Is it still worth doing if you know you will fail?
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Whether you think you can, or think you can't -- you're right.
Henry Ford0 -
Do or do not - there is no try..... yoda.0
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MostlyWater wrote: »Have you discussed surgical options with your doctor? My sister has a similar situation and is planning on getting a lap band this spring or summer.
I had a lapband 4 years ago. My body started building scar tissue around it, and it started twisting around my intestines. After a year they had to remove it (and a few feet of intestine). I spent a lot of time in the hospital.
That said, I have thought about a gastric sleeve off and on, but I'm a little gun shy of more surgery now.0 -
RUNNING_AMOK_1958 wrote: »Fear is your problem. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Seriously, are you going to let a bag of Cheetos have so much power over you that it controls your life?
People forget how much power they hand over to something that will not look out for you.
You only have yourself.
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One thing to remind yourself is that you haven't "tried to lose weight". You actually have lost weight. As you said, you know what works and have had short-term success. This is a good thing! Keeping at it long enough to lose all the weight you want and maintain that loss has been your challenge (a very common one).
Long-term weight loss and maintenance requires permanent lifestyle changes. Adjusting your eating habits and exercise habits into not just something for weight loss, but also as something you want to do for the rest of your life. Start small with those changes and keep at it.
The other part of long-term weight loss and maintenance is, as said, fixing the "inner self". You need to understand why you go off the rails. You mentioned eating a whole bag of Cheetos for "reasons". Do you know what those exact reasons are? Guilt? Stress? Low self-esteem? Anger? Boredom? Happiness? I could go on. Find out why you overeat. Then, address those reasons.
Bored? Don't eat when bored, force yourself to go do some other activity. Feeling guilty? Examine the guilt. Is there something positive you can do to address that guilt? If not, let it go, since it's not helping you lose weight.
For every reason you find for overeating, exchange the habit of food for something else. Go read. Go for a walk. Write. Find something physically or mentally healthy to do to satisfy that "reason", instead of eating.
Set goals and write them down. Post them on the mirror so you see them every day. Work towards your short and long term goals. Keep in mind that one day (or week or month or year) of "failure" is not failure. As long as you get back to your efforts to lose weight, it will happen.
Weight loss and maintenance is the longest of journeys. You'll learn a lot about yourself along the way. Keep at it. Never quit. Time marches on, so might as well keep working towards your goals, no matter how long it takes.
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Just give up?0
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When you think you are going to fail, chances are that you will fail, because you have already decided that it will happen.
I've been there many times, once you realize it is something you really want to do and make it a priority in your life, you can easily succeed. Don't let failure be an option, it is only up to you whether or not you succeed or fail.
Best of luck, I started 35 pounds heavier than you and I'm now in my 260's, so I'm well on my way, it can be done.0 -
yes because you never know when you're going to surprise yourself and succeed.0
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Reminds me of a saying, "Don't let the perfect be the enemy of good. "
Meaning you feel like you either have to do it perfectly or nothing at all. No one is perfect. What works for one doesn't the other. Have to figure out what works for you.
Take it one step at a time. Cut out snacks that you may binge on. Yes, I've heard people say you can have anything within your calories which is true. But some can't eat one cheeto or have one cookie. Sometimes you have to cut those out until you get control of it.
After you work through some of your weaknesses and have your diet in order, incorporate exercise. Slowly!
If you want it all, you will get overwhelmed easily.
Best Wishes!
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I was on here for a year and quit twice before I got any real traction. I lost my 1st 20 lbs absolutely convinced I would fail. But you know what? I didn't quit. That's all it takes.0
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(This may not be helpful to you.) To me it's always been a matter of what I wanted more - whether I wanted to be comfortable (that comfort included binging on anything I felt like eating) or healthy and fit. Once the desire to be healthy and fit outweighed the desire to be comfortable and binge, it wasn't that difficult to implement the necessary changes, because I was doing what I wanted to do, not fighting against what I wanted and being miserable.
