Being judged-leave me be!

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Replies

  • TheVirgoddess
    TheVirgoddess Posts: 4,535 Member
    When I'm offered something I don't want, I just say no, and if I'm asked why I tell them I don't want it. I'm surprised to hear there are people who argue this. "Do you want a piece of cake?" No thank you. "Why not?" Because I don't want one. Generally end of story. There really isn't anywhere for people to go after that.

    Exactly. I've never had food "pushed" on me after saying "No, thanks!".
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 46,186 Member
    Hanowenho wrote: »
    I quite often find people will offer you small things such as a brownie, small cake or a sweet. I know many people who do this on a regular basis who genuinely get offended when I politely decline!
    People always seem to think they know what's best for your body, saying "well a little bit of what you like does you good". They can't comprehend that I know much more about what's best for me to eat that day than they do!
    I've also stopped drinking cows milk in favour of almond, and stopped drinking alcohol unless it's a big occasion. As a student, I'm getting quite a lot of stick for not drinking sporadically throughout the week! When my excuse is my health they judge me, if I lie and say it's merely funds they'll pass me the special brew!
    Sick of it. Anyone else find this?!
    I've always had the view that whatever people's opinions are of me, would it affect:

    My family
    My job
    My love life
    My education
    My enjoyment
    My morals

    If not, then I don't really care about what their opinions are. If it bothers them, then it's their problem.
    Now I'm not talking about being inconsiderate or obtuse, but people's opinions of how I want to lead my life is just that...............opinions.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    9285851.png

  • esjones12
    esjones12 Posts: 1,363 Member
    Random people will judge you all the time - can't let it bother you.

    If it's people close in your life then maybe they don't belong in your life.

    I lost a lot of friends when I stopped going out and drinking all the time. But now I have new ones who support my goals and I go to the gym just to see them sometimes!

    Obviously there are some people you can't kick out, family and coworkers....you can put coworkers in their place though. And family....well....everyone has to deal with family.

    You have to do you and only you are in charge of you. Stand up for yourself!

    Your priorities are shown by your actions. Don't give in to peer pressure!

    Best of luck.
  • stealthq
    stealthq Posts: 4,298 Member
    On the drinking - whatever you're offered, tell them "no thanks, I don't like the taste". Even in college, that nearly always worked for me, though sometimes I had to turn down several different types of alcohol before they ran out of varieties. There was one exception with a friend who got super-pushy about it for some reason, but even she got the message when I threatened (in complete seriousness) to punch her in the mouth if she asked me one more time if I wanted to taste her beer after about 1000 nos.

    As a plus for me, it's actually true. I hate the taste of wine, beer, and most liquor. Unless it's a well-made mixed drink, or one of a handful of hard liquors that I like straight up, which were never ever available in college because of the expense, I am not drinking it.
  • DawnieB1977
    DawnieB1977 Posts: 4,248 Member
    The bad things about pretending to drink when underage are that the cops won't care that you were pretending, if you're at a party that's busted but worse - that maybe there are other friends in your group that would like to not imbibe but see that no one else is saying "no thanks" so they also feel uncomfortable saying no.

    Sometimes it's tough to be the first to stand up for what you believe in, but that's being a leader.

    She's not underage. You can drink at 18 in England.
  • HealthyDreamy
    HealthyDreamy Posts: 42 Member
    elysedorm wrote: »
    You're supposed to take it and say I'll save it for later, then throw it away where they can't see you. That's the easiest way to deal with people.

    OMG this is exactly what I have just posted about - I save for later and then bin it hahaha! They never know! :wink:
  • Myriambaril18
    Myriambaril18 Posts: 9 Member
    When I'm offered something I don't want, I just say no, and if I'm asked why I tell them I don't want it. I'm surprised to hear there are people who argue this. "Do you want a piece of cake?" No thank you. "Why not?" Because I don't want one. Generally end of story. There really isn't anywhere for people to go after that.

