Rocovering from anorexia, now binging.
VeganEquestrian
Posts: 59 Member
Hi, I have been recovering from anorexia since March and have went from 97 lbs to 114 lbs. I'm 5'6 and I feel huge now. During recovery I would have times where I would binge with no control. It usually happens in the night. At first I wasn't to worried about it because I knew I needed to gain anyways but now I am terrified that I'm going to get fat.
Here's the other thing. If I don't eat very much during the day I am not compelled to binge at night. If I eat a normal amount all day, I loose control and binge at night and end up hating myself. Sometimes if it's really bad I purge (ya I know that's gross and bad but I freak out and feel it's the only option idk).
I have heard of people switching from one ED to another and that scares me. How do I completely overcome anorexia without switching to bulimia or compulsive overeating?
Please help because right now I'm thinking I would much rather go back to anorexia then the other two, at least I'll be skinny then.
Here's the other thing. If I don't eat very much during the day I am not compelled to binge at night. If I eat a normal amount all day, I loose control and binge at night and end up hating myself. Sometimes if it's really bad I purge (ya I know that's gross and bad but I freak out and feel it's the only option idk).
I have heard of people switching from one ED to another and that scares me. How do I completely overcome anorexia without switching to bulimia or compulsive overeating?
Please help because right now I'm thinking I would much rather go back to anorexia then the other two, at least I'll be skinny then.
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Replies
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What does your doctor and/or therapist say?0
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They say restriction isn't the solution but I just don't see any other solution here. I am not getting fat.0
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So obviously, you're still on your road to recovery and I don't want to give advice that I would normally give, since this is a serious situation.
Explain these fears to your doctor and to your therapist. It's part of healing, and it's difficult, I know. Unfortunately, dealing with an ED is not something anyone here is going to be able to give good advice for.
You're taking huge steps by working with a therapist and by admitting these issues. This is just another hurtle you'll overcome.0 -
Try focusing on hitting your protein and fat goals. You seem to gravitate toward high carbs, and carbs are fine, but your body still needs the protein and fat!! Don't go over your carb macro bless you have hit both your protein and fat one first. Give it a try for 2-3weeks and see if it helps with the binges.0
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That is somewhat difficult as I'm vegan. And I am still scared of most fats but I will try...
And I'm never hungry when I'm binging. I just eat dinner and then never stop eating!!!!0 -
AshleyECook wrote: »That is somewhat difficult as I'm vegan. And I am still scared of most fats but I will try...
And I'm never hungry when I'm binging. I just eat dinner and then never stop eating!!!!
Would it help if you preplanned dinner or made something that was only possible to make the proper portion of?0 -
I preplan dinner every day! And I'm full after and I just keep eating for some reason! I don't know what to do. The only times I don't binge is when I simply don't have dinner. I can't eat at night without eating everything...0
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AshleyECook wrote: »I preplan dinner every day! And I'm full after and I just keep eating for some reason! I don't know what to do. The only times I don't binge is when I simply don't have dinner. I can't eat at night without eating everything...
Is there something else you can do?
I took up knitting to stop my mindless post-dinner eating.
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I try. I read, I study, I make bracelets, I clean. The only thing that works is leaving the house. When I work till midnight I have good days because I go to bed as soon as I get home and don't eat after work... Maybe I should start going for walks after dinner or if I feel like I'm going to binge?0
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I think the reason I started knitting when I'm aready an avid reader is because knitting is difficult and it takes ALL of my focus. Maybe try a hobby that is difficult?
And yes sometimes removing yourself from the location helps. If you eat your dinner and do a walk, it could help break the connection in your mind so you're not left with binging. But I'm not sure. That works for me sometimes.0 -
Hi Ashley, I am Fiza. 5'6+ and 94lbs at the moment. I am wondering how can you binge? I have been trying to gain for over a year and just can not eat the required amount of calories in a day.0
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AshleyECook wrote: »I try. I read, I study, I make bracelets, I clean. The only thing that works is leaving the house. When I work till midnight I have good days because I go to bed as soon as I get home and don't eat after work... Maybe I should start going for walks after dinner or if I feel like I'm going to binge?
I don't think your plight is that unusual as I went through something very similar after recovering from anorexia many, many years ago. Keep talking to your doctor/therapist.
Going for a walk and taking yourself out of the situation is a great strategy. Also--are there certain foods that trigger you? Try to avoid having those around your kitchen.
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This is very very typical to experience in recovery. I had anorexia and began binging about a year after recovery, so I know how upsetting and scary it is. You're binging primarily because of your low weight and the fact that your body had been in deficit for so long, so it's grasping at any chance to get calories.
You need to see an ED specialist and check out your eatopia online. You're not developing binge eating disorder, this is reactive binging.0 -
Have you read Brain over Binge? The principles in that book have helped me overcome an eating disorder and then binging.0
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I had a very similar experience recently. I have gained a bit more control recently, but it is difficult. I often found it beneficial to make sure I was around other people during the times I felt vulnerable to a binge. I wouldn't want other people to see me lose control around food, so that was generally pretty good motivation for me to stay on track, and the urge to keep eating does go away after a while.
