Offended people because I didn't take a chocolate
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I just got some dirty and wtf type of looks cause I said no to the free piece of chocolate with the coffee I ordered ... the people behind the counter stared at me like I was an alien and were like "omg but its free!!!!!" . What is it with the obligation to eat something cause its free ?
I'm calling BS. Cafe employees are not going to be "offended" by a customer politely refusing free food. They might be surprised, but not offended. They don't care about you or what you think and their feelings are not engaged. I smile and say "no thanks" to free treats from people who are employed to offer them to me all the time and everybody seems to take it in stride. I am 44 years old and no one has ever acted as though I were socially "obligated" to take free food from a cafe or restaurant worker.
There's either a lot more to this story (for instance, perhaps you have a history with these workers and they already don't like you because you've earned it: you do sound like you've got a hair trigger temper), or a lot less (this simply didn't happen and you really just want to resent and blame people for offering you food that you didn't really want to turn down at all).
How deal with calorific treats offered by loved ones or colleagues without offending them is a valid question. Free food in cafes is not.
THIS... agree; it has never happened to me either.
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eh, it happens. it's an awkward moment but it tapers off and people dont even notice when you do it anymore. our new choices are even weird to us sometimes, but whatever, right? its the new normal and everyone will adjust in time and its a good thing, because its a new way of seeing you. Over time you will be someone they consider healthy, that's all. And that's what we're going for right?
I dont mind those dirty looks, because I know in the future, my good natured friends will playfully pick on me for being a healthnut or a fitness freak - which is soooo much better than something Im sensitive or insecure about
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Don't take the looks of the people behind the counter personal. Who cares what they think, anyway? As far as all the other occasions are concerned, what if you where a diabetic or were allergic to, say, chocolate or wheat or nuts. No one would say anything to you if you refused their offer. I say move on and take care of yourself and don't worry about what others think.0
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goodasgoldilox wrote: »I don't worry about refusing (or leaving) food in cafes etc. but am careful when offered food by people I know. I understand that for many, the giving of food is also an offering of love.
Refusing food offered like this -even when the refusal is explained- leaves the feeling that something much more important has been turned down.
Not everything in life is rational - feelings matter!
Luckily, we all have a good week's allowance of calories to use up and many opportunities to exercise and earn a few more, so accepting the occasional specially-baked biscuit (cookie) or slice of cake isn't going to sink an eating plan. (If whole pies and boxes of chocolates are given - my rule is to share the love as far and wide as possible!)
This.
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I was once given 2 x 'party size' chocolate birthday cakes as a surprise by someone and all just for me. Definitely a surprise! Apparently I was ungrateful and I was told that someone somewhere would have been very happy to receive them... as it is the thought that counts
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So how many times have you been offered free food and how many times have they taken offence as per the OPs description?
Would you be bothered if they did?0 -
What they think is none of your business.0
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I've frequently received dirty/incredulous looks for refusing "free food". I also got 'lectured' by a friend for declining an invitation to a beer-tasting event, because I was trying to cut down a little more before Hallowe'en.0
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People need to stop being such self-centered, hyper-sensitive crybabies. If someone declines something you offer them it doesn't automatically mean they hate you. This society is becoming ridiculous.0
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On my last job, the team was 'forced', yes forced to eat lunch every Wednesday together. There was no excuse deemed worthy enough for not eating together. They would cater food (which I appreciate - it was a nice gesture). But, I'm not a toddler, and I eat what I want, when I want. Everything they ordered was full of fat and calories. I would sit there and watch them eat, then eat my salad (or whatever) later in my office. They hated it, and said I was making them uncomfortable! I should have been the one that complained of feeling uncomfortable. But, I was on a fitness journey and my health came first.
Whatever . . . I eventually had to leave that job.
As far as the people at the coffee shops, every time I order a regular coffee at Starbucks, the guy behind the counter snickers. I guess regular coffee shouldn't be ordered in a coffee shop.
Ignore them, I don't think you're imagining their negative conduct, at all. But, whatever reason they have for acting the way they do is on them. They're the ones with the issues, not you. 0 -
Regarding the OP's situation in the coffee shop, it was more likely surprise than offence. I've ordered a coffee on "free donut day" and had the person offering the donut ask 3-4 times if I really didn't want the donut.
So many people LOVE free stuff, that it just doesn't compute that someone wouldn't want it. Now I just take the donut and give it away. Someone always takes it.
If you don't like the reaction just take the food and either give it to someone else, or throw it away or go somewhere else.
