Overcoming "All or nothing" mentality

You have to want it! I refuse to lose the weight and allow myself to get back to where I was. If you totally are focused and determined to lose weight and keep it off then you have to want it.

I believe that when people lose weight and gain the weight back, they just don't care enough about it. That or there are emotional issues involved.

Do not rush it. Take your time. Set a realistic goal. Eat what you love and do not deprive your self. Find the motivation to do it for YOU!!

Consistency, moderation and dedication is key!

I am wondering what you have learned from both your past success and then gaining the weight back. Is it possible that you weren't truly happy or comfortable with the changes you made in order to lose the weight? Sounds like you enjoy the challenge of competition, so maybe you could find a positive way to figure that into your journey this time, only beware of focusing on an end date.

It is interesting you put "all or nothing" mentality in your header. I was attracted to that phrase, because I was a very black and white thinker. I have gradually learned to accept areas of "gray". Doing so has enabled me to take a bad day and shorten it down to a bad moment, forgive myself, and move forward.

I guess my advice would be to focus on what you have learned from your past experience and figure out what would work well for you in the future. You could begin with that and see where it leads. And I would add that the faster you forgive yourself for a mis-step, the quicker you can get right back on track.

Remember, we are all just flawed imperfect fabulous human beings, and mistakes happen. But our mistakes can be our greatest teacher, even if the lesson we have to learn has to be repeated before we learn it.

Good luck!

When I wake up and see a brad new empty food diary, it helps me forget the day before. One reason I love MFP!

GeauxWill wrote: »

Hi, I'm new to the forums, I have used MFP a few times in the past briefly.

On atleast 3 instances I have lost 50ish pounds over a 3-5 month period just to gain it all back. I never starved myself, I just ate clean and exercised. However, I always end up letting a bad day turn into a bad weekend, which turns into a bad week, and then I'm back to my old habbits. The times that I have had the most success have been when I had a "biggest loser" contest at work in which there is a lot of money on the line. I have won twice, but I think it ended up being detrimental because there was an "end" date.

I am currently 29yo, 293 lbs and am looking to get to around 170.

Any advice is really appreciated.

i can understand having an "end date." while i know that fitness and exercise is a life-long endeavour, i need to have a date to be ready for. so i sign up for races. it keeps me working out to prepare for something. and i always have the next race already bought and paid for, so i don't get post race blues.

Whay they said you dodnt have a strategy to put in place when you got to target hence you let everything slip. Although i can understand about a short term target you have to continue wanting to be a healthy weight and be prepared to put the work in. If you let it slip then you lose sight of being objective and wanting it enough. Get some friends and keep logging even if you are over your limit.

I would suggest you check out some info on "Stages of Change" A person moves through five stages being Denial, Pre-Contemplation, Contemplation, Planning and Action (which is eventually Maintenance) However, you can relapse at any point to any previous point. This would be for any kind of change or addiction. The key to success would be to only go back no further than planning or at least get back to the action as soon as possible, you can make changes that need to be made to ensure your success. I definately agree with whoever said that, you should at no point, consider yourself to be on a diet. Just consider yourself to be a healthier person now and you will not feel like you are missing out on anything.

My take on this (from personal experience) is that when most people set out to lose weight, they work really hard to change their body, and maybe even their state of mind to a certain extent, but they completely ignore the fact that in order to shift away from *any* destructive habit in your life and to move toward a healthy lifestyle is, at it's core, an affair of the HEART and of MORAL CHARACTER...not the body. The body follows the heart, mind, emotions, and character, not the other way around.

Most people who abuse food (and yo-yo dieting, compulsive eating, bingeing, etc. are all examples of abuse) are doing it to cope with pain, discomfort, stress, etc. in their life. That could be due to something situational, or it could just be a general, low-grade stress you always feel because you never learned how to express anger, or be comfortable with sadness, or be alone, or deal with difficult people, etc. (the list goes on and on)... Bingeing, overeating, restricting, dieting, all give you a false sense of "comfort". For some people that comfort comes in the form of control ("my life is a mess but at least I can restrict my eating"), or soothing ("I'm so upset right now, I just need to eat some ice cream and watch tv to relax"), or trying to feel something ("I'm so bored, what can I eat to feel more "up"?), etc. There are myriad ways we use food to "help" ourselves "feel better".

The great irony is that in doing these things, we actually make the situation much, much worse for ourselves. We are not actually helping anything at all! We are literally starving ourselves both emotionally and physically. We're not meeting our *real* needs.

What you NEED, is to learn how to cope with life without abusing food. You NEED to be healed emotionally and you need to develop character (strength, loyalty, patience, self control, peace, love for yourself, discipline, fortitude, courage, etc.). The stronger you become INSIDE, the more you will be able to conquer the OUTSIDE issues that stem from your former internal weakness.

How does one do this? Seek counseling. Support groups (Overeaters Anonymous is great). Journal your feelings. Be honest with yourself. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Pray. Read books and articles about this subject. Work on reducing your stress. Get rid of toxic relationships. Draw boundaries. See a nutritionist. See a personal trainer. Move your body. Track your calories.

TAKE ACTION - real action - don't just wish and hope and pray that "maybe this time it'll work". Don't just knuckle down and grit your teeth and "try again". You'll never win that fight - you'll always burn out and go back to your comforts. You have to change from within.