I know it seems hard (and like it's not working right now) but eating a normal amount during the day, consistently for a couple weeks, will tend to lessen the binge urge. Right now your body is used to restriction, so when you feed it, it sends you cues to keep eating because it's unsure when you're going to allow it nourishment again. You need to train your body to expect food at regular intervals, so it doesn't feel like it desperately needs to intake a days worth of calories all at once.0 -
Thanks guys. I just hate binging so much because it makes me feel so fat and I just want to restrict the next day!!! I'll keep trying...0
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At 5'6 a normal weight range is between 118 to 148 lbs. so you are very very far from fat.
What do you consider binging? Are you documenting your calories even on your binge?
I have never been anorexic or bulimic and I cannot imagine what you go through but I do understand what it's like to binge and how hard it is to stop. My bad binges are on the weekends so now I add my calories in advance. When I saw how many calories was in a pint of Ben and Jerry's peanut butter cup ice cream (which I smother in hot fudge), I refrained from buying it. It would have put me well over 2000 calories. So I bought something less in calories that I would enjoy.
I don't know the psychology in why we do what we do and the power food has over us but there are so many support groups out there. Please make sure you get some help and talk to people, people who have gone through what you are going through.
I wish you the best.0 -
You're binging primarily because of your low weight and the fact that your body had been in deficit for so long, so it's grasping at any chance to get calories.
You need to see an ED specialist and check out your eatopia online. You're not developing binge eating disorder, this is reactive binging.
I think its important that you confide your purging to your doc if you havent yet. Get it on the table so you can deal with it together.0 -
At 5'6 a normal weight range is between 118 to 148 lbs. so you are very very far from fat.
What do you consider binging? Are you documenting your calories even on your binge?
I have never been anorexic or bulimic and I cannot imagine what you go through but I do understand what it's like to binge and how hard it is to stop. My bad binges are on the weekends so now I add my calories in advance. When I saw how many calories was in a pint of Ben and Jerry's peanut butter cup ice cream (which I smother in hot fudge), I refrained from buying it. It would have put me well over 2000 calories. So I bought something less in calories that I would enjoy.
I don't know the psychology in why we do what we do and the power food has over us but there are so many support groups out there. Please make sure you get some help and talk to people, people who have gone through what you are going through.
I wish you the best.
Logically I know I'm not fat but I feel like I am. I've gained over 15 pounds since March!!!
I count every calorie I eat. Binges normally happen at night for me and I will eat 1500-2000 cals in a binge. My stomach will hurt so much so I feel like there is no option but to purge... On a binge day I can eat 4000 cals not even joking.
I go to a group once a week right now and am in the process of getting a recovery sponsor so hopefully that helps! Because binging also brings back my fear of food. I feel like if I eat I won't be able to stop so I just won't eat anything. And now I'm already back down to 112.2 but I don't want to binge and I don't know what to do!!!!
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I think it helps to talk to a therapist you trust; my therapist was sooo invaluable in my ED recovery. Ask him/her to keep you accountable.
Also, remember that the urge to binge is the greatest when you are starving or have recently been starving. It's a survival mechanism. Things are different for different people, but I know the "magic bmi," below which I can't help myself. If I'm steady at a higher bmi for awhile, the urges stop. (And really, when you're starving, we're not talking "urges"; these are out-of-body, Mr. Hyde experiences where the only phrase you can think of is, "I can't help it; I'm starving.")
I have friends who struggle with it somewhat (though less) after reaching a normal weight; others no longer deal with it at all. But don't let the fear of binging keep you from eating. Ironically, the best way to fight it is to never go hungry and never deprive yourself:).
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To be honest, this is something that is most likely going to be a struggle for you for a long time. I could be wrong, but I'm talking from experience. I was anorexic at 16, hospitalized, and went through recovery. I was able to maintain a healthy weight for about a year.. and then suddenly I remember the exact day I had my first binge and it was all downhill from there. Now at 23, binge eating is still something I struggle with on occasion but I'm MUCH more in control than I used to be. I did gain weight (I'm 5'2, got down to 82lbs when I was hospitalized and was up to 131lbs during the worst of my binge period) but I've managed to get my weight back down now that binging is a lot more under control. I know how it feels when you want to binge and NOTHING can keep you from doing it, no matter how busy you keep yourself.. it's weird, it's like something takes over my mind and doesn't let me stop eating till I'm about to throw up. I highly recommend talking to a therapist about it because that was something I never got to do (but wanted to at one point) and maybe you'll be able to overcome it quick. Yet, dont' feel alone.... binge eating is very common during anorexia recovery. I read that you're vegan....something else that might interest you is the "raw till 4" or "80/10/10" diet. You may have heard of it. If not, it's a high carb diet (or should I say lifestyle) that lets you eat unlimited calories from fruit during the day and as many cooked carbs at night while keeping your fat limited. I tried it out for a month or so and felt great and I had no reason to binge while I was on it because I could eat as much as I wanted! Check out the 30bananasaday.com message boards if you're interested
Keep your head high, and you'll get through this no matter what. There is SO much more to life than weight and you are so much more than a number on the scale.
