How to get my husband to accept me lifting heavy?
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GothyFaery wrote: »marinabreeze wrote: »Here's my question, OP. Does he support you in this even though he doesn't care for the "bulky" look, or does he say he doesn't like you lifting, or does he sabotage your goals? I think this is where it matters.
He put my bench and rack together for me so he is supportive in that aspect. He hasn't said he doesn't want me to lift out right although it's very obvious. I'm not really sure how to answer this. At times he is very supportive (like putting my equiptment together for me) and other times he says things like my workouts are cutting into our sex life which is not really sabotage but it really isn't support. So I guess he does both?
How are your workouts cutting into your sex life? Are they really? Did you used to have intimacy during the times that you now work out? Have you decreased the amount? Or just moved your schedule? Since I'm closer to his age than yours, I'll offer up that perhaps he performs better in the morning, so if you do your workout in the morning maybe he does feel that it is interfering? Maybe you need to talk more about this, and offer to move your workout schedule if this is really a factor.
Wow, we're getting way personal here. I work out Monday, Wednesday, Friday after dinner. We never really had a schedule but these are not typically times it has happened in the past. We wake up at 4AM for work and after a long day, it just doesn't normally happen.
We get every other Friday off so the off Friday did tend to be a time we were intimate but my workout that day is very flexible. If he said the word I would move my workout to a differnt time.
@arrrrjt Yes, I just started working out a month ago and I started with weights. Other than walking on my breaks at work, all my weight came off through diet.0 -
wrong thread.
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GothyFaery wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »marinabreeze wrote: »Here's my question, OP. Does he support you in this even though he doesn't care for the "bulky" look, or does he say he doesn't like you lifting, or does he sabotage your goals? I think this is where it matters.
He put my bench and rack together for me so he is supportive in that aspect. He hasn't said he doesn't want me to lift out right although it's very obvious. I'm not really sure how to answer this. At times he is very supportive (like putting my equiptment together for me) and other times he says things like my workouts are cutting into our sex life which is not really sabotage but it really isn't support. So I guess he does both?
How are your workouts cutting into your sex life? Are they really? Did you used to have intimacy during the times that you now work out? Have you decreased the amount? Or just moved your schedule? Since I'm closer to his age than yours, I'll offer up that perhaps he performs better in the morning, so if you do your workout in the morning maybe he does feel that it is interfering? Maybe you need to talk more about this, and offer to move your workout schedule if this is really a factor.
Wow, we're getting way personal here. I work out Monday, Wednesday, Friday after dinner. We never really had a schedule but these are not typally times it has happened in the past. We wake up at 4AM for work and after a long day, it just doesn't normally happen.
We get every other Friday off so the off Friday did tend to be a time we were intimate but my workout that day is very flexible. If he said the word I would move my workout to a differnt time.
@arrrrjt Yes, I just started working out a month ago and I started with weights. Other than walking on my breaks at work, all my weight came off through diet.
Initiate the sex then go work out...0 -
GothyFaery wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »marinabreeze wrote: »Here's my question, OP. Does he support you in this even though he doesn't care for the "bulky" look, or does he say he doesn't like you lifting, or does he sabotage your goals? I think this is where it matters.
He put my bench and rack together for me so he is supportive in that aspect. He hasn't said he doesn't want me to lift out right although it's very obvious. I'm not really sure how to answer this. At times he is very supportive (like putting my equiptment together for me) and other times he says things like my workouts are cutting into our sex life which is not really sabotage but it really isn't support. So I guess he does both?
How are your workouts cutting into your sex life? Are they really? Did you used to have intimacy during the times that you now work out? Have you decreased the amount? Or just moved your schedule? Since I'm closer to his age than yours, I'll offer up that perhaps he performs better in the morning, so if you do your workout in the morning maybe he does feel that it is interfering? Maybe you need to talk more about this, and offer to move your workout schedule if this is really a factor.
