This is causing problems with my friends
Replies
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I was supposed to go out to dinner with a friend tomorrow, and we had a restaurant planned where the nutrition information is available online, so I can get exact calorie counts. However, as always, she now wants to change and go to a Thai place. I don't really care for Thai/Chinese food (I ate way too much of it in my overeating days, and finally just got sick of it) and also the foods like really unhealthy and there is no nutrition info online.
I'm just frustrated that she doesn't get why it's important to me to go somewhere I can get the calorie count. It probably sounds stupid and trivial to her, but to me it's not just about calorie counts. It's about getting to a healthy weight without taking longer than I need to, because I have some recurring foot injuries that are made worse by my excess weight, and as a result I'm having to miss out on dance classes and projects I could be working on. I don't want to delay my progress all for the sake of some greasy pad thai. Grr.
Rant over.
Just assume it's ignorance. Some people don't understand what, more like "how", you're dieting. People who don't think about it can be oblivious or assume you'll have half on the plate, skip the rice, or get sauce on the side, etc.
Aside from the diet--just tell her you're sick of Thai food and you're excited try *meal at such n' such original restaurant idea* That's good reason enough! If she's still fussy then tell to stop being such a brat. Friends love being called that.
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it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
You can say it's "trivial and stupid" in regards to her friend changing up the plans last minute. Good frienships are based on compassion, tolerance, and compromise. Besides, the poster is sick of thai food with or without the diet.
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I tried to appease her with a Japanese restaurant that has the calorie counts, and she was like 'what is wrong with [the one she suggested?' I told her I didn't really like that stuff, which she knows, and she was like, well you just suggested the Japanese one which is the same thing (it's not, it's more like healthy, less greasy stir fries). Sigh. I'm over it. No dinner with this friend any more.
Sometimes this really is the only solution. You gave her two options (the original and the Japanese) plus multiple others if online nutrition is your criteria. If she really wanted to dine with you, she'd choose something other than the one place you don't want to go.0 -
it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do.
What?? Why?? Is that a joke? Why would eating less need to be the hardest thing you ever do?0 -
BansheeCat wrote: »it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
You can say it's "trivial and stupid" in regards to her friend changing up the plans last minute. Good frienships are based on compassion, tolerance, and compromise. Besides, the poster is sick of thai food with or without the diet.
1. She said in her own words that her fitness concerns are trivial and stupid to her friend. They are. She is right. It doesnt mean that her friend cannot decide that this trivial thing doesnt bother her because its important to her friend. But anything that isnt a priority, isn't going to get much attention and other people trying to lose weight, isnt a priority for me. It has to be a priority for them.
2. If the reason she is really frustrated is because her friend chose thai food, and not because she doesnt care enough to choose a restaurant with healthy choices, then her problem isnt with friends sabotaging her weight loss efforts. It's an issue with Thai Food and friends who want to eat it.
There are plenty of things to eat on the menu at a Thai place that are healthy, so you cant use the 'trying to eat healthy' excuse to get mad here. You can only say, UGH I FRAKIN HATE THAI. and then it is a completely different conversation.
But we aren't. The OP said that her issue is that because of her friends' decisions, she is concerned that it will take her longer to lose weight than she wants.
And changing a restaurant isnt the sign of a bad friend at all. It's a sign that you wanted a different restaurant. If any of my friends never speak to me again because I want a burrito, then they weren't my friends to begin with.
Everyone who changes their life is going to have some backlash and anyone who says otherwise is selling something.
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BansheeCat wrote: »I was supposed to go out to dinner with a friend tomorrow, and we had a restaurant planned where the nutrition information is available online, so I can get exact calorie counts. However, as always, she now wants to change and go to a Thai place. I don't really care for Thai/Chinese food (I ate way too much of it in my overeating days, and finally just got sick of it) and also the foods like really unhealthy and there is no nutrition info online.
I'm just frustrated that she doesn't get why it's important to me to go somewhere I can get the calorie count. It probably sounds stupid and trivial to her, but to me it's not just about calorie counts. It's about getting to a healthy weight without taking longer than I need to, because I have some recurring foot injuries that are made worse by my excess weight, and as a result I'm having to miss out on dance classes and projects I could be working on. I don't want to delay my progress all for the sake of some greasy pad thai. Grr.
Rant over.
