Okay to use the words "thin" and "skinny", but not "fat"
jannickegn574
Posts: 8 Member
My entire life I've lost and put on weight.
What bothers me is that every single time I've put on weight, nobody says a single word. So the routine has been that once every other year or so when I've lost weight, everyone comes with a big smile and says how good I look and that I've lost weight.
Now, when I'm as thin as I've ever been, people say that I look so healthy and compliments me on doing so well at losing weight. It's hurtful as I didn't even intend on losing this much and struggle to find a balance.
The thing is, people always seem to think that when you look thin, you are healthy.
They say "you've become so thin", but why is that concidered a compliment?
I always think to myself that it's wrong to say those things, and feel like responding with a comment that "well, you didn't say "you've become so fat" seven months ago".
I know people, including myself, that struggle with putting on weight and struggle with food intake no matter what size they are.
The comments including "skinny" and "thin" are approved everywhere, but don't you dare say anything including the words "put on weight" or "fat".
I'm not healthier now that I've lost weight, I struggle every day with low energy and thoughts about food and myself.
Does anyone else feel the same about this? And what can I respond with to those comments without being rude? I prefer people not commenting on my weight no matter what, and I never comment on other people's weight unless they bring up the issue themselves.
What bothers me is that every single time I've put on weight, nobody says a single word. So the routine has been that once every other year or so when I've lost weight, everyone comes with a big smile and says how good I look and that I've lost weight.
Now, when I'm as thin as I've ever been, people say that I look so healthy and compliments me on doing so well at losing weight. It's hurtful as I didn't even intend on losing this much and struggle to find a balance.
The thing is, people always seem to think that when you look thin, you are healthy.
They say "you've become so thin", but why is that concidered a compliment?
I always think to myself that it's wrong to say those things, and feel like responding with a comment that "well, you didn't say "you've become so fat" seven months ago".
I know people, including myself, that struggle with putting on weight and struggle with food intake no matter what size they are.
The comments including "skinny" and "thin" are approved everywhere, but don't you dare say anything including the words "put on weight" or "fat".
I'm not healthier now that I've lost weight, I struggle every day with low energy and thoughts about food and myself.
Does anyone else feel the same about this? And what can I respond with to those comments without being rude? I prefer people not commenting on my weight no matter what, and I never comment on other people's weight unless they bring up the issue themselves.
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It's because most people in our culture are too fat and want to be thinner/lighter, so always see weight loss as a good thing and weight gain as a bad thing. (how much extra fat someone has may vary, but even people who don't look that fat or who aren't fat according to BMI or body fat percentage often want to lose a bit more fat to reach their ideal) ......Common courtesy tells most people that it's not polite to comment on bad things in other people, but it's nice to compliment them on good things. So they compliment people on losing weight and never mention it if someone's gained weight. I think most people don't think about this issue all that much, so only view it on this very superficial level, and don't question giving compliments to people on losing weight, or realise that some people might be underweight and trying to gain weight.
Yep people probably should be a bit more aware, but do bear in mind that most people don't give weight loss/gain more than a second's thought, so it's not like they're deliberately trying to annoy or upset you... mostly they have no idea at all. Probably the best thing for people you know reasonably well is to rehearse a very simple response, e.g. if they say "that's great you've lost weight" say something simple like "well it's not great, because I'm underweight and trying to gain weight" and leave it at that... it's enough to let them know what's going on and will probably stop them making the same comment again in the future.... for people you don't know, then just ignore them, or smile and say thank you (it was intended as a compliment) and don't feel obliged to explain anything to them0 -
I personally think the words skinny and thin sound like your unwell. I prefer 'Slim' If someone told me I was skinny I would think I was too underweight and need to eat more.
The best compliment I had was when I was 12/13 stone and a man said I was 'velumpious' it actually made me feel happy that I was the weight I was. Another one was Ruben-esq, which for those who aren't into art, they are beautiful paintings of women of the larger size. This however was a man in his later years (I worked behind a bar) so he was part of the dying breed which is 'The Gentleman'0 -
if someone called you fat, you would be on here complaining that your family called you fat...0
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I'm in the USA and "you've become so thin" would strike me as an expression of concern, not a compliment.
