How to get my husband to accept me lifting heavy?
Replies
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It's 100% insecurity.
You're looking smoking hot and he doesn't think you'll want him anymore.
It can happen to men who seem to be the most confident.0 -
Dude looks wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy older than you. Just sayin'.....0
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TavistockToad wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »Some_Watery_Tart wrote: »And if you'd like to avoid the "can of worms" in the future, I would suggest you avoid using the term "Stepford wife". It's not considered a positive thing. It was a horror story. Maybe June Cleaver would be more appropriate.
I'm sorry, I don't see the term Stepford wife as anything negitive. It would be the biggest compliment to me if someone said I was a Stepford wife. I didn't think I was the only one who thought this way.
i like to look after my husband... i'm a great housewife, other than i hate cleaning... but at the same time my husband has never told me what to do or not to do, i think its that part that people are struggling to understand, not the looking after your husband part as such.
That's how it is in our house too... I am pretty devoted to taking care of my husband (even not really thinking about it sometimes and getting him a things like a glass of water even when he is closer... just an example)... but there has never been a time where he has been insecure because I want to be stronger... Hell, he welcomes it because then I can help him more.
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Mamahana82 wrote: »I'm also trying to figure out how you do strong lifts in a skirt.
I work out at home so I don't have to worry about keeping everything covered.0 -
LyndseyLovesToLift wrote: »skullshank wrote: »is that your husband pictured with you in most of your pics?
this sex you speak of...it's solely for procreation right?
do you share a bed?
Ouch.
lol while it may look like it, that was not a swing at him.
i was just wondering if the 50s lifestyle was lived across the board.
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TavistockToad wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »Some_Watery_Tart wrote: »And if you'd like to avoid the "can of worms" in the future, I would suggest you avoid using the term "Stepford wife". It's not considered a positive thing. It was a horror story. Maybe June Cleaver would be more appropriate.
I'm sorry, I don't see the term Stepford wife as anything negitive. It would be the biggest compliment to me if someone said I was a Stepford wife. I didn't think I was the only one who thought this way.
i like to look after my husband... i'm a great housewife, other than i hate cleaning... but at the same time my husband has never told me what to do or not to do, i think its that part that people are struggling to understand, not the looking after your husband part as such.
That's how it is in our house too... I am pretty devoted to taking care of my husband (even not really thinking about it sometimes and getting him a things like a glass of water even when he is closer... just an example)... but there has never been a time where he has been insecure because I want to be stronger... Hell, he welcomes it because then I can help him more.
when i first brough home a tub of protein powder my husband asked if i was going to turn into a man... but since then we've been fine!!!!!0 -
GothyFaery wrote: »Mamahana82 wrote: »I'm also trying to figure out how you do strong lifts in a skirt.
I work out at home so I don't have to worry about keeping everything covered.
you ACTUALLY work out in a skirt!?0 -
Get him to work out with you. Nothing hotter to me then working out with my man. Then take him to bed!
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GothyFaery wrote: »Some_Watery_Tart wrote: »And if you'd like to avoid the "can of worms" in the future, I would suggest you avoid using the term "Stepford wife". It's not considered a positive thing. It was a horror story. Maybe June Cleaver would be more appropriate.
I'm sorry, I don't see the term Stepford wife as anything negitive. It would be the biggest compliment to me if someone said I was a Stepford wife. I didn't think I was the only one who thought this way.
I realize *you* don't see it as negative. But you did seem surprised that others did. I was explaining why. "Stepford Wives" is a horror story. Have you read it? It's absolutely terrifying.
How you want to live is your business. As I said before, you're both adults in a free country. If you want to lift, then lift. If he doesn't like it, that's his problem. You're not hurting him or taking away from your wifely duties, and you're doing good for yourself. He has no legitimate objection. If he is insecure, that his problem. Not yours.0 -
Step 1: Get super toned and hot
Step 2: Repeat step 1
Step 3: Continue on with your life
He'll get over it. Just make sure he always feels like the man
Most/some men need to feel strong for their own egos. Some women are the same way too. Just always ask him to scoop your ice cream because you don't think you could take on such a big task 0 -
GothyFaery wrote: »I wasn't really sure where to put this so sorry if it's in wrong thread. I started stronglifts about a month ago. My husband hasn't really been happy with me lifting but lately it's become more obvious. When I started he told me he didn't want me to get bulky. I tried to explain to him that wouldn't happen accidently and even had him look through a thread on here of women who lift heavy and how they are not bulky but it didn't really do much. It really doesn't help put his mind at ease that the two women I am getting tips from are "bulkier" women.
Now he says it feels like I don't need him anymore. I guess in some ways, he's kind of right. I don't need him to scoop ice cream for me anymore because I'm actually strong enough to do it myself (yes, that really was something I couldn't do a month ago). But that doesn't mean I don't still need him in my life. I'm just capable of doing some things for myself now.