Just assume it's ignorance. Some people don't understand what, more like "how", you're dieting. People who don't think about it can be oblivious or assume you'll have half on the plate, skip the rice, or get sauce on the side, etc.
Aside from the diet--just tell her you're sick of Thai food and you're excited try *meal at such n' such original restaurant idea* That's good reason enough! If she's still fussy then tell to stop being such a brat. Friends love being called that.
Its not really ignorance.
I dont care about other people dieting. Often, they need to diet because they forgot how to control their own intake and habits. To fix that, they have to relearn how.
They cant do that if other people are doing it for them.
Its completely about taking control.
Why she didnt say No and suggest something else instead? Cause that would have required her to take the wheel, she is using this to rant about others not helping her when she knows it is her own responsibility and no one elses.
Ranting is fine as long as you know who's job it really is at the end of the day.
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Need2Exerc1se wrote: »it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do.
What?? Why?? Is that a joke? Why would eating less need to be the hardest thing you ever do?
Eating less?
Why the hell would eating less be the hardest thing you do? I never said that.
I said that taking control of your own habits and become a fit individual is ONE OF the hardest things you can undertake.
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Need2Exerc1se wrote: »it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do.
What?? Why?? Is that a joke? Why would eating less need to be the hardest thing you ever do?
Eating less?
Why the hell would eating less be the hardest thing you do? I never said that.
I said that taking control of your own habits and become a fit individual is ONE OF the hardest things you can undertake.
You said:
"You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do."
In response to a post about wanting to know calorie counts. Sure sounds like you were saying losing weight was supposed to be the hardest thing we do, but perhaps it was just worded poorly.
Hopefully that is the case, and you weren't really saying that the OP not wanting to switch restaurants is somehow suggestive that she wants someone else to lose weight for her.0 -
If one meal is worth ruining a friendship over, she's probably better of without you, anyway.0
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OP clearly identified this post as a "rant'. If you don't agree with her, then whatever. Move on to the next thread.
I don't even like to eat out, so I'd just decline. But that's not what the OP was talking about, either. She would like a little understanding from her friend, but also realizes it's not going to happen and just wanted to vent about it here.0 -
It's surprising that some people seem to be acusing the OP of being a bad friend or person because she doesn't want to switch restaurants, which would seem to indicate that they think the friend that wants to switch is perfectly justified in insisting on a restaurant she knows her friend doesn't want to go to.
Is this considered Motivation and Support?0 -
Why don't you recommend eating at home and cooking a dinner together? You can make whatever you want and if she doesn't like it, she can order take out or delivery.
One thing I've learned is not to expect anyone to cater around my needs. If I don't feel comfortable about something, I say so, and I don't do it. I've also learned not to let calorie counting dominate my life. I'm not saying you are, but that's something I would do. I would avoid going out with people, because I couldn't find the exact calorie count for something I wanted to order. I don't think they're truly accurate anyway, so it's all a guess either way.0 -
loribethrice wrote: »The problem is her, not you. If you guys already had a restaurant chosen and you were both in agreement, then she had no right to choose a different one. Especially one she knew you wouldn't really want to go to. It sounds like she's trying to sabotage your efforts.
Of course the friend has the "right" to choose a different restaurant. Just like the OP has the right to say no.
I don't really see a problem. We eat at a lot of local places that have no nutrition information - I just look up similar foods and get an average - estimate (which is how the calorie information on restaurant websites is obtained - not every chicken breast is the same size, and not every scoop of mashed potatoes is the same size).
If you just don't want Thai, suggest another restaurant. If you guys can't agree on one, stay home.
She's not out to sabotage your efforts. And if she is - that's a reason to end the friendship, not over a dinner out.0 -
You need to find a way to estimate and pick the best choices off the menu. You can't live your life only eating at chains, nor should you expect your friends to organize their lives around your diet. Eat a small meal (lettuce wraps and grilled chicken, skip the rice) and quick count 500 cals, or a big one (pad thai and fried egg rolls) and quick count 1200. (Etiquette tip: If you go to someone's house for dinner, you also can't insist that they provide you a nutritional breakdown.)
You might be losing weight, but you're still making excuses. If you fail again, it'll be because your friend sabotaged you or your foot this or your dance classes that or blah blah blah. Look at the big picture, take some responsibility, and make good choices for what you have control over.0 -
it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do.