Best wishes with your struggle. I have a formerly-heavy friend in my local weight-loss support group who is also trying to find a balance and is currently trying to gain. I know that it's real and it's concerning.0 -
I think the real issue is disconnecting from what anyone says about your weight and body. It's just not worth the stress to get riled up, to think of a comeback, to feel indignant that someone doesn't realize "skinny" isn't a compliment. This is just my opinion, of course, but so many people on here (understandably) get upset about people's comments, but people will say what they will say. Maybe a rare person would change if you say something, but I find that if I work on not caring what people say, I feel more at peace.0
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It's only on places like this that "thin" or "skinny" sound bad. To the rest of the world… neither thin nor skinny has the negative connotation that "fat" does. They are trying to give you a compliment. When you were heavier… they were trying to be polite. If you really feel like you are too thin to be healthy… you may try just graciously thanking them for the compliment, but explain that your goal is to be healthy and you feel like you aren't there yet.0
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TavistockToad wrote: »if someone called you fat, you would be on here complaining that your family called you fat...
Of course. But the issue I'm trying to bring up here is that nobody says "fat" because they know it's rude and not acceptable, but then they use the words "thin" and "skinny" without blinking an eye.0 -
jannickegn574 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »if someone called you fat, you would be on here complaining that your family called you fat...
Of course. But the issue I'm trying to bring up here is that nobody says "fat" because they know it's rude and not acceptable, but then they use the words "thin" and "skinny" without blinking an eye.
It's something called life which is unfair at times.
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My advice - when someone compliments you, even in a clumsy, awkward, or politically incorrect manner, accept it graciously and allow yourself a moment to feel good about yourself. Too many interactions in life involve indifference, callousness or rudeness, so appreciate the good intentions without over-thinking it...0
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jannickegn574 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »if someone called you fat, you would be on here complaining that your family called you fat...
Of course. But the issue I'm trying to bring up here is that nobody says "fat" because they know it's rude and not acceptable, but then they use the words "thin" and "skinny" without blinking an eye.
i dont find 'thin' rude... i wouldnt want to be called skinny, as i'm not trying to be 'skinny' but thats personal preference.
as the saying goes 'you are not fat, you have fat' its the public perception of 'fat' being a negative word not just a descriptive one thats the problem.0 -
This didn't fit the post as much as I'd meant it to. Deleting.
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I always thought it was rude to comment on someone's weight at all. I get uncomfortable when people make comments about my weight or ask how much I lost. I am proud of my progress, but I don't need to boast about it or anything. On the other hand, I had a neighbor who blatantly told me several times before I decided to lose the weight that I was getting chubby and that they were worried about me. That made me much more uncomfortable.0
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From losing the weight I've lost, I feel like people have told me I look amazing. They haven't necessarily used thin because well, let's face it, I have a long way to go still to be considered "thin". BUT what I'm getting at is that when I lost weight I started to look better because I dressed better, felt more confident and that projects almost like radiance about yourself: you just feel amazing (or at least I did) and that's that what people noticed.
When you're in a period of gaining, which I've gone through too to get to where I am, you aren't as confident, you might be stressed or upset or tired because you have so many things going on. All of these things gets rid of that confidence you project when you feel good.
I know "fat" is considered taboo and you're not supposed to mention when people are gaining weight because it's offensive, however I try not to say people look thin or skinny because in reality, I notice their whole attitude has changed because they feel good about themselves and I think that's probably why people notice you've lost weight. Maybe you don't feel so great right now because you're struggling with a balance but I try to think they have the best intentions
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We're much too thin skinned as a culture. When I speak of such issues, being politically correct is just not happening.
I use the word "fat" as well as "skinny". In fact, an associate was talking smack about obesity, and I pointed out to him that he was no better as a smoker who is rail "skinny-fat".
Our reasons to view truth as being unkind is part of the problem with our society.
People need to buck up!
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To call someone fat is seen as rude but to call someone skinny is somehow a compliment. As a person who has been both fat and skinny i sometimes wish that those close to me could be a bit more honest and tell me when I'm starting to slip. It's not healthy to be fat and you'd have to go a long way to convince me that fat people really are as happy as they claim they are - I for one was never happy when I was fat. I'm all for honesty but in a nice way - there's no need for nastiness or causing unnecessary hurt.0
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I don't see "thin" and "skinny" as being in the same light. I feel like skinny has a negative connotation and thin has positive a one.
