non-dieting spouse/partner

eat_hike_b33r
eat_hike_b33r Posts: 82 Member
edited November 8 in Motivation and Support
Just wondering if anyone struggles with trying to limit intake and eat healthy while their partner/spouse can eat anything and not gain a pound?
My partner can literally eat anything he wants and needs to take in massive amounts of calories just to maintain a healthy weight (he has absorption issues)... Its not like he is eating bags of chips or buckets of icecream in front of me - and I know its silly but I sometimes have 'plate envy' and 'seconds envy'... It also doesn't help that he is an amazing cook... he made home made spanakopitas and eating one would be half my calories for the day so I can only look on with envy :P
Anyone feel my pain a little?
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Replies

  • GaleHawkins
    GaleHawkins Posts: 8,159 Member
    Storble wrote: »
    Just wondering if anyone struggles with trying to limit intake and eat healthy while their partner/spouse can eat anything and not gain a pound?
    My partner can literally eat anything he wants and needs to take in massive amounts of calories just to maintain a healthy weight (he has absorption issues)... Its not like he is eating bags of chips or buckets of icecream in front of me - and I know its silly but I sometimes have 'plate envy' and 'seconds envy'... It also doesn't help that he is an amazing cook... he made home made spanakopitas and eating one would be half my calories for the day so I can only look on with envy :P
    Anyone feel my pain a little?

    Sure do but when dieting we can only learn why we get fat and what we need to do that is causing that symptom. :) The hard part is finding the cause(s) and diet is only one place we need to look. Actually healthy people's brain and some of their 50 hormones will keep their weight correct without the need for dieting. It is after our health issues start adding up that gets most of us in trouble weight wise.

  • Lourdesong
    Lourdesong Posts: 1,492 Member
    I guess I just started looking at the positive, like that me not having seconds means it will be easy to prep his lunch with leftovers for work in the morning or over the next couple mornings. Basically developed a "more for him" kind of attitude which kind of, for lack of a better way to put it, tricks me into believing I'm more generous and saintly than I am [when I'm not dieting].
  • eat_hike_b33r
    eat_hike_b33r Posts: 82 Member
    Lourdesong wrote: »
    I guess I just started looking at the positive, like that me not having seconds means it will be easy to prep his lunch with leftovers for work in the morning or over the next couple mornings. Basically developed a "more for him" kind of attitude which kind of, for lack of a better way to put it, tricks me into believing I'm more generous and saintly than I am [when I'm not dieting].

    lol, this is exactly what I have been trying to tell myself, I am sooooo generous;)
  • sanddollar
    sanddollar Posts: 192 Member
    Yes, I totally get you. My dh actually loses weight if he does NOT work out (he is blessed with high metabolism). This can be very frustrating because even if he wants to, he cannot begin to understand my struggle with food. It has helped me to find other people that truly understand how we truly want to stop eating too much more than anything, but we can't, even with good reason. It's like a disease in my mind.
  • klbrowser
    klbrowser Posts: 61 Member
    My husband and I eat completely separately because I have medical conditions that affect what I can eat, PLUS I am trying to lose weight. I totally understand the "plate envy" when my husband is eating stuff like pizza or cinnamon rolls and I am stuck with my gluten-free diabetic-friendly easy-to-digest stuff. I resort to little tricks like cooking with spices to make my foods more appetizing and using small plates to make my portions look larger. It also helps that I have been doing this for several years and have gotten used to it.
  • eat_hike_b33r
    eat_hike_b33r Posts: 82 Member
    klbrowser wrote: »
    My husband and I eat completely separately because I have medical conditions that affect what I can eat, PLUS I am trying to lose weight. I totally understand the "plate envy" when my husband is eating stuff like pizza or cinnamon rolls and I am stuck with my gluten-free diabetic-friendly easy-to-digest stuff. I resort to little tricks like cooking with spices to make my foods more appetizing and using small plates to make my portions look larger. It also helps that I have been doing this for several years and have gotten used to it.

    That must be hard! I mostly eat the same things as my partner, I just have to take about 1/4 of what he takes and eat about 1/8th of the food he eats overall... comforting to know if may get easier in time! I'm for sure going to try that small plate idea...

