This is causing problems with my friends
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Honestly, it's one meal. If neither of you are willing to compromise, you're clearly not being good friends to each other. You're not always only going to be able to eat the things you like.
My advice? Be the bigger person, go out for dinner to the Thai place. If they have their menu online (nutrition or no) look at your options; there are tons of healthy Thai dishes that are loaded with veggies and protein. You could get something like cashew chicken (which at most places is around 500-600 cals tops), it's chalked full of protein and healthy fats, and if 500 cals is too much for you for dinner, eat half.
You can't expect others to compromise if you won't. I doubt she's doing it to spite you or wants to ruin your weight loss attempt. I'm sure that as your friend she's done things for/with you that weren't the top of her priority list either.0 -
endlessloser wrote: »Eldamiano, are you a troll or did you wake up on the wrong side of bed this morning? I'm not going to respond to any more of your posts. MFP is a place for support and this morning I've seen you go from post to post to post trying to provoke people.
While you are on the "motivation and support" board, in general, MFP is not a place of support. It's a calorie counter.
Actually you're wrong... read the title of the FORUM: "Motivation and Support"
So yeah, the OP has every right to ask for support.
And people responding have the right to respond in a way they feel appropriate, not by just what one person wants to here. That is what a forum is about.-1 -
endlessloser wrote: »Eldamiano, are you a troll or did you wake up on the wrong side of bed this morning? I'm not going to respond to any more of your posts. MFP is a place for support and this morning I've seen you go from post to post to post trying to provoke people.
While you are on the "motivation and support" board, in general, MFP is not a place of support. It's a calorie counter.
Actually you're wrong... read the title of the FORUM: "Motivation and Support"
So yeah, the OP has every right to ask for support.
Learn to read.
She said MFP was a place of support. Hence my comment.
I pointed out that we are on the motivation and support board. But IN GENERAL MFP is NOT a place of support. It is merely a calorie counting website.
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Most calorie counts on restaurant websites are estimates. Depending on who is preparing the meal, it could vary by. What you think you are eating, could be a lot more.
Also, try putting yourself in your friend's shoes. Maybe she has her reasons for changing restaurants. There are two sides to this story and I bet if we hear her story, it wouldn't paint you in the best of light. I can imagine she would say that you are inflexible and don't understand why she would want to go to another restaurant.
Try having an honest conversation with her. Ask her why it is so important that she go to another place and tell her why it means so much to you to go to a certain place. You would be surprised at how being open, honest and listen to the other person can get you pretty far in life. Sadly, people don't communicate very well and it leaves too much speculation on both sides and people getting hurt.0 -
I was supposed to go out to dinner with a friend tomorrow, and we had a restaurant planned where the nutrition information is available online, so I can get exact calorie counts. However, as always, she now wants to change and go to a Thai place. I don't really care for Thai/Chinese food (I ate way too much of it in my overeating days, and finally just got sick of it) and also the foods like really unhealthy and there is no nutrition info online.
I'm just frustrated that she doesn't get why it's important to me to go somewhere I can get the calorie count. It probably sounds stupid and trivial to her, but to me it's not just about calorie counts. It's about getting to a healthy weight without taking longer than I need to, because I have some recurring foot injuries that are made worse by my excess weight, and as a result I'm having to miss out on dance classes and projects I could be working on. I don't want to delay my progress all for the sake of some greasy pad thai. Grr.
Rant over.
No reason to rant.. when you fail to plan you plan to fail.
My solution would be to have dinner before dinner.. Grab something health on your own, and then when your at dinner with your friend, you can order something take a few bites and say you're full.
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Commander_Keen wrote: »I was supposed to go out to dinner with a friend tomorrow, and we had a restaurant planned where the nutrition information is available online, so I can get exact calorie counts. However, as always, she now wants to change and go to a Thai place. I don't really care for Thai/Chinese food (I ate way too much of it in my overeating days, and finally just got sick of it) and also the foods like really unhealthy and there is no nutrition info online.
