Okay to use the words "thin" and "skinny", but not "fat"

OH man, do I agree so hard. My husband got sick and one of the side effects is his the more he sees/smells food, the more signals to the brain the stomach sends tricking his brain into thinking he's full, so food is always unappealing to him. He's lost 75lbs, and while he was overweight before, his BMI now puts him just underweight and it's a struggle for him to put on weight. People (especially my sisters) ALWAYS remark at how skinny he is, and it makes him really uncomfortable. But my sisters who are the ones that remark the most, are really obese, pushing morbidly so, and he would never tell any of them that they are fat because he doesn't want to make them uncomfortable.

I don't think we should ban use of words like fat, skinny, chubby, etc.., and instead I'm all for people saying what IS. If someone is skinny, so be it, and if someone is fat, so be it as well - own your body people, we made them this way!

I definitely see your point. The simplest option may just to be to tell anyone who comments that it makes you uncomfortable to discuss your body as you feel it's a private concern, whether you've increased or decreased in weight. Say that you appreciate the sentiment but would feel more comfortable having no mention of your weight (and/or appearance?) in conversation.

Nobody would say anything if you were clearly underweight either. Nobody walks up to anorexic girls and says "wow you're a little on the skinny side." (Well, they might, but not any more frequently than people would tell fat people to lose weight). You were complimented because you looked like you were in the RANGE of healthy, normal weight. You can be below that, and you can be above that. Being below or above will have health problems. So no, people aren't going to stop themselves from remarking on what they feel is a good job you've done to maintain your weight at a normal level, and they shouldn't. If you don't like how you feel, then gain some weight while staying in the normal healthy range.

BFDeal wrote: »

jannickegn574 wrote: »

TavistockToad wrote: »

if someone called you fat, you would be on here complaining that your family called you fat...

Of course. But the issue I'm trying to bring up here is that nobody says "fat" because they know it's rude and not acceptable, but then they use the words "thin" and "skinny" without blinking an eye.

News flash. Everyone wants to be thin. Yeah, yeah. Queue the chorus of, "I don't want to be thin, I want to be strong." Strong and thin or strong and fat? I thought so. Look at every magazine. Every catalog. Every clothing website. Look at womens underwear ads. Look at mens underwear packages in fact. See any 250lb guys on their? Nope. Store mannequins. All small. Even in the plus size section they're only slightly larger. Everyone on TV who's not "the funny friend." You guessed it. Thin. Everyone from old photos before everyone in America started ballooning up. Yup. All thin people. The kids who made fun of me in elementary school? Thin. Jr high? Thin. High school? Nevermind, only time I was thin since I lost a little weight. Didn't get made fun of. Why? Because I was thin! People want to be thin. People don't want to be fat. Stop whining. Enjoy being thin. You have it made.

I understand your bitterness. I was bullied for being overweight too. But, people of all shapes and sizes are bullied, including those who are thin. I have personally witnessed it as well befriended people who have experienced horrific bullying for being thin or underweight. Bullying is never okay and is always harmful, no matter who is the perpetrator or who is the victim. And no, not everyone wants to thin. I aspire to have thick, muscular legs and defined lats. But hey, that's me.

I've always thought commenting on someone's weight, no matter the size, was rude. But the descriptives of fat, thin, etc are not rude unto themselves IMO.

TheNoLeafClover wrote: »

BFDeal wrote: »

jannickegn574 wrote: »

TavistockToad wrote: »

if someone called you fat, you would be on here complaining that your family called you fat...

Of course. But the issue I'm trying to bring up here is that nobody says "fat" because they know it's rude and not acceptable, but then they use the words "thin" and "skinny" without blinking an eye.

