what should "middle aged look like? Am i chasing a dream?
Replies
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I'm never going to be 20 again and that's OK. All of this stuff I am doing now would be wasted on her anyway. Be kind to yourself it sounds like you have a lot going on and life is hard enough.
QFT. (Never thought I'd write that as I thought it meant Quit F***ing Talking...) But THIS is some awesome self-talk. Love the feedback you got on some honest mental-messing-of-the-head. There are lots of guys and gals who can relate.
Do it for you. You've reminded us to do the same.
Cheers, ~Curly :drinker:0 -
I like that you are thinking about this. It's tough stuff to work through. Personally, I find journaling to be a big help. I'll let it all out and by the time I'm done, I will usually come around to a positive mental state.
It is a hard balance to strive to look good but to be content at the same time. I know people say to focus on health over looks, but looks don't have to be a bad driving factor-as long as you still are happy with your appearance as is. I feel like staying away material that can trigger negative thoughts, womens beauty magazines for example, can help.0 -
I hear you--I was definitely in the "well I'm in perimenopause and I'm hypothyroid and and and so what if I have no waist!" stage for a while.
But as others have said, losing the weight isn't just about the number on the scale or the looks--I've also dropped my blood pressure and my cholesterol significantly. I've built up muscle, and hopefully bone density, which should help me age more gracefully. (And I'd be lying if I said I weren't happy to have dropped 2-3 clothing sizes.) I have to be more realistic about exercise given back problems, but it's all good.
So I guess my only advice is, find the balance that works for you.0 -
Was in the same boat two yrs ago then i got serious with my exercise and diet. Look better than i ever have. Own all of these 53+ yrs and hell ya i wish i was younger, i dont like this old lady skin on my now flat stomach, but its not hanging over my bikini and id rather have it than the fat. I had my pics on before but got too many weird friend request kinda gave me the creeps.Whatever you decide just please dont ever buy pants with elastic waist ,except for jammies or exercise,when the waist thickens and the butt disappears thats what some women do and its not only unattrative imo it dosent keep you aware of weight gain like fitted clothes do.0
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I was at that Crossroads last year. I cost fit healthy and sexy. Didn't get the last part yet, but still I look lot better at 47 than I did at 27!0
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When you have done things diet and exercise wise in the past have they been quite hard as in punishing or depriving? I'm wondering about the 2 paths idea. You can still accept yourself and be happy for who you are and work on your fitness and health but in a way that isn't stressful. Just thinking 'today I'm going to try and make healthy choices' whatever that means for you. I do that with food, try to eat more veg or walking instead of taking the bus, seeing things as an opportunity to improve my health and fitness but not in a regimented way, just integrating it into my day. Sometimes when things are absolute decisions like' I'm going a diet / fitness kick ' it can mess with the head a bit esp if we compare it to how we may have done it in the past and the results we got then too..Does that make sense?0
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I was in good to great shape up until my early 30s, 32 to be exact. Then marriage, babies, career came along. I spend the rest of my 30's and a good part of my 40s being obese. Well over 25%BF. I didn't feel fat, but when I'd see picture of myself, I would be in shock. My wife, on the other hand, maintained a slim figure her whole life. Then I got the proverbial wake up call. Two years ago the sawbones said if you don't change your wicked ways, stop drinking as much and lose 40lbs you'll wake up dead.
So in the next 4 months, I lost 60 lbs. I also pretty much stopped drinking. All, and I mean ALL my aliments went out the window. Nine months later, people stopped making comments about how much weight I lost and started noticing how much fitter I looked. Now, 2 years and 4 months later, I get questions on whether I plan to compete in professional Body Building. I'm easily in the best shape of my life.
Trust me, I'm nothing special, many on this site have done similar or greater transformations. The only thing I feel guilty about now is that I let 15 years go by not knowing what was possible. Trust me, EVERYTHING, is better when one is at the top of their game.
Make a change, while there is still time.0 -
Yup, that was me not long ago.
A year and a half ago, "middle aged" looked dumpy, out of breath, stressed out, and exhausted just from day to day life. "Middle aged" looked like taking the elevator instead of the stairs for anything over two flights. "Middle aged" looked like walking into the living room through the garage, flopping into the recliner chair with a laptop, falling asleep there and waking up later to drag into bed. "Middle aged" looked like squeezing into stretchy pants for work, a size larger than before... like always setting the clothes dryer on the "delicate" cycle because it seemed to be shrinking all the clothes that went through it, then hanging most clothes up to dry, then finally realizing that the dryer wasn't really the problem, and neither was the washer. It looked like carefully packing the Brooks Brothers suits in a box because parting with them was unbearable, even though they probably would never ever fit again. It looked like driving for hours to the beach to play frisbee with the kiddo, then only being able to play for about 10 minutes before sitting down red-faced and wheezing.
What "middle aged" didn't look like... is... fun.
Now, "middle aged" looks bruised and red-knuckled from a martial arts class. It looks calloused from the knurling on a barbell. It looks a little silly, but wildly exuberant, dancing to The Cars with a hula hoop. It usually looks a little mussed and tousled, but also happy and well rested. It looks unusually healthy for its age and capable of recovering from surgery in record time. It looks strong, independent, and perfectly handy at moving its own furniture. According to my girlfriends, it looks "like a college kid" or even "like a high school kid." It looks like "the hot one" in group photos. It looks... too small to wear those same Brooks Brothers suits, darn it... but that's ok, because it looks damned fine in jeans, and the suits can be taken in. It looks like something its 20-something son is proud of for its perseverance.
What "middle aged" should look like... is... what you want it to look like. But what it feels like is most important. The looks will follow.
<--- Closer to 50 than 40.0 -
Love where you are now and, because you love yourself, take any steps you feel you may need to reach a healthier place so you can continue to have a rocking life. And if that healthier you is also a couple of sizes smaller and feels sexier and more confident, that's an extra win!
Spoken as someone who look hit fifty a few weeks ago almost twenty pounds lighter and much more fit and healthy than I was just a few months ago. And yeah, I feel sexier too. My wonderful man thought I looked good before, but he's reaping the benefits of me feeling better about how I look. :-)0 -
"many on this site have done similar or greater transformations. The only thing I feel guilty about now is that I let 15 years go by not knowing what was possible. Trust me, EVERYTHING, is better when one is at the top of their game".
Make a change, while there is still time.
[/quote]
Ok....All of the feedback I received touched me.....every single one....honestly. The above excerpt truly resonates with me for 2 reasons, 1 i love the meaning of the word " transformation" and how it does apply to so many people here (poster included) 2 I havent been on top of my game in YEARS, at least the last 3 years to be exact.
I am having a moment.....i cannot type anymore.0 -
Yup, that was me not long ago.
A year and a half ago, "middle aged" looked dumpy, out of breath, stressed out, and exhausted just from day to day life. "Middle aged" looked like taking the elevator instead of the stairs for anything over two flights. "Middle aged" looked like walking into the living room through the garage, flopping into the recliner chair with a laptop, falling asleep there and waking up later to drag into bed. "Middle aged" looked like squeezing into stretchy pants for work, a size larger than before... like always setting the clothes dryer on the "delicate" cycle because it seemed to be shrinking all the clothes that went through it, then hanging most clothes up to dry, then finally realizing that the dryer wasn't really the problem, and neither was the washer. It looked like carefully packing the Brooks Brothers suits in a box because parting with them was unbearable, even though they probably would never ever fit again. It looked like driving for hours to the beach to play frisbee with the kiddo, then only being able to play for about 10 minutes before sitting down red-faced and wheezing.
What "middle aged" didn't look like... is... fun.
Now, "middle aged" looks bruised and red-knuckled from a martial arts class. It looks calloused from the knurling on a barbell. It looks a little silly, but wildly exuberant, dancing to The Cars with a hula hoop. It usually looks a little mussed and tousled, but also happy and well rested. It looks unusually healthy for its age and capable of recovering from surgery in record time. It looks strong, independent, and perfectly handy at moving its own furniture. According to my girlfriends, it looks "like a college kid" or even "like a high school kid." It looks like "the hot one" in group photos. It looks... too small to wear those same Brooks Brothers suits, darn it... but that's ok, because it looks damned fine in jeans, and the suits can be taken in. It looks like something its 20-something son is proud of for its perseverance.
What "middle aged" should look like... is... what you want it to look like. But what it feels like is most important. The looks will follow.
<--- Closer to 50 than 40.
This made me smile. Thanks! :flowerforyou:0 -
Ok....All of the feedback I received touched me.....every single one....honestly. The above excerpt truly resonates with me for 2 reasons, 1 i love the meaning of the word " transformation" and how it does apply to so many people here (poster included) 2 I havent been on top of my game in YEARS, at least the last 3 years to be exact.
I am having a moment.....i cannot type anymore.
You can get back on top of it, with a little work and dedication.0 -
[quote
What "middle aged" should look like... is... what you want it to look like. But what it feels like is most important. The looks will follow.
<--- Closer to 50 than 40.
[/quote]
Just turning 55, I noticed that I was developing a very strange thought pattern regarding being middle aged. I love all kinds of music but the 80's are my favorite and yet I started thinking to myself, "I'm too old to be listening to this stuff anymore." Then those thoughts started invading my idea of what my workouts should be because at 55 I shouldn't be able to do all this stuff. Where in the world did these stupid ideas come from?