I would also suggest removing the idea of needing motivation. Motivation doesn't last. Once you make your mind up, resolve to do it anyway, because the consequences of not doing it are so undesirable. I love my workouts, but I've chosen to view them as if they're as essential to my way of life as is my job:
- Is it raining? Yes - so I will have to drive through the rain to get there and possibly get wet. Sucks but I gatta go!
- Is my period on and am I flicking miserable and bleeding and in pain and emotional? Yes - I'll have to deal with it and be in pain and miserable while I'm here. Sucks and I'd much rather be in bed feeling sorry for myself and eating chocolate cake but I gatta go!
This outlook has really revolutionized the way I view certain obligations. If you can identify with the feeling of going to work even though you don't want to because you have to, you may be able to identify with this.
It all really boils down to whether you're ready to put up with the discomfort and pain and sacrifice in exchange for whatever your health goals are. That sounds terrible but I think most significant choices are when you break them down like that...good luck!!0 -
I think you need to find something rewarding about the process. You see it all as deprivation and punishment, and unless you're a big ol masochist it's not odd that you get sick of it.
I'm a very shame-based person, I spend a lot of time thinking, 'oh I should not have done that' or 'I really should have done that'. So for me, my reward for exercising and eating better is getting to have something I'm proud of. I enjoy getting to think, 'I'm glad I did that workout' or 'I'm glad I cooked my own dinner'.
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(This may not be helpful to you.) To me it's always been a matter of what I wanted more - whether I wanted to be comfortable (that comfort included binging on anything I felt like eating) or healthy and fit. Once the desire to be healthy and fit outweighed the desire to be comfortable and binge, it wasn't that difficult to implement the necessary changes, because I was doing what I wanted to do, not fighting against what I wanted and being miserable.
I would also suggest removing the idea of needing motivation. Motivation doesn't last. Once you make your mind up, resolve to do it anyway, because the consequences of not doing it are so undesirable. I love my workouts, but I've chosen to view them as if they're as essential to my way of life as is my job:
- Is it raining? Yes - so I will have to drive through the rain to get there and possibly get wet. Sucks but I gatta go!
- Is my period on and am I flicking miserable and bleeding and in pain and emotional? Yes - I'll have to deal with it and be in pain and miserable while I'm here. Sucks and I'd much rather be in bed feeling sorry for myself and eating chocolate cake but I gatta go!
This outlook has really revolutionized the way I view certain obligations. If you can identify with the feeling of going to work even though you don't want to because you have to, you may be able to identify with this.
It all really boils down to whether you're ready to put up with the discomfort and pain and sacrifice in exchange for whatever your health goals are. That sounds terrible but I think most significant choices are when you break them down like that...good luck!!
Love this !0 -
Personally, I think it has to be about more than just losing weight...there has to be a greater purpose. That's my experience anyway. I tried to lose weight a couple of times over the last decade, but ultimately it didn't really matter to me that much...I wasn't morbidly obese, had lots of friends, relationship, etc...it just wasn't all that important.
I found my purpose when my kids were born...actually after my second boy was born. At the time I was just over the line into obese and was a 2-3 PAD smoker who at 38 was already developing some health issues related to my lifestyle. Basically, my doctor told me I could continue down the path I was on and likely be very sick (if not dead) by the time I was in my late fifties/early sixties...or I could get my *kitten* together and hopefully stick around a bit longer.
I basically decided I really want to be around to watch my boys become men. I don't want to die at 60 like my dad did...I don't want to spend my 50s being sick. I want to retire with my wife and spend a couple more decades together traveling the world, etc. I could really give a rats *kitten* what the number on the scale says...I just want to be healthy...so I focused in on a more healthful lifestyle...low and behold, losing and maintaining a healthy weight is merely a result of living such a lifestyle.0 -
Don't give up. I tried for 10 years straight, with success followed by failure, with the failure taking me heavier than my starting attempt at the beginning of each year.. This year, it just 'clicked' and I dropped >100 lbs since the beginning of the year, putting me at a weight I last saw 25 years go. And I've held this weight for 2+ months. This time, I've won. If you keep trying, eventually you will as well.0
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Conniebug, you remind me so much of me.
