This is causing problems with my friends
caimay149
Posts: 65 Member
I was supposed to go out to dinner with a friend tomorrow, and we had a restaurant planned where the nutrition information is available online, so I can get exact calorie counts. However, as always, she now wants to change and go to a Thai place. I don't really care for Thai/Chinese food (I ate way too much of it in my overeating days, and finally just got sick of it) and also the foods like really unhealthy and there is no nutrition info online.
I'm just frustrated that she doesn't get why it's important to me to go somewhere I can get the calorie count. It probably sounds stupid and trivial to her, but to me it's not just about calorie counts. It's about getting to a healthy weight without taking longer than I need to, because I have some recurring foot injuries that are made worse by my excess weight, and as a result I'm having to miss out on dance classes and projects I could be working on. I don't want to delay my progress all for the sake of some greasy pad thai. Grr.
Rant over.
I'm just frustrated that she doesn't get why it's important to me to go somewhere I can get the calorie count. It probably sounds stupid and trivial to her, but to me it's not just about calorie counts. It's about getting to a healthy weight without taking longer than I need to, because I have some recurring foot injuries that are made worse by my excess weight, and as a result I'm having to miss out on dance classes and projects I could be working on. I don't want to delay my progress all for the sake of some greasy pad thai. Grr.
Rant over.
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Replies
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Kinda sounds like she's the one with the problem.0
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The problem is her, not you. If you guys already had a restaurant chosen and you were both in agreement, then she had no right to choose a different one. Especially one she knew you wouldn't really want to go to. It sounds like she's trying to sabotage your efforts.0
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I tried to appease her with a Japanese restaurant that has the calorie counts, and she was like 'what is wrong with [the one she suggested?' I told her I didn't really like that stuff, which she knows, and she was like, well you just suggested the Japanese one which is the same thing (it's not, it's more like healthy, less greasy stir fries). Sigh. I'm over it. No dinner with this friend any more.0
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I tried to appease her with a Japanese restaurant that has the calorie counts, and she was like 'what is wrong with [the one she suggested?' I told her I didn't really like that stuff, which she knows, and she was like, well you just suggested the Japanese one which is the same thing (it's not, it's more like healthy, less greasy stir fries). Sigh. I'm over it. No dinner with this friend any more.
What are you on about? Why should the OP expect flexibility from her friends when she cant do it herself? We are all adults here. There is more than one way to skin a cat.-1 -
Eldamiano, are you a troll or did you wake up on the wrong side of bed this morning? I'm not going to respond to any more of your posts. MFP is a place for support and this morning I've seen you go from post to post to post trying to provoke people.-1
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If you do not like the food which is now her preferred choice you are permitted to say so. I think this is your major issue now. It does not matter, is totally irrelevant that you want to count calories.0
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Eldamiano, are you a troll or did you wake up on the wrong side of bed this morning? I'm not going to respond to any more of your posts. MFP is a place for support and this morning I've seen you go from post to post to post trying to provoke people.
Newsflash - forums are there to invite opinion. I expressed mine. You dont like it. You have come to the conclusion I am a troll. Calm down dear....-5 -
I would be more annoyed that she picked something you don't like and insists on going there, posted calorie count or not. Yeah, I probably wouldn't go either.0
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Don't like restaurant, don't go. Friends are supposed to like each other enough to agree on something both of you like. If you can't do that, maybe you need to review your friendship.0
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I would leave the calorie count thing to one side and just tell her you don't want Thai. If she insists, I'd call dinner off. I refuse to pay good money for food I don't want, and if she's going to dig heels in and refuse to compromise, well... I wouldn't really want to have dinner with her at all.0
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I would be annoyed as well. If she is not willing to compromise then she doesn't sound like a good friend to me.0
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Alatariel75 wrote: »I would leave the calorie count thing to one side and just tell her you don't want Thai. If she insists, I'd call dinner off. I refuse to pay good money for food I don't want, and if she's going to dig heels in and refuse to compromise, well... I wouldn't really want to have dinner with her at all.
this... dont make it about calorie counting...a lot of people dont 'get it' and to be honest, they dont have to... just say you dont like chinese but are happy to go to the original place or japanese or you'll just give a rain check for now.0 -
What about maybe eating take-out from different restaurants at your place or hers?0
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Eldamiano, are you a troll or did you wake up on the wrong side of bed this morning? I'm not going to respond to any more of your posts. MFP is a place for support and this morning I've seen you go from post to post to post trying to provoke people.
