How to get my husband to accept me lifting heavy?

Imma just leave this here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vy7aADUzbII

GothyFaery wrote: »

skullshank wrote: »

LyndseyLovesToLift wrote: »

skullshank wrote: »

is that your husband pictured with you in most of your pics?

this sex you speak of...it's solely for procreation right?
do you share a bed?

Ouch.

lol while it may look like it, that was not a swing at him.

i was just wondering if the 50s lifestyle was lived across the board.

I hate children. We both agree kids are not something we want. So no, there's no procreation going on in my house. Yes we share a bed. I'm sorry this mindset is so hard to understand. I really don't need anyone bashing my way of life just because they don't agree with it. To each their own.

did i bash?

live whatever lifestyle suits you.

i was merely curious.

GothyFaery wrote: »

I wasn't really sure where to put this so sorry if it's in wrong thread. I started stronglifts about a month ago. My husband hasn't really been happy with me lifting but lately it's become more obvious. When I started he told me he didn't want me to get bulky. I tried to explain to him that wouldn't happen accidently and even had him look through a thread on here of women who lift heavy and how they are not bulky but it didn't really do much. It really doesn't help put his mind at ease that the two women I am getting tips from are "bulkier" women.

Now he says it feels like I don't need him anymore. I guess in some ways, he's kind of right. I don't need him to scoop ice cream for me anymore because I'm actually strong enough to do it myself (yes, that really was something I couldn't do a month ago). But that doesn't mean I don't still need him in my life. I'm just capable of doing some things for myself now.

He also told me this weekend that my workouts are getting in the way of our sex life. I workout for 45 minutes 3x a week. I didn't make a fight about it but I know he saw it hurt me when he said it so a few minutes later he said he was just joking. It didn't sound like a joke though.

Now we both have an old fashion mindset (think Stepford). I don't wear pants, I don't allow him to cook dinner, he doesn't allow me to BBQ or take the trash out, you get the idea. Me getting strong doesn't really fit that mindset. We both always felt like a woman should be soft and gentle. I understand now that a woman can be soft and gentle and be strong at the same time but he doesn't.

What can I do to get him to understand, or at least accept, that I'm going to lift weights and I'm going to get strong but nothing else is changing? Any other women out there have this problem?

You could not scoop your own ice-cream? How horrible, I am so happy that you are cured of this debilitating condition. Mean-while, did you know that they make ice-cream on a stick?

hollydubs85 wrote: »

OP, sounds like he needs to prove to you that he's still the man in the house and pick up some weights himself. The second I started getting stronger, my husband started lifting so that he would still be stronger than me.

Mine said it was so that he would still be hotter then me.... he's such and @ss, but I love him anyways. :laugh:

GothyFaery wrote: »

Some_Watery_Tart wrote: »

And if you'd like to avoid the "can of worms" in the future, I would suggest you avoid using the term "Stepford wife". It's not considered a positive thing. It was a horror story. Maybe June Cleaver would be more appropriate.

I'm sorry, I don't see the term Stepford wife as anything negitive. It would be the biggest compliment to me if someone said I was a Stepford wife. I didn't think I was the only one who thought this way.

Have you ever seen The Stepford Wives (or read the book)? Stepford was a dystopian, gated community where the wives were systematically replaced by (or turned into) robots that did the man's every whim without thought or question. Many of the women were formerly activists or otherwise very independent women. They were stripped of all independent personality, against their will.

Being a "Stepford wife" is in no way, shape or form a good thing, and has never been. To say that you're a "Stepford wife" means, by definition, that you've been stripped of all independence, both in thought and action. Is that something you really want?

As someone else mentioned, you're probably thinking more along the lines of June Cleaver -- a 50s era housewife who's chosen and is happy with that way of life.

I think the biggest problem here is that you two have an underlying gap in communication. It's going to suck, but you guys really need to sit down and have a good long talk about what each of you wants out of your relationship. You both need to accept that you're going to change, and in order to thrive, your relationship needs to change and adapt, accordingly. This does not mean that you need to give up your submissive role, just because you've taken to weight lifting, and you need to communicate that to him.

