How to get my husband to accept me lifting heavy?
Replies
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GothyFaery wrote: »I'm just going to give him some time and see how it goes. At the end of the day my marrage is more important to me so I'll do what I have to do. If it has to come down to one or the other, I'll gladly chose him but I'm hoping there's a middle ground in there somewhere. Just got to give it some more time.
Dunno, you shouldn't press it. Just stop, and if he wants you to get back into it, he'll tell you.0 -
GothyFaery wrote: »Elsie_Brownraisin wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »It is all solved. He just wants more sex.
I know I'm going to get a rash of *kitten* for this but I have never once turned my husband down for sex. I beleive it's my duty as a wife to be there for my husband. I don't care how tired I am or what I feel like, I have not and will not ever turn him down. That being said, he doesn't ask for it if he knows I'm really not feeling well... But if he wants more he knows all he ever has to do is ask.
Now if you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine but please don't tell me I'm wrong for feeling that way. I'm not going to change.
Yet you made a point of saying it anyway, when it was quite unrelated to the discussion. You've made your postion clear - exercising in tiny clothes, submissive in all aspects to your man and you keep revealing this information bit at a time over your replies.
There are other forums, full of people that feel the same way, would agree with you and wouldn't judge you.
However, you wouldn't get 11 pages of replies from them, would you? Because it's not that unique. Tiresome even.
The info about my sex life was related because several people continued to say give him more sex. I said what I said so they would understand that's not the problem. As far as my exercise clothes, that's a matter of comfort and my husband is in another room with the door shut while I exersice so I don't see what that has to do with anything. Again it was only brought up because people kept freaking out over the thought of me lifting in a dress.
The point of this whole thread was not to get a rise out of people or drag it on for pages. All I wanted was for someone to give me a little advice on how to get my husband to accept my weight lifting and not look at it as a negitive thing. I included background to our realationship so people would understand were we both are coming from. Some where in my OP I guess I said some crazy things (still not sure where I went wrong) and the thread ran in a totally differant direction than I intended.
This really did seem like the right place to ask a question about getting support for exercising.
Sorry they're giving you such a hard time. Most of them are too fixated on your marriage to answer your question or make helpful suggestions, and that sucks. This should, indeed, be a place where you should be able to get support for exactly the situation you're experiencing. Other women have asked exactly the same question and were able to get sensible advice. It's unfortunate that so many people can't get past your relationship enough to even attempt to be helpful.
You have nothing to apologize for or defend.
For those who still actually want to help, the question wasn't whether or not the OP should continue lifting. The question was what methods she might employ to make her lifting more palatable to her husband, who has expressed some reservations about it.
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GothyFaery wrote: »I'm just going to give him some time and see how it goes. At the end of the day my marrage is more important to me so I'll do what I have to do. If it has to come down to one or the other, I'll gladly chose him but I'm hoping there's a middle ground in there somewhere. Just got to give it some more time.
Dunno, you shouldn't press it. Just stop, and if he wants you to get back into it, he'll tell you.
LOL
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SnuggleSmacks wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »Elsie_Brownraisin wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »It is all solved. He just wants more sex.
I know I'm going to get a rash of *kitten* for this but I have never once turned my husband down for sex. I beleive it's my duty as a wife to be there for my husband. I don't care how tired I am or what I feel like, I have not and will not ever turn him down. That being said, he doesn't ask for it if he knows I'm really not feeling well... But if he wants more he knows all he ever has to do is ask.
Now if you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine but please don't tell me I'm wrong for feeling that way. I'm not going to change.
Yet you made a point of saying it anyway, when it was quite unrelated to the discussion. You've made your postion clear - exercising in tiny clothes, submissive in all aspects to your man and you keep revealing this information bit at a time over your replies.
There are other forums, full of people that feel the same way, would agree with you and wouldn't judge you.
However, you wouldn't get 11 pages of replies from them, would you? Because it's not that unique. Tiresome even.
The info about my sex life was related because several people continued to say give him more sex. I said what I said so they would understand that's not the problem. As far as my exercise clothes, that's a matter of comfort and my husband is in another room with the door shut while I exersice so I don't see what that has to do with anything. Again it was only brought up because people kept freaking out over the thought of me lifting in a dress.