Meaning, I would love it if someone called me thin. Seriously.0 -
I tend not to comment on people's weight either. It's not my business, and I don't want to contribute to "fat talk." But the truth is that our society values thinness and people think they are paying you a compliment. It's hard because body issues are so wrapped up in what others think and what we think that they think. I think you are on the right track in acknowledging very clearly to yourself that your current weight is too low and noticing the effect others' words have on you. The more you are aware the better able you will be to let go of their words and stick to your truth. Best of luck in getting back to your healthy and happy weight range
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I've always been more or less thin my whole life, and have never considered it to be an insult or negative in any way. Now if someone were to use the terms scrawny or skeletal or wasting away that sounds pretty obnoxious, but I'd shrug it off as their issue, not mine. But then again, I generally don't care what people think anyway. As long as I think I'm awesome, I am. (*)0
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Sorry, but "skinny" and "thin" do not have the negative connotation in our society that "fat" does.
Body shaming sucks no matter who it is happening to and nobody should be comfortable with it -- but our society, as a whole, sets thinness up as a goal women in particular should strive for. "Oh you look so thin!" can legitimately seen as a compliment - it can also be seen as an expression of concern - but that might phrased "You are looking too thin". "Oh you look so fat" will never be anything other than an insult.
In general, I don't think it's ever appropriate to comment on another's weight/fatness or thinness unless you are very close to a person and very careful about what you are saying and have nothing but the most genuine of concern tempered with a good measure of knowing another person's body isn't actually your business. But setting it up like thin/skinny have just as negative as a connotation as fat is well... in my opinion misguided. You can not like to be called skinny or thin -- that's totally understandable. But it has nothing to do with "fat" not being seen as appropriate to call another person.0 -
OH man, do I agree so hard. My husband got sick and one of the side effects is his the more he sees/smells food, the more signals to the brain the stomach sends tricking his brain into thinking he's full, so food is always unappealing to him. He's lost 75lbs, and while he was overweight before, his BMI now puts him just underweight and it's a struggle for him to put on weight. People (especially my sisters) ALWAYS remark at how skinny he is, and it makes him really uncomfortable. But my sisters who are the ones that remark the most, are really obese, pushing morbidly so, and he would never tell any of them that they are fat because he doesn't want to make them uncomfortable.
I don't think we should ban use of words like fat, skinny, chubby, etc.., and instead I'm all for people saying what IS. If someone is skinny, so be it, and if someone is fat, so be it as well - own your body people, we made them this way!0 -
Mommaspoon1 wrote: »To call someone fat is seen as rude but to call someone skinny is somehow a compliment. As a person who has been both fat and skinny i sometimes wish that those close to me could be a bit more honest and tell me when I'm starting to slip. It's not healthy to be fat and you'd have to go a long way to convince me that fat people really are as happy as they claim they are - I for one was never happy when I was fat. I'm all for honesty but in a nice way - there's no need for nastiness or causing unnecessary hurt.
I don't know how I feel about this - I'm by no means thin (I wear a US size 16 jeans) however, I started at a 22 and at 320lbs. Now I wasn't happy there myself but after I lost my first 70 lbs, I realized it was other factors that greatly contributed to the unhappiness. For example, I was eating crap all the time which changes your mood greatly, I was in a bad relationship (which only got worse as I lost weight) and I was stressed all the time.