When I started here, I didn't expect to succeed. I weighed more than 300 pounds and I had no expectation that I was going to lose a lot of weight. I expected to play around for a bit, then eat a full bag of cheetos, wallow in misery for a few days about how much I sucked, then go about my happy, fat life. I was not at a rock bottom. I did not desire change. All I desired was something to do over my lunch break, so I joined a gym, where a trainer suggested I count calories.
That was in June of 2011. It took me 15 months to lose a little more than a 130 pounds. I've kept that weight off for more than 2 years, and I sit in the 175-180 range most of the time now (I am 5'11").
I cannot tell you how many times since June of 2011 I've derailed, how many times I've had a day where I failed.
But...by getting back to "good" habits the very next day, none of that has amounted to much. I've stuck with it. These are my tips, which may or may not help you:
- Set out to lose 20 pounds, not everything you technically want/need/ought to lose. You can do 20 pounds. And even losing 20 pounds will improve your health. Once you've lost that 20, set the goal to another 20, and so on.
- You're not allowed to quit till for three months. You're allowed to have bad days, and take holidays off, but you're not allowed to throw in the towel. Once you're three months in, go ahead and quit if you really want to. I'm betting you won't.
- Don't complicate it. Log your calories, stick to a reasonable deficit, and exercise. You can fuss with the details later.
- Focus on a year from now, not tomorrow. That means, if you have a bad day, don't weigh yourself the next day and then beat yourself up. Instead, think about how this one day will affect your life one year from now. Answer: it won't, unless you let the bad day become a bad week and then a bad month.
- Work treats into your calorie goal. If I have a chocolate treat planned for after dinner, it's easier to avoid the donuts in the break room at work.
- Exercise. I don't care what it is. Find something you enjoy and do it. Exercise has changed my relationship with food and my body more than I can explain. Now I want to maintain my weight so I can continue my reaching new fitness goals. I have motivation to keep my body this size that goes far beyond fitting into a certain size. I have (literal) mountains I want to climb, and I need a strong, fit body to do that.
So I guess I kind of disagree that you can't change until you "want it more than you want the Cheetos." I didn't really set out wanting anything, other than to be happier and maybe healthier. As a result, a whole bunch of little habits turned into major changes. And in the end, I'm ridiculously happy now, not just because I'm smaller (that's nice) but really because I'm more confident and my weight doesn't hold me back anymore. That's my motivation to maintain right there: I deserve to live this healthier, happier life. (and this isn't to say I was a depressed blob when I was obese; I was happy then too. it's just hard to describe in words how much my life has changed for the better, and "happier" seems the best descriptor).
Good luck to you.0 -
I'm a very shame-based person, I spend a lot of time thinking, 'oh I should not have done that' or 'I really should have done that'. So for me, my reward for exercising and eating better is getting to have something I'm proud of. I enjoy getting to think, 'I'm glad I did that workout' or 'I'm glad I cooked my own dinner'.
That describes me perfectly! I never realized it, but that is how I think. And it seriously never occurred to me to be proud of myself for doing the workout or eating the veggies or logging everything this day. I've always been too wrapped up in how I should have worked out longer or harder, or I should not have had cheese on that salad. I figured pride was saved for when I hit goal.
Seriously, that is really eye-opening. It's like I never really listened to what I was saying before.0 -
Probably not. I mean, if you're planning to fail, why knock your head into the wall too?
I hope this doesn't get removed by management.0 -
Logging everything for awhile is good. Figure out how many calories you consume right now in an average week while changing absolutely NOTHING. After you have a few weeks to compare, aim to eat less than your AVERAGE every day. You wont always make it, but if your average daily intake over 3 weeks is 3000 calories, then all you have to do is stay under that by 100-500 calories a day for the next 3 weeks. You may maintain your weight or even lose. If you are losing, just keep that up until you stop losing! It doesnt have to be a lot or fast... eating almost what you were before, while losing slowly, is way better than torturing yourself for a few weeks to quickly lose a few pounds and regain it. Once you stop losing, take the average over the prior three week again and try to eat a little under that from then on. Inch your way down!
