He says, "Please don't lose anymore weight"!

nurseaim
nurseaim Posts: 146
edited September 26 in Health and Weight Loss
Okay, so I have a dilemma...my boyfriend of almost 3 years is asking me to "Please not lose anymore weight". He likes my "curves" and the way I am now, but I'm only halfway to my goal. Part of me thinks that he's just scared because he lost his ex-wife after she lost over 100 lbs to another man. The other side of me wonders if he does just like my curves...he seems attracted to my body. I'm at a loss...I have a goal to lose another 20 lbs, but I I'm afraid that maybe my boyfriend won't be as attarcted to me. He would never say anything to the contrary about my body, he'll always be loving. So, I'm at a crossroad, should I be excited with the weight I've lost and stop here or should I continue on to my goal? Most of my family says the same that I've lost a nice amout and should be pleased and not try to over-achieve. My Mom, says keep going don't let a man decide what's right for you. Now I'm asking my MFP friends for your opinions.
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Replies

  • barbiecat
    barbiecat Posts: 17,208 Member
    :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: I agree with your mom.......don't let a man decide what you should do with your body:flowerforyou:
  • HoopFire5602
    HoopFire5602 Posts: 423 Member
    It's your body. if you are still unhappy with the weight you are at, then you should be able to change it if you wish. It's nice for people to tell you not to get smaller; that you are alright where you are, but ultimately it's your decision. I'm glad that the people around you are supportive though...a lot of us wish we had that.
  • marci355
    marci355 Posts: 292
    Hon, listen to your boyfriend! Men like curves. Most men don't want stick thin figures.
  • gcsjmoore
    gcsjmoore Posts: 13 Member
    I'm with your mom. I think there's probably more to it if he has issues with what happened with his ex - and who wouldn't. But, here's the bottom line...this is about YOU...not him. You have to do what's best for you. If you stop now, that will cause other resentment issues later on (I would think) between you and him - I would surely grow to resent it if I gave up "me" for him....especially if something happens and it doesn't work out later. Keep to your goals, and open some serious lines of communication - he may just need reassurance that you're not in the market for some Fabio-like man after you get to your goal weight. If he does like curves and will be less attracted if you reach your goal....then maybe he's not the right fish for you.
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
    If being a healthy weight is really a threat to your relationship, you prolly shouldn't be in that relationship.
  • OSUalum
    OSUalum Posts: 449 Member
    First priority... be healthy! really think about what weight is healthy for your heart and joints.
    Everything else will fall into place at that point.
    Good luck!
  • kamechaf
    kamechaf Posts: 87 Member
    Do what is healthy! Its not all about a bathing suit... its about health too!
  • Shed4Wed
    Shed4Wed Posts: 25
    You set that goal for a reason. Stick to it! Its your health at stake, not his. If he loves you now, he will love you when you reach your goal. Just reassure him that you love him too.
  • ericapledger
    ericapledger Posts: 32 Member
    Do what makes YOU happy! If he loves you now he can love you at any weight.
  • ladybg81
    ladybg81 Posts: 1,553 Member
    That is a tough one. From my experience, once people started noticing mine and my husband's weight loss, all we heard was "stop losing, your too thin" which was certainly not true. We kept going to our goal because we wanted to feel good about OURSELVES. I think that if you are not happy where you are, you should keep going. If not, you will still keep saying to yourself, "I'm fat, I need to lose weight." Stop if you're happy, keep going if you're not.
  • SLN11
    SLN11 Posts: 210
    I do believe a persons partner shouldnt say what goes I know he is only expressing his opinion and I see his reasons for them which ever may be the case i.e curves or insecurity.

    However If you are also afraid of the outcome weather he finds you less attractive etc why not meet in the middle if I recall you stated you had 20lbs still to loose why not only loose 10lbs or 12lb's then your even closer to your goal and he is still happy ?

    You could also try and loose the last bit of weight you want to loose maybe a little slower so its less noticable but mainly reassure him you will look and feel great and you will have more confidence when you do loose the weight you love him and you are not with him becuase he was the only man that would have you when you had the extra weight ! You chose him for a reason and am sure nothing will break you away from him...

    xx
  • Angela4Health
    Angela4Health Posts: 1,319 Member
    You have to do what's best for you, not what's best for him!
  • Atlantique
    Atlantique Posts: 2,484 Member
    Unless you are 6 feet tall, you will still have plenty of curves at 155. :flowerforyou:

    I think you are correct that your boyfriend probably has some anxiety about your weight loss. Sounds as though he'd have to with that history. If he's willing, get him involved with you in some sort of exercise that you can do toegether. If he's included in your changing hobbies and interests, he'll probably be less threatened by it.

    Also, people really don't have a good idea of what another 20 pounds would look like in either direction. Don't tell him exactly what you weigh and he'll probably stop worrying about it.
  • ravenclawseekergirl
    ravenclawseekergirl Posts: 342 Member
    He might generally worried about you and your health. That and like you say about his past...try and assure him that you love him and that you wouldnt do what his ex did. A little heart to heart might bring you closer together.