I love my dad, but to be honest, he turned 65 in his early 30's. He just stopped doing anything and lived for drinking coffee and watching tv. My dad was an incredible athlete and baseball was his game. For every bit of muscle I have, I've had to work very hard, for his, all he had to do was to be born. He was such a great athlete that on the day Mickey Mantle was discovered in Baxter Springs, KS, he struck him out once and the other time Mantle just hit a little blooper to him to the pitcher's mound.. The only reason Mickey hit a home run that day was that my dad and Mantle were friends. My dad noticed the New York Yankee scouts in the stands and he also knew that although Mickey couldn't hit my dad's knuckle ball, if he threw a fast ball Mickey could hit it out the park, which he did. All of this is true and is in the book, "Mickey Mantle: before the glory" by John G. Hall.
My point is this: my dad can't do very much anymore. He abused a God given physical ability by doing nothing for the past 50 years.. I'm not ready to do nothing and hope I never will be. Last year my oldest daughter got married. For the life of me I had no idea what kind of music this band was playing but no one out danced my wife or myself, well, maybe it wasn't dancing, more just moving your arms and legs all over the place, but we did it with the best of them.
My wife at the age of 54 still plays soccer and I've even upped my workouts adding plank exercises and the cursed burpees. I do dread receiving all the AARP junk mail but nothing I can do about that.0 -
I'd be lying if I didn't say I was having a hard time accepting the shrinking bust that left perky behind years ago and the widening waist. It is hard to get my head around. It is a whole new body image to come to terms with.
I'm working hard to get a body that I can own and feel good about but most the work is mental because some things are just reality and not going to change with the scale or the gym. I'm single and some day I'd like to date again. The thought of it is paralyzing - this is not the body I dated with 20 some years ago.
It does feel really good to breath easier and feel like I can keep up. The exercise helps that.0 -
I'd be lying if I didn't say I was having a hard time accepting the shrinking bust that left perky behind years ago and the widening waist. It is hard to get my head around. It is a whole new body image to come to terms with.
I'm working hard to get a body that I can own and feel good about but most the work is mental because some things are just reality and not going to change with the scale or the gym. I'm single and some day I'd like to date again. The thought of it is paralyzing - this is not the body I dated with 20 some years ago.
It does feel really good to breath easier and feel like I can keep up. The exercise helps that.
Don't worry, guys of a certain age have their own insecurities and worries about dating.0 -
I'd be lying if I didn't say I was having a hard time accepting the shrinking bust that left perky behind years ago and the widening waist. It is hard to get my head around. It is a whole new body image to come to terms with.
I'm working hard to get a body that I can own and feel good about but most the work is mental because some things are just reality and not going to change with the scale or the gym. I'm single and some day I'd like to date again. The thought of it is paralyzing - this is not the body I dated with 20 some years ago.
It does feel really good to breath easier and feel like I can keep up. The exercise helps that.
Don't worry, guys of a certain age have their own insecurities and worries about dating.
Yes I suppose that is true!
I'm not actually finicky about a guys body . I think they are all pretty hot so why I don't assume that works in reverse I do not know, lol.0 -
I think a lot of us in our 40's have similar feelings. I have a friend in her 70's who gave me some awesome advice when I was depressed about turning 40. She told me not to waste my best years wishing I were still in my 30's because it was a pointless waste of time. She warned me that I would lament this type of thinking when I turned 45, 50 and realize I'd wasted age 40 being sad about something that could never be. Her words were something like " You will never again be as young as you are at this exact moment. Use your youth wisely and be the best that you can be NOW."
Now that I am 45 her words make so much sense to me. When I see pictures of myself at 40, I realize I spent a lot of time feeling crappy about my body for dumb reasons. It's not going to be perfect ever again, but it can still be good if I push myself out of my comfort zone when I work out and eat sensibly. I also find that picking out the right clothes that fit really well makes all the difference, especially bras!0 -
Hi, 48 and just returning to MFP - this is exactly why - my body has been doing some drastic changing over this last year and I need to put a stop to it. If you need a support please add me because i know i do:)0
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I can relate. I am 51. I am not going to be another one of the obese, square shaped women I see on my high street. I am slimming down then I am going to get myself in the best shape of my life. I see that my years are running out and it is now or never.0
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whodidntante wrote: »I see death coming. He's going to win. I plan to give him several hard punches to the gut first.
