Trouble accepting/jealousy
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cincysweetheart wrote: »"Lifestyle change" is a popular phrase in the weight loss community. But I'm not sure we always understand what it means. The reason why these people that you envy can eat what they want and go about being happy and healthy… is because that's their life. Somehow, they have found the balance of what they eat with their activity level and they are able to keep themselves at that happy/healthy weight. They've figured out what foods allow them to feel the way they want and live the way they want. Granted, maybe they were never overweight to begin with… but that's still what it evens out to… it's their life.
I believe that if you can create that change and make it a lifestyle… the time will come when maintaining your weight will be just as easy as gaining it used to be… because it will just be who you are… it'll be what you do. It won't be a "diet" anymore… it'll just be how you eat. And exercising will be part of your routine… like brushing your teeth or taking a shower. It won't be something you stress about "getting your workout in"… it'll be your life. I think you can learn what proper portion sizes are and learn what proper nutrition is and learn how many calories are in your food and learn how your body feels when it's getting the proper calorie/macros/nutrients to keep yourself happy and healthy. For those of us who have been overweight… especially if we've been overweight for a long time...I don't think it'll be easy. And I don't think it'll come without logging during the maintenance phase (at least for awhile). But if you can create that new life, you can be one of those people. They aren't special snowflakes that you need to be jealous of… You simply need to make that change and adopt that life as well.
All of this!!! QFT0 -
I lost 100lbs and am now 80lbs down after putting on some weight going through a divorce.(re-evaluated and am heading back in the direction of weight loss again now) There are still days where I fight with every single food choice and still things that trigger binge eating, unfortunately that has not stopped in my case. On the other side of things though, when I lost weight this time around(2 and half years ago) I was motivated to get healthy and avoid blood pressure meds. The losing part was easy, but once I got thin and thought the food issues would resolve themselves with the lifestyle change...I became aware of how hard it is to deal with the emotional things and stress that bring on binges. I work out a lot when things get stressful now and I put my energy into that instead. Having supportive and like-minded people has helped immensely. You will get there and the anxiety should lessen over time, it just takes working through things. Best wishes.0
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ShrinkingMuslimah wrote: »I have so much jealousy of people who can eat whatever they want, never paying attention to it, never thinking about calories, fat, sodium, protein, etc., and they are healthy and happy. And I have a lot of these people surrounding me.
I used to. Then I read a comparison for people who struggle with weight that I totally loved, and it helped me get over that.
The author compared having trouble just "knowing" how much food was enough to having poor eyesight. These days, you just wear glasses and are done with it. The stigma against glasses is pretty much gone, and we have this medical device to compensate for a disability that would have been serious trouble in the pre-lens era, right? Most people don't feel shame about glasses or contacts. They just wear them. (I've worn corrective lenses since I was five, btw)
Some people just have a broken "I ate the right amount" sensor, and there's no more shame in that than glasses. We might have to use technology to compensate (such as a calorie counting app), but once we start using the assistive technology, we can easily compensate for the fact that our appetite sensor is broken in the same way we compensate for poor eyesight.
Sometimes glasses are a pain in the butt (coming in from the cold and having them fog up, having them fog up when you open the oven, etc) but for the most part, we don't grind our teeth about having to use them. Counting calories can be the same.
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pleasepleaseno wrote: »Yes, i absolutely hate it.
And you know what, I hate how *kitten* positive and happy people on here are sometimes.
It's a pain in the *kitten* to track and worry because it takes up so much of my mental space.
And yeah, if i dont log the weight creeps back.
i really feel frustrated.
Sigh. This thread sigh.
Sigh, indeed.
Making changes can be hard, but being negative will only make them harder. We all have our stuff to worry about - and I think it's healthy to find the positive whenever possible. No one necessarily has it easier. Some may have found something that works for them, sure, but you don't know what else they might be dealing with. There are also few slim people who just "eat whatever they want." You are not there with them all day, every day. You are not counting their calories for them, nor are you tracking their burns. On any given weekend, if you went out to dinner with me you would think I "eat whatever I want" but, the reality is, I've been fasting all day most likely and am eating all my calories in one sitting.
When it comes to weