How do you stay focused?
DezIsGettingHealthy
Posts: 22 Member
I've been trying for years to lose weight. I had a successful bout back in 2011, when I lost 62 pounds. Unfortunately, since then, I've gained all of the weight back and have had difficulties with reclaiming some success.
Physically, I'm more than ready to try (and I've been trying constantly, and backslide every time). Mentally, I feel like I'm just blocked. I pull up my big girl panties and start up, but then something happens (either a stressful event, errands that mess up my routine, sabotages, etc) that throws me off course, and I start my self-sabotaging cycle all over again.
I've tried everything I could to motivate myself. I've tried before and after photos, doing this for my kids and my husband, wanting to feel better about myself and feel healthier, using apps and fitness bands, relying on friends to help, keeping it to myself, motivational memes, etc. Nothing is giving me that jolt of inspiration.
It's difficult. I want so badly to make this happen for myself. I'm just having a hard time removing that mental block.
If anyone has dealt with the same kind of difficulties and successfully moved past them, how did you do it? How did you get through the first few weeks of changing your lifestyle? How did you maintain your focus and your drive? How did you tune out all of the saboteurs (because I have a LOT of those in my life)? (Sorry for the bombardment of questions!)
I hate feeling this stuck. I want to be able to do this and move forward, and lose the weight and change my lifestyle.
Physically, I'm more than ready to try (and I've been trying constantly, and backslide every time). Mentally, I feel like I'm just blocked. I pull up my big girl panties and start up, but then something happens (either a stressful event, errands that mess up my routine, sabotages, etc) that throws me off course, and I start my self-sabotaging cycle all over again.
I've tried everything I could to motivate myself. I've tried before and after photos, doing this for my kids and my husband, wanting to feel better about myself and feel healthier, using apps and fitness bands, relying on friends to help, keeping it to myself, motivational memes, etc. Nothing is giving me that jolt of inspiration.
It's difficult. I want so badly to make this happen for myself. I'm just having a hard time removing that mental block.
If anyone has dealt with the same kind of difficulties and successfully moved past them, how did you do it? How did you get through the first few weeks of changing your lifestyle? How did you maintain your focus and your drive? How did you tune out all of the saboteurs (because I have a LOT of those in my life)? (Sorry for the bombardment of questions!)
I hate feeling this stuck. I want to be able to do this and move forward, and lose the weight and change my lifestyle.
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Replies
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Psychiatrists. Find one that you like and see him/her on a regular basis.0
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I know this will sounds simplistic, but motivation doesn't really matter. You just do it. You make a plan, and start. You do it whether you feel motivated or not. You do it no matter what other people say. You do it, even if you seems overwhelming. You do it even if you don't think you can. You continue to do it even after you have days when you feel like you ate everything you could get your hands on that day (or that week). You become resolute.0
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Fearless makes a good point. If you do not see any way to do this, then counseling might help. Weight loss is almost always a head game. (Although some people have physical problems or medications that slow or reverse weight loss.)
The other part is, it is just hard work. I did not have an "A-ha!" moment, nor am I motivated every day to do it. I have established habits of consistently logging, being aware of what you eat, and exercising every day. It takes work to establish habits. There are starts and stops, days when stuff gets in the way. For me, learning those habits did not happen instantly, more like over several months.
Like an author that sets a goal of 3000 words per day, inspiration and motivation do not really have a big part in that.
Recently I got out of the habit of daily logging. My weight stayed level then went up slightly. I have started logging again and it was not as difficult. Habit is a muscle, I had developed it to some extent and had extra work to get it built up again.
I try to focus on the process and not the weight. Just log. Log every day. everything. Once you can do that, the rest seems to fall into place.
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I look at before/after photos
. And I have a habit of wearing my larger shirts then immediately taking it off and wearing my smaller clothes from time to time so I could remind myself what I've accomplished. 0 -
You're procrastinating because you know it's gonna be hard. You're right. It doesn't make it not worth doing. It makes it more worth doing. Stop putting it off just because it's uncomfortable at first. You have done this before. It will be easier this time. You aren't traveling into unknown territory, you're getting yourself back. Don't you want to get your self back? Time for action is now.
“Resist the short term temptation of procrastination; the immediate pleasure and relief that it brings does not fair in comparison to the long lasting damage it does to your dreams and goals.”
