insurance plans weight categories. F* societies' images of beauty. I'm strong, my bloodwork has normalized, I'd still like to lose 50 pounds, but I'm healthy. And I'm getting better and better every day.

Ninth, because it bears repeating: THERE IS NO SECRET. Weight loss and maintenance is time-consuming. It is not time-limited. It's forever. For those who want to learn healthier habits, there is a wealth of resources at your fingertips. MFP is one. The web is another - you can find wonderful, healthy living information everyone. There are classes to take, journals to read. To be successful, I think it's important to eschew being passive. Get involved. Take the reigns. Be accountable and actively seek out more information to arm yourself.

Tenth, I have no tolerance for self-delusion, self-lies, or negativity. I realize healthy lifestyles are very personal and everyone must find what works for them... but I am SO TIRED of reading "good job!" and "WTG's!" for fluff. I know everyone isn't looking for a critique, so I don't say ANYTHING on these occasions. But really? Are people just not invested and handing out casual kudos to cross it off their list of to-dos? Or do people really believe someone who logs 300 calories for their daily calorie intake is doing a good job? Do people really think applause is in order for someone who eats fast food all day, but somehow manages to stay under a 2000 calorie quota? Am I just being too critical? Well, I don't think so. So, I'll keep doing what I'm doing - and NOT commenting on these type of information. My mother used to say, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. So, to be really honest, the people that tear others down publicly on the boards or on profiles when people DO log that they ate fast food all day... are just as bad. I don't really have time for either type of folks.

<deep breath> As I reread this, I realize I'm ranting. It was a series of events that prompted this. Recently, I saw a colleague for the first time in about 5 years. She was shocked at how I looked and couldn't stop asking "how did you do it?" Yet she was never satisfied with the very simple answer. After that, I received no less than 16 queries online about the secret to my success. I really don't mind the question, and I'm happy to help when I can.... I want to be supportive... but about the 7th time I started writing a response.... I started to wonder.... "What do YOU think is the secret?"

Every morning, I have to self-talk myself into being active and making good food choices. Some days I succeed wildly, other days I fail miserably. The support I receive on MFP is invaluable - it keeps me going. As I said, this is not a quick fix. While my BF is wonderful, he does not understand food issues and is blessed with the metabolism of a gnat. He doesn't understand food-crazy. So, I cherish each of my buddies. And I cherish the community and support I receive. I hope I can continue being a support to others. But... there is no magic, there is no secret. It's just sweat, a few tears, a ton of planning, and a lot of determination.

Thank you for listening.
D.