Wow, we're getting way personal here. I work out Monday, Wednesday, Friday after dinner. We never really had a schedule but these are not typically times it has happened in the past. We wake up at 4AM for work and after a long day, it just doesn't normally happen.
We get every other Friday off so the off Friday did tend to be a time we were intimate but my workout that day is very flexible. If he said the word I would move my workout to a differnt time.
@arrrrjt Yes, I just started working out a month ago and I started with weights. Other than walking on my breaks at work, all my weight came off through diet.
Okay, so you feel that your workouts are not interfering. Maybe he is sending a signal that he would like it more often. You have been committed to your workout schedule and perhaps he wishes you had more of a schedule for that too.
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The term "Happy wife, happy life." comes to mind here.0
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OP, I think you've gotten some good advice already regarding your actual question, once you sift through all the judgmental a$$hattery, so I won't answer it again. But I did want to say that one of the most pleasurable parts of lifting, for me, is that I get sore, and it's a great excuse for my BF to put his hands all over me. Maybe try asking for a massage. Not only will it be a way for him to help you and show his support, but it's also nearly guaranteed to lead to things he might find more fun.0
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ThisLoneWolfRunner wrote: »Based upon your profile pictures, you look a bit younger than him. This is not about lifting and getting bulky. This is about you getting thinner and sexier. He is just feeling insecure because he knows that men are going to start paying attention to his young hot wife. When he sees that you still choose him and want to be with him, I think he will relax. And if the nature of your relationship involves have having set traditional roles and the two of you find that it works for you, then why change it?
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use workout equipment for sex. It's a twofer then.I'm glad people got off the age thing, that was just uncalled for.
Again, OP you're in a position where you have to choose, what you want for yourself vs. what you may think is "needed".
From the sounds of it, if he put your gear together, he is supportive, it might just take a little time. so give him the time.
Keep doing your thing, and give him time to get with your program. I think from the sounds of it, there may not really be a problem other than some mild jealousy of your time.
Do you guys spend a lot of time together? (No judgement, my wife and I spend a ridiculous amount of time together.) Could it be that in his perception, he's losing that quality time with you?
What if you integrated him into your work outs? Like a live in spotter, he could watch form, etc.
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HollyJameson wrote: »You both have an old fashioned mindset? That sounds a bit troublesome. Cook some damn BBQ, shove on some pants and get out of the 1940s!
I don't think her statement asked us if we agree with their mindset. If it works for them then great. I am a strong independent woman. I wear pants and can bbq. Doesn't mean my hubby doesn't still have the basic need to feel like hes the man. Most men need to feel wanted and most women need to feel loved. We were created different. In relationships you have to meet in the middle so both peoples needs are met.
I'm a strong independent woman who wears pants, can grill a mean steak and who occasionally asks for help with the pickle jar. I never actually need help with the pickle jar... :-p0 -
use workout equipment for sex. It's a twofer then.I'm glad people got off the age thing, that was just uncalled for.
Again, OP you're in a position where you have to choose, what you want for yourself vs. what you may think is "needed".
From the sounds of it, if he put your gear together, he is supportive, it might just take a little time. so give him the time.
Keep doing your thing, and give him time to get with your program. I think from the sounds of it, there may not really be a problem other than some mild jealousy of your time.
Do you guys spend a lot of time together? (No judgement, my wife and I spend a ridiculous amount of time together.) Could it be that in his perception, he's losing that quality time with you?
What if you integrated him into your work outs? Like a live in spotter, he could watch form, etc.
so after thinking through this a little bit.
I think this is pretty spot on- more of the same- give him more time.
Secondly I'd like to say. Too much time spent together is not a good thing- this is distinct resulting side effect- when you start doing new things- it throws an immediate monkey wrench in what's "comfortable"... and when you change that you get push pack. Make sure you keep spending time with him- but I would also really encourage you guys to develop some time apart and some spacial distance.