― Noel DeJesus0 -
You're procrastinating because you know it's gonna be hard. You're right. It doesn't make it not worth doing. It makes it more worth doing. Stop putting it off just because it's uncomfortable at first. You have done this before. It will be easier this time. You aren't traveling into unknown territory, you're getting yourself back. Don't you want to get your self back? Time for action is now.
“Resist the short term temptation of procrastination; the immediate pleasure and relief that it brings does not fair in comparison to the long lasting damage it does to your dreams and goals.”
― Noel DeJesus
That's definitely a huge part of it. I'm anticipating the discomfort, and it's putting me off. It feels so much easier for me to just give in and give myself that "comfort" than to just dig my heels in and do it.
Thank you for your response. I'm truly taking that to heart!0 -
I know this will sounds simplistic, but motivation doesn't really matter. You just do it. You make a plan, and start. You do it whether you feel motivated or not. You do it no matter what other people say. You do it, even if you seems overwhelming. You do it even if you don't think you can. You continue to do it even after you have days when you feel like you ate everything you could get your hands on that day (or that week). You become resolute.
I think that's very insightful. I've had a friend tell me, "Just do it". I kept thinking about it. "I wish it were that easy". And then I tacked on about 50 excuses as to why I couldn't.
Gah, no excuses, right?0 -
"What doesn't challenge you wont change you" I know how you feel! I believe a lot of people understand. Just take steps in the right direction, don't look at the "END" results and how long it will take and how much it will suck. Just wake up and start, one day at a time. Good luck!!0
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Fearless makes a good point. If you do not see any way to do this, then counseling might help. Weight loss is almost always a head game. (Although some people have physical problems or medications that slow or reverse weight loss.)
The other part is, it is just hard work. I did not have an "A-ha!" moment, nor am I motivated every day to do it. I have established habits of consistently logging, being aware of what you eat, and exercising every day. It takes work to establish habits. There are starts and stops, days when stuff gets in the way. For me, learning those habits did not happen instantly, more like over several months.
Like an author that sets a goal of 3000 words per day, inspiration and motivation do not really have a big part in that.
Recently I got out of the habit of daily logging. My weight stayed level then went up slightly. I have started logging again and it was not as difficult. Habit is a muscle, I had developed it to some extent and had extra work to get it built up again.
I try to focus on the process and not the weight. Just log. Log every day. everything. Once you can do that, the rest seems to fall into place.
I do agree - he makes an excellent point. I've considered talking to a counselor about it. Still am, actually. I just want to see if I can do it on my own without interventions. I might just need it, though.
I think that I'm probably overthinking this entire process. I focus on the results rather than the process, and it trips me up. I think of how I can stay motivated, and it slows me down because I can't keep up with it.
It's a struggle, for sure.0 -
As others have said, you just have to do it, whether you want to or not. Especially on the days you don't feel like doing anything. The statement that I constantly repeat to myself when I don't feel like doing something is a line I read here on the forums a long time ago (paraphrased b/c I can't remember the exact quote): "The time between today and your goal is going to pass whether you do anything or not so you might as well do it." If you do nothing and in 3 month's time look back on today you'll think to yourself that you could've been so much farther along if you had just started on that day.0
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As others have said, you just have to do it, whether you want to or not. Especially on the days you don't feel like doing anything. The statement that I constantly repeat to myself when I don't feel like doing something is a line I read here on the forums a long time ago (paraphrased b/c I can't remember the exact quote): "The time between today and your goal is going to pass whether you do anything or not so you might as well do it." If you do nothing and in 3 month's time look back on today you'll think to yourself that you could've been so much farther along if you had just started on that day.
I think that all the time. I keep looking back at all of the time I wasted, and I'm like, "Man, if I had just kept up with it, I would be much farther along". It can get really discouraging.
It's very true, though. "I might as well do it". That's great thinking.0 -
victoriaalice40 wrote: »"What doesn't challenge you wont change you" I know how you feel! I believe a lot of people understand. Just take steps in the right direction, don't look at the "END" results and how long it will take and how much it will suck. Just wake up and start, one day at a time. Good luck!!
You're absolutely right! I woke up this morning thinking that I needed to just slow down and take my time. I need to just focus on getting myself to the end of the day, then start over again tomorrow, and do it again, and go from there.
Thank you! 0 -
I had yoyo'd for most of my adult life and in July I said enough was enough and have lost 35.9 since then... surround yourself with people who motivate you! Feel free to add me for support. ankdworak0
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And thank you all for the insight!
