Relationship Weight

I know for a fact you can get any Red Robin burger wrapped in lettuce, and can get fruit or brocolli for a side dish.

My bf is the same way, though after dating for 5 years (and aging/having slowing metabolisms), he has gotten much better about making conscientious choices about diet. My go to at any restaurant, especially for dinner, is a broth based soup. I'm in Houston, so we have tortilla soup as an option most everywhere. Other option is a salad with protein and dressing on the side.

Make compromises occasionally, go eat the 800 calorie burger and then go for the 5 mile run or find an activity you both enjoy that you could do to burn off those calories. Other times go to places that have more appealing options to you and then you wouldn't have to find ways to burn off the extra calories. Do things that are centered more around activity than eating and that could help with relationship weight gain too.

I go out to lunch everyday with a group at work, all male, and mostly out of shape and large, similar to what I was.

Doesn't matter where we go, and I never dictate in order to meet my requirements, but I can always find something health"ier". As others have stated, choose better, or eat less, or adjust around it. There is absolutely NOTHING that can stop you, if you choose!

This reminds me of another thread, but if he can't support you, or rather you can't be flexible around his lifestyle, do you really belong together? As someone who has been married over 20+ years, these are things you should really be looking at. Maybe you are just looking for support and I appreciate that, just thought I would throw that out for thought? I know it's none of my business.

if you go to in-n-out, order a protein style hamburger plain. it's 160 calories.
if you go to a wings place, peel the skin/breading off and just eat the actual chicken underneath.
if you go to a pizza place, order wings and do the same thing with them.
if you get chinese, order a vegetable dish and skip the rice/noodles.
if you get subs or burgers, skip the bun.
if none of these are satisfying because you actually want the 800-calorie burger, don't blame your boyfriend.

janhiness wrote: »

I know how you feel. My husbands trying to gain weight. He's eating 3000 calories while I'm over here with my 1200. Right now he eats whatever he wants at work. He knows that's when it won't bother me and he supports me enough to do that for me. I just had to tell him it's kind of like someone with a drinking problem. You wouldn't drink in front of them. He can eat with me but we both agreed we'd eat the same at home so I don't feel I'm missing out and I stay on track. Now I'm finding he can eat certain things and it doesn't bother me as much. Just be honest with him and make sure he knows how important it is to you.

With 70lbs to lose, you don't need to suffer on 1200 cals.

wildwhisper96 wrote: »

I want him to get his greasy goodness, but I need a middle ground where I can eat something too without needing a 5 mile run after to shed it all.

Sounds like you want to put his needs before yours. I bet if you sat down and spoke with him, he would be more than happy to compromise. Your making this drama in your own head. Sit him down, talk to him. if hes a good guy, hell understand and support.

BFDeal wrote: »

603reader wrote: »

janhiness wrote: »

I know how you feel. My husbands trying to gain weight. He's eating 3000 calories while I'm over here with my 1200. Right now he eats whatever he wants at work. He knows that's when it won't bother me and he supports me enough to do that for me. I just had to tell him it's kind of like someone with a drinking problem. You wouldn't drink in front of them. He can eat with me but we both agreed we'd eat the same at home so I don't feel I'm missing out and I stay on track. Now I'm finding he can eat certain things and it doesn't bother me as much. Just be honest with him and make sure he knows how important it is to you.

With 70lbs to lose, you don't need to suffer on 1200 cals.

This is true until it's not. "Eat more to lose weight." They say. Then when you stop losing what will people say? "You're eating too much."

The argument can also be made that very, very few people need to be on 1200 calories anyway. Eating too much simply means they are eating too much for their activity level....it's not a 1200 calorie sentence.

I think the bigger concern here is that an 800 calorie burger will "kill you."

Do your research before going out. Pre-plan what you'll order and find the lower calorie options. If you feel like because he got a burger, you must get a burger, only eat half of it and save the other half for later or for the next day. My fiance isn't naturally slim, but he eats just about whatever he wants without any fluctuations in his weight. Usually, if he wants to go somewhere without any really good options for me to eat, he waits until guys night to go there. Otherwise, we work as a team. Maybe consider having date night at home and cooking him a nice meal...that way you control what you're eating, and you still get date night.

Honestly, I've struggled with this a bit myself. I've been living with my SO for almost two years, and he works constructions, has a love for all things fast food, and while neither of us drink, we do like our weed which only enhances our appetite, especially for Timbits.

But the reality is, you make your own decisions. Don't want to go out to the BBQ place on date night? Why not make him BBQ at home? I'm sure he'd love that. And then you have control of the sides; things like coleslaw, baked beans, even cornbread can be made to be fairly low cal or at least have the nutritional trade off to justify them. Plus side? You could always make yourself something like pulled chicken, with less BBQ sauce than a real restaurant would give you -- lots of protein, fairly low cal, and you have complete control over whether to add a bun, make it in a lettuce wrap or just eat it off the plate.

Or, make date night plans that don't involve food. If you guys are just spending a couple hours together on a Friday evening or Sunday afternoon, you don't really have to eat. Go out and do something instead.

Really, what "kills me" about your post is that you think that a single hamburger can completely undo all the work you've done. I don't know what type of deficit you're eating at, but chances are, you'll be fine. If you don't want to have the conversation with him and tell him that you're trying to lose weight and want some say in where you go for restaurants (which you should already have anyway since you're an adult with agency, and I'm assuming your own money) then there are other work arounds. Eat 100 calories lower on the days you're not together, come date night you've got an extra 600 calories to work with before you've started eating into your deficit. Research something like the 5:2 diet or try intermittent fasting. Know you guys are going out for dinner? Eat lighter calorie nutrient dense meals -- you'd be surprised how much 1/2 an acorn squash with a little bit of butter and salt and pepper will fill you up.

I feel like if you're so worried about an 800 calorie burger that you're probably eating too little so I'm just going to encourage you to check out your BMR/TDEE. No use eating way less food than you need to.

I would just straight up talk to him about it. I have the same issue - my boyfriend is so lean, naturally, and can eat anything and it won't show - ever! Every time we would eat, it would be crappy stuff that he can consume, but would have a dramatic affect on my body. I told him that I need to eat healthier because not only is this what I want to do, it is what I need to do. He understood after a bit of me telling him I need to eat healthy and to support what I am doing. He eventually said "whatever makes you happy". So, naturally, guys are terrible listeners and although they care, he probably just doesn't keep it in mind that you need to healthy - he most definitely loves you for who you are and doesn't think anything about your weight! You just need to be clear with him about what you want to do and tell him it's something that you need to do for now! and maybe suggest healthier options and help cook with him or something!

You just have to talk it through with guys and explain to them otherwise they won't understand

just break up

you could consider eating off the lunch menu assuming those meals have smaller portions.

OP should just read her OP to her Boyfriend. Problem solved.