The point of this whole thread was not to get a rise out of people or drag it on for pages. All I wanted was for someone to give me a little advice on how to get my husband to accept my weight lifting and not look at it as a negitive thing. I included background to our realationship so people would understand were we both are coming from. Some where in my OP I guess I said some crazy things (still not sure where I went wrong) and the thread ran in a totally differant direction than I intended.
This really did seem like the right place to ask a question about getting support for exercising.
Sorry they're giving you such a hard time. Most of them are too fixated on your marriage to answer your question or make helpful suggestions, and that sucks. This should, indeed, be a place where you should be able to get support for exactly the situation you're experiencing. Other women have asked exactly the same question and were able to get sensible advice. It's unfortunate that so many people can't get past your relationship enough to even attempt to be helpful.
You have nothing to apologize for or defend.
For those who still actually want to help, the question wasn't whether or not the OP should continue lifting. The question was what methods she might employ to make her lifting more palatable to her husband, who has expressed some reservations about it.
So...what's your advice?
I got nothing.
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SnuggleSmacks wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »Elsie_Brownraisin wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »It is all solved. He just wants more sex.
I know I'm going to get a rash of *kitten* for this but I have never once turned my husband down for sex. I beleive it's my duty as a wife to be there for my husband. I don't care how tired I am or what I feel like, I have not and will not ever turn him down. That being said, he doesn't ask for it if he knows I'm really not feeling well... But if he wants more he knows all he ever has to do is ask.
Now if you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine but please don't tell me I'm wrong for feeling that way. I'm not going to change.
Yet you made a point of saying it anyway, when it was quite unrelated to the discussion. You've made your postion clear - exercising in tiny clothes, submissive in all aspects to your man and you keep revealing this information bit at a time over your replies.
There are other forums, full of people that feel the same way, would agree with you and wouldn't judge you.
However, you wouldn't get 11 pages of replies from them, would you? Because it's not that unique. Tiresome even.
The info about my sex life was related because several people continued to say give him more sex. I said what I said so they would understand that's not the problem. As far as my exercise clothes, that's a matter of comfort and my husband is in another room with the door shut while I exersice so I don't see what that has to do with anything. Again it was only brought up because people kept freaking out over the thought of me lifting in a dress.
The point of this whole thread was not to get a rise out of people or drag it on for pages. All I wanted was for someone to give me a little advice on how to get my husband to accept my weight lifting and not look at it as a negitive thing. I included background to our realationship so people would understand were we both are coming from. Some where in my OP I guess I said some crazy things (still not sure where I went wrong) and the thread ran in a totally differant direction than I intended.
This really did seem like the right place to ask a question about getting support for exercising.
Sorry they're giving you such a hard time. Most of them are too fixated on your marriage to answer your question or make helpful suggestions, and that sucks. This should, indeed, be a place where you should be able to get support for exactly the situation you're experiencing. Other women have asked exactly the same question and were able to get sensible advice. It's unfortunate that so many people can't get past your relationship enough to even attempt to be helpful.
You have nothing to apologize for or defend.
For those who still actually want to help, the question wasn't whether or not the OP should continue lifting. The question was what methods she might employ to make her lifting more palatable to her husband, who has expressed some reservations about it.
So...what's your advice?
I got nothing.
I gave mine on a previous page...but I'll give a synopsis. Since they do pretty much everything together, I suggested that perhaps she should involve him in her lifting by asking him to spot her, or asking him to video her to check form. He may be feeling left out because this is the first time she's done something which completely excludes him on one of their days off together.