    Good advice, though I must say it doesn't work for everybody: when my mother-in-law serves pie or cake, when you say "yes" you have a big piece and when you say "no", you get a small one!!!!! LOL
  • kyta32
    kyta32 Posts: 670 Member
    Liftng4Lis wrote: »
    Liftng4Lis wrote: »
    I also wouldn't take it and throw it away later, why should you?

    Sometimes, it is just the nice thing to do to let people think that they've been able to help in some way.

    This is one of the things I have a hard time with in dieting. I have planned meals for my diet that (mostly) fit my macros. I have planned treats, that I look forward to, that I have to give up when I need to eat socially.

    My boyfriend likes to make meals with a lot of leftovers (mashed potatoes, roasted vegetables) that I have a hard time figuring out how to accurately enter into MFP (he doesn't like being grilled about the ingredients so I can do up a recipe). When I asked my mom for the recipe for a dessert she served (so I could enter it), she told me I should "enjoy life". My daughter will give me the recipes she uses, but I still end up with leftover cookies, cupcakes, and pepperoni pizza, that I have to plan my calories around for days.

    For me, eating is ingrained into social interactions. Whenever my family gets together, there is food involved. And then I'm scrambling to enter everything accurately into MFP (or offending my boyfriend by not eating the copious leftovers). But, at the end of the day, my family is more important to me than the inconvienience of figuring out how to get everything into MFP (sometimes not everything makes it - or gets entered inaccurately). We are all doing this to have better lives, and having healthy social connections is a part of a good life. It's a balancing act, I guess. :)

    And now, let the accurate logging nazis descend upon me and rip me to shreds.... :#
  • I_Will_End_You
    I_Will_End_You Posts: 4,397 Member
    When I'm offered something I don't want, I just say no, and if I'm asked why I tell them I don't want it. I'm surprised to hear there are people who argue this. "Do you want a piece of cake?" No thank you. "Why not?" Because I don't want one. Generally end of story. There really isn't anywhere for people to go after that.

    Good advice, though I must say it doesn't work for everybody: when my mother-in-law serves pie or cake, when you say "yes" you have a big piece and when you say "no", you get a small one!!!!! LOL

    My inlaws are the only people I have to tell no to repeatedly!
  • When I'm offered something I don't want, I just say no, and if I'm asked why I tell them I don't want it. I'm surprised to hear there are people who argue this. "Do you want a piece of cake?" No thank you. "Why not?" Because I don't want one. Generally end of story. There really isn't anywhere for people to go after that.

    Good advice, though I must say it doesn't work for everybody: when my mother-in-law serves pie or cake, when you say "yes" you have a big piece and when you say "no", you get a small one!!!!! LOL

    My inlaws are the only people I have to tell no to repeatedly!
    Same here. I must have said "no thank you" at least 30 times at a family dinner last night. How my husband and his brother didn't become obese, I'll never know.

  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
    When it would get really bad, I would grab a can of beer (must be a can). Everyone would see a drink in my hand, nobody would notice it was still the same one I had a few hours ago. It helps if you lift it to your lips every once in awhile. Heck, I once played a drinking game this way.

    Not my brightest hour, perhaps, but it got me through a really crappy semester.
  • :) interesting input; thanks everyone. For the age concerns - I'm 19, Welsh, and studying in university in England. It's all legal!
  • Hanowenho wrote: »
    :) interesting input; thanks everyone. For the age concerns - I'm 19, Welsh, and studying in university in England. It's all legal!

    Oh Hannah we all know you were born in England
  • ThePhoenixIsRising
    ThePhoenixIsRising Posts: 781 Member
    shadowloss wrote: »
    The them you became Mormon and it's against your religion. :grin:

    This makes me laugh. I live in Utah and there is a well known saying, if you are going to invite one of your Mormon friends to go with you, make sure you invite two, otherwise the one will drink all your beer.

    I get the peer pressure. I'm in my 40's and I have friends that still pressure me to binge drink with them (tailgating parties). I get that it's easier as an adult, but I just simply say NO. Same with food, I don't give them an excuse, I don't tell them I'm trying to be healthier, it's none of their business. Believe me, my one friend is PERSISTENT, and when that becomes a problem I just tell them to hold that thought, and I walk over and start a conversation with someone else.