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I've pretty much refused all the "free" food at the office for years now. It might be "free" as in, I don't have to hand over my cold hard cash for it, but it still has a price, and it's not one I'm willing to pay. I decided well before I actually started shifting the lard that it just wasn't the kind of food I actually like. They've never ordered food I would actually be tempted to eat. It's all greasy pizza, or yucky cake with 3 inches of nasty frosting, or over-cooked, over-sauced meat. I got funny looks and even some pointed comments for quite a while, but now, no one gives a *kitten*, or if they do, I don't notice.
I have noticed that more people at the office politely decline the "free" food now, or are highly selective. I'm not alone any more. This seems like a good thing.0 -
I applaud your willpower. If you politely decline and they are offended, that's their problem not yours.0
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Servers at restaurants are often taken aback when I insist on water for my daughters' drinks. Kids meals usually come with milk, juice out soda. Cows milk aggravates their eczema and juice and soda are saved for treats. I frequently have to convince the server that I really want water for them.
And the other day at Sam's the lady with the samples of ice cream seemed offend that I didn't want one. I took one for the girls to share and she wanted to give me another for myself. She tried several times to convince me, even as I began to walk away.
For strangers, I smile and continue to politely refuse. For people I care about, I may just take whatever it is and discreetly get rid of it. My dad is a giver. He expresses his love by giving people stuff. If you reject stuff he's trying to give you too often, he feels like you are rejecting him. So I take whatever it is because I love my dad. If it's food I either take a small portion or pack some up to take home for my husband. And if it winds up in the trash, Dad never needs to know.0 -
I usually take it...but I say I'll eat it later. That usually has a better reaction.0
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Therealobi1 wrote: »I've been offending my clients so much lately! Every couple of days somebody comes in with some kind of treat and they then go around the office offering it up to people before bringing it to the kitchen. I keep refusing when I used to say yes all the time.
To top things off there's also the birthday cakes that keeps going around and recently the city of Ottawa has started their annual charity drive for the United Way so every department has their own fundraisers. I'm getting flack from my own department for not buying the chocolates and from my clients who keep asking me to buy some! Plus they keep having these "events" for fundraising which is basically centered around food. Two weeks ago they had an all you can eat icecream event for 2$, there's daily chips/pop for 1$ as an afternoon snack, and next Friday they're ordering in pizza. I keep saying no but man it's getting harder to do with all the frowns. Worst part is it's not even November yet (this thing goes on until Christmas)
So yeah, all that to say, I've started to simply shrug off the offense. I'm refusing to better my health, I don't care if they judge me for not eating that crap. I will eat what benefits me not them.
see i know what i said above but yours sounds a little different. your example involves charity. In this situation you could give the money for charity without having to eat any of it.
I'm already given them money through other purchases (such as 50/50 tickets). 1 or 2 dollars here or there doesn't sound like much but when it's every single day, it adds up. Bigger "events" tend to cost between 5-10$. Plus they expect you to donate a small percentage of your paycheck every single week. It's ridiculous.
Plus this charity has admitted to keeping 80% of donations to pay their employees. They bring in hundreds of thousands of dollars ever holiday season and only 20% of that actually goes to a good cause. I'd rather choose my own charity to donate to and pick one that gives out way more.
All that to say, that yes, if it were a better charity, one that actually gave more to the people they wanted to help, I would be more than willing to simply donate the money and not take the food. 0 -
They will get over it.0
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richardositosanchez wrote: »People need to stop being such self-centered, hyper-sensitive crybabies. If someone declines something you offer them it doesn't automatically mean they hate you. This society is becoming ridiculous.
This x 100.0 -
I'm at the age were I am either given boxes of chocolate biscuits or hand cream for birthdays or Christmas. Hand cream is good, but the biscuits are usually quietly given away and I keep the pretty boxes to store my art paints and brushes. That way, no one is offended, the boxes are used, and noticed by the giver, and its a win win situation.0
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I love my skinny jeans more than I love *insert the offending food here*...that's what I say 0
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I'm offended by people who are offended over stupid *kitten*. They've got their own issues.0
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PeteWhoLikesToRunAlot wrote: »I'm offended by people who are offended over stupid *kitten*. They've got their own issues.
Roger that, just seems to dam hard for some people to smile and say thank you.
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I really don't care who I offend when it comes to food and my health. Years ago, I was in a very poor area of Ecuador, and a family offered me dinner. This is huge, as many people barely had enough food to feed their families. I declined. My friend ate the food, and was hospitalized for a week with some stomach/intestinal issue. He often told me, " If only I had listened to you.". Now, who knows if that dinner was the cause...Anyway, I think it takes high self esteem to be able to decline food, offered. You care more about pleasing yourself than catering to others for acceptance and approval. Nothing wrong with that.0
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