He says, "Please don't lose anymore weight"!

2

Replies

  • Sugar_Apple
    Sugar_Apple Posts: 951 Member
    I think alot of men have problems visualising weight...
    When I said I had 50 pounds to lose my boyfriend was wondering why so much...but now he can see I am still me and the curves are still there....Just reassured him that you will still be curvy at your goal weight and show him pictures of other women at you height and weight so he can get a sense of what you will look like...that lil trick worked for me... this site was very helpful http://www.mybodygallery.com/
  • sinclare
    sinclare Posts: 369 Member
    keep doing it. just don't talk about it so much to him.

    his insecurity about his ex is NOT your problem. do what's best for YOU!
  • iamhealingmyself
    iamhealingmyself Posts: 579 Member
    It is your body and to a point nobody should have to tell you what to do. However, there is a lot of good alternatives already said here. You are not even sure yet if you lose that 20lbs that it will be what your body needs. Consider staying at the weight you're at now for 2 weeks or a month. If you're not happy lose weight in 5lb increments (1lb a month) and hold it for 2 weeks to a month and see how each level feels, how it fits your life to maintain that weight and how your body is responding. I'm sure he wouldn't notice 5lbs over a month's time.

    There is some history there that you both need to work through so keep communications open, let him tell you what he's thinking, feeling, afraid of etc. You can't read his mind and if you tried and guessed wrong, you'd only be fueling his fires of insecurity. My (now) ex accused me of having affairs when I was loosing weight back in 2006. I was doing it for me because I was not happy with me and therefore I could not be happy with us. We had a lot more problems than just my weight and his accusations, so we did split. I had tried for 15 years to keep that marriage together but I just couldn't do it anymore. You have to decide what YOU want and NEED, but also consider how it's affecting him as well.

    Good luck to both of you in whatever you decide.
  • Kirsty_UK
    Kirsty_UK Posts: 964 Member
    Be honest with yourself about what is a healthy weight for YOU (not just for your height, but for you and your bone structure), and maybe seek a doctor's advice if you're not sure if you can make a non-biaised judgement on that. If your goal is a reasonable weight for you, then go for it, you being happy will also improve your relationship. Your bf is bound to have some insecurities and need reassurance that a thinner you, doesn't mean you'll leave him. But the first bit of my advice is in case your bf actually does know better than you think he does about what is a healthy weight for you. If your target is healthy, go for it, it's your body. But make sure it's a realistic target and he's not just looking out for you and making sure you dont become underweight.
  • mandy_marie
    mandy_marie Posts: 36 Member
    Do what makes YOU happy! If he loves you now he can love you at any weight.



    I completely agree!! You are doing this for a healthier you and he should continue to love you no matter what and be understanding!!
  • medwards89
    medwards89 Posts: 97 Member
    Wouldn't you resent the heck out of him if someday down the line you broke up and you had given up and settled!? I sure would. My husband makes the same sort of comments. I think it's a slight jealousy issue for us because he is pretty overweight, but I'm plugging along and loving it!

    Keep up the great work. You will know when you're satisfied!!
  • sweet_lotus
    sweet_lotus Posts: 194 Member
    It sounds like he feels insecure and needs some reassurance. Explain to him that you're not going *anywhere* and that you love him, and that losing the weight will make you happier and thus have a positive effect on your relationship! Also, losing weight might give you more curves - it certainly helped accentuate MY waistline!

    Also, talk to your physician about your ideal weight for your overall health. Everyone should have a lipid profile, blood pressure check and blood sugar test done (your husband too!) to make sure all of that is OK, if if not that will help you decide whether or not you should lose more.
  • nurseaim
    nurseaim Posts: 146
    THANKS so MUCH to EVERYONE that responded to my thread! Your kind words and great advice really give me some great insight. It's so nice to get such great advice from people who know how I feel. Y'all are AWESOME! This site is AWESOME, it's great to have people that I can talk to about my feelings, that I don't feel are judging me.