I'm just frustrated that she doesn't get why it's important to me to go somewhere I can get the calorie count. It probably sounds stupid and trivial to her, but to me it's not just about calorie counts. It's about getting to a healthy weight without taking longer than I need to, because I have some recurring foot injuries that are made worse by my excess weight, and as a result I'm having to miss out on dance classes and projects I could be working on. I don't want to delay my progress all for the sake of some greasy pad thai. Grr.
Rant over.
No reason to rant.. when you fail to plan you plan to fail.
My solution would be to have dinner before dinner.. Grab something health on your own, and then when your at dinner with your friend, you can order something take a few bites and say you're full.
why waste food and money doing this?
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I have been having this same issue myself. I have found that going out and having a good time with your friends every now and again is a good thing. It keeps you connected with the people who care about you. You are the one on the diet, not them. I use to get upset that I was going to gain my weight back and then turn around and redo the hard work I put in already. Not a good way to think, at least in my case anyway. What's the point of trying to live longer if you aren't enjoying any of it and enjoying the people in your life. You will lose the weight. One bad meal won't make you gain all your weight back just like one good meal won't make you lose it.0
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You can probably manage if you get steamed rice and vegetables with some chicken and keep the portions small. Save extra food for the next day if the portions are really large. Avoid anything deep fried, cut out the alcohol and dessert if you want to ease your conscience. But one meal won't harm you.
I'd suggest alternating restaurant choices with your friend. Basically if she's choosing the restaurant, next time you get to choose. I don't think that's unreasonable to ask.0 -
It sounds like the bigger issue here is that you feel your friend is not supporting you in your efforts to lose weight. You can expect that many (if not most) people in your life won't. Or they may say they do, but they are not going to bend everything in their life to accommodate you. And that is as it should be too. It is YOUR lifestyle change, not theirs. So, you need to either find a way to fit eating with them into your life (i.e. get a steamed dish when you eat out), or you have to stop eating out with them if you will not bend on the "must have nutritional info on the menu".0
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it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do.-1 -
I was supposed to go out to dinner with a friend tomorrow, and we had a restaurant planned where the nutrition information is available online, so I can get exact calorie counts. However, as always, she now wants to change and go to a Thai place. I don't really care for Thai/Chinese food (I ate way too much of it in my overeating days, and finally just got sick of it) and also the foods like really unhealthy and there is no nutrition info online.
I'm just frustrated that she doesn't get why it's important to me to go somewhere I can get the calorie count. It probably sounds stupid and trivial to her, but to me it's not just about calorie counts. It's about getting to a healthy weight without taking longer than I need to, because I have some recurring foot injuries that are made worse by my excess weight, and as a result I'm having to miss out on dance classes and projects I could be working on. I don't want to delay my progress all for the sake of some greasy pad thai. Grr.
Rant over.
Just assume it's ignorance. Some people don't understand what, more like "how", you're dieting. People who don't think about it can be oblivious or assume you'll have half on the plate, skip the rice, or get sauce on the side, etc.
Aside from the diet--just tell her you're sick of Thai food and you're excited try *meal at such n' such original restaurant idea* That's good reason enough! If she's still fussy then tell to stop being such a brat. Friends love being called that.
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it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
You can say it's "trivial and stupid" in regards to her friend changing up the plans last minute. Good frienships are based on compassion, tolerance, and compromise. Besides, the poster is sick of thai food with or without the diet.
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I tried to appease her with a Japanese restaurant that has the calorie counts, and she was like 'what is wrong with [the one she suggested?' I told her I didn't really like that stuff, which she knows, and she was like, well you just suggested the Japanese one which is the same thing (it's not, it's more like healthy, less greasy stir fries). Sigh. I'm over it. No dinner with this friend any more.
Sometimes this really is the only solution. You gave her two options (the original and the Japanese) plus multiple others if online nutrition is your criteria. If she really wanted to dine with you, she'd choose something other than the one place you don't want to go.0 -
it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do.
What?? Why?? Is that a joke? Why would eating less need to be the hardest thing you ever do?0 -
BansheeCat wrote: »it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
You can say it's "trivial and stupid" in regards to her friend changing up the plans last minute. Good frienships are based on compassion, tolerance, and compromise. Besides, the poster is sick of thai food with or without the diet.