I've decided to try again today, and just take it a day at a time. So far, I'm doing good. I just want to make sure I keep it going.0 -
Like others said, you're not always going to be motivated. Sometimes you just need to put one foot in front of the other and do it. It's not always going to be fun. Everyone can come up with excuses why they can't, don't have time, etc. What you need to do is take even 15 minutes and do SOMETHING, everyday. Then you can start building on that.0
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I had yoyo'd for most of my adult life and in July I said enough was enough and have lost 35.9 since then... surround yourself with people who motivate you! Feel free to add me for support. ankdworak
Congratulations on your weight loss! That's absolutely fantastic!
I hear you. I'm a chronic yo-yo dieter. It's rough.
I can't wait until I'm in a better place in my journey. I'm getting more and more excited to get myself there!0 -
Like others said, you're not always going to be motivated. Sometimes you just need to put one foot in front of the other and do it. It's not always going to be fun. Everyone can come up with excuses why they can't, don't have time, etc. What you need to do is take even 15 minutes and do SOMETHING, everyday. Then you can start building on that.
That's fantastic advice! Thank you!
That's a huge vice of mine - making excuses. I feel like I'm the queen of them, I do it so often. I need to learn how not to do that.0 -
There are days where I take it an hour (or less) at a time. I just keep telling myself, only 10 more minutes, only 3 more squats etc. What I have found to be helpful is to not obsess over "screwing up". I did it, it's over and I will work harder next time to not do that again. You can't keep beating yourself up over what you did or didn't do in the past. What matters now is today and what you do TODAY. I schedule appts with a trainer so if I don't show, I get an email or a text checking on me. It keeps me accountable and even if I don't feel like it at 6am I still have to go because he will be waiting for me to show up.
You can do this! Take baby steps, you don't have to change your entire lifestyle all at once, that is more likely to make you choose to fail. Start small; change one meal this week, add another next week and so on and so forth. But above all else, weigh and measure your food and track it. If nothing else, it will be eye opening, I know it was for me.0 -
I'm on my way out but fear and failure play a great part as well. Its hard work and its not all joy. One of the things that made me was realising I had control and it was possible to lose weight. I had never really looked into it before.
What you need is the reassurance that you have the strength and determination to make it through to the end rather than it be a failed attempt.
Imo there are many factors and things that make it all a tiny bit easier (use them all) , which when aggregated give you firmer foundations. Many people on here dont prepare properly for the task ahead and get into trouble early on without having a plan B and C and D and E etc.0 -
I would like to respond with something insightful, but a lot of people up here have already said what I am thinking.
This is all just my opinion, take it or leave it but it has worked for me. Motivation is just what gets you started on the path of healthy living (whether it is to lose weight, be more active, etc.). For me, motivation is the "just do it" factor that others have said. However, in order to remain on that path of healthy living, you must turn those healthy life choices you are motivated to do into a habit, almost to a point when they are second nature. For me, exercising and meal preparation is part of my daily routine like brushing my teeth or taking a shower. It took a while to get to that point but I was motivated to do it because I knew that was a step in the right direction and I enjoyed it. Now I do them whether I feel motivated or not.
The key is find what healthy life choices you enjoy, are motivated to do, and will get you towards your goals. Stick to them (21 day rule comes to mind) and develop them into your normal, daily routine.
Good Luck and Stay Positive0 -
micheledavison39 wrote: »There are days where I take it an hour (or less) at a time. I just keep telling myself, only 10 more minutes, only 3 more squats etc. What I have found to be helpful is to not obsess over "screwing up". I did it, it's over and I will work harder next time to not do that again. You can't keep beating yourself up over what you did or didn't do in the past. What matters now is today and what you do TODAY. I schedule appts with a trainer so if I don't show, I get an email or a text checking on me. It keeps me accountable and even if I don't feel like it at 6am I still have to go because he will be waiting for me to show up.
You can do this! Take baby steps, you don't have to change your entire lifestyle all at once, that is more likely to make you choose to fail. Start small; change one meal this week, add another next week and so on and so forth. But above all else, weigh and measure your food and track it. If nothing else, it will be eye opening, I know it was for me.
Thank you. That's great insight! That's one of the many things I'm guilty of - focusing on the failures. I'm a bit of a perfectionist. If I fail, I take it harder than I should, and I get really discouraged. I can't be thinking that way, but it's a tough habit to break, for sure.
Yes. Baby steps. I have to keep that in mind. Lol0 -
I'm on my way out but fear and failure play a great part as well. Its hard work and its not all joy. One of the things that made me was realising I had control and it was possible to lose weight. I had never really looked into it before.