I love this response. Its 100% spot on.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »It's surprising that some people seem to be acusing the OP of being a bad friend or person because she doesn't want to switch restaurants, which would seem to indicate that they think the friend that wants to switch is perfectly justified in insisting on a restaurant she knows her friend doesn't want to go to.
Is this considered Motivation and Support?
I don't think anyone is accusing the OP of being a bad friend or person.
She is frustrated because her friend doesn't seem to be taking her desires into consideration. Welcome to the club. I think what everyone is trying to say here is "get used to it" because we all have had to learn to work around these things.
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Please don't let this become an issue. When I am invited out, I just try to make healthy choices...if there aren't any, then ask for a to-go container and put half of the food in there before you begin eating which will help keep you from overeating. Though I agree your friend was a giant B for wanting to change the restaurant after you've already agreed on one, girl, pick your battles.0
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it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do.
I fail to see how he asked his friend to lose weight for her? Did you read the part where she said she doesn't like Thai food anyway? I mean, I wouldn't make my friends go to a chain just so I can get the nutrition info, but if someone picked a restaurant while knowing it's not something I like, that's not cool either.
Anyway, OP deactivated her account.0 -
@yovie
Quoting the last 5 or so venomous comments because it would take too much time and you're not really worth it.
Seeing how you're backlashing blindly which oozes self-entitlement.
You don't understand the concept of real friendship. I'm going on a hunch that you're the Hear-Me-Roar uncompromising type that some people become (fake) friends with because they confuse bad-assery with simpleton arrogance.-1 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do.
What?? Why?? Is that a joke? Why would eating less need to be the hardest thing you ever do?
Eating less?
Why the hell would eating less be the hardest thing you do? I never said that.
I said that taking control of your own habits and become a fit individual is ONE OF the hardest things you can undertake.
You said:
"You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do."
In response to a post about wanting to know calorie counts. Sure sounds like you were saying losing weight was supposed to be the hardest thing we do, but perhaps it was just worded poorly.
Hopefully that is the case, and you weren't really saying that the OP not wanting to switch restaurants is somehow suggestive that she wants someone else to lose weight for her.
No, I said that losing weight and getting your habits under control is ONE OF the hardest things you ever do.
And eating less is not the same thing as losing weight and taking control of your habits and getting fit.
And no, it is NOT supposed to be easy.
It takes years and it's something you have to stick to the rest of your life. Changing a lifetime of bad habits is HARD.
why am I so completely wrong for saying that taking control of your life is hard?
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BansheeCat wrote: »it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
You can say it's "trivial and stupid" in regards to her friend changing up the plans last minute. Good frienships are based on compassion, tolerance, and compromise. Besides, the poster is sick of thai food with or without the diet.
1. She said in her own words that her fitness concerns are trivial and stupid to her friend. They are. She is right. It doesnt mean that her friend cannot decide that this trivial thing doesnt bother her because its important to her friend. But anything that isnt a priority, isn't going to get much attention and other people trying to lose weight, isnt a priority for me. It has to be a priority for them.
2. If the reason she is really frustrated is because her friend chose thai food, and not because she doesnt care enough to choose a restaurant with healthy choices, then her problem isnt with friends sabotaging her weight loss efforts. It's an issue with Thai Food and friends who want to eat it.
There are plenty of things to eat on the menu at a Thai place that are healthy, so you cant use the 'trying to eat healthy' excuse to get mad here. You can only say, UGH I FRAKIN HATE THAI. and then it is a completely different conversation.
But we aren't. The OP said that her issue is that because of her friends' decisions, she is concerned that it will take her longer to lose weight than she wants.
And changing a restaurant isnt the sign of a bad friend at all. It's a sign that you wanted a different restaurant. If any of my friends never speak to me again because I want a burrito, then they weren't my friends to begin with.
Everyone who changes their life is going to have some backlash and anyone who says otherwise is selling something.
Pretty much this. Hasn't anyone ever set dining plans with someone and then the day of decided, "You know what, I'm not in the mood to go to the place we picked. I really want to go to X."
OP really ought to ask her friend why she wants to go to this Chinese/Thai place so badly. Maybe that will let her figure out what other place would be a good compromise.
Oh, and OP - lots of Thai food is healthy. A good amount of Chinese food is, too, especially if you go to a more authentic restaurant, not one that solely caters to the 'typical' American tastes.0 -
BansheeCat wrote: »@yovie
Quoting the last 5 or so venomous comments because it would take too much time and you're not really worth it.
