How to encourage without hurting feelings?

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24

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  • PokeyBug
    PokeyBug Posts: 482 Member
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    joanthemom8 wrote: »
    I keep my diary closed. I know when I ate too much junk or not. If I had an open diary, I'd be tempted to fib a bit to save face. I don't usually look at my friends food diaries (if they are open), but if I do, I will only comment on the good things or not say anything at all. I won't sugar-coat something, I'll just not comment.

    I don't look at anyone's food diary, unless they ask a general question, like, "What could I have done differently on such-and-such day?" I keep mine closed, lol, because I don't want to feel judged for not always getting 1200 calories a day. (In my friends' defense, no one ever said anything. It's all the general forum comments from people who refuse to believe I will lose any weight if I only eat 1000 calories.)

    Gordie, I totally understand where you're coming from. You want to be helpful and supportive, but I think you need to be sure of having the kind of a relationship with that person where they will appreciate your input, rather than get offended.
  • Lisa760
    Lisa760 Posts: 113 Member
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    "Hey, I see you like (insert crappy food). Have you ever tried (insert healthy alternative) as a substitute?? It's fricken phenomenal AND saves some calories. You should totally try it! Keep up the good work!"

    ... or some variation that encourages your MFP buddy.
  • shai74
    shai74 Posts: 512 Member
    edited October 2014
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    GordieLaChance wrote: »
    Hello everyone,

    I'm new to MFP and I'd like to be interactive and helpful to my MFP pals. I've noticed some people seem to think they're eating healthy by simply cutting calories. Problem is, the calories they consume are garbage calories.

    How would one kindly say, 'you're under your goal, but the food you're eating is absolutely terrible!' without hurting feelings?

    You are not allowed to comment, sorry. Those here who believe a calorie is a calorie and you can use up your 1500 cal alottment on whatever you like (pizza, McDonalds, icecream) will come around to your house and force feed you cookies until you die.

    If you don't believe me, just start a forum titled "clean eating" or "paleo" or "low carb" and then brace yourself. Only the strong survive around here.

    Example: someone whining the other day they were always hungry. I suggest reducing their sugar intake a bit and upping their fat/protein. Remember, they ASKED for advice. The response was a rant about how they were NEVER giving up their COKE.

    ... sigh ... gonna be hungry then.
  • WorkoutJunkie1
    WorkoutJunkie1 Posts: 183
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    Right now, I ran 7.5 miles today because I had around 900-1000 calories. Whenever I eat badly, I try to push myself to the limit. I am not doing 5 miles in one sitting when I used to have to do one 2.5 4 different times. I am doing 2 at one time. If you have a bad diet, you don't have to change it completely, but you just have to do proportion control. Why deprive yourself on foods and junk food you absolutely love? Encouragement is always positive--it might be constructive criticism, but it's positive nevertheless. I think when people think it's negative, they are being told stuff they do not want to hear, but they know it's the truth.
  • cincysweetheart
    cincysweetheart Posts: 892 Member
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    Leave them alone. Healthy eating means something different to everyone anyway. With all due respect… it's none of your business anyway what someone else eats.
  • GordieLaChance
    GordieLaChance Posts: 171
    edited October 2014
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    Perhaps it's none of my business but I was under the impression the purpose of an open diary was for receiving insight. This person added me because she said I seemed inspirational. Alas, I'll keep my trap shut. Thanks for the insight everyone!
  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,262 Member
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    does your pal keep to their calories, exercise?. and are they losing weight. how long have they been doing this? some people start of eating what you call garbage and then re adjust later.
  • GordieLaChance
    GordieLaChance Posts: 171
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    No exercise. Just candy and big macs.
  • I_Will_End_You
    I_Will_End_You Posts: 4,397 Member
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    Is she staying within her calorie goal?
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,590 Member
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    Just say "Hey,have you tried (healthy food)? It's really delicious. Especially with (certain seasonings). It's good for you, too! You'll have more energy during the day!"
  • GordieLaChance
    GordieLaChance Posts: 171
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    She is within her calorie goal but it's the source of her calories that's concerning. From the posters above, I'm seemingly overstepping bounds so from now on I will not worry myself with the eating habits of others.
  • I_Will_End_You
    I_Will_End_You Posts: 4,397 Member
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    Well if she's within her calorie goals and her macros are good, I don't see the problem.
  • beamer0821
    beamer0821 Posts: 488 Member
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    unless they are asking or pose some sort of question that prompts investigating the food diary i would say nothing.

    some people don't want help =)
  • Mexicanbigfoot
    Mexicanbigfoot Posts: 520 Member
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    mjkpe wrote: »
    I haven't read all the replies but I have a about 3 or 4 friends on here who have earned the right to comment on my diary. Their input has been crucial to my success and have supported me as I have been going through some personal hell. The basics here is I think that time needs to exist between friend acceptance and comments. However if they put a blanket request for responses out then feel free to add comment. Only rule I'd say applies is be kind and loving as you would want others to be to you. Welcome to a great program and site!

    I agree, I have a few friends that did this for me. I thought I was doing so well, but some of my macros (sodium) were way out of control. One of my friends sent me a PM and addressed the issue tactfully. I was so grateful because I really thought I was doing well. I think it also depends on what kind of relationship you have with the person, I came here with a very open mind looking for new friends and for advice from other people's journeys and experiences. I tried to never be offended when someone offered advice. When I knew better, I did better. Good luck!!

  • WhatMeRunning
    WhatMeRunning Posts: 3,538 Member
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    This site has the friends feature for motivation and support. Not all people get along or can be friends. What some would call motivation and support others may not find supportive at all.

    So, be friends with and review those who you are like. No sense trying to be someone you're not.
  • Lil_Northern_Light
    Lil_Northern_Light Posts: 3,529 Member
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    I find I don't get as much comments, I don't eat that horridly but I will comment if I totally fell off the wagon. If no one will, it might as will be me :neutral_face:
  • meagoals
    meagoals Posts: 1 Member
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    @GordieLaChance, post indirect statuses about bad food choices. Encouraging and educating indirectly has helped me in the past. Your posts/statuses maybe read by your friends and maybe one day she'll read and comprehend the message.
  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,472 Member
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    the most important thing is to tell the truth, it is what it is.

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