What you need is the reassurance that you have the strength and determination to make it through to the end rather than it be a failed attempt.
Imo there are many factors and things that make it all a tiny bit easier (use them all) , which when aggregated give you firmer foundations. Many people on here dont prepare properly for the task ahead and get into trouble early on without having a plan B and C and D and E etc.
I think that reassurance is huge for me. I have days where I don't feel strong at all. I question myself a lot. Which is odd, because hey...I can give birth to children and get tattoos and deal with cuts and scrapes and bruises. I can handle all of those. So it's a wonder why I seemingly can't deal with trying to lose weight and powering through it.
Goodness, I'm glad I posted here. I'm really enjoying the advice I'm getting!0 -
DTrippBarton wrote: »I think that all the time. I keep looking back at all of the time I wasted, and I'm like, "Man, if I had just kept up with it, I would be much farther along". It can get really discouraging.
It's very true, though. "I might as well do it". That's great thinking.
I do the same thing, but in the motivational future-sense. "If I do X today, I will weigh less in one month." For me, I have to look at my actions today as directly controlling my future self. When I make poor choices (go over for calories/skip a workout), I am actively deciding to be unhealthier than I could be in one month. You can't change the past. Forgive the past. Every day is a new day to change your future for the better. It doesn't matter that you lost weight in the past. It doesn't matter that you failed in the past. You exist today. What you do decides how you will feel, how much you will weigh, and how healthy you can be tomorrow.
You need to get to the root of why you give up. Are you setting your goals too high (not everyone can lose 2 lbs/week)? Are you cutting out food groups? Are you getting enough fibre and protein to feel satiated? Are you eating for comfort because you aren't able to deal with emotional issues in your life? Do you place unrealistic expectations on yourself or others and then need to comfort yourself when your expectations are not met? Do you try to change too much at once in your diet/exercise regime? Do you overtrain and burn out? Do you blame external forces/people for your lack of motivation?0 -
Lots of good advice on this thread! And, good for you OP for reading and responding to each.
I'll just add that over thinking it seems to be an issue. DON'T view your gaining the weight back as a failure. It is simply an unplanned detour, but you know the road and you know the journey so you can get back on the correct path.
Make a plan for each day and just do it. I'm sorry others around you aren't supportive, but you simply power on, dismiss any negativity from them and move on without thinking about it. You can't change other people, but you can change YOU.0 -
lpendleton58 wrote: »I would like to respond with something insightful, but a lot of people up here have already said what I am thinking.
This is all just my opinion, take it or leave it but it has worked for me. Motivation is just what gets you started on the path of healthy living (whether it is to lose weight, be more active, etc.). For me, motivation is the "just do it" factor that others have said. However, in order to remain on that path of healthy living, you must turn those healthy life choices you are motivated to do into a habit, almost to a point when they are second nature. For me, exercising and meal preparation is part of my daily routine like brushing my teeth or taking a shower. It took a while to get to that point but I was motivated to do it because I knew that was a step in the right direction and I enjoyed it. Now I do them whether I feel motivated or not.
The key is find what healthy life choices you enjoy, are motivated to do, and will get you towards your goals. Stick to them (21 day rule comes to mind) and develop them into your normal, daily routine.
Good Luck and Stay Positive
Thank you.
That's great advice! I'm definitely going to adopt the "just do it" attitude and turn it into a daily mantra.0 -
I think some of us make weight loss more complicated than it really is and that throws us off track. Start out just monitoring what you eat on a daily basis and then look for areas where you can realistically cut back. That little bit of success can build into a greater focus to continue.
Once you've accomplished something with your diet (noun) then add in some exercise to speed the process up, and maintain some muscle mass and strength, and you're good to go. Don't agonize over bad days or turn them into bad weeks...........move on and get back to it. It's like a job really.0 -
DTrippBarton wrote: »You're procrastinating because you know it's gonna be hard. You're right. It doesn't make it not worth doing. It makes it more worth doing. Stop putting it off just because it's uncomfortable at first. You have done this before. It will be easier this time. You aren't traveling into unknown territory, you're getting yourself back. Don't you want to get your self back? Time for action is now.
“Resist the short term temptation of procrastination; the immediate pleasure and relief that it brings does not fair in comparison to the long lasting damage it does to your dreams and goals.”
― Noel DeJesus
That's definitely a huge part of it. I'm anticipating the discomfort, and it's putting me off. It feels so much easier for me to just give in and give myself that "comfort" than to just dig my heels in and do it.