    @sanddollar - I think there are def both psychological and biological reasons we eat more calories than we need... In some ways I feel he can relate to me though because he struggles to stay over 160lbs and I am struggling to stay under... we both have different issues with food, if he could donate some of his metabolim to me we would both be better off.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    Nope I just feed him more as he is bulking.
  • TNAmy123
    TNAmy123 Posts: 5 Member
    I know how you feel. My husband might a gain a few pounds but only has to say "I'd like to loose weight" and whammo four days later he's down ten or fifteen and it is back to pizza as usual. Good luck reaching your goals! Feel free to add me :smiley:
  • to_be_little
    to_be_little Posts: 7
    OMG!!! I can completely relate to this. The whole 160lbs thing, the portion size and foods! I think I gain weight from smelling my partners food, lol.

    I do my best to keep my portions low and track AND exercise but its so hard sometimes. I'm also on med that make me crave simple carbs and sugars (mirtazapine) so anything my partner brings into the house that's a treat I can't help but snack on it at night :-(

    Please add me if your looking for help. I've found some really yumny low cal treats!
  • ShrinkingMuslimah
    ShrinkingMuslimah Posts: 99 Member
    I can relate.
    My husband has been fit his whole life, and not just slim, but fit. He was a track and field athlete in college, and has kept most of his physique even though he doesn't train anymore due to an injury.
    He regularly eats the sweets and treats that will put 10 lbs on me within a couple of weeks if I let myself indulge like he does.
    He doesn't diet with me, he doesn't need to, and I end up making two completely different meals all the time for us. I *could* eat what he eats, just smaller portions, but the portions would be so small that I wouldn't get full and would end up snacking anyways. I don't mind so much making 2 meals, it works for us.

    I can't complain too much though, I'm easily twice his weight, and he's never once complained, or made me feel fat or ugly. Quite the opposite, although he does *very* politely encourage me to move and exercise with him (as much as his injury will allow).

    Feel free to add me ladies :)
  • pagella
    pagella Posts: 44
    My spouse and I rarely eat the same thing foR this reason. I just done let myself get too hungry so I don't want what he has
  • SnuggleSmacks
    SnuggleSmacks Posts: 3,731 Member
    I have to remind myself constantly that I can't eat what my boyfriend eats. It can be hard when I take an actual serving of ice cream while he fills a giant bowl. But he's supportive and he tries not to go overboard in front of me often.

    I wonder what your husband puts in his spanikopita to make it so high-calorie. Does he drown the phyllo in butter? I wonder if he could make a lighter version for you. I make mine heavy on the greens, with low fat feta and garlic and nutmeg, and I use olive oil only on top if I'm making triangles, and only between every few sheets if I'm making a big single. I also use more stuffing and less phyllo. It really cuts down on the calories.

    I'm sure there's other dishes he could easily alter for you.
  • kristimason3
    kristimason3 Posts: 131 Member
    I am super jealous of my husbands ability to eat whatever he wants and look the way he does. We have been together since high school and never once over all these years has he lost his six pack. However, I use it as motivation. I feel like weighing less than him now is a serious victory for me after having given birth twice and going through alot of other things in the past decade that he has not endured. I win! Eat your dang tripple Decker peanut butter sandwich, shove it in your face. Want some lard with that? Jerk. Lol
  • dopeysmelly
    dopeysmelly Posts: 1,390 Member
    Considering my husband is male, 6' tall and always blessed with a lean body type compared to the facts that I'm female, 5'2" tall and my "real" post-weight loss body type is much smaller and leaner than either of us expected, it doesn't surprise me that I need to eat less than him.

    BUT it took both of us a LOT of mental adjustment to appreciate that. Now it doesn't bother us. He's bigger than me. If I want to eat the same quantities as him, I have to work out more.

    I would also add that even though your partner may not pile on the pounds if they are eating more, relatively unhealthy foods, it may not do their bodies any good in other ways. DH could eat anything without putting weight on. Unfortunately, it made his blood pressure and cholesterol go up.
  • jessiruthica
    jessiruthica Posts: 412 Member
    This is an interesting conversation. Up to this point, my husband has been eating the same as he always has as though he was still running everyday. But he isn't running anymore and has been putting on weight.

    I think because I've been making better food choices and getting results, he's seeing those results and starting to make some better choices as well. It's mostly about portion size for him, as it is for me. It's becoming easier for me now because I know he's more on board than he was previously.
  • SyntonicGarden
    SyntonicGarden Posts: 944 Member
    to_be_little wrote: »
    OMG!!! I can completely relate to this. The whole 160lbs thing, the portion size and foods! I think I gain weight from smelling my partners food, lol.

