Being judged-leave me be!
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0somuchbetter0 wrote: »TimothyFish wrote: »You're too young to be drinking anyway, so you might should hang out with better friends.
I'm guessing from her "accent" that she's from the UK -- drinking age is 16 or 18 there, depending on the type of alcohol.
OP, it's hard when people are constantly offering you treats and alcohol, especially if they're things you want to eat and drink. It's especially hard at your age -- peer pressure and all! Rather than have to go into a big long explanation, try saying you haven't been feeling well. That should get people off your back at least a little.
It's 18 to buy alcohol in a pub/shop, although I was out drinking at 16. Naughty lol.
I did drink a lot when I was at university, because I enjoyed it and was out a lot, but I didn't eat very much. No-one ever judged me for it luckily, although to be fair I probably didn't eat enough, so maybe someone should've said something!
Just say no, I'm sure if you say it enough times they'll get the message!0 -
NO means no but I think its yes means yes now. Zero *kitten* to give policy. I like that one and OP use that one too. Who should be your priority? Being nice to people or taking care of yourself.0
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I quite often find people will offer you small things such as a brownie, small cake or a sweet. I know many people who do this on a regular basis who genuinely get offended when I politely decline!
People always seem to think they know what's best for your body, saying "well a little bit of what you like does you good". They can't comprehend that I know much more about what's best for me to eat that day than they do!
I've also stopped drinking cows milk in favour of almond, and stopped drinking alcohol unless it's a big occasion. As a student, I'm getting quite a lot of stick for not drinking sporadically throughout the week! When my excuse is my health they judge me, if I lie and say it's merely funds they'll pass me the special brew!
Sick of it. Anyone else find this?!
Just stop making excuses or giving explanations. Despite what is commonly though, you don't have to give an explanation when you tell a person "no." Hey, want a beer? "No thanks," or "no thanks, but I'd love a glass of water." When you sound wishy washy and unsure of yourself, people are going to push. When you act like you know what you want or don't want, people normally do not do that.
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TimothyFish wrote: »0somuchbetter0 wrote: »TimothyFish wrote: »You're too young to be drinking anyway, so you might should hang out with better friends.
I'm guessing from her "accent" that she's from the UK -- drinking age is 16 or 18 there, depending on the type of alcohol.
Could be. Personally, I don't think alcohol and school mix well, no matter what country a person is in.
Um, why? Drinking is part of British university 'culture' so most students do it. There are usually bars on campus, and university towns have loads of pubs, and they do happy hours, cheap shots etc.
I did my third year in France, and mixed with the international students a lot, and we all drank pretty often.
I somehow made it through my university years with no mishaps and got an MA.
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Just keep politely declining both and people should eventually get the picture. Don't give in to please others I learned this several years too late as I would give in and gained weight during University. Be firm in your choices and remember it's you that has to deal with any consequences of your choices not those pressuring you to accept their choices. I find if you are polite people will let you be after you refuse but as for relatives as you are still pretty young it may take a while for them to accept your choices as they may still see you as a child although you are no longer a child. When you decline sweets just tell the person you don't often eat sweets and hopefully they won't be offended. I find people will judge you for whatever choices you make, if you drink and then if you don't drink. If you eat sweets and gain weight you will be judges if you don't eat sweets you will be judged for that. Stay firm in your choices and hopefully people will eventually stop pressuring you and judging you and just accept your choice. It's annoying but that's all I think you can really do. As others have posted you could drink other things such as sparkling water to cut down on the pressure and indulge on occasion if you want to.0
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When I'm offered something I don't want, I just say no, and if I'm asked why I tell them I don't want it. I'm surprised to hear there are people who argue this. "Do you want a piece of cake?" No thank you. "Why not?" Because I don't want one. Generally end of story. There really isn't anywhere for people to go after that.0
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I_Will_End_You wrote: »When I'm offered something I don't want, I just say no, and if I'm asked why I tell them I don't want it. I'm surprised to hear there are people who argue this. "Do you want a piece of cake?" No thank you. "Why not?" Because I don't want one. Generally end of story. There really isn't anywhere for people to go after that.
What s/he said.
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Tell them u are following doctor's orders. This will shut up anyone with more than 3 brain cells.0
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I_Will_End_You wrote: »When I'm offered something I don't want, I just say no, and if I'm asked why I tell them I don't want it. I'm surprised to hear there are people who argue this. "Do you want a piece of cake?" No thank you. "Why not?" Because I don't want one. Generally end of story. There really isn't anywhere for people to go after that.
Snap. I find it weird that anyone would argue.
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I think it's a matter of people trying to justify their own bad choices. When they see you making good choices, it forces them to look at themselves. The easiest passage to making themselves feel better is to persuade you to skip back over to their side of the equation. I don't think anyone does this on purpose; it's just that people don't really like when others' behavior shines a negative light on their own.
Stay firm. Your choices are about you. Everyone has the ability and the right to choose the lifestyle (and the resulting consequences) they want.
Totally agree with this, I feel like people inwardly do a little victory dance if they can "get me" to eat something that I normally wouldn't...it makes them feel better about what they're doing.
