Offended people because I didn't take a chocolate

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clariemoo
clariemoo Posts: 34 Member
in Motivation and Support
I just got some dirty and wtf type of looks cause I said no to the free piece of chocolate with the coffee I ordered ... the people behind the counter stared at me like I was an alien and were like "omg but its free!!!!!" . What is it with the obligation to eat something cause its free ? Its that
type of mentality that caused me to overeat/gain weight in the first place and that I had to unlearn per say and learn how to say No to food (which was tough).

I also hurt one of my friends feelings cause I refused a cookie from her once ...

Have you guys ever offended people due to that ? Have you even hurt relationships or how do you even respond?
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Replies

  • refuseresist
    refuseresist Posts: 934 Member
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    People offend me all the time by offering me food. Its only fair to return the favour
  • loopingcaterpillar
    loopingcaterpillar Posts: 157 Member
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    my friends want me to drink with them. i've quit as of now as the calories aren't worth it, so they're gonna be confused and annoyed :D
  • BrianSharpe
    BrianSharpe Posts: 9,248 Member
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    If they're really your friends they'll support your efforts, as to what the folks behind the counter at a coffee shop think.....who cares, they're strangers.
  • cherys
    cherys Posts: 387 Member
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    Their offense is temporary. It isn't important. Let it waft over you. (Though if a friend has baked, I think it would be polite to say why rather than just refuse as she might think you don't like her cooking!)

    These days I spend far more time with friends who want to go for a run or a walk up the hill than ones who want to meet to eat cake or guzzle wine. Still see the wine and cake guzzlers (they are close friends) too but not as often, and am going to work round to walking with them instead of sitting.
  • goodasgoldilox165
    goodasgoldilox165 Posts: 333 Member
    edited October 2014
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    I don't worry about refusing (or leaving) food in cafes etc. but am careful when offered food by people I know. I understand that for many, the giving of food is also an offering of love.

    Refusing food offered like this -even when the refusal is explained- leaves the feeling that something much more important has been turned down.

    Not everything in life is rational - feelings matter!

    Luckily, we all have a good week's allowance of calories to use up and many opportunities to exercise and earn a few more, so accepting the occasional specially-baked biscuit (cookie) or slice of cake isn't going to sink an eating plan. (If whole pies and boxes of chocolates are given - my rule is to share the love as far and wide as possible!)
  • eldamiano
    eldamiano Posts: 2,667 Member
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    Yeah. My best friend didnt speak to me for a year because I didnt take her last Rolo. She got over it though.
  • Fit_Happens_2021
    Fit_Happens_2021 Posts: 303 Member
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    I have a constant struggle with this issue at work. I started a new job in an office where they have a kitchen right in the next room and employees often cook, like 3-4 times a week, pancakes, hash browns, large batches of cookies, and the boss brings a huge box of doughnuts in 2-3 times a week.

    People have noticed I am not eating these things. I absolutely don't mind at all that they are there, it doesn't bother me to smell them, and I don't even like most of the things, but I have noticed them getting more and more pushy about offering it to me and looking curious when I don't eat it.

    This year I have some health concerns, serious ones, that I don't want to share with them and I am following my doctor's recommendations, and yet I look thin in my work clothes so there are comments made here and there frequently such as 'oh Amanda you are so tiny, why don't you want to try some? It isn't going to hurt your diet you know!' I really hope they don't think I have an ED. So anyway, I totally get where you are coming from it can be difficult.
  • dunnodunno
    dunnodunno Posts: 2,290 Member
    edited October 2014
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    If they're really close friends or family you could sit them down and explain that while you appreciate their offer that the cookie, piece of chocolate, or any other food might not fit into your calorie goal for the day or macros.

    You don't have to completely refuse free food for the rest of your life, but learn how to make it fit into your daily calorie goal.
  • refuseresist
    refuseresist Posts: 934 Member
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    Even if I do want the food, I usually don't accept it when other people offer. No one decides what I eat and when. I decide.
  • cherys
    cherys Posts: 387 Member
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    Amanda Brit - the office culture of eating is weird, isn't it? In my thirties I was naturally very slim and healthy. I never ate except when I was hungry. One of my colleagues told me she thought I kept going off for hospital visits (I was pregnant with twins but too early to announce) because I had an eating disorder! Her reason was that she'd never seen me eat the cakes and biscuits that were constantly on offer in the staff kitchen.
  • amusedmonkey
    amusedmonkey Posts: 10,330 Member
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    goodasgoldilox wrote: »
    I don't worry about refusing (or leaving) food in cafes etc. but am careful when offered food by people I know. I understand that for many, the giving of food is also an offering of love.