    I do my best to keep my portions low and track AND exercise but its so hard sometimes. I'm also on med that make me crave simple carbs and sugars (mirtazapine) so anything my partner brings into the house that's a treat I can't help but snack on it at night :-(

    Please add me if your looking for help. I've found some really yumny low cal treats!

    Same thing, right down to the numbers. :) We have two households, as my other half is in school. I don't keep junk in my home. I've started to keep or bring healthier options with me when I travel back and forth.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    no, because i still eat more than she does. i still have seconds, and, most times, i still eat what i want.
  • ems212
    ems212 Posts: 135 Member
    It was difficult, at first. But then I realized that if I prepare meals, I control what I'm eating. This way, we are both eating healthier. He may eat more than me, but I'm not worried about it because he doesn't seem to realize how few calories some of our meals have. Along with that, as I've progressed in my journey, my fiance has started to workout with me. He's also started to be more supportive (i.e. not suggesting we go out for dinner as often, skipping fast food, and cutting down on sweets in the house).
  • cottrellcottrell
    cottrellcottrell Posts: 8 Member
    I am super discouraged in this area. My partner and I are both major food lovers (to the point where we track chefs, restaurants, food trends, etc) and he worked in kitchens for a while. Since I am in grad school, he cooks more than I do, and I struggle with how to limit myself when I am getting home late at night, hungry after a long day, and he has made something amazing. Since cooking is one of his favorite things in the world, I don't want to limit him. Has anyone tried making a simple low-cal vegetable soup or broth to eat before having the "partner food"? I am hoping it will help me keep my portions smaller.
  • blupanda12
    blupanda12 Posts: 54 Member
    My husband is similar, since we are not similar in size. I have found that small adjustments to many of our favorite recipes make a big difference in me being able to eat them. I use less oil, or change the ratio of veggies to meat to be more veggies in stir fry, or use less cheese but more variety on my pizza, or use less rice and more veggies in my fried rice. These help me lower the calories of a portion while allowing me to enjoy the food with him. Portion control also helps, so I might have one portion when he has two. I also don't keep trigger snacks in the house (i.e. things that I cannot maintain portion control for yet). This all helps me stay on track. The hubby knows I am trying to lose weight and is supportive by not pushing if I say "no, I'm good, thanks" to one of his offers. So far, it seems to be working.
  • sheepotato
    sheepotato Posts: 600 Member
    edited December 2014
    My husband never has more than a few pounds to lose, and it's the same few pounds. Anytime he goes back to 'normal' he ups his beer calories and gains a bit back so he never has much to lose but it's sort of perpetual.

    Honestly, he appreciates it whenever I cook anything. If he's still hungry he will eat more, if not he's happy to have leftovers for lunch. When we go out we either share or both have leftovers, half the time he will eat my leftovers later if he's hungry. He has a smorgasbord of snacks around but I've just gotten used to having my own little stash of more reasonable things to snack on.

    He's sort of an adorable little garbage disposal, instead of looking at him as someone who can 'eat anything' I look at him as someone who can eat the things I don't want around tempting me. It's easy to try out new foods and snacks because I can leave a box of something that wasn't worth the calories to me around and he will eat it eventually.
  • JeriAnne84
    JeriAnne84 Posts: 543 Member
    YES. ARGH! He can eat fast food twice a day and a bunch of candy, pop and other crap throughout the day and all he has is a little belly he wants to get rid of. It's hardly a belly. He always wants to go out and eat with me and I had to flat out tell him that I can't do that all the time. One meal out and there goes the majority of my calories for the day. He can't understand that I can't eat like him all the time because my body is a jerk that likes to hoard as much fat as possible. lol
  • ems212
    ems212 Posts: 135 Member
    cottrellcottrell wrote: »
    Has anyone tried making a simple low-cal vegetable soup or broth to eat before having the "partner food"? I am hoping it will help me keep my portions smaller.