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Liftng4Lis wrote: »TimothyFish wrote: »Liftng4Lis wrote: »I also wouldn't take it and throw it away later, why should you?
Sometimes, it is just the nice thing to do to let people think that they've been able to help in some way.
So you're saying she should give into people pushing alcohol on her when she clearly says no? She doesn't need to be nice, she needs to keep doing what she's doing.
Not unless they crushed the grapes themselves. My point is that when someone feels like they've put in a special effort to give someone something, it is understandable that they would be offended if the person doesn't accept it.0 -
stacyjh1979 wrote: »I think it's a matter of people trying to justify their own bad choices. When they see you making good choices, it forces them to look at themselves. The easiest passage to making themselves feel better is to persuade you to skip back over to their side of the equation. I don't think anyone does this on purpose; it's just that people don't really like when others' behavior shines a negative light on their own.
Stay firm. Your choices are about you. Everyone has the ability and the right to choose the lifestyle (and the resulting consequences) they want.
Totally agree with this, I feel like people inwardly do a little victory dance if they can "get me" to eat something that I normally wouldn't...it makes them feel better about what they're doing.
That is how I felt when I got my friend, groom, to smoke on the bachelor trip.0 -
yopeeps025 wrote: »stacyjh1979 wrote: »I think it's a matter of people trying to justify their own bad choices. When they see you making good choices, it forces them to look at themselves. The easiest passage to making themselves feel better is to persuade you to skip back over to their side of the equation. I don't think anyone does this on purpose; it's just that people don't really like when others' behavior shines a negative light on their own.
Stay firm. Your choices are about you. Everyone has the ability and the right to choose the lifestyle (and the resulting consequences) they want.
Totally agree with this, I feel like people inwardly do a little victory dance if they can "get me" to eat something that I normally wouldn't...it makes them feel better about what they're doing.
That is how I felt when I got my friend, groom, to smoke on the bachelor trip.
And you're proud of that?0 -
I think it's a matter of people trying to justify their own bad choices. When they see you making good choices, it forces them to look at themselves. The easiest passage to making themselves feel better is to persuade you to skip back over to their side of the equation. I don't think anyone does this on purpose; it's just that people don't really like when others' behavior shines a negative light on their own.
Stay firm. Your choices are about you. Everyone has the ability and the right to choose the lifestyle (and the resulting consequences) they want.
+1 Nicely put!0 -
TimothyFish wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »stacyjh1979 wrote: »I think it's a matter of people trying to justify their own bad choices. When they see you making good choices, it forces them to look at themselves. The easiest passage to making themselves feel better is to persuade you to skip back over to their side of the equation. I don't think anyone does this on purpose; it's just that people don't really like when others' behavior shines a negative light on their own.
Stay firm. Your choices are about you. Everyone has the ability and the right to choose the lifestyle (and the resulting consequences) they want.
Totally agree with this, I feel like people inwardly do a little victory dance if they can "get me" to eat something that I normally wouldn't...it makes them feel better about what they're doing.
That is how I felt when I got my friend, groom, to smoke on the bachelor trip.
And you're proud of that?
Hell yeah. I was there to witness that and the second time he smoke with his newlywed wife on his wedding day.
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vegwrangler wrote: »What I don't understand is why do people think that everyone has a sweet tooth? I'm perfectly content passing on sweets regardless of my personal convictions/commitment to my personal health!
You're not alone. There is no magical "piss off" mechanism you can utilize, not that I have witnessed at least. If you find something that works, please share ;-)!
When it comes to cocktails, I have found great luck in ordering a sparkling water on the rocks with a wedge of lime, and just sip on it as if it's a vodka tonic or something of the like. Easier on the wallet, non-damaging to your body :-). It really is sad that I feel the need to resort to deception... but having the "why aren't you drinking..." discussion is a serious mood-kill!
That's a great idea!0 -
Been there, still there! It's really annoying especially when you're trying to have the will-power to say no and you're still at the early stage of starting this healthy journey. They'll tell you a little piece won't hurt, but it never stops just at that little piece!0
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They will judge you regardless. If you prefer to have friends who think 'health conscious' is a bad trait and 'partier' is a good one, you might just have to live with their judgement. It's good practice for the rest of your life. People will always judge your choices. Learn not to care.I quite often find people will offer you small things such as a brownie, small cake or a sweet. I know many people who do this on a regular basis who genuinely get offended when I politely decline!
People always seem to think they know what's best for your body, saying "well a little bit of what you like does you good". They can't comprehend that I know much more about what's best for me to eat that day than they do!
I've also stopped drinking cows milk in favour of almond, and stopped drinking alcohol unless it's a big occasion. As a student, I'm getting quite a lot of stick for not drinking sporadically throughout the week! When my excuse is my health they judge me, if I lie and say it's merely funds they'll pass me the special brew!
Sick of it. Anyone else find this?!
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yopeeps025 wrote: »TimothyFish wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »stacyjh1979 wrote: »I think it's a matter of people trying to justify their own bad choices. When they see you making good choices, it forces them to look at themselves. The easiest passage to making themselves feel better is to persuade you to skip back over to their side of the equation. I don't think anyone does this on purpose; it's just that people don't really like when others' behavior shines a negative light on their own.