Losing a few hundred calories out of your diet is pretty easy, especially when first starting. Look at your log - if you eat regular yogurt that is 200 calories, switch to light yogurt at 100 calories. Same amount of food, just fewer calories. So nothing really changes in your day. If you usually put 100 calories of cream in a cup of coffee and drink 4 cups a day, put only 50 calories in each cup, or only have 3 cups a day. You might find an "ace" - something that has a ton of calories that you eat out of habit not enjoyment. Swap it out for something you actually like with fewer calories. If you just keep substituting things, your day and eating volume wont really change and it will be much easier to keep up.
At some point, do something with exercise. Start with just a 5 minute walk every day. It can be a lap around the block, it can be taking the long way to the bathroom at work, etc. Nothing major, literally one deliberate 5 minute walk a day. When that has become a habit, either make it a ten minute walk or add another 5 minute walk. No need to rush - give each a few days or weeks until it is not such a big deal anymore! Then add just a little bit.
If you like numbers and want to play, look up your calorie requirements on a calculator using your activity level, sex, height, CURRENT weight etc. Then look up the same requirements if you weighed 25 pounds less. Eat like the person you want to become - slowly. So try to start eating like a person who weight 250 instead of 275 and eventually you will become a person who weighs 250. Every time you lose 10 pounds, look up the numbers again - you dont have to wait until you get there, you want to continually eat like someone always 25 pounds less than you are that minute. By the time you get to your final goal weight, you will be eating exactly as you should - no need to stop "dieting" or go into "maintenance". No need to start out eating like a 130 pound person either... Your first goal is to be a person a little smaller than you are now, so just start out eating like that person first. Much easier. Takes longer - but doable without "failing"!
Good luck 0 -
conniebug76 wrote: »RUNNING_AMOK_1958 wrote: »Fear is your problem. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Seriously, are you going to let a bag of Cheetos have so much power over you that it controls your life?
Fear is a huge problem. I know I've tackled harder things and succeeded. Maybe I'm just psyching myself out.
what happens if you fail?
you stay the way you are- so what- keep at it.
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I would also suggest removing the idea of needing motivation. Motivation doesn't last.
Exactly. I've said this many times. Motivation is fleeting. Willpower runs dry. Habits are what sustain us.
I log my food most days because that is what I do.
I pack my lunches because that is what I do.
I workout because that is what I do (bonus: I like it 98% of the time).
Build strong habits and you can fall back on them when your motivation is MIA.0 -
You have already failed by stating that you know you will fail. As others have already said, you cannot think negatively. I tried several times in the past to lose weight ended up back where I was to begin with, so I understand.
I will share with you what I did different this time around: 1) I got an account on here, which has helped me tremendously in keeping track of calorie intake and exercising. Having friends on here to cheer you on definitely can inspire you to work harder. 2) I made this change all about me. Whether you're single, married, etc, this needs to be all about YOU and your health right now. Hopefully your family and friends are understanding of this while you work towards being successful. 3) I didn't think of this as another diet attempt but rather a lifestyle change, which meant completely changing my eating habits for the good. It's difficult adjusting to the change but after several weeks it can become almost routine.
Don't let certain scenarios be an excuse for going back to bad eating habits. You are only cheating yourself when that happens. Of course, we all have a little splurge here and there, but the key is not to do it often.
Just make sure you stick with it and have fun! We're all on here to help one another!
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conniebug76 wrote: »
I'm a very shame-based person, I spend a lot of time thinking, 'oh I should not have done that' or 'I really should have done that'. So for me, my reward for exercising and eating better is getting to have something I'm proud of. I enjoy getting to think, 'I'm glad I did that workout' or 'I'm glad I cooked my own dinner'.