    I don't do the soup or broth, but I do drink A LOT of water before meals...usually about 2 or 3 glasses. That way, I feel full faster, but it's more water than anything.
  • numinousnymph
    numinousnymph Posts: 249 Member
    kristimason3 wrote: »
    I am super jealous of my husbands ability to eat whatever he wants and look the way he does. We have been together since high school and never once over all these years has he lost his six pack. However, I use it as motivation. I feel like weighing less than him now is a serious victory for me after having given birth twice and going through alot of other things in the past decade that he has not endured. I win! Eat your dang tripple Decker peanut butter sandwich, shove it in your face. Want some lard with that? Jerk. Lol

    same about jealousy (and the "jerk" comment, lol! sometimes i really do feel like yelling that in his face when he's scooping about 1/4 - 1/3c of peanut butter into a bowl w/ a big banana). he is tall and thin and it's very hard for him to gain weight too. it's soo hard sometimes when he just eats a big bar of our favorite chocolate, or half a pint of ice cream, or cookies...or orders a burger with fries, or something awesome like curry or noodles at a thai restaurant. and i'm just going... :(. my calorie limit is so low that even if i eat smaller portions of any of those foods i'd still be in about 1/3, even close to 1/5 of my daily intake. ugh! it's so frustrating. i just try as hard as i can to keep my focus, keep my eyes on the prize (the prize being having the body i want!). doesn't stop me from being really irritated and/or practically drooling when he's eating that food in front of me.. and i have slipped before. but it's all part of the process... just keep strong and determined. but i'm glad to know there are other people struggling with this! makes me feel less bad for being secretly angry with him. lol.
  • NikonPal
    NikonPal Posts: 1,346 Member
    As I wrote in another post last month

    “…I do NOT deprive my wife of her favorites. She does not have a weight problem – I do. I will buy her occasional chocolates, ice cream, pizza, chips and McDonalds etc. and have none of it myself. She has always had those things in moderation and it helps me condition myself….”

    Full comments at

    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10024389/fast-food-frozen-dinners-are-tempting-but#latest

    73641431.png
  • bulbadoof
    bulbadoof Posts: 1,058 Member
    my boyfriend loves takeout. we have a ritual where i take one bite, decide it doesn't taste as good as i'm fantasizing it does, and ignore it without feeling like i'm missing out.
  • KGRebelRanch
    KGRebelRanch Posts: 109 Member
    Storble wrote: »
    Just wondering if anyone struggles with trying to limit intake and eat healthy while their partner/spouse can eat anything and not gain a pound?
    My partner can literally eat anything he wants and needs to take in massive amounts of calories just to maintain a healthy weight (he has absorption issues)... Its not like he is eating bags of chips or buckets of icecream in front of me - and I know its silly but I sometimes have 'plate envy' and 'seconds envy'... It also doesn't help that he is an amazing cook... he made home made spanakopitas and eating one would be half my calories for the day so I can only look on with envy :P
    Anyone feel my pain a little?

    Hubs has a metabolic disorder and thyroid problems. I outweigh him even though he is 6' and I am 4'8".
    The thing is-I LOVE things like rice and yogurt and hot wings.
    he hates them.
    he LOVES pickles and cottage cheese and beef.
    and I HATE them.

    So diet vs non-diet isn't really an issue here. Our tastes are so different I very rarely drool while he eats, and he keeps his paws off my dark chocolate bars.
  • brightresolve
    brightresolve Posts: 1,024 Member
    Me too! He works a physical job while I sit at my desk, he struggles to maintain weight and 5% body fat while chowing 3000 calories a day .... me, I have to stay at net 1300 to lose even a little. And he is a brilliant cook. Fortunately he makes super healthy food and thins out the fat & white carbs for me when we eat together.

    But yes, the plate envy as he eats the leftover pie without consequences while I wrestle with cravings and overindulgence for days after eating a piece - well, okay, two pieces. -- !!!!

    So yeah, I feel the pain, all of you who have posted ... and reading this made me feel less alone! Sometimes when he comes out of the bathroom, pours himself 16 ounces of chocolate soy milk and says, "I was under 147 again this morning, BEFORE I ran," I just want to growl. LOL
  • _Waffle_
    _Waffle_ Posts: 13,049 Member
    dopeysmelly wrote: »
    Considering my husband is male, 6' tall and always blessed with a lean body type compared to the facts that I'm female, 5'2" tall and my "real" post-weight loss body type is much smaller and leaner than either of us expected, it doesn't surprise me that I need to eat less than him.

    BUT it took both of us a LOT of mental adjustment to appreciate that. Now it doesn't bother us. He's bigger than me. If I want to eat the same quantities as him, I have to work out more.
    My spouse would never appreciate that I needed at last 2,500 calories a day for maintenance even though she's 5'3" and I'm 6'2". Add in a run that burns 1,000 calories 5 days a week and now there's a HUGE gap between what we both need. It caused quite a few heated discussions.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    Losing weight and getting fit really doesnt have anything to do with having a sidekick. It's a solo sport through and through.
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