At war with myself!

SianLouise185 wrote: »

That title couldnt be more true!
So many people say just do it the healthy way but if i dont see a difference almost immediately or if i dont have a clear set out plan i quit and go all drastic, at the moment im either fasting or eating 500 calories or less.

Advice anyone?

It doesn't sound like you're looking for advice. It takes a definite decision and then sticking with it to lose and keep off weight. You might want to wait until you have that.

That's my advice. You can take it or leave it.

I am going to PM you.. I have lost 75 pounds in the last 6 months and not by starving myself. I will send you details

Try reading up on this:
All or nothing thinking. It typically is related to depression and anxiety, but a lot of people approach dieting with this sort of distorted thinking.

Coming to terms with your unconscious self, using the analogy of the elephant and the rider (I got this from Haidt).

I also found it very helpful to take the emotion out of supposed "failures" (i.e. one pound gain) by following the techniques taught in Stanford's Chronic Disease Self-Management Program.

I had a really hard time with no seeing results immediately too. I had to concentrate on the differences I did feel on a daily basis. I cut out carbs and sugars, and war that was raging in my head simmered down quite a lot. Some weeks my weight doesn't move at all- but I have to constantly refocus myself like I'm a child. I have really similar swings, quite like one minute you've got motivation, and the next you see your reflection and everything crumbles. The way that I redirect myself is by slowing myself down and "parenting" myself. I sound like I'm crazy, but it honestly works. I think about what I would say to my own daughter if she were feeling this way, or what I wish someone would have said to me when I was a little girl. Like, "I know that it's hard right now Emily, and I know that you want to abandon all hope because you don't look or feel the way you want to. But you're so worth waiting this out, and when you stick this out, you will see a difference".


I don't want to assume or put a label on you that's unwanted, but what you have going on sounds like an EDNOS (Not otherwise specified eating disorder). I say that not so you can "hide behind it", but so maybe you can better understand why there is a war waging inside you head. There is truth behind the thought that when you start losing weight, you'll feel better and it will motivate you to continue. But for me, I had to change the way I thought about myself and my body before I was able to set out a plan, and stick to it for good. This will be very, very hard. So start with the motivation, get to a place where you feel completely certain you're going kill it. Then, when that first thought creeps into your head, stomp it out. This war you're fighting isn't with yourself, it's with your demons. So chop their faces off. Tell them to get fooked, and redirect yourself to how good you feel in the moment. This gets tiring because if you're anything like me, you've got a lot of *kitten* thoughts. But take it day by day! Tell yourself, "I'm going to feel the absolute best I can today, I'll worry about tomorrow when it comes." Plan out one day at a time, and stay in tune with your thoughts. Be kind to yourself because what you're doing takes a lot of strength. Lean on the people around you who love you, and look to them for inspiration when you feel like yours is running on low. Best of luck xx

I think your post is brave, but you answer a lot of your own questions with it.

Hi, I know how you feel. I really want there to be a switch in my head, that I (or someone else) could just flip, and I don't have to think about food all the time. I even dream about cake, and then feel guilty in my sleep. I have never taken drugs, but sweets are my drug. I can't go one day without them. If I restrict myself, I clench my jaws all day (and at night), so my teeth actually crumble. And when I do lose some weight, I reward myself with food till I gain it all back (and some more).
I feel so desperate and inferiour, but if I give up on myself, I might as well lay down and die. We gotta keep trying to figure it out, while we still have time.

I'm such a strong believer in the quote "You don't have to be skinny to have an eating disorder" Whether you are obese or completely emaciated, you are still dealing with a type of disordered eating. I'm not a psychiatrist and have no degree of any sort in that field but I can tell you from experience. You wanna know something? There is no fast and quick way to weight loss. It's a process and I think that's the hardest thing I had to accept coming out of my sickness. Even though I had lost thirty pounds, the moment I went into recovery I gained it all back. For good reason! My body needed it, all the vital nutrients and minerals I had neglected to give it for so long! My point here is, that weight loss starts with eating healthy and working out but no one can push you to do that other than yourself. I do believe you should talk to a professional about this. There's so many wonderful and inspiring people on this website who started out obese and ended up healthy, I have no doubt in my mind that you are fully capable of doing so yourself, in the right way of course! Good luck! Just believe in yourself ok!? I know that's so much easier said than done but you need to love yourself first for who you are not by what the mirror tells you. Those sideways thoughts will eat at you and you don't need such negativity.


Just a tip or two--

I started out by not weighing myself every morning and instead made it once a week so that it didn't seem like such a slow weight loss process!

Also, this one's hard, but I stopped counting calories. Only because I wanted to get rid of the control food had over me and in doing so I became what I call a "normal" eater again. The reason why you binge is because you eat only 500 calories, your body is trying to tell you something, believe me that it knows better than what your mind does!

I'm not one to preach because I feel the same way about myself, but you're a beautiful person inside and out. Keep telling yourself one day at a time. I know I have to. I got on the scale after 3 weeks and had only lost a pound! Not giving up though, and you shouldn't either. It's not going to happen overnight, but it's certainly not going to happen at all if you don't do something (healthy) about it!!

Hang in there!!!