    But at the end of the day remember it's your body and your health.
  • Topsking2010
    Topsking2010 Posts: 2,245 Member
    In this case I agree with your mom. Being healthy is the most important thing. If he really loves you he will support your goals.


    Topsking2010
  • MyNameIsNotBob
    MyNameIsNotBob Posts: 565 Member
    What's your BMI? I think everyone should be aiming to be somewhere in that "normal" range.
  • foxfirekenzie
    foxfirekenzie Posts: 244 Member
    I have a strong feeling that since you are a woman, you will STILL have curves even when you reach your goal weight.
    I say GO FOR IT! Well done on your success so far.
  • FairyMiss
    FairyMiss Posts: 1,812 Member
    Have you sat down and talked to you guy about how you feel about your weight and what it means to you to finish, and why he wishes you to stop, is it totaly because he likes those curve or is there some (very understandable) fear that is you get to where you want you will reject him.
    my guy was not real enthusiastic about my losing weight, he said he likes me as i am, but i let him know how important it was to me and he is not supportive, Though he still makes coments in a somewhat jokingly manner that i will leave him for a better looking guy, and i reassure him (in an equally light manner) that , not very likely
  • elizabeth60
    elizabeth60 Posts: 10 Member
    Frist off - Great job at being only 20 pounds away from your goal!! I agree that you should not let another person influence your goals, however, he may be worried that you are going to leave him just like his ex-wife. I think as long as you reassure him you are not going to leave him he may be more open to your last 20 pounds. Keep up the great work!!
  • ajl2
    ajl2 Posts: 40 Member
    If your boyfriend can't love you if you lose 20 more pounds than he really doesn't love you at all!! Don't let a man get in the way of your desire to lose weight and get healthy. It's your body, not his. He's supposed to love ALL of you, not just your curves.
  • Just1forMe
    Just1forMe Posts: 624 Member
    You don't mention how tall you are. Is your goal weight of 155 in line for what the weight charts tell you that you should weigh for your height? Unless you are taller than 5'6 or 5'7 that doesn't seem like a super low weight goal. It's YOUR body. I am sure his own insecurities play a role in his feelings. I wouldn't talk about losing all the time with him, but go for another 10 lbs and see how you feel then. In the meantime, build up his confidence in your feelings for him. Good luck!
  • Perfectlycrooked
    Perfectlycrooked Posts: 275 Member
    Think about it, are you healthy?
    Are you going to have more energy, strenght, and stamina now or 20 pounds later?
    (:
  • Perfectlycrooked
    Perfectlycrooked Posts: 275 Member
    Think about it, are you healthy?
    Are you going to have more energy, strenght, and stamina now or 20 pounds later?
    (:

    Plus, I'm sure you'll still be beautiful and he'll still think so if you went to your goal!
  • Shaye85
    Shaye85 Posts: 107
    its your choice!! if you feel accomplished then stop, if you don't then keep going. re-assure him that your not going anywhere!!!
  • musicgirl88
    musicgirl88 Posts: 504 Member
    YOU need to be happy. If you stop to satisfy him, you risk your happiness. I've been in several bad relationships, and a lot of times guys are a lot of talk about stuff like that because they're afraid they won't be good enough once you reach your goal. Just try to find ways to assure him you won't leave like his ex. You're not the same as her. You just need to do what's good for you, what makes you happy, and most of all what will have you at your HEALTHIEST. Good luck with you situation, and I hope everything works out. :)
  • funfitfoodie
    funfitfoodie Posts: 630 Member
    do what makes YOU happy
  • diet45
    diet45 Posts: 392 Member
    Definitely lose the rest of the weight only for yourself. Ultimately you want to be healthy. He should love you at whatever weight you are!!! Best wishes
  • jmwolffyy
    jmwolffyy Posts: 212 Member
    Okay, so I went and read your profile to help me decide what advice to give you. I came across a section where you talked about a little black dress that you would love to wear again. I say, get into that dress. You know that you feel happy when you can wear that dress, and when you are happy with your own weight, your boyfriend will also be happy. If there is a little bit of insecurity that he may lose you because you are losing weight, that can usually be eased by having a lot of open communication. Give him a lot of reassurance while you continue to lose weight and also afterward. Good luck!
  • jennro7781
    jennro7781 Posts: 208
    Although I'm sure his opinion is important to you, it is YOUR body and YOUR health. If you don't feel healthy right now then simply say to him "I don't feel healthy at this weight". If he doesn't understand then it's time to end the relationship. My guess is that his insecurities are showing. Just reassure him that you love him and that you're doing this for you; so you can be happy and healthy...not so you can find a different man. Good luck!
  • adakane
    adakane Posts: 3
    You should do what you are happy and comfortable with. And more important than the weight itself is that you feel healthy and energize
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