While you are on the "motivation and support" board, in general, MFP is not a place of support. It's a calorie counter.
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Frankly, both of you need to grow up.
I get that you have foot issues and losing weight will help but with how stubborn you're being, you might lose a friend to. Reading this post, I wouldn't want to be your friend.-1 -
I lost a ton of weight and totally transformed my body as well as attitudes about food, diet and lifestyle. My old friends were part of that other life I had shrugged off and most were jealous of my fitness success. It strained our relationships, and I ended up severing all my friendships.loribethrice wrote: »The problem is her, not you. If you guys already had a restaurant chosen and you were both in agreement, then she had no right to choose a different one. Especially one she knew you wouldn't really want to go to. It sounds like she's trying to sabotage your efforts.
As those old doors closed, new doors opened to other folks of common fitness interest and health passion.
What and where we eat is never an issue.
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As someone mentioned, it sounds like your friend may be trying to sabotage you, intentionally or not.
Sometimes friends don't like change - i.e., they think they can force you to stay as you are, concerned that if you change, you won't want to be with them anymore. Stupid thing is, she's doing exactly what she probably doesn't want - something to alienate you from being 'dinner friends'.
Is she skinny, no weight loss issues? Or, is she overweight and not liking that you are making healthier choices?
Could be lots of reasons. I would have a polite conversation with her explaining your stand - and be flexible enough to say, look if you don't want Japanese, we can go elsewhere, but for me to go, there MUST be a way for me to see the calorie count etc of the menu first.
If she doesn't like it, then either she has her own issues, or is trying to dictate what you do.
And in those cases, I'd just say let's do something other than dinner....0 -
Eldamiano, are you a troll or did you wake up on the wrong side of bed this morning? I'm not going to respond to any more of your posts. MFP is a place for support and this morning I've seen you go from post to post to post trying to provoke people.
While you are on the "motivation and support" board, in general, MFP is not a place of support. It's a calorie counter.
Actually you're wrong... read the title of the FORUM: "Motivation and Support"
So yeah, the OP has every right to ask for support.
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it is definitely not you that is the issue... and I agree iwth endlessloser, if you can't agree on a dinner place, then maybe see if you can do something else.0
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one meal at a thai restaurant won't hinder your progress.0
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Honestly, it's one meal. If neither of you are willing to compromise, you're clearly not being good friends to each other. You're not always only going to be able to eat the things you like.
My advice? Be the bigger person, go out for dinner to the Thai place. If they have their menu online (nutrition or no) look at your options; there are tons of healthy Thai dishes that are loaded with veggies and protein. You could get something like cashew chicken (which at most places is around 500-600 cals tops), it's chalked full of protein and healthy fats, and if 500 cals is too much for you for dinner, eat half.
You can't expect others to compromise if you won't. I doubt she's doing it to spite you or wants to ruin your weight loss attempt. I'm sure that as your friend she's done things for/with you that weren't the top of her priority list either.0 -
endlessloser wrote: »Eldamiano, are you a troll or did you wake up on the wrong side of bed this morning? I'm not going to respond to any more of your posts. MFP is a place for support and this morning I've seen you go from post to post to post trying to provoke people.
While you are on the "motivation and support" board, in general, MFP is not a place of support. It's a calorie counter.
Actually you're wrong... read the title of the FORUM: "Motivation and Support"
So yeah, the OP has every right to ask for support.
And people responding have the right to respond in a way they feel appropriate, not by just what one person wants to here. That is what a forum is about.-1 -
endlessloser wrote: »Eldamiano, are you a troll or did you wake up on the wrong side of bed this morning? I'm not going to respond to any more of your posts. MFP is a place for support and this morning I've seen you go from post to post to post trying to provoke people.
While you are on the "motivation and support" board, in general, MFP is not a place of support. It's a calorie counter.
Actually you're wrong... read the title of the FORUM: "Motivation and Support"
So yeah, the OP has every right to ask for support.
Learn to read.
She said MFP was a place of support. Hence my comment.