    Thanks,
    Aimee
  • mabear74
    mabear74 Posts: 248
    Ultimately this journey is about you and making YOURSELF a PRIORITY. You have to do what is right for YOU. I understand where his past might make him anxious, but if he really loves you, then he will support your decision to do what is right for you.
  • megz4987
    megz4987 Posts: 1,008 Member
    Do it for you!
  • HartJames
    HartJames Posts: 789 Member
    Ok, a little different perspective here. Knowing that your BF chose a woman who was 100 pounds overweight and then chose YOU when you were overweight tells me that he is most likely one of those men who are attracted to overweight women. I agree that you should do what makes you happy but with the full knowledge that your BF may not remain attracted to you and being that men are very visual and that attraction is a major componet in a relationship- you have to prioritize what's right for you. I suggest a VERY frank conversation with him where you find out point blank what this all means to him.
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
    It's your body. Lose the weight if you want.

    He probably is insecure. My friend's husband kept her fat to keep her home.
  • Laura2201
    Laura2201 Posts: 3
    do what you want and what will make you feel happy and good about yourself :) if you're only doing it for him then fair enough but i presume youre doing this for yourself so just do it :)[
  • fitterpam
    fitterpam Posts: 3,064 Member
    I think you need to sit and have a discussion with him and understand if it has anything to do with his ex. He shouldn't be able to tell you what to do with your body, but he should have some input into your decision. Do you have reasons for hitting that number? Is it for your health, your self image or is it just a number? Explain to him your reasons and listen to his. Ultimately the decision is yours but imagine if something that was important to you that he has full control of and he just blew off your opinion without even thinking about it - I know I'd be pretty hurt that my opinion didn't matter at all. At least if you have the discussion, he'll understand the reasons you decided the way you did.

    Personally, my goal is not my ideal weight - it's my own personal low (which is about 20lbs heavier than "normal" weight for my height). I was happy at that weight with myself and my husband was too. But then he was happy with me at 100lbs overweight too....so LOL
  • kayleeblue
    kayleeblue Posts: 273
    When I first read your topic I had so much to say...but then I read everyone elses comments and they said it for me...DO WHATS BEST FOR YOU!! When you feel comfortable then he should be able to accept you as such. Good Luck!
  • CookieCatCatcher
    CookieCatCatcher Posts: 324 Member
    You're mom is right. You need to decide whats best for you, and if your boyfriend is not happy with your body, he can go suck rocks! :D
  • Dawntodusk
    Dawntodusk Posts: 262 Member
    I don't know what height you are, but I think you'll probably have plenty of curves even at your goal weight. Tell your boyfriend that he shouldn't judge until he's seen the final goods. In any case, I agree with your Mom! Men come and go, but your body is yours til you die.
  • Kellee_76
    Kellee_76 Posts: 91
    If you're happy with you, he'll be happy with you. Weight or no weight. We're the most attractive to others when we FEEL attractive.
  • Kellee_76
    Kellee_76 Posts: 91
    If you're happy with you, he'll be happy with you. Weight or no weight. We're the most attractive to others when we FEEL attractive.

    ***
    Sorry for the duplicate post. (Not sure how to delete it!)
  • Ladywindchaser
    Ladywindchaser Posts: 44 Member
    This really should not be about anything but "your health". Loving someone should not be about whether they are skinny or fat. Love should be a whole lot deeper than what pants size we wear. I read your post to my Hubby and he said the same thing as the others. Your BF is worried about losing you. That is his insecurity to deal with not yours. If he truly loves you he will come around and love you no matter what size your are and vice versa. But do what is in your best health interest.
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
    My husband doesn't want me to lose any more weight. I have lost 11 lbs, and am aiming for another 11, but he says I feel bony. I don't need to lose any more, but I quite want to. I don't really know what to do. At the moment I am just maintaining while I think about it.
  • AmandaMonique
    AmandaMonique Posts: 34
    Definitely do what's best for you: be healthy and happy.
    And if he truly loves you, he's going to love you thin, overweight, whatever.