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AshleyECook wrote: »At 5'6 a normal weight range is between 118 to 148 lbs. so you are very very far from fat.
What do you consider binging? Are you documenting your calories even on your binge?
I have never been anorexic or bulimic and I cannot imagine what you go through but I do understand what it's like to binge and how hard it is to stop. My bad binges are on the weekends so now I add my calories in advance. When I saw how many calories was in a pint of Ben and Jerry's peanut butter cup ice cream (which I smother in hot fudge), I refrained from buying it. It would have put me well over 2000 calories. So I bought something less in calories that I would enjoy.
I don't know the psychology in why we do what we do and the power food has over us but there are so many support groups out there. Please make sure you get some help and talk to people, people who have gone through what you are going through.
I wish you the best.
Logically I know I'm not fat but I feel like I am. I've gained over 15 pounds since March!!!
I count every calorie I eat. Binges normally happen at night for me and I will eat 1500-2000 cals in a binge. My stomach will hurt so much so I feel like there is no option but to purge... On a binge day I can eat 4000 cals not even joking.
I go to a group once a week right now and am in the process of getting a recovery sponsor so hopefully that helps! Because binging also brings back my fear of food. I feel like if I eat I won't be able to stop so I just won't eat anything. And now I'm already back down to 112.2 but I don't want to binge and I don't know what to do!!!!
So basically, you're afraid of eating because you'll binge, then purge. I hope you get your recovery sponsor very soon.
Do you binge every time you eat or does it depend on the food you eat?
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You THINK that you had anorexia and are recovering. In fact, you had an eating disorder and haven't recovered from anything, because you still have it. 100%.
As other have mentioned, if you don't have a sponsor, you haven't even taken the first step.
(And "scared of fats"? You REALLY haven't taken the first step.)0 -
Are you logging your foods? Maybe your binging is within your macros... If your not eating during the day, your body is in need of nutrients... As a Vegan, what kind of foods do you binge on, just curious?0
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To be honest, this is something that is most likely going to be a struggle for you for a long time. I could be wrong, but I'm talking from experience. I was anorexic at 16, hospitalized, and went through recovery. I was able to maintain a healthy weight for about a year.. and then suddenly I remember the exact day I had my first binge and it was all downhill from there. Now at 23, binge eating is still something I struggle with on occasion but I'm MUCH more in control than I used to be. I did gain weight (I'm 5'2, got down to 82lbs when I was hospitalized and was up to 131lbs during the worst of my binge period) but I've managed to get my weight back down now that binging is a lot more under control. I know how it feels when you want to binge and NOTHING can keep you from doing it, no matter how busy you keep yourself.. it's weird, it's like something takes over my mind and doesn't let me stop eating till I'm about to throw up. I highly recommend talking to a therapist about it because that was something I never got to do (but wanted to at one point) and maybe you'll be able to overcome it quick. Yet, dont' feel alone.... binge eating is very common during anorexia recovery. I read that you're vegan....something else that might interest you is the "raw till 4" or "80/10/10" diet. You may have heard of it. If not, it's a high carb diet (or should I say lifestyle) that lets you eat unlimited calories from fruit during the day and as many cooked carbs at night while keeping your fat limited. I tried it out for a month or so and felt great and I had no reason to binge while I was on it because I could eat as much as I wanted! Check out the 30bananasaday.com message boards if you're interested
Keep your head high, and you'll get through this no matter what. There is SO much more to life than weight and you are so much more than a number on the scale.
I don't think suggesting another extreme diet to someone in recovery from anorexia is a very good idea, personally. In fact, as someone who also suffered anorexia and various other EDs, I think that is a very bad idea.
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xmichaelyx wrote: »You THINK that you had anorexia and are recovering. In fact, you had an eating disorder and haven't recovered from anything, because you still have it. 100%.
As other have mentioned, if you don't have a sponsor, you haven't even taken the first step.
(And "scared of fats"? You REALLY haven't taken the first step.)
thanks if I still have a full on eating disorder I might as well quit eating again because I'd rather have an ED and be skinny then have an ED and be fat.
I go to a support group every week so I feel like that is taking the first step. I find this comment quite rude and offensive and I suppose I should just quit trying.
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Are you logging your foods? Maybe your binging is within your macros... If your not eating during the day, your body is in need of nutrients... As a Vegan, what kind of foods do you binge on, just curious?
ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING!!!!
Bread, peanut butter, nuts, fruit, dark chocolate, cereal, protein bars, hummus, guacamole, crackers, ANYTHING!!!!
It's not so much the food its the time of day. I always binge at night.
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Get medical and psychological attention. I don't see these forums staffed with professionals who can help in these types of matters, it's mostly people trying to lose weight or build up muscle. YOu are not trying to do either.0
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The expressed thoughts and beliefs indicate that you have a long way to go on the path to recovery.0
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Please print this post out and take it to your next therapy meeting. Also save a copy to show your recovery group sponsor (get one soon). Your responses here speak volumes and I commend you for being so open and honest.
Take care of yourself, Ashley.0
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