I love my BF- and I want him in my life. I do not NEED him. I have my own needs to take care of - working out and staying fit are one of them.
not to brag- but I don't think you get any more "epitome of woman" than this:
And I'm a power lifter. it CAN be done.
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This thread is highly entertaining.0
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barefoot, AND in the kitchen. lol.0
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Let time do the talking0
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Well op I would suggest you have sex before or after you work out then that is not a issue. My hubby complain too but then as I became stronger I was able to do things or position I was not able to and then he loved it! Also it is ok to make him still feel needed by having him do things for you and ask him what does he need to feel needed? If its scooping ice cream then let him do it for you. Its not that big a deal. And I think if he sees how important it is to you and how happy it is making you he may come around or you will have to talk of he id beinh negative every time and fighting you about it I have a non support husband its a daily thing unless I choose my workout times to be different.0
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Tell him you will not lift things heavier than a child. Seventeen year old boys are still technically children, are they not?0
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TyronnePanaino wrote: »Let time do the talking
Agreed. Continue to lift, since he isn't keeping you from it. Show him that you aren't going to get bulky by just sticking with your program.
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Mamahana82 wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »Let me just put this out there. My husband loves me dearly. He respects me and treats me like a princess. He opens doors for me. He does everything I was taught a man should do for a woman. Just because we have a 1950's mindset doesn't mean we aren't equils. I'm sorry if you don't agree with it but I'm not asking you to agree. I will always dream of being the perfect Stepford wife. It's what I want. That doesn't mean I can't lift weights though. I really didn't think this would be this big of a can of worms. I really just wanted to know if there was some way I can get him to not resent me lifting. I guess not. I guess it's just something he's got to get used to.
It kinda DOES mean you can't lift, if this is the type of relationship you have.
Oh good Lord. No it does not. My husband and I have traditional views and he is the head of the house hold. Having a traditional relationship doesn't mean we are not equal and it doesn't mean I can't be strong and lift weights.0 -
Mamahana82 wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »Let me just put this out there. My husband loves me dearly. He respects me and treats me like a princess. He opens doors for me. He does everything I was taught a man should do for a woman. Just because we have a 1950's mindset doesn't mean we aren't equils. I'm sorry if you don't agree with it but I'm not asking you to agree. I will always dream of being the perfect Stepford wife. It's what I want. That doesn't mean I can't lift weights though. I really didn't think this would be this big of a can of worms. I really just wanted to know if there was some way I can get him to not resent me lifting. I guess not. I guess it's just something he's got to get used to.
It kinda DOES mean you can't lift, if this is the type of relationship you have.
Oh good Lord. No it does not. My husband and I have traditional views and he is the head of the house hold. Having a traditional relationship doesn't mean we are not equal and it doesn't mean I can't be strong and lift weights.
There's a difference between having traditional views and desiring to be a Stepford wife.0 -
It is all solved. He just wants more sex.0
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Mamahana82 wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »Let me just put this out there. My husband loves me dearly. He respects me and treats me like a princess. He opens doors for me. He does everything I was taught a man should do for a woman. Just because we have a 1950's mindset doesn't mean we aren't equils. I'm sorry if you don't agree with it but I'm not asking you to agree. I will always dream of being the perfect Stepford wife. It's what I want. That doesn't mean I can't lift weights though. I really didn't think this would be this big of a can of worms. I really just wanted to know if there was some way I can get him to not resent me lifting. I guess not. I guess it's just something he's got to get used to.
It kinda DOES mean you can't lift, if this is the type of relationship you have.
Oh good Lord. No it does not. My husband and I have traditional views and he is the head of the house hold. Having a traditional relationship doesn't mean we are not equal and it doesn't mean I can't be strong and lift weights.
I'm in a traditional sort of arrangement currently in my relationship too. My husband works full time and I take care of the kids, the house, cooking, grocery shopping ... but I can use the grill. He doesn't get freaked out when I take time for myself to exercise. The type of exercise doesn't even matter, and he's never not once told me he didn't like me doing it. Then again that is where our "traditional" roll ends, because I would tell him where to stick it if he tried to dissuade me from exercising.