    If it's about his ex, you'll just have to prove to him that it's not going to happen.
    (:
  • monoxidechick
    monoxidechick Posts: 339
    I say do it for yourself first!! If you are at a healthy weight and feel good about yourself then it may be time to maintain and maybe adding some muscle tone will help you feel better about where you are at.

    The thing about goals is that we usually dont know exactly what will happen at that magic number that we vision in the future unless we have been there before. I have never been down to 135, so for me, that is my ultimate goal, but I am not sure what will happen when I get there. Maybe I will want to continue a few more lbs or maybe I will want to stop before that, I do not know. Maybe what you thought was your goal is a bit too much?

    If he likes you with curves, he should like you without them as well. If he is insecure or judgemental, it will probably not work out in the end anyway.

    DO IT FOR YOURSELF!!!!!
  • brenda_71
    brenda_71 Posts: 151
    I think most of us on here are doing this for ourselves. That's great he's happy with the way you look but you're not doing it for him.
  • cowlover22
    cowlover22 Posts: 309 Member
    Did you lose weight for him to begin with? If so then that was for the wrong reasons. You need to do what is going to make you feel good about yourself and not worry about others. As long as you are being healthy that is.... Tell him that yiu are not that other person and well...GET OVER IT>>THIS IS ABOUT YOU NOT HIM!:bigsmile:
  • Neliel
    Neliel Posts: 507 Member
    If you want to lose more then that's entirely up to you. He is battling with his own insecurities by asking you not to lose any more. All you can do is reassure him that this is for you. If he really loves YOU then he'll love YOU whatever shape or size you are. If you are not happy with your size - change it. It's your life and you have to be entirely happy and confident in your own body.
  • kimkimchi
    kimkimchi Posts: 58
    I think you should do what you want for yourself first. Lose the weight if you want to! It sounds like he has insecurity issues based on his previous relationship. Be healthy and treat yourself well first!
  • Gemini_at_36
    Gemini_at_36 Posts: 207
    Hi,,,okay so let me ask you this, the weight loss, getting healthy, and being healthy, this is all about you right? You are doing this for yourself....not your man. I'm not telling you what you should do.....but this is about yourself, your mind, soul, spirit. This may be the perfect man for you in your perception, but I think YOU come first as far as You are concerned. This is a lesson that I have been learning recently....It is a good lesson to learn and believe:}
  • fitnessjch
    fitnessjch Posts: 449 Member
    You are not his ex.

    But the very fact that she sounds like she was a larger lady indicates that he does like curves, so maybe he likes you as you are.

    But you need to be happy yourself, and if he loves you, he will carry on loving you even if you are lighter.

    YOU need to be happy. If you have gone on a weight loss program, you have done it because you want to be lighter, so that would make you happier. You cant stop if you dont want to just because he wants you to x
  • jdavis193
    jdavis193 Posts: 972 Member
    Okay, so I have a dilemma...my boyfriend of almost 3 years is asking me to "Please not lose anymore weight". He likes my "curves" and the way I am now, but I'm only halfway to my goal. Part of me thinks that he's just scared because he lost his ex-wife after she lost over 100 lbs to another man. The other side of me wonders if he does just like my curves...he seems attracted to my body. I'm at a loss...I have a goal to lose another 20 lbs, but I I'm afraid that maybe my boyfriend won't be as attarcted to me. He would never say anything to the contrary about my body, he'll always be loving. So, I'm at a crossroad, should I be excited with the weight I've lost and stop here or should I continue on to my goal? Most of my family says the same that I've lost a nice amout and should be pleased and not try to over-achieve. My Mom, says keep going don't let a man decide what's right for you. Now I'm asking my MFP friends for your opinions.


    You should do what makes you happy. Trust me on that.. Explain to him that this is for you and noone else. See if he even wants to work out with you.
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