My best friend encourages bad eating habits?
haleyyevelyyn_416
Posts: 1
So I eat well when I'm on my own and there's no one around to influence me. But as soon as I start hanging out with my best friend, I find myself binging on ice cream, popcorn mixed with M&Ms, Sour Patch Kids, Taco Bell, pizza, frozen coffees, donuts... any junk food you could possibly imagine. I try to politely tell her, "No thanks, I'm not hungry" or just "No thanks, I'm good," with no explanation at all, and she DOESN'T LISTEN. Today at school she kept trying to get me to eat cookies with her and then she dragged me into Taco Bell and when I said, "I'll just have a drink," she went ahead and ordered me food anyway. When I said I didn't want what she ordered me, she said, "You're either eating it now or taking it home with you and eating it later." Every time I try to tell her, "I'm trying to watch what I eat and lose some weight," she tells me I don't need to lose any weight and to just 'be fat' with her (mind you, she's got a fast metabolism and is relatively skinny so really she means to just eat food and act fat with her). I'm not necessarily overweight, but I did gain 17 pounds last year during my first year of college, and I'm looking to get that weight off. It's just SO hard when I'm with her almost every day, and we carpool to school together so she's always saying, "I'm hungry...let's get food!" on the way home or while we're on campus. I don't know what to do anymore. I do well for a couple days, and then when I hang out with her, it all goes down the drain. How can I get this to stop??? I don't want to force my eating habits on her but I don't want HER bad eating habits forced on me, either. She's not super supportive when it comes to working out and eating healthy, so I never like to talk to her about this kind of stuff or ask for her help/support. I'd rather just silently do it on my own without having to tell her 'I'm trying to lose weight' or 'I'm trying to develop a healthier lifestyle' because she just makes me feel bad about it when I share it with her. What should I do? Sorry it's so long! I'm just STUCK!
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Replies
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Sounds like the problem is that you guys go eating out together. Have you tried packing a lunch when you are with her so that when she tries to order you food you can show her that you already have food?0
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She's not your friend.0
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I have a best friend like that and I had to sit down and tell her that my life, my choices are important and her support, while would be greatly appreciated, is not required and neither is her friendship is she cannot be encouraging in my goals. Friendship is a two way street and if she is the only one driving the car, then perhaps you are better off taking the bus. I hope she can see that she is a valued friend and that you want her and her encouragement to be a part of your life....good luck!0
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Give her a free bag of heroin..-4
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Stick to your guns and tell her you don't want the food, and thanks but *she'll* have to take the extra food home. Since you bend, she keeps doing what she's doing. You're not forcing anything on each other if she eats what she wants, and you eat whatever/if/when you want. Good luck!0
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I agree, she's not your friend. If I told my friend no and they bought me something anyway, I'd drop it in the trash or leave it on the table.0
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First, try a heart to heart. If she's your best friend, she ought to listen when you seriously tell her that you're really serious about not eating that stuff.
If that doesn't work, take the food, take it home, chuck it out. Or better, throw it in the bin on the way out the door, so she sees you do it. She will get sick of watching her money thrown in the bin. If she gets angry, point out that you specifically asked her not to buy you anything, so it's her wasting food, not you.0 -
Just tell her firmly "STOP IT!" If she's mad, oh well. Real friends listen to what you're saying-she isn't.0
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Aaaah, yes... The food pusher. Tell her the truth. Be honest and let her know what your plan is. If she can't deal than don't hang with her.0
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souNdwAve89 wrote: »She's not your friend.
Yup.0 -
I am so sorry, that is so frustrating. Especially coming from your best friend, my husband does the same to me. I totally understand where you are coming from..... It sucks and you love them dearly, you don't want to cause an argument and you would love the support, it is time for you to stand up for yourself and your goals. I didn't tell my husband for nearly 2 weeks that I was trying to lose weight. I didn't talk about it at all with him... I just did it. Don't feel bad. If she is really your friend and loves you she will be there to support you in your journey. You need to have a heart to heart conversation with her. A real heart to heart, the kind where you let it all out and even break down crying. If she doesn't want to be by your side through your journey you need to re-evaluate your friendship. I know it is hard to let go of friends, especially the ones that hold you back from achieving your goals no matter how big or small. I let my best friend go, I miss her... yes... but I remember how one sided our friendship was. I was always there to support her through everything, but it was never returned.0
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Nobody is forcing you! There is no power on earth that can make me eat something when I don't want to. YOU have to be strong and responsible for your own calories!0
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Stick to your guns and tell her you don't want the food, and thanks but *she'll* have to take the extra food home. Since you bend, she keeps doing what she's doing. You're not forcing anything on each other if she eats what she wants, and you eat whatever/if/when you want. Good luck!
What she said. Also, this is relevant for once: just break up.
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She eats with you because you eat with her. I use to be that person too. When someone would want to go for a burger they would ask me if I would want to go. Now that I look back I wonder if it was because I made them look less of a pig. Now that everyone knows I only eat spinach salads, fruit, yogurt, chicken and hard boiled eggs no one invites me out to lunch anymore!0
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Real friends want the best for their friends. She obviously has issues with food and isn't okay with you trying to change. If healthy living is really important to you then you might just need to get some distance for a while... harsh but it's your life and your body and your health we are talking about here.0
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I had a best friend like that. For years I struggled with my weight, partly because I couldn't find the motivation within me to lose it, and partly because I had my friend ate exactly like your friend did. He couldn't stand to do anything if I wouldn't do it with him, and since we were always together, I always gave in. Always. I always put him, and what he wanted, before me.