Love this quote! Definitely as a 43(almost 44) year old woman hotness is no longer my goal (kids would hate me aspiring to be hot anyway!) Want to be fit and healthy and look the best I can look so I live a long and happy life. Our bodies do change as we get older and we have to accept that while still remaining as active as we can. My Dad is 70 and still running marathons and my mother is 68 and also very active.0 -
Oh, honey, I hear ya! I am 53. When I set out to get healthy after many years of taking care of everyone but me I was operating under the assumption (illusion) that I would end up with a hotter, younger looking body. Ha! But, no. I have lost 50 lbs and I still look my age for sure. But I SURE FEEL a helluva lot better. I look better with my clothes on than off because I have stretch marks and bags and sagging and wrinkles. But I accept that. This whole thing, our youth obsessed society, the pressure to look unrealistically young and beautiful, it's ridiculous! I blame the fashion and beauty industries and the overblown media that puts that garbage in our faces every day. Honey, you are beautiful! And SO AM I. All of those wrinkles and stretch marks are badges of honor to me. I EARNED them. I will never be the woman I was in my twenties but looking back I don't think I'd WANT to be. Yes, she was cute but she was also a self centered dork.0
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May I butt in with a comment from someone who is WAY past middle age and rarely comments on the forums feeling I am way too ancient for you young things. Yes, I turned 79 this week. A year ago I was pretty depressed, family members and friends were dropping like flies, I was the last of the Mohicans. Then I picked myself up and joined MFP. I am 5 ft 5 in and now weigh 130 lbs and I feel great. No more aching joints, and it doesn't really matter at my age, but I am often mistaken for someone 10 years and more younger. I walk daily, I garden, keep house, cook, have loads of hobbies and yes, I'm going to try and keep the grim reaper busy elsewhere! Not to mention, collect my hard earned pension for as long as possible. LOL. In other words, providing you are blessed with good genes, watch when crossing roads etc and take care of yourself one should be able to have a fulfilling life for quite a number of years. Good luck everybody on your respective journeys, middle age is young in my book! gawanne.0
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whitebalance wrote: »Yup, that was me not long ago.
A year and a half ago, "middle aged" looked dumpy, out of breath, stressed out, and exhausted just from day to day life. "Middle aged" looked like taking the elevator instead of the stairs for anything over two flights. "Middle aged" looked like walking into the living room through the garage, flopping into the recliner chair with a laptop, falling asleep there and waking up later to drag into bed. "Middle aged" looked like squeezing into stretchy pants for work, a size larger than before... like always setting the clothes dryer on the "delicate" cycle because it seemed to be shrinking all the clothes that went through it, then hanging most clothes up to dry, then finally realizing that the dryer wasn't really the problem, and neither was the washer. It looked like carefully packing the Brooks Brothers suits in a box because parting with them was unbearable, even though they probably would never ever fit again. It looked like driving for hours to the beach to play frisbee with the kiddo, then only being able to play for about 10 minutes before sitting down red-faced and wheezing.
What "middle aged" didn't look like... is... fun.
Now, "middle aged" looks bruised and red-knuckled from a martial arts class. It looks calloused from the knurling on a barbell. It looks a little silly, but wildly exuberant, dancing to The Cars with a hula hoop. It usually looks a little mussed and tousled, but also happy and well rested. It looks unusually healthy for its age and capable of recovering from surgery in record time. It looks strong, independent, and perfectly handy at moving its own furniture. According to my girlfriends, it looks "like a college kid" or even "like a high school kid." It looks like "the hot one" in group photos. It looks... too small to wear those same Brooks Brothers suits, darn it... but that's ok, because it looks damned fine in jeans, and the suits can be taken in. It looks like something its 20-something son is proud of for its perseverance.
What "middle aged" should look like... is... what you want it to look like. But what it feels like is most important. The looks will follow.
<--- Closer to 50 than 40.
Absolutely love this!0 -
May I butt in with a comment from someone who is WAY past middle age and rarely comments on the forums feeling I am way too ancient for you young things. Yes, I turned 79 this week. A year ago I was pretty depressed, family members and friends were dropping like flies, I was the last of the Mohicans. Then I picked myself up and joined MFP. I am 5 ft 5 in and now weigh 130 lbs and I feel great. No more aching joints, and it doesn't really matter at my age, but I am often mistaken for someone 10 years and more younger. I walk daily, I garden, keep house, cook, have loads of hobbies and yes, I'm going to try and keep the grim reaper busy elsewhere! Not to mention, collect my hard earned pension for as long as possible. LOL. In other words, providing you are blessed with good genes, watch when crossing roads etc and take care of yourself one should be able to have a fulfilling life for quite a number of years. Good luck everybody on your respective journeys, middle age is young in my book! gawanne.
This is so inspiring! Thank you!0
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