That describes me perfectly! I never realized it, but that is how I think. And it seriously never occurred to me to be proud of myself for doing the workout or eating the veggies or logging everything this day. I've always been too wrapped up in how I should have worked out longer or harder, or I should not have had cheese on that salad. I figured pride was saved for when I hit goal.
Seriously, that is really eye-opening. It's like I never really listened to what I was saying before.
It feels weird at first, especially for people like us who do NOT have positive inner monologues. But make a point of it and you will actually start to have good feelings. It's crazy lol
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It's not worth it for you to begin now with the idea of failure in mind. Take some time to reflect on what has caused your setbacks in the past and see what you can do to get around them or remove them. Then you will be ready to give it an honest go.0
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This program taught me to make progressive, permanent change. Maybe if you reframe your plan in to a lifestyle change rather than "another diet", it might help.
http://patienteducation.stanford.edu/programs/cdsmp.html0 -
ShannonMpls wrote: »I would also suggest removing the idea of needing motivation. Motivation doesn't last.
Exactly. I've said this many times. Motivation is fleeting. Willpower runs dry. Habits are what sustain us.
I log my food most days because that is what I do.
I pack my lunches because that is what I do.
I workout because that is what I do (bonus: I like it 98% of the time).
Build strong habits and you can fall back on them when your motivation is MIA.
Love this one too !0 -
conniebug76 wrote: »I hate that I'm one of those people that loses and gains, loses and gains, but do I hate it enough? Do I need the answer to that question before I start?
I hate that I weigh 290. I hate that I can't do the things I want to do because my stomach gets in the way. I hate buying my bras from specialty stores.
I hate that I quit so easily, too. I don't know how to change it, though.
Stop looking at this as something you can quit. I've been feeling pretty "meh" about sticking to my calorie goal lately. I've been going over, but I log everything I eat and I'm still going to the gym. Look at this as your life, not something you can stop and start doing. Don't set a goal to be a certain weight by X date. Don't set your calories to something unrealistic (1200) when you don't have to. Set a goal to log everything you eat for a month. EVERYTHING YOU EAT. If you binge on a bag of cheetos, log that. Take a look at a report of your calories, and look at when you binge & try to figure out why you binge.0 -
There is a great deal in my life that I am not very happy about and I am confident there is noting I can do to change. Weight is one thing that I am unhappy about that I can change. I am succeeding at it because it is solely in my control and I need one damn success in my life and can'tbear one more failure. Not inspirational, perhaps, but for me it passes for motivation.0
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It is interesting the way this conversation has gone. I would like to encourage you to do one thing. It has worked everytime I have tried it.
When I log my food every day, I lose weight. When I exercise, along with logging my food, I lose even more weight.
When I stop logging, I stop taking responsibility for the food I have eaten. I then gain weight.
The result is a Yo-Yo roller coaster ride. So, recently, I have decided to log every single day of my life.
Will there be days i miss, YEP! just missed three due to business trip. I don't make excuses. I just start again. (Oh, and I didnt gain weight those 3 days)
I echo these others who have said, "there is no motivation strong enough to make you not stop" You can think about your health, your very life. But in reality there are times that does not matter. Be patient, join a challenge (I'm in lose 5 lbs in the month of ________ every month).
If I succeed in losing 5 every month, by next Christmas I will be in One - derland.0 -
I think the key is changing one thing at a time. The only way I can change is if the WHY is bigger than the cheetos. I personally love nachos, pizza, candy, chocolate, ice cream, you know all that super healthy stuff. So what I did (to lose 70 lbs) is start with one thing at a time... So this MONTH start with using a smaller plate... eat one thing on the plate and get up to refill it... only give yourself what you want on that plate... Eventually, you might notice you're not refilling the plate as often.... Don't do too much at once, it's not sustainable. I personally think it's not as simple as "change your attitude" because damn that's hard. and definitely try to not feel any pressure. once the pressure starts, my inner rebel eats the whole case of cheetos, not just one bag... hahaha. Good luck!! You can totally do this 0
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