Also, ask him, straight up, what it is that he's afraid of by you lifting weights, and "you getting bulky" isn't enough. You've already provided him with all the information that you can to show him that that's not going to happen overnight or by accident. Odds are, there's something deeper, and if he can't tell you what's really bothering him, then your relationship is on very shaky ground. Because of the age difference, I lay odds on him afraid you're going to leave him for someone younger and fitter. If that's the case, the "hot lady lifters" you showed him only made that fear worse, not better, because he got a glimpse of how you'd look. He wasn't as overtly afraid of that before, because you weren't as in-shape (and shapely) as you're getting now, so he felt less threatened by the prospect of other men trying to "steal" you. (I actually had a friend who dealt with this with his wife. She got insanely jealous when they lost weight, because she was afraid he'd leave her for someone else. He stopped being my workout buddy and we barely talk because of it, and I wasn't even interested in him like that.)

You might want to research dominant/submissive (D/s) relationships. It might help you open the channels of communication (communication is highly valued in the D/s rings, for the safety of everyone involved), and provide a way to show that you are choosing to be submissive to him, but that it doesn't mean you have to be physically weak or fundamentally dependent on him, and that it, in fact, may make you even better at your job of submissive/Cleaver wife.

I have gotten the comment from my husband that my gym schedule impacts our relationship- I go straight from work to the gym, get home around 8 or 9, am kind of gross, shower....by the time we really see each other, I am in pjs, glasses, no makeup, and with a Turbie Twist on my head.

We adjusted this by working out together on some evenings (usually 2 nights per week, a Tuesday and Friday), and on one evening I go to the gym while he plays in a basketball league (Thursday). I lift on my own time (typically Wednesday and Sunday), but my early weekend workouts were a nuisance to both of us, so I adjusted my schedule and get to sleep in.

We share a lot of the house based stuff (I am a good cook, and he is...not so much)....he will chop veggies, I usually prepare most of the food and do more of the grocery shopping than he does, he does dishes, and we share laundry duties.

He now knows that I have my routine, and am getting stronger and more fit and he appreciates that. Sometimes I can get a little TOO into it, and he will nicely ask me to take it down a notch. But what exactly doesn't your husband like? Mine thinks it is cool that I am getting stronger and it is noticeable, while still looking feminine.

Sharon_C wrote: »

Mamahana82 wrote: »

He is accustomed to you in an exclusively submissive role. Strength is not a submissive trait. So you are asking us how you can convince him, as his equal, why it is ok for you to be strong. But he clearly doesn't see you as an equal so no argument will work.

So you really have to decide how much you are willing to give up of yourself so that this man always gets what he wants. Personally, I never would have given my husband that much control over me to begin with.

This exactly.

I'm also trying to figure out how you do strong lifts in a skirt.

Perhaps OP has purchased running skirts or tennis skirts?

OP, basically what you're doing appears to your husband to be threatening his preferred way of life. He may be feeling additionally off balance because he obviously had good reason to believe that his preferred way of life is also your preferred way of life, so this 'attack' is coming from a completely unexpected direction.

My suggestion is to just not bring it up unless necessary. Live life like you have been, since it doesn't sound like you're the type to rub his nose in your newfound capabilities just because you can. Be patient. He'll realize soon enough that his way of life really hasn't changed all that much (and has probably even improved) and he'll come around. At least to the point that he doesn't complain about the lifting.

If he doesn't, then I'd have to conclude that the reason is because he is a complete and utter control freak and that would be a whole 'nother can of worms.

OP, I guess I want to know if you knew Stepford Wives were robots?

A lot of people idealize the 50's as an idealistic time where things were simpler. Things were perhaps simpler because people had fewer choices.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to make your husband feel good -- but that shouldn't be to your own detriment. Relationships are about compromise and balance -- but in a Stepford situation, there is a very clear imbalance of power.