    Refusing food offered like this -even when the refusal is explained- leaves the feeling that something much more important has been turned down.

    Not everything in life is rational - feelings matter!

    Luckily, we all have a good week's allowance of calories to use up and many opportunities to exercise and earn a few more, so accepting the occasional specially-baked biscuit (cookie) or slice of cake isn't going to sink an eating plan. (If whole pies and boxes of chocolates are given - my rule is to share the love as far and wide as possible!)

    +1

    Let's be real there. It's alright to be all "It's my choice and other people have no business offering me food if I don't want it" if that works for you, but we live in a world that has other people in it.

    Alienating ourselves from the world just because we eat differently now is socially stressful for us and for the host. I would have taken the cookie/chocolate and thanked whoever offered it with a smile, then if I didn't want to eat it I would just wrap it in a tissue and put it in my bag.

    You have to understand that if you plan on maintaining after you reach your goal you will face many different social situations that you need to learn to navigate around. You can solve them all by just saying "*kitten* it, I don't care what other people think", and that's an option, or you can learn to adapt to each situation in a way that does not make you the grinch.

  • refuseresist
    refuseresist Posts: 934 Member
    edited October 2014
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    Ho HO HO
    grinch.png
  • sherambler
    sherambler Posts: 303 Member
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    It's so easy to offend people when you don't take the food they've offered, particularly if that person is supposed to be "the cook of the office" or something. There's no easy way to deal with it unfortunately. Even if you're super open with them and divulge that you're trying to lose weight, which you shouldn't have to, many people will still make the offers. I just try to be polite as I can or I make up an excuse. I tell people I don't like cake or I'm allergic to chocolate or I'm lactose intolerant. Nothing bores people more than allergy/medical talk, so they just walk away.
  • Maryam2014mfp
    Maryam2014mfp Posts: 174
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    If they are going to be rude, just note that your body cannot tolerate chocolate. For me, I'm allergic to chocolate; so I can say so; but no one needs to know why you "can't tolerate" it. Then let them think what they want; but ultimately you shouldn't be forced to eat or made to feel bad for not eating anything. Take care :)
  • cgvoabc
    cgvoabc Posts: 18 Member
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    I was raised to be polite ALL...THE...TIME. My wife hates that about me. I'd rather take the chocolate and not eat it then refuse it and risk offending someone. Good or Bad; I don't know but that's how I manage those types of situations.
  • chivalryder
    chivalryder Posts: 4,391 Member
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    If someone became offended at me because I didn't accept food, and then they insisted I took it, I would then take it and elaborately throw it into a trash bin - ensuring they watched.
    -
    Hey, they gave it to me. I can do whatever I want with it.
  • refuseresist
    refuseresist Posts: 934 Member
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    chivalryder wrote: »
    If someone became offended at me because I didn't accept food, and then they insisted I took it, I would then take it and elaborately throw it into a trash bin - ensuring they watched.
    -
    Hey, they gave it to me. I can do whatever I want with it.

    Quite. People need to man up, stop basing their 'feelings' on how others behave.
  • barefootminis
    barefootminis Posts: 11
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    I can't help but think they're diet saboteurs, because every time you're looking and feeling good someone (usually another woman) wants to ruin it with sweets. No thank you and perhaps take the loving cookie to go.
  • jtr357
    jtr357 Posts: 45 Member
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    I know how it feels.I get offered free pizza & pastries all the time.I always say "No thanks" & they look at me the same way every time with a look of disbelief & mild offense saying "Are you sure?"
    I say "I just ate,but thanks anyway" .Oh well,you can't please all of the people all of the time.
  • 12skipafew99100
    12skipafew99100 Posts: 1,669 Member
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    I offered my husbands friend a baggie of cookies. I was shocked when he declined and said he was avoiding carbs and then patted his stomach. At first I was taken back but then I was impressed at his will power. I think some people just honestly have never had food issues and it never occured to them that other people might. Don't take it personally. They just have a few life lessons to learn.

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