1. She said in her own words that her fitness concerns are trivial and stupid to her friend. They are. She is right. It doesnt mean that her friend cannot decide that this trivial thing doesnt bother her because its important to her friend. But anything that isnt a priority, isn't going to get much attention and other people trying to lose weight, isnt a priority for me. It has to be a priority for them.
2. If the reason she is really frustrated is because her friend chose thai food, and not because she doesnt care enough to choose a restaurant with healthy choices, then her problem isnt with friends sabotaging her weight loss efforts. It's an issue with Thai Food and friends who want to eat it.
There are plenty of things to eat on the menu at a Thai place that are healthy, so you cant use the 'trying to eat healthy' excuse to get mad here. You can only say, UGH I FRAKIN HATE THAI. and then it is a completely different conversation.
But we aren't. The OP said that her issue is that because of her friends' decisions, she is concerned that it will take her longer to lose weight than she wants.
And changing a restaurant isnt the sign of a bad friend at all. It's a sign that you wanted a different restaurant. If any of my friends never speak to me again because I want a burrito, then they weren't my friends to begin with.
Everyone who changes their life is going to have some backlash and anyone who says otherwise is selling something.
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BansheeCat wrote: »I was supposed to go out to dinner with a friend tomorrow, and we had a restaurant planned where the nutrition information is available online, so I can get exact calorie counts. However, as always, she now wants to change and go to a Thai place. I don't really care for Thai/Chinese food (I ate way too much of it in my overeating days, and finally just got sick of it) and also the foods like really unhealthy and there is no nutrition info online.
I'm just frustrated that she doesn't get why it's important to me to go somewhere I can get the calorie count. It probably sounds stupid and trivial to her, but to me it's not just about calorie counts. It's about getting to a healthy weight without taking longer than I need to, because I have some recurring foot injuries that are made worse by my excess weight, and as a result I'm having to miss out on dance classes and projects I could be working on. I don't want to delay my progress all for the sake of some greasy pad thai. Grr.
Rant over.
Just assume it's ignorance. Some people don't understand what, more like "how", you're dieting. People who don't think about it can be oblivious or assume you'll have half on the plate, skip the rice, or get sauce on the side, etc.
Aside from the diet--just tell her you're sick of Thai food and you're excited try *meal at such n' such original restaurant idea* That's good reason enough! If she's still fussy then tell to stop being such a brat. Friends love being called that.
Its not really ignorance.
I dont care about other people dieting. Often, they need to diet because they forgot how to control their own intake and habits. To fix that, they have to relearn how.
They cant do that if other people are doing it for them.
Its completely about taking control.
Why she didnt say No and suggest something else instead? Cause that would have required her to take the wheel, she is using this to rant about others not helping her when she knows it is her own responsibility and no one elses.
Ranting is fine as long as you know who's job it really is at the end of the day.
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Need2Exerc1se wrote: »it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do.
What?? Why?? Is that a joke? Why would eating less need to be the hardest thing you ever do?
Eating less?
Why the hell would eating less be the hardest thing you do? I never said that.
I said that taking control of your own habits and become a fit individual is ONE OF the hardest things you can undertake.
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Need2Exerc1se wrote: »it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do.
What?? Why?? Is that a joke? Why would eating less need to be the hardest thing you ever do?
Eating less?
Why the hell would eating less be the hardest thing you do? I never said that.
I said that taking control of your own habits and become a fit individual is ONE OF the hardest things you can undertake.
You said:
"You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do."
In response to a post about wanting to know calorie counts. Sure sounds like you were saying losing weight was supposed to be the hardest thing we do, but perhaps it was just worded poorly.
Hopefully that is the case, and you weren't really saying that the OP not wanting to switch restaurants is somehow suggestive that she wants someone else to lose weight for her.0 -
If one meal is worth ruining a friendship over, she's probably better of without you, anyway.0
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OP clearly identified this post as a "rant'. If you don't agree with her, then whatever. Move on to the next thread.
I don't even like to eat out, so I'd just decline. But that's not what the OP was talking about, either. She would like a little understanding from her friend, but also realizes it's not going to happen and just wanted to vent about it here.0
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