The OP stated she wants to make her husband "completely happy in every way". If he doesn't like her lifting then there's clearly a serious difference in her fitness desires and her goals for her role as a wife.0 -
It is all solved. He just wants more sex.
I know I'm going to get a rash of *kitten* for this but I have never once turned my husband down for sex. I beleive it's my duty as a wife to be there for my husband. I don't care how tired I am or what I feel like, I have not and will not ever turn him down. That being said, he doesn't ask for it if he knows I'm really not feeling well... But if he wants more he knows all he ever has to do is ask.
Now if you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine but please don't tell me I'm wrong for feeling that way. I'm not going to change.0 -
GothyFaery wrote: »It is all solved. He just wants more sex.
I know I'm going to get a rash of *kitten* for this but I have never once turned my husband down for sex. I beleive it's my duty as a wife to be there for my husband. I don't care how tired I am or what I feel like, I have not and will not ever turn him down. That being said, he doesn't ask for it if he knows I'm really not feeling well... But if he wants more he knows all he ever has to do is ask.
Now if you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine but please don't tell me I'm wrong for feeling that way. I'm not going to change.
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The difference is he ACCEPTS you lifting the weights.Oh good Lord. No it does not. My husband and I have traditional views and he is the head of the house hold. Having a traditional relationship doesn't mean we are not equal and it doesn't mean I can't be strong and lift weights.
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GothyFaery wrote: »It is all solved. He just wants more sex.
I know I'm going to get a rash of *kitten* for this but I have never once turned my husband down for sex. I beleive it's my duty as a wife to be there for my husband. I don't care how tired I am or what I feel like, I have not and will not ever turn him down. That being said, he doesn't ask for it if he knows I'm really not feeling well... But if he wants more he knows all he ever has to do is ask.
Now if you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine but please don't tell me I'm wrong for feeling that way. I'm not going to change.
I don't disagree with you and I'm really not criticizing traditional roles at all. I'm not tearing down or making fun of your lifestyle. I just think that since he mentioned that it is interfering, that this must be on his mind. Maybe he doesn't want to have to ask, maybe he'd like for you to initiate more often, or for it to be more spontaneous. As I said above, perhaps he sees your commitment and schedule for the workout and wishes for more regularity in that area too, without having to ask or initiate. I could be wrong. You could try it and see if it makes him happier, or you could sit him down and have a discussion, or you could ignore me entirely. *shrug*
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GothyFaery wrote: »It is all solved. He just wants more sex.
I know I'm going to get a rash of *kitten* for this but I have never once turned my husband down for sex. I beleive it's my duty as a wife to be there for my husband. I don't care how tired I am or what I feel like, I have not and will not ever turn him down. That being said, he doesn't ask for it if he knows I'm really not feeling well... But if he wants more he knows all he ever has to do is ask.
Now if you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine but please don't tell me I'm wrong for feeling that way. I'm not going to change.
He's probably tired of having to ask.0 -
GothyFaery wrote: »It is all solved. He just wants more sex.
I know I'm going to get a rash of *kitten* for this but I have never once turned my husband down for sex. I beleive it's my duty as a wife to be there for my husband. I don't care how tired I am or what I feel like, I have not and will not ever turn him down. That being said, he doesn't ask for it if he knows I'm really not feeling well... But if he wants more he knows all he ever has to do is ask.
Now if you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine but please don't tell me I'm wrong for feeling that way. I'm not going to change.
I don't disagree with you and I'm really not criticizing traditional roles at all. I'm not tearing down or making fun of your lifestyle. I just think that since he mentioned that it is interfering, that this must be on his mind. Maybe he doesn't want to have to ask, maybe he'd like for you to initiate more often, or for it to be more spontaneous. As I said above, perhaps he sees your commitment and schedule for the workout and wishes for more regularity in that area too, without having to ask or initiate. I could be wrong. You could try it and see if it makes him happier, or you could sit him down and have a discussion, or you could ignore me entirely. *shrug*
I'm sorry for the snark, it really wasn't directed at you. Most of my views on what I believe a good wife should do have been argued in this thread and it's made me more defensive than I should be. I do appreciate your advice.0 -
GothyFaery wrote: »It is all solved. He just wants more sex.