Stay firm. Your choices are about you. Everyone has the ability and the right to choose the lifestyle (and the resulting consequences) they want.
Totally agree with this, I feel like people inwardly do a little victory dance if they can "get me" to eat something that I normally wouldn't...it makes them feel better about what they're doing.
That is how I felt when I got my friend, groom, to smoke on the bachelor trip.
And you're proud of that?
Hell yeah. I was there to witness that and the second time he smoke with his newlywed wife on his wedding day.
LOL You're a bad man.0 -
My mom gave me some good advice about drinking at partys. if its a can or a solo cup... just take what they offer and then just keep it in your hand...they never notice whether you are drinking it and whether its another or your first...especially if they've been drinking.
Once when I was with a friend...I kept pooring a little in her cup when see went to the bathroom or danced. (mind you I didn't drink from mine). She thought I was too drunk to drive assuming I had been drinking as much as her. lol 0 -
0somuchbetter0 wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »TimothyFish wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »stacyjh1979 wrote: »I think it's a matter of people trying to justify their own bad choices. When they see you making good choices, it forces them to look at themselves. The easiest passage to making themselves feel better is to persuade you to skip back over to their side of the equation. I don't think anyone does this on purpose; it's just that people don't really like when others' behavior shines a negative light on their own.
Stay firm. Your choices are about you. Everyone has the ability and the right to choose the lifestyle (and the resulting consequences) they want.
Totally agree with this, I feel like people inwardly do a little victory dance if they can "get me" to eat something that I normally wouldn't...it makes them feel better about what they're doing.
That is how I felt when I got my friend, groom, to smoke on the bachelor trip.
And you're proud of that?
Hell yeah. I was there to witness that and the second time he smoke with his newlywed wife on his wedding day.
LOL You're a bad man.
Or a funny guy since they smoked so did a bunch of groomsmen and the maid of honor. Of course I did. I was high the entire wedding day. My cousin though I was going to not be able to walk down the aisle high since I was also a groomsmen.0 -
...As a student, I'm getting quite a lot of stick for not drinking sporadically throughout the week! ... Anyone else find this?!
As a student, you are going to get this throughout your college years. Students that don't drink are considered odd. Others find it especially fun to tease those that do not want to drink for whatever reason, ethics, health, or simply preference.
And eating junk food? Everyone will get that pushed on them throughout their life.
"And finally, monsieur, a wafer-thin mint"
"No"
"Oh sir... it's only wafer thin."
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The bad things about pretending to drink when underage are that the cops won't care that you were pretending, if you're at a party that's busted but worse - that maybe there are other friends in your group that would like to not imbibe but see that no one else is saying "no thanks" so they also feel uncomfortable saying no.
Sometimes it's tough to be the first to stand up for what you believe in, but that's being a leader.0 -
Maybe get some new friends who are more health concious or at least don't pressure others into doing things they don't want to do.
You can take something and just not eat or drink it if it makes your life easier.
Don't go out with people who are going out drinking. That is their purpose so you not drinking while with them is hard for them to understand or they feel bad about what they are doing if not everyone is doing it.
I've never been a drinker and would just say no thanks, get something else to drink, or take an alcoholic drink but not really drink it. I didn't have a high principle or a big health concern but just didn't like the taste or how it made me feel. I never really explained.0 -
I_Will_End_You wrote: »When I'm offered something I don't want, I just say no, and if I'm asked why I tell them I don't want it. I'm surprised to hear there are people who argue this. "Do you want a piece of cake?" No thank you. "Why not?" Because I don't want one. Generally end of story. There really isn't anywhere for people to go after that.
Exactly. I have no problem telling people no. "No" is a full sentence. "No, thank you" is a polite, full sentence. I use both according to the circumstances.0 -
Get over explaining things. You are an adult and a simple, "No thank you" is a very polite answer.0
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^This. Seriously, don't worry about it. Just smile and say 'no thanks'. Also, don't let yourself get stuck in the role of the DD every single time unless you genuinely want to.don't make a big deal of it (sometimes we do without meaning to)
say - I don't really like to drink - but have a good time anyway
say - No thanks, I don't fancy it
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If you going out with friends to a bar, just get a soda water with twist of lime to sip on. No one will know it's not vodka if you don't bring it up.0
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ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »The them you became Mormon and it's against your religion.
This makes me laugh. I live in Utah and there is a well known saying, if you are going to invite one of your Mormon friends to go with you, make sure you invite two, otherwise the one will drink all your beer.
I get the peer pressure. I'm in my 40's and I have friends that still pressure me to binge drink with them (tailgating parties). I get that it's easier as an adult, but I just simply say NO. Same with food, I don't give them an excuse, I don't tell them I'm trying to be healthier, it's none of their business. Believe me, my one friend is PERSISTENT, and when that becomes a problem I just tell them to hold that thought, and I walk over and start a conversation with someone else.
Good luck, being young and peer pressure sucks, but guess what, it's a great learning experience for the person you want to be when you grow up!0
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