GET OVER IT!

Most of the replies are some from of 'Get over it' but instead of spouting platitudes or a blanket statement like that they come in the form of advice that is specific to the thing they are trying to overcome. It's usually from people who have been there and are trying to help. I get that 'tough love' is your thing, but it's not helpful in actually fixing whatever problem people are having. If they could figure it out on their own they would not be asking for advice. "Get over it" just isn't as helpful as "This is how I got over it."

Sometimes people are battling an eating disorder, and the tough love "get over it" attitude is only going to make things worse. Like sheepotato said, there are more constructive responses which will help much more than just "get over it".
If you have never experienced ED, or been close to someone who has, then it might be difficult to understand.
But speaking form personal experience, I've told myself "get over it" and had several people bluntly tell it to me, and worse, and it has only backtracked my progress.

If the person doesn't have ED, then the situation may be different, and the tough love approach may be reacted to differently. But on boards like this, it's hard to know what a person is battling with, and what will set them back, so being productive is much more valuable than just "get over it".

"Get over it" isn't advice, it's just a rude statement. Advice is making a suggestion to help a person move forward, or at the very least stop moving back - something "Get over it" just doesn't accomplish.

A person's excuses just mean that they have not gone far in their journey. We've all been there, everybody on this site started out at a position of health that they weren't happy with. Don't try to pretend you just woke up one day and said "Wow, I'm fat. I better do something about that" without any setbacks or excuses.

Like you said: you had to tell it to yourself. Did anybody else saying it ever get through to you at all? Are you really going to try to claim that nobody ever told you to get over it and just do what you have to do? If you lived in the U.S., I can guarantee that there were people talking (that very message has been in the air my entire life), you just weren't listening , weren't ready to listen. You had to get there on your own, in your own time, by your own path. Everybody does.

Do you really think you're the first to write a post like this? Uh, no. I've read articles similar to your post for years. Heard dire warnings on tv and the radio, from health professionals and friends, and fitness "experts". And my response was always the same: "You don't know me, you don't know my struggles. This means nothing." I, too, had to get there on my own.

I got a wonderful compliment a couple weeks ago. Somebody told me I inspired her "aha" moment that led her to stop feeling sorry for herself. And I didn't do it by just saying "get over it". I did it by hearing her out, everything she had to say, and identifying the specific fallacy in her thinking that was holding her back. That's called compassion, not "tough love".

People shouldn't be calling this "tough love". Saying what you think somebody needs to hear just because they're annoying you is not tough love, that's just your own venting.

Tough love is about loving somebody enough to understand the full depth of their situation, and then making them see the reality (however hard it is) of how they must change it.
Tough love is just as difficult for the giver (often more difficult) as for the receiver.

It was about a year ago that I traveled half-way across the country to give my sister some tough love. We were both crying and miserable the whole time. I did it knowing that my actions could destroy our friendship, and decided that her well-being was worth the sacrifice. She ultimately took my advice, and is much better for it. But, to this day (and probably forever), I question whether or not bullying her like I did was the right thing; whether or not the end justified the means. I still worry about the long-term consequences to our friendship. That is the nature of "tough love".

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Why didn't you 'get over it'?

Oh hell yeah, we needed this thread today.

billieljaime wrote: »

and even more so, a form of cheating to lose weight.

Lol - wut?

Edited: read all of that post again and I actually think I misinterpreted your intention. My bad.

FromGastricToFantastic wrote: »

I gotta be honest, I am frustrated. I realize that everyones journey is their own....totally get it. But I am sick of seeing people whine and complain.....sick of seeing them sabotage themselves and blame circumstances, holidays and failed relationships. Someone needs to say "GET OVER IT!" Seriously, I had to tell it to myself and I still to this day say it to myself. You cannot wallow in self pity. You cannot blame gorging yourself with food that is killing you on anyone else but yourself. I did it for years. I played the victim. I blamed being busy, other people, my kids and the fact that I simply liked food "too much" to give it up. I wish someone would have kicked me in the *kitten* long ago. If this is you....GET OVER IT! Step up to the plate and choose life. There is nothing or no one that can get in your way....except you! I love you so much. You can do it!

You know I think you're rad. But everyone has their own struggles and adversities and yelling at them to get over it won't help. It won't help my brain condition that's kept me in bed for two days now. I can't "get over" being unable to walk without falling. I don't make excuses, and I don't b*tch about my lot in life (though right now, I might be feeling a bit of self pity - not being able to walk with two kids kinda sucks, and I'm sick of my bed) - but I wouldn't begrudge someone who does. They will, in their time, find their own path.

billieljaime wrote: »

i hate to be the negative nelly but did you "get over it" by getting gastric surgery? hence the phrase "gastric to fantastic" in your profile?

wondering as well.

TheVirgoddess wrote: »

FromGastricToFantastic wrote: »

I gotta be honest, I am frustrated. I realize that everyones journey is their own....totally get it. But I am sick of seeing people whine and complain.....sick of seeing them sabotage themselves and blame circumstances, holidays and failed relationships. Someone needs to say "GET OVER IT!" Seriously, I had to tell it to myself and I still to this day say it to myself. You cannot wallow in self pity. You cannot blame gorging yourself with food that is killing you on anyone else but yourself. I did it for years. I played the victim. I blamed being busy, other people, my kids and the fact that I simply liked food "too much" to give it up. I wish someone would have kicked me in the *kitten* long ago. If this is you....GET OVER IT! Step up to the plate and choose life. There is nothing or no one that can get in your way....except you! I love you so much. You can do it!

You know I think you're rad. But everyone has their own struggles and adversities and yelling at them to get over it won't help. It won't help my brain condition that's kept me in bed for two days now. I can't "get over" being unable to walk without falling. I don't make excuses, and I don't b*tch about my lot in life (though right now, I might be feeling a bit of self pity - not being able to walk with two kids kinda sucks, and I'm sick of my bed) - but I wouldn't begrudge someone who does. They will, in their time, find their own path.

What this lady said.