Seeing how you're backlashing blindly which oozes self-entitlement.
You don't understand the concept of real friendship. I'm going on a hunch that you're the Hear-Me-Roar uncompromising type that some people become (fake) friends with because they confuse bad-assery with simpleton arrogance.
its YOOVIE and nope, this is 100% entirely your projection on me.
Im the first to bend and I break far often. I do things for people so Im worth it for them to keep around. I try not to rock the boat, but Ive never been good at it. I try not to get mad or be difficult cause its a good enough reason to not be friends with me anymore. I dont think Im much in looks department, I dont have any family, Im super tall and terribly overweight and I have a crooked face and my chronic physical issues are mega embarrassing and at this point Im thankful for any and everyone who is my friend and would never use a restaurant to gage how much someone loves me and would never save my best friend from learning a lesson that could change her life.
But I really dont like it when someone tells me that there is only one definition of true friendship and it's hers and hers ONLY. I find that to be a close minded and close hearted way of looking at friendship in general.
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I hope you feel lovely about yourself-1
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If you do want to go out, try getting the chicken larb. It's basically just a chicken salad with cabbage instead of regular lettuce.0
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it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do.
I fail to see how he asked his friend to lose weight for her? Did you read the part where she said she doesn't like Thai food anyway? I mean, I wouldn't make my friends go to a chain just so I can get the nutrition info, but if someone picked a restaurant while knowing it's not something I like, that's not cool either.
Anyway, OP deactivated her account.
Because you cant ask other people to change their habits so you can lose weight.
You can only change your own and do the best you can in each situation.
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Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do.
What?? Why?? Is that a joke? Why would eating less need to be the hardest thing you ever do?
Eating less?
Why the hell would eating less be the hardest thing you do? I never said that.
I said that taking control of your own habits and become a fit individual is ONE OF the hardest things you can undertake.
You said:
"You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do."
In response to a post about wanting to know calorie counts. Sure sounds like you were saying losing weight was supposed to be the hardest thing we do, but perhaps it was just worded poorly.
Hopefully that is the case, and you weren't really saying that the OP not wanting to switch restaurants is somehow suggestive that she wants someone else to lose weight for her.
No, I said that losing weight and getting your habits under control is ONE OF the hardest things you ever do.
And eating less is not the same thing as losing weight and taking control of your habits and getting fit.
And no, it is NOT supposed to be easy.
It takes years and it's something you have to stick to the rest of your life. Changing a lifetime of bad habits is HARD.
why am I so completely wrong for saying that taking control of your life is hard?
Geez, calm down. First of all I never said you were 'completely wrong', and your synopsis of what you said is not really what you said, though it may have been what you meant. Only you know what you meant so I perfectly willing to accept your clarification.
Calories or weight loss aside, from the OP's post (which admittedly is one side of the story, but the only side either of us has), the friend seems to be the unreasonable person. If the OP wants to stick to original plans for whatever reason that does not mean she is failing to control her life or her weight.0 -
I'm sure you have all the responses you need in order to deal with the situation, and this one may be repetitive, but here it is--
If this person is a TRUE friend, they will understand. That's it-short and sweet.
You are working hard to take care of yourself and make yourself feel better. It's okay if someone doesn't agree with your choices 100%, but if it's something that you are doing to better yourself, your health, and your overall wellbeing, then a friend will understand.
Also, you aren't always going to be able to go to restaurants that have nutritional info online. What you can do instead is eat a light, healthy snack before you meet up for dinner so you don't feel like you have to clean your plate. Then, browse the menu and find the healthiest option they have. If you cannot find something healthy, then order something anyway, and take half of it home with you. That way you aren't destroying what you've worked so hard for and you've still gotten to hang out with your friend.0 -
it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do.
I fail to see how he asked his friend to lose weight for her? Did you read the part where she said she doesn't like Thai food anyway? I mean, I wouldn't make my friends go to a chain just so I can get the nutrition info, but if someone picked a restaurant while knowing it's not something I like, that's not cool either.
Anyway, OP deactivated her account.
Oh that is sad. Man, this site is only for those with a thick hide. Some people here are not nice.0 -
Basil chicken would be a fairly healthy choice. Since they cook most things after you order at Thai places, you can ask them to use less fat if you need to or with more vegetables.0
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