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I see to a point what she is saying.....I too am sort of stuck in the 1950's. I do all the cooking, and cleaning, I even lay my husbands close out in the morning, I do all the shopping and caring for the kids, I do work out side of the home, but there are times I stay home for a couple yrs at a time. My husband and sons do the yard work, and work on the cars, fix things in the house when they are broken. Just as it feels good to my husband to be needed, it feels good to me to have someone who feels as a lady I shouldn't HAVE to mow the lawn or fix a car.....doesn't mean I couldn't if I had to....Now I have not started lifting....just walking, running, and the elliptical ( and my husband has been working out of town the past month) so this exact topic has not came up yet. However, knowing my husband, he would make comments such as " you don't need me anymore" and things like that, he would say it joking, but deep down I know he would feel it. I don't NEED my husband, I want him, but I do make him feel needed. Doesn't make me weak, doesn't mean I cant survive on my own...just means I love him and want him to feel good. Part of being married is compromise, and communication, maybe if you talk to your husband and assure him you do not want to get bulky and if lifting starts bulking you up you will find a different form of exercise to keep yourself fit and healthy...and happy. Good luck to you, I know the situation you are in......( only I do wear jeans lol )0
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GothyFaery wrote: »Just because we have a 1950's mindset doesn't mean we aren't equils. I'm sorry if you don't agree with it but I'm not asking you to agree. I will always dream of being the perfect Stepford wife. It's what I want.
Exactly. I haven't read the whole thread, but I find it interesting that some have decided your relationship roles are the problem. I am 51 years old - old enough to remember the second wave of feminism - so I know it's about having choices. (Hear that 20-somethings? We who came before you fought so you could have choices; not so you could bash each other's choices.)
My marriage is not so different than yours in that we each have our roles. (He cooks, I don't allow him to do the laundry because he's bad at it. I fix things because he's bad with tools, and he does the yard work.) But my husband very much likes to do things for me, and if I try to take that away from him, it makes him unhappy. In your shoes, I would frame your workouts in the context of *health* and stop focusing on the lifting so much when you talk about them. I do agree with those who have said that the strength training is what's making him feel threatened, so just cool it on the lifting talk, but keep doing what you're doing.
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GothyFaery wrote: »Elsie_Brownraisin wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »It is all solved. He just wants more sex.
I know I'm going to get a rash of *kitten* for this but I have never once turned my husband down for sex. I beleive it's my duty as a wife to be there for my husband. I don't care how tired I am or what I feel like, I have not and will not ever turn him down. That being said, he doesn't ask for it if he knows I'm really not feeling well... But if he wants more he knows all he ever has to do is ask.
Now if you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine but please don't tell me I'm wrong for feeling that way. I'm not going to change.
Yet you made a point of saying it anyway, when it was quite unrelated to the discussion. You've made your postion clear - exercising in tiny clothes, submissive in all aspects to your man and you keep revealing this information bit at a time over your replies.
There are other forums, full of people that feel the same way, would agree with you and wouldn't judge you.
However, you wouldn't get 11 pages of replies from them, would you? Because it's not that unique. Tiresome even.
The info about my sex life was related because several people continued to say give him more sex. I said what I said so they would understand that's not the problem. As far as my exercise clothes, that's a matter of comfort and my husband is in another room with the door shut while I exersice so I don't see what that has to do with anything. Again it was only brought up because people kept freaking out over the thought of me lifting in a dress.
The point of this whole thread was not to get a rise out of people or drag it on for pages. All I wanted was for someone to give me a little advice on how to get my husband to accept my weight lifting and not look at it as a negitive thing. I included background to our realationship so people would understand were we both are coming from. Some where in my OP I guess I said some crazy things (still not sure where I went wrong) and the thread ran in a totally differant direction than I intended.
This really did seem like the right place to ask a question about getting support for exercising.
Keep your personal life private if you don't want varied opinions on it.
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He's probably worried you'll lose interest in him and want a new man.0
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First of all, I am a man and I think you're terrific! You lift those heavy weights! Go out there and become a stronger, more physically capable version of yourself! (woo-who!)
Next I'd like to say that I think your relationship with your husband is very sweet and loving - love is a beautiful thing!
Thirdly, I think you showing your husband pictures was a good idea, and I am sorry he didn't seem to get the message.
Fourth: I am presently seeing a therapist and I think I am making some progress with the issues my wife and I have (sorry readers, it's private) so what about seeing a therapist?
And finally, how are things going? (Is that nosey of me?) I wish you and your husband all the best! And slap a couple more plates on that bar, strong women are AWESOME!!! (I encourage my wife to lift)
PS: you can scoop your own ice cream now? Wow, you're really making progress! Today ice cream, tomorrow helping your neighbors move "the heavy stuff" *wink*0
This discussion has been closed.
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