He also told me this weekend that my workouts are getting in the way of our sex life. I workout for 45 minutes 3x a week. I didn't make a fight about it but I know he saw it hurt me when he said it so a few minutes later he said he was just joking. It didn't sound like a joke though.
Now we both have an old fashion mindset (think Stepford). I don't wear pants, I don't allow him to cook dinner, he doesn't allow me to BBQ or take the trash out, you get the idea. Me getting strong doesn't really fit that mindset. We both always felt like a woman should be soft and gentle. I understand now that a woman can be soft and gentle and be strong at the same time but he doesn't.
What can I do to get him to understand, or at least accept, that I'm going to lift weights and I'm going to get strong but nothing else is changing? Any other women out there have this problem?
If things are that old-fashioned and that's the lifestyle you've established, then I'm not sure what you can really do about it. That lifestyle kind of dictates that the husband is in-charge. Surely three 45-min workouts aren't interfering with your sex life. It sounds like he's just insecure about you lifting for some reason. My mindset is that you're an adult and if that's how you want to exercise then by all means do it. He needs to understand a couple things. One, big and bulky is a means of diet and not lifting preference. Two, you're an adult and have a right to make choices pertaining to exercise and nutrition.0 -
I didn't read all the responses but my suggestion would be to still let him help you scoop the ice cream or whatever. Even though you CAN do it yourself - still let him feel useful and "help" you do the things he used to do.0
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Meh, swap out all your modern pots/pans for cast iron ones and hide weight plates in them. Do your workouts by "reorganizing" your kitchen. </thread>0
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I think he just needs reassurance that you still need him. I definitely think you can have the mindset you do and still lift heavy.0
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It's your life, OP. But honestly, the fetish you are living is not compatible with lifting weights. Either work on adjusting the fetish or stop lifting. As a Stepford, you're not permitted self-thought. He does all your thinking for you, and of he doesn't want it, you can't do it.
Personally, I would work to change the fetish.0 -
I'm sad to read about your mindset...it's rather backward. I'm not sure what you expect from him considering both your mindsets.0
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itsfuntobenormal wrote: »My only advice is to stop seeing each other as archetypes -- and try seeing each other as actual people.
You are not a Stepford wife. Your husband isn't Man of the House. Those are roles you've taken on to satisfy needs that were once mutual but are now changing -- at least for you. Your husband can choose to accept this and embrace you as a fully developed, multifaceted, complex person ---- or he can lament your new found interest "changed" you and sulk.
+1 Bit surprised this would even be an issue in a relationship where you love, support and want the best for each other. It does seem to be an issue, even a joking one as it has affected the OP enough for her to post. Its up to the husband to get with the program and support/ encourage someone to their potential and lay aside his own insecurities imo. he doesnt sound as though hes really though of what he is doing and why. No idea if hes willing to stand up to scrutiny or discuss those things you know called feelings....0 -
You guys are losing weight together, why not lift together?0
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GothyFaery wrote: »LoneWolfRunner wrote: »Based upon your profile pictures, you look a bit younger than him. This is not about lifting and getting bulky. This is about you getting thinner and sexier. He is just feeling insecure because he knows that men are going to start paying attention to his young hot wife. When he sees that you still choose him and want to be with him, I think he will relax. And if the nature of your relationship involves have having set traditional roles and the two of you find that it works for you, then why change it?
There is a larger than normal age differance between us. I really didn't think that would make that big of a differance. We have been together for a long time, married for 5 years, and I've never once thought of another man that way. I just always thought he understood that. And I've never known him to be insecure. It seems strange to me to even think he could feel that way.
There's a good chance that he's jealous. In the pool photo it shows you both as overweight, but in more recent pics he's still the same size but you've lost quite a bit. The more you lift the better your body will be...and he's still fat. This would be my bet as to why he's doing what he's doing. You might want to show him a few of your heavier pics and compare it to how "bulky" you've become. And then ask him DELICATELY about him getting under a bar himself.0 -
skullshank wrote: »LyndseyLovesToLift wrote: »skullshank wrote: »is that your husband pictured with you in most of your pics?
this sex you speak of...it's solely for procreation right?
do you share a bed?
Ouch.
lol while it may look like it, that was not a swing at him.
i was just wondering if the 50s lifestyle was lived across the board.
Im sure they had sex in the 50s for reasons other than procreation. A lot of it as well.0 -
Could you work out at the gym instead? It would give you some space to do your own thing and you wouldn't have to discuss the specifics of your workout. It really shouldn't be open to debate how you exercise.0
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You can still make the beds, dinner, do the laundry, clean the house and lift weights. Buy him a card and add sweet note thanking him for being so manly. Remind him he is still your one and only, he can take out the trash and get the car fixed for you anytime. Continue with the weight lifting. If he still does not approve then agree to disagree. If your weight lifting is a deal breaker then you have a bigger fish to fry.0
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skullshank wrote: »LyndseyLovesToLift wrote: »skullshank wrote: »is that your husband pictured with you in most of your pics?
this sex you speak of...it's solely for procreation right?
do you share a bed?