    Good luck, being young and peer pressure sucks, but guess what, it's a great learning experience for the person you want to be when you grow up!

    So what you're saying is you are all for peer pressure if it saves your beer stash! :wink:
  • dazal2005 wrote: »
    Hanowenho wrote: »
    :) interesting input; thanks everyone. For the age concerns - I'm 19, Welsh, and studying in university in England. It's all legal!

    Oh Hannah we all know you were born in England

    Please don't belittle my Welsh Heritage
  • wamydia
    wamydia Posts: 259 Member
    Hanowenho wrote: »
    I quite often find people will offer you small things such as a brownie, small cake or a sweet. I know many people who do this on a regular basis who genuinely get offended when I politely decline!
    People always seem to think they know what's best for your body, saying "well a little bit of what you like does you good". They can't comprehend that I know much more about what's best for me to eat that day than they do!
    I've also stopped drinking cows milk in favour of almond, and stopped drinking alcohol unless it's a big occasion. As a student, I'm getting quite a lot of stick for not drinking sporadically throughout the week! When my excuse is my health they judge me, if I lie and say it's merely funds they'll pass me the special brew!
    Sick of it. Anyone else find this?!

    As for food, saying "no thank you" is perfectly acceptable. I do find that the rejection goes down a bit easier though if you gush a little bit about how nice it was for them to think of you and what a thoughtful person they were to make brownies for everyone. It kind of lets people know that you do appreciate them and you aren't saying no because of them, you are saying no because of you.

    As for drinking -- I feel your pain. I've just never been much of a drinker and it's weird how it comes with a stigma attached. Like somehow not drinking means you are judging other people for drinking? At any rate, my policy has always been to say "hey, I don't really drink much myself, but I'd still like to come along and hang out with you and have fun" and then do just that. I find that people get over it pretty quickly as long as you stick to your guns without being a stick in the mud. Or just stay home if you prefer - there's nothing wrong with that either.
  • fitandsparkly
    fitandsparkly Posts: 4 Member
    Peer pressure! I stay firm and say NO! If they are really bothering you, just take it and throw it away later or dump it down the drain when they're not looking. They don't know what's best for you, you do! If you don't want to drink, don't! I am also a student and I haven't touched a drop of alcohol since last summer. My friends know I don't want to drink right now and they don't even ask anymore. I get grief for it from other people, but it's whatever. You keep doing you!
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,943 Member
    Hanowenho wrote: »
    I quite often find people will offer you small things such as a brownie, small cake or a sweet. I know many people who do this on a regular basis who genuinely get offended when I politely decline!
    People always seem to think they know what's best for your body, saying "well a little bit of what you like does you good". They can't comprehend that I know much more about what's best for me to eat that day than they do!
    I've also stopped drinking cows milk in favour of almond, and stopped drinking alcohol unless it's a big occasion. As a student, I'm getting quite a lot of stick for not drinking sporadically throughout the week! When my excuse is my health they judge me, if I lie and say it's merely funds they'll pass me the special brew!
    Sick of it. Anyone else find this?!

    Well, you have every right not turn something down you don't want. Good for you for sticking to your guns.

    They're not really judging you, they just are not real mature. I'm in my 50's and nobody gives me a hard time for saying no, but boy when I was your age they did.

    Just laugh them off and keep your boundaries strong. You might surprise them and yourself one day when you do want a piece of cake! But, until then, don't let them get to you. :smile:
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,943 Member
    h7463 wrote: »
    I used to politely decline treats, because I eat every 2-3 hours anyway, and 'I'm still full' is still a valid excuse...
    However, for family gatherings, I've changed my approach. I'm planning ahead and I'm saving up my calories for the occasion. Now I'm the 'too skinny chick' in the family, who will annoy all heavy relatives by seemingly getting away with eating everything in sight.... Works like a charm... =)
    Yep. The thing is those relatives haven't a clue that we don't overeat every single day, we plan out for it.

    Those relatives eat too much every single day, which is why they are overweight.