Thank you for your response. I'm truly taking that to heart!
I will be checking back in on you!!!!!
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britishbroccoli wrote: »DTrippBarton wrote: »I think that all the time. I keep looking back at all of the time I wasted, and I'm like, "Man, if I had just kept up with it, I would be much farther along". It can get really discouraging.
It's very true, though. "I might as well do it". That's great thinking.
I do the same thing, but in the motivational future-sense. "If I do X today, I will weigh less in one month." For me, I have to look at my actions today as directly controlling my future self. When I make poor choices (go over for calories/skip a workout), I am actively deciding to be unhealthier than I could be in one month. You can't change the past. Forgive the past. Every day is a new day to change your future for the better. It doesn't matter that you lost weight in the past. It doesn't matter that you failed in the past. You exist today. What you do decides how you will feel, how much you will weigh, and how healthy you can be tomorrow.
You need to get to the root of why you give up. Are you setting your goals too high (not everyone can lose 2 lbs/week)? Are you cutting out food groups? Are you getting enough fibre and protein to feel satiated? Are you eating for comfort because you aren't able to deal with emotional issues in your life? Do you place unrealistic expectations on yourself or others and then need to comfort yourself when your expectations are not met? Do you try to change too much at once in your diet/exercise regime? Do you overtrain and burn out? Do you blame external forces/people for your lack of motivation?
Are you setting your goals too high (not everyone can lose 2 lbs/week)?
I don't think I am. But on the other hand, I'm sure that everyone has different interpretations of what may or may not be too much. What I've been trying to do is just set 5-pound goals. I don't give myself any set amount of time to lose it. Once I make that goal of 5 pounds, then I move on to another one. I didn't want to put too much pressure on myself to lose it because I know that if I do, that I would eventually say "f--- it" and quit, because I made unsavory choices.
Are you cutting out food groups?
To start out with, no. I didn't want to do a major overhaul in regards to my eating habits, especially because I knew I wouldn't be able to be completely consistent with it.
Are you getting enough fibre and protein to feel satiated?
Thankfully, protein has been a huge part of my meal plans. I may have to pay more attention to my fiber intake, just to see how much I'm taking in.
Are you eating for comfort because you aren't able to deal with emotional issues in your life?
These days, yes. Normally, when I'm upset, I'm the opposite. I have no appetite and I choose not to eat. Although, in the last few months, I've become more of an emotional eater, and it's been disconcerting to me, especially since I've never been that way in the past. I'm constantly under a lot of stress, though. It's been killer on me.
I will say - a lot of my eating has been out of boredom. It helps fill the time. I've been trying to find other things to fill my time, so I don't have to rely on eating. It's tough, though (since I have 3 kids who need me), but I know that I need to find more hobbies.
Do you place unrealistic expectations on yourself or others and then need to comfort yourself when your expectations are not met?
This is me to a T. I'm very guilty of this.
Do you try to change too much at once in your diet/exercise regime?
I'm also very guilty of this. Because of this, I've been trying to take things a lot slower, but I've also found myself mentally burning out a lot faster.
Do you overtrain and burn out?
In this case, no. I try to pace myself as much as I can so I can get my body used to certain levels of physical exertions.
Do you blame external forces/people for your lack of motivation?
I try really hard to take responsibility for my own shortcomings. However, I've been guilty of placing blame on other things (like enablers, the stresses in my life, unforeseen circumstances, etc). At the end of the day, I try to place any kind of blame squarely on myself. I've learned that I can't control anyone else's behaviors, or any situations that arise. I only have control over my own actions, and that's something I need to always be aware of.
Typing all of this up was really helpful. It's nice to take a look at myself in the mirror and seeing what I can work on.0 -
Lots of good advice on this thread! And, good for you OP for reading and responding to each.
I'll just add that over thinking it seems to be an issue. DON'T view your gaining the weight back as a failure. It is simply an unplanned detour, but you know the road and you know the journey so you can get back on the correct path.
Make a plan for each day and just do it. I'm sorry others around you aren't supportive, but you simply power on, dismiss any negativity from them and move on without thinking about it. You can't change other people, but you can change YOU.
Thank you! I'm definitely trying to take every piece of advice in and taking it to heart. I'm very appreciative of everyone taking some time out to share their insight with me. I'm feeling very empowered today!
That's a great way to think of things - not as a failure, but as an unplanned detour. Minor setback, even. I know that setbacks happen all the time, and that we all have to learn how to work through it and move on.0
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