We're not friends anymore, because I finally learned that the person I should be taking care of was myself. Not my friend. He was not my responsibility, and neither is your friend. Once you start taking care of yourself, often other people can't stand it--my friend pretty much accused me of being anorexic after I dropped him because I started to take care of myself and regaining control over what I chose to put in my body.
If she wants to drag you down with her, don't give her permission.
I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you might have to--gently--separate yourself from this friend. I know it's hard. People told me for years that my relationship with my best friend was unhealthy, and I didn't listen, and it really *kitten* me up. Take a good hard look at yourself, and whether or not she's worth keeping around or whether she's actually just hurting you.0 -
Bring along your own snacks and give the food to a homeless, urban camper. They will appreciate it. Eventually your friend will stop and if not, dump her like a bag of rotten potatoes.0
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Truth is, you're going to lose friends during this process. Even best friends. People's true character comes out when you're trying to better your life. They are either going to positively encourage you or try to bring you down. It's up to you to decide how important this goal is to you. You should ask her to respect your choices and while it's not going to affect your friendship(or maybe it will) or just avoid going to these unhealthy places with her knowing it puts you in temptation. You will find people who are on your team and positive influences throughout this journey but you have to open your eyes to what's really going on with her.0
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Yes.irleshay wrote:Stick to your guns and tell her you don't want the food, and thanks but *she'll* have to take the extra food home. Since you bend, she keeps doing what she's doing. You're not forcing anything on each other if she eats what she wants, and you eat whatever/if/when you want.
Stand up for yourself. You're saying one thing (I want to weigh less) and doing the opposite (eating whatever she puts in front of you).
If she orders you food you don't want, give it to a homeless person, or leave it on the tray, or throw it out, or make her take it home.
What you DON'T do is put it in your mouth.
If she's your friend (really a friend) she'll want you to be healthy & happy. Doesn't sound like that's happening.
I agree with packing a lunch & snacks so there's no reason for her to believe you're not eating.
If you're driving the car, tell her you're not stopping for food. Period. Warn her once, go through the drivethrough so she can order _her_ food once, and after that you don't stop.
If you're riding along, just sit there & watch her eat. For most people, it's uncomfortable.
BTW, 2 things:
- From your profile picture, you look fine. Are you sure your target weight is a healthy one?
- Having so little to lose, and (apparently) being so close to (or at) a healthy weight, any weight loss is going to come very slowly. 1 lb a month would be a victory.
- Dude, paragraphs, please!
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Do you ride to campus together? Whose car is it? You might need to find a better way to get to campus.0
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I pretty much agree with what everyone said but I did have a question- is your profile pic you how you look currently? You look so TINY! Especially considering how the camera tends to make people look larger than IRL.
Is it possible that your friend is concerned that you don't need to lose weight and is making a misguided attempt at "helping" you?
The pic may just be the angle or whatever, but the thought did cross my mind. If I am incorrect then yeah, what everyone else said.0 -
I've got an acquaintance who tries the same things on me. In his case it is because he wants to dominate the situation; he is a situational bully. I do not let him get his own way.
Doesn't "no" mean "no"? Say it and mean it.0 -
You should read these three articles:
1. Perils of Clean Eating (why it's so easy - and common - to binge): http://www.healthylivingheavylifting.com/the-perils-of-clean-eating/
2. Guide to Flexible Dieting (saved my life!): http://www.healthylivingheavylifting.com/healthy-living-heavy-liftings-ultimate-guide-to-everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-iifym/
3. Moderation (helps you reduce binging in the long run): http://www.healthylivingheavylifting.com/7-steps-to-mastering-moderation/
I'm a senior in college, and flexible dieting has really helped bring sanity back to fat loss and fitness
Here's me (and some of the "junk" I eat): http://instagram.com/talishlaf 0 -
You are always going to have temptations in your life. YOU have to learn to say no thank you and be satisfied with your choice. I go to many group functions and just opt not to eat or only eat the healthy option. I don't feel deprived- I feel empowered that I'm making the choice I want and I know I will feel great later with no guilt or upset stomach. When friends ask why I'm not eating XYZ I just say "I don't eat that $#@% anymore." The end.0
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She doesn't support your goals. Your friend, or your goals. She isn't going to change.0
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Also you don't look remotely overweight but that doesn't mean you shouldn't eat healthy! Food is fuel.0
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Ignore everyone saying "she's not a good friend", that's so rude. They don't know you or her. Some people share love through food, it's a taught behavior, many people have a grandma or parent or someone who does the same and they learn it. What you can do is still eat out with her but make better choices. It'll take a lot of self control to get a side salad and diet sprite or a single burger instead of a full meal or a lot of things, but it'll let you lose weight and still have fun/go out. There's good choices to make at every food place, literally almost everywhere if your'e just trying to lose weight. 0
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Unless she has a gun, she can't force you to do anything you don't want to do. Just say no.0
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