I pointed out that we are on the motivation and support board. But IN GENERAL MFP is NOT a place of support. It is merely a calorie counting website.
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Most calorie counts on restaurant websites are estimates. Depending on who is preparing the meal, it could vary by. What you think you are eating, could be a lot more.
Also, try putting yourself in your friend's shoes. Maybe she has her reasons for changing restaurants. There are two sides to this story and I bet if we hear her story, it wouldn't paint you in the best of light. I can imagine she would say that you are inflexible and don't understand why she would want to go to another restaurant.
Try having an honest conversation with her. Ask her why it is so important that she go to another place and tell her why it means so much to you to go to a certain place. You would be surprised at how being open, honest and listen to the other person can get you pretty far in life. Sadly, people don't communicate very well and it leaves too much speculation on both sides and people getting hurt.0 -
I was supposed to go out to dinner with a friend tomorrow, and we had a restaurant planned where the nutrition information is available online, so I can get exact calorie counts. However, as always, she now wants to change and go to a Thai place. I don't really care for Thai/Chinese food (I ate way too much of it in my overeating days, and finally just got sick of it) and also the foods like really unhealthy and there is no nutrition info online.
I'm just frustrated that she doesn't get why it's important to me to go somewhere I can get the calorie count. It probably sounds stupid and trivial to her, but to me it's not just about calorie counts. It's about getting to a healthy weight without taking longer than I need to, because I have some recurring foot injuries that are made worse by my excess weight, and as a result I'm having to miss out on dance classes and projects I could be working on. I don't want to delay my progress all for the sake of some greasy pad thai. Grr.
Rant over.
No reason to rant.. when you fail to plan you plan to fail.
My solution would be to have dinner before dinner.. Grab something health on your own, and then when your at dinner with your friend, you can order something take a few bites and say you're full.
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Commander_Keen wrote: »I was supposed to go out to dinner with a friend tomorrow, and we had a restaurant planned where the nutrition information is available online, so I can get exact calorie counts. However, as always, she now wants to change and go to a Thai place. I don't really care for Thai/Chinese food (I ate way too much of it in my overeating days, and finally just got sick of it) and also the foods like really unhealthy and there is no nutrition info online.
I'm just frustrated that she doesn't get why it's important to me to go somewhere I can get the calorie count. It probably sounds stupid and trivial to her, but to me it's not just about calorie counts. It's about getting to a healthy weight without taking longer than I need to, because I have some recurring foot injuries that are made worse by my excess weight, and as a result I'm having to miss out on dance classes and projects I could be working on. I don't want to delay my progress all for the sake of some greasy pad thai. Grr.
Rant over.
No reason to rant.. when you fail to plan you plan to fail.
My solution would be to have dinner before dinner.. Grab something health on your own, and then when your at dinner with your friend, you can order something take a few bites and say you're full.
why waste food and money doing this?
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I have been having this same issue myself. I have found that going out and having a good time with your friends every now and again is a good thing. It keeps you connected with the people who care about you. You are the one on the diet, not them. I use to get upset that I was going to gain my weight back and then turn around and redo the hard work I put in already. Not a good way to think, at least in my case anyway. What's the point of trying to live longer if you aren't enjoying any of it and enjoying the people in your life. You will lose the weight. One bad meal won't make you gain all your weight back just like one good meal won't make you lose it.0
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You can probably manage if you get steamed rice and vegetables with some chicken and keep the portions small. Save extra food for the next day if the portions are really large. Avoid anything deep fried, cut out the alcohol and dessert if you want to ease your conscience. But one meal won't harm you.
I'd suggest alternating restaurant choices with your friend. Basically if she's choosing the restaurant, next time you get to choose. I don't think that's unreasonable to ask.0 -
It sounds like the bigger issue here is that you feel your friend is not supporting you in your efforts to lose weight. You can expect that many (if not most) people in your life won't. Or they may say they do, but they are not going to bend everything in their life to accommodate you. And that is as it should be too. It is YOUR lifestyle change, not theirs. So, you need to either find a way to fit eating with them into your life (i.e. get a steamed dish when you eat out), or you have to stop eating out with them if you will not bend on the "must have nutritional info on the menu".0
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it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do.-1
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