On the other hand of this, I know a couple women who are size 20, 22, 24, etc and they have no desire to be any smaller than they are. Is it healthy? Well carrying around a lot of extra weight is going to cause stress on your joints eventually but they're happy. They don't want to lose weight and no amount of trying I do gets them to come to a spin class with me. They don't judge me because I wanted to lose weight, they support me. And for that reason, I have to say each person's happiness is not up to others to understand. So for you to say you don't think fat people are really as happy as they say is a little unfair because you don't know if they're genuinely happy - they might just be. You weren't happy at your biggest and I wasn't happy at mine, but my friend who is size 22 and is happy then I am happy for her. She's a beautiful woman and I wouldn't want to try and get her to be someone she's not. Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating for obesity, I'm just saying that what makes others happy isn't up to us to judge - lots of people love smoking and it's horrible for you. I think just letting others be happy in their own right is really all you need to do and when/if the time comes they are no longer happy, they have friends like us to help them through the challenge because we've already been there
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I definitely see your point. The simplest option may just to be to tell anyone who comments that it makes you uncomfortable to discuss your body as you feel it's a private concern, whether you've increased or decreased in weight. Say that you appreciate the sentiment but would feel more comfortable having no mention of your weight (and/or appearance?) in conversation.0
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I've had a lot of comments and compliments since I started my weight loss journey and have now reached my goal. What I find most "in your face" is when someone asks me "so how much weight did you lose?" And it is even people that I hardly know, that ask me. It always catches me off-guard. Mostly because I can't believe that people ask that question. My pat answer is "a lot". And I leave it at that. One woman really pressed me for an answer, so I finally said "there are only 3 people that know that number, and you are not going to be #4". I hated to be rude, but geez ... come on!! But yes, I've been called skinny, "heh slim", things like that. It gets to where all you can do is just smile and let it go. Or when they make a comment about how you look, say thanks and leave it at that. Hopefully, somebody else will follow your lead, lose some weight, and THEY will become the focal point instead of you. At least, that's my hope anyway.0
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Nobody would say anything if you were clearly underweight either. Nobody walks up to anorexic girls and says "wow you're a little on the skinny side." (Well, they might, but not any more frequently than people would tell fat people to lose weight). You were complimented because you looked like you were in the RANGE of healthy, normal weight. You can be below that, and you can be above that. Being below or above will have health problems. So no, people aren't going to stop themselves from remarking on what they feel is a good job you've done to maintain your weight at a normal level, and they shouldn't. If you don't like how you feel, then gain some weight while staying in the normal healthy range.0
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I have been called fat and told that I am thin now ( I am in now way thin). I bet you can tell which one I prefer...0
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jannickegn574 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »if someone called you fat, you would be on here complaining that your family called you fat...
Of course. But the issue I'm trying to bring up here is that nobody says "fat" because they know it's rude and not acceptable, but then they use the words "thin" and "skinny" without blinking an eye.
News flash. Everyone wants to be thin. Yeah, yeah. Queue the chorus of, "I don't want to be thin, I want to be strong." Strong and thin or strong and fat? I thought so. Look at every magazine. Every catalog. Every clothing website. Look at womens underwear ads. Look at mens underwear packages in fact. See any 250lb guys on their? Nope. Store mannequins. All small. Even in the plus size section they're only slightly larger. Everyone on TV who's not "the funny friend." You guessed it. Thin. Everyone from old photos before everyone in America started ballooning up. Yup. All thin people. The kids who made fun of me in elementary school? Thin. Jr high? Thin. High school? Nevermind, only time I was thin since I lost a little weight. Didn't get made fun of. Why? Because I was thin! People want to be thin. People don't want to be fat. Stop whining. Enjoy being thin. You have it made.
I understand your bitterness. I was bullied for being overweight too. But, people of all shapes and sizes are bullied, including those who are thin. I have personally witnessed it as well befriended people who have experienced horrific bullying for being thin or underweight. Bullying is never okay and is always harmful, no matter who is the perpetrator or who is the victim. And no, not everyone wants to thin. I aspire to have thick, muscular legs and defined lats. But hey, that's me.0 -
When I was younger, I found it hard to keep weight on. I worked in a hospital and one day a very over weight doctor stopped me in the corridor and said " aren't you skinny, don't you eat? That's not healthy" before I could reply, she was off. Just as well. Now, if I had said to her "aren't you fat?" She would be outraged.0
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I've always thought commenting on someone's weight, no matter the size, was rude. But the descriptives of fat, thin, etc are not rude unto themselves IMO.0
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Wow i have never heard anyone say they did not want to be complimented after they lose weight. It seems like proper etiquette to me or being politically correct to notice that someone has lost weight. I feel bad because when I notice that someone is thinner I make a conscious effort to say something to them and in my experiences they are more than pleased that someone has noticed. I agree with one of the posters that said we don't bring up the "bad things" in people like weight gain. We are really unsure if that person was purposely trying to put the weight on or if it is something that happened. I personally can't wait to lose enough weight so that people will notice and compliment me. I would feel so bad if someone acknowledged weight gain and brought it to my attention as if I did not all ready know. I guess to each his own. One thing I did not take into consideration when talking about weight loss is what if the person has a medical condition and did not mean to lose weight; complimenting may be inappropriate. Something to think about.0
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