I know I'm going to get a rash of *kitten* for this but I have never once turned my husband down for sex. I beleive it's my duty as a wife to be there for my husband. I don't care how tired I am or what I feel like, I have not and will not ever turn him down. That being said, he doesn't ask for it if he knows I'm really not feeling well... But if he wants more he knows all he ever has to do is ask.
Now if you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine but please don't tell me I'm wrong for feeling that way. I'm not going to change.
I don't disagree with you and I'm really not criticizing traditional roles at all. I'm not tearing down or making fun of your lifestyle. I just think that since he mentioned that it is interfering, that this must be on his mind. Maybe he doesn't want to have to ask, maybe he'd like for you to initiate more often, or for it to be more spontaneous. As I said above, perhaps he sees your commitment and schedule for the workout and wishes for more regularity in that area too, without having to ask or initiate. I could be wrong. You could try it and see if it makes him happier, or you could sit him down and have a discussion, or you could ignore me entirely. *shrug*
Honestly it seems like his issue is sexual attraction, not the actual lack of sex. He doesn't want her to be "bulky" like her friends. I'm guessing he'd be turned off if she suddenly sprouted visible muscles.
also LMAO at "I never turn my man down," girl this is 2014.
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I guess it comes down to what you really want and you need to figure out whether you would rather play your role as the perfect 50's wife that lives by her husbands rules or you want to do things for yourself to be a better you. I guess you have a fine line there but if he is against it than I guess you better step away from the gym. I'm not sure how you can have both? I live my life for me and my children, not for any man, so I have a hard time wrapping my brain around this one. But it doesn't seem like you can have your cake and eat it too. Orrrrr you keep going and maybe he will just get used to the idea, maybe even join you...... or the negative side of the coin. You cannot really convince or change someones way of thinking and it's a waste of energy trying.
I have to add that just because he is a gentleman and holds doors for you etc etc doesn't mean he isn't mentally damaging and controlling (that is the independence in me talking) I was getting comments from my fiance like "who are you trying to impress?" "must be coworkers your trying to look good for" and "there's no time for me" and guess what, I sent him packing last week! I'm more important because my children need me here and healthy that's my the bottom line. JMO0 -
levitateme wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »It is all solved. He just wants more sex.
I know I'm going to get a rash of *kitten* for this but I have never once turned my husband down for sex. I beleive it's my duty as a wife to be there for my husband. I don't care how tired I am or what I feel like, I have not and will not ever turn him down. That being said, he doesn't ask for it if he knows I'm really not feeling well... But if he wants more he knows all he ever has to do is ask.
Now if you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine but please don't tell me I'm wrong for feeling that way. I'm not going to change.
I don't disagree with you and I'm really not criticizing traditional roles at all. I'm not tearing down or making fun of your lifestyle. I just think that since he mentioned that it is interfering, that this must be on his mind. Maybe he doesn't want to have to ask, maybe he'd like for you to initiate more often, or for it to be more spontaneous. As I said above, perhaps he sees your commitment and schedule for the workout and wishes for more regularity in that area too, without having to ask or initiate. I could be wrong. You could try it and see if it makes him happier, or you could sit him down and have a discussion, or you could ignore me entirely. *shrug*
Honestly it seems like his issue is sexual attraction, not the actual lack of sex. He doesn't want her to be "bulky" like her friends. I'm guessing he'd be turned off if she suddenly sprouted visible muscles.
also LMAO at "I never turn my man down," girl this is 2014.
I suppose that is possible, but in my experience, most guys think if you still have boobs, you are still plenty attractive. lol. I know there are exceptions, but....
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