News flash. Everyone wants to be thin. Yeah, yeah. Queue the chorus of, "I don't want to be thin, I want to be strong." Strong and thin or strong and fat? I thought so. Look at every magazine. Every catalog. Every clothing website. Look at womens underwear ads. Look at mens underwear packages in fact. See any 250lb guys on their? Nope. Store mannequins. All small. Even in the plus size section they're only slightly larger. Everyone on TV who's not "the funny friend." You guessed it. Thin. Everyone from old photos before everyone in America started ballooning up. Yup. All thin people. The kids who made fun of me in elementary school? Thin. Jr high? Thin. High school? Nevermind, only time I was thin since I lost a little weight. Didn't get made fun of. Why? Because I was thin! People want to be thin. People don't want to be fat. Stop whining. Enjoy being thin. You have it made.

I understand your bitterness. I was bullied for being overweight too. But, people of all shapes and sizes are bullied, including those who are thin. I have personally witnessed it as well befriended people who have experienced horrific bullying for being thin or underweight. Bullying is never okay and is always harmful, no matter who is the perpetrator or who is the victim. And no, not everyone wants to thin. I aspire to have thick, muscular, legs and defined lats. But hey, that's me.

I agree - there are some women who are a size 0 and when they go shopping they're just as frustrated because nothing fits them properly - there's a very fine line where things will fit you and make you look like the model and where you just hate how you look. I think every woman is self conscious about something - legs, butt, stomach, thighs, nose, boobs, etc. We all have something. And I don't know that everyone wants to be "thin", women just want to feel good about themselves, they want that confidence that so few of us seem to ever get. And how do we get it? Well according to the media, it's by being thin. We all want to be thin because we really just want the confidence and to be happy and the media has told us that to be happy, you have to be thin, period.

There are some cultures (past and present) where being big is celebrated. They don't have the same type of media influence that we do, so really can you honestly say it isn't just the media telling us this is how we get happy?

I kind of understand where you're coming from. I have a friend who will say "you're getting so skinny". It drives me up a wall! First, I am far from skinny or even a healthy weight yet. Second, "skinny" to me is unhealthy and a bad thing. I usually try to say thanks, but I'm not skinny. I think if our culture was less "politically correct" and actually discussed with their family and friends when they started getting fat we might have less of an obesity problem. I saw a discussion with an Asian and the people brought up weight and the Asian said that one reason why people in their culture tend to stay thinner is because everyone keeps everyone else in check. If a friend is gaining some weight they say hey, you're putting on weight. Looks like you need to cut back. I don't understand why our culture feels it's rude to let a loved one know that they are putting their life in danger and are looking like crap when they start gaining weight.

I don't know how I feel about this - I'm by no means thin (I wear a US size 16 jeans) however, I started at a 22 and at 320lbs. Now I wasn't happy there myself but after I lost my first 70 lbs, I realized it was other factors that greatly contributed to the unhappiness. For example, I was eating crap all the time which changes your mood greatly, I was in a bad relationship (which only got worse as I lost weight) and I was stressed all the time.

On the other hand of this, I know a couple women who are size 20, 22, 24, etc and they have no desire to be any smaller than they are. Is it healthy? Well carrying around a lot of extra weight is going to cause stress on your joints eventually but they're happy. They don't want to lose weight and no amount of trying I do gets them to come to a spin class with me. They don't judge me because I wanted to lose weight, they support me. And for that reason, I have to say each person's happiness is not up to others to understand. So for you to say you don't think fat people are really as happy as they say is a little unfair because you don't know if they're genuinely happy - they might just be. You weren't happy at your biggest and I wasn't happy at mine, but my friend who is size 22 and is happy then I am happy for her. She's a beautiful woman and I wouldn't want to try and get her to be someone she's not. Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating for obesity, I'm just saying that what makes others happy isn't up to us to judge - lots of people love smoking and it's horrible for you. I think just letting others be happy in their own right is really all you need to do and when/if the time comes they are no longer happy, they have friends like us to help them through the challenge because we've already been there

[/quote]

I agree with not judging people - I wouldn't like to be judged myself simply on my size and I can only speak for myself as i don't know how other feel but I do know lots of people who were "really happy" when they were fat who subsequently decided that they could never to back to being overweight once they'd slimmed down (myself included) so it does make you wonder.