Ouch.
lol while it may look like it, that was not a swing at him.
i was just wondering if the 50s lifestyle was lived across the board.
I hate children. We both agree kids are not something we want. So no, there's no procreation going on in my house. Yes we share a bed. I'm sorry this mindset is so hard to understand. I really don't need anyone bashing my way of life just because they don't agree with it. To each their own.0 -
skullshank wrote: »LyndseyLovesToLift wrote: »skullshank wrote: »is that your husband pictured with you in most of your pics?
this sex you speak of...it's solely for procreation right?
do you share a bed?
Ouch.
lol while it may look like it, that was not a swing at him.
i was just wondering if the 50s lifestyle was lived across the board.
Im sure they had sex in the 50s for reasons other than procreation. A lot of it as well.
incorrect. they did not.
source: "i love lucy" and "ozzie and harriet".
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TavistockToad wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »Mamahana82 wrote: »I'm also trying to figure out how you do strong lifts in a skirt.
I work out at home so I don't have to worry about keeping everything covered.
you ACTUALLY work out in a skirt!?
Sports bra and undies.0 -
GothyFaery wrote: »
Now we both have an old fashion mindset (think Stepford). I don't wear pants, I don't allow him to cook dinner, he doesn't allow me to BBQ or take the trash out, you get the idea. Me getting strong doesn't really fit that mindset. We both always felt like a woman should be soft and gentle. I understand now that a woman can be soft and gentle and be strong at the same time but he doesn't.
The part that bothers me the most is this, you "don't allow each other" to step outside of gender roles. It isn't that you both "prefer" to do certain things and have the other person do other certain things, it is "not allowed". That's kinda goofed up. But, I guess it's not my business if that is what you both want.What can I do to get him to understand, or at least accept, that I'm going to lift weights and I'm going to get strong but nothing else is changing? Any other women out there have this problem?
By lifting, you have definitely stepped outside the bounds of what he considers this gender role. You are doing something that he doesn't consider acceptable. Things are going to change. How you look will definitely change. You will also gain a new self confidence in yourself and your abilities. I'm not sure there is a way for you to get him to accept it, if he is really hung up on these roles.
My question to you is, what are you going to accept? Are you going to allow him to stop you from doing something you want to do, because from what you have told us, it seems like this is what is coming sooner or later.
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GothyFaery wrote: »skullshank wrote: »LyndseyLovesToLift wrote: »skullshank wrote: »is that your husband pictured with you in most of your pics?
this sex you speak of...it's solely for procreation right?
do you share a bed?
Ouch.
lol while it may look like it, that was not a swing at him.
i was just wondering if the 50s lifestyle was lived across the board.
I hate children. We both agree kids are not something we want. So no, there's no procreation going on in my house. Yes we share a bed. I'm sorry this mindset is so hard to understand. I really don't need anyone bashing my way of life just because they don't agree with it. To each their own.
did i bash?
live whatever lifestyle suits you.
i was merely curious.
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Lifting makes sex better. Maybe he should join you at the gym... or is that not in the '50s mindset?0
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GothyFaery wrote: »I wasn't really sure where to put this so sorry if it's in wrong thread. I started stronglifts about a month ago. My husband hasn't really been happy with me lifting but lately it's become more obvious. When I started he told me he didn't want me to get bulky. I tried to explain to him that wouldn't happen accidently and even had him look through a thread on here of women who lift heavy and how they are not bulky but it didn't really do much. It really doesn't help put his mind at ease that the two women I am getting tips from are "bulkier" women.
Now he says it feels like I don't need him anymore. I guess in some ways, he's kind of right. I don't need him to scoop ice cream for me anymore because I'm actually strong enough to do it myself (yes, that really was something I couldn't do a month ago). But that doesn't mean I don't still need him in my life. I'm just capable of doing some things for myself now.
He also told me this weekend that my workouts are getting in the way of our sex life. I workout for 45 minutes 3x a week. I didn't make a fight about it but I know he saw it hurt me when he said it so a few minutes later he said he was just joking. It didn't sound like a joke though.
Now we both have an old fashion mindset (think Stepford). I don't wear pants, I don't allow him to cook dinner, he doesn't allow me to BBQ or take the trash out, you get the idea. Me getting strong doesn't really fit that mindset. We both always felt like a woman should be soft and gentle. I understand now that a woman can be soft and gentle and be strong at the same time but he doesn't.
What can I do to get him to understand, or at least accept, that I'm going to lift weights and I'm going to get strong but nothing else is changing? Any other women out there have this problem?
You could not scoop your own ice-cream? How horrible, I am so happy that you are cured of this debilitating condition. Mean-while, did you know that they make ice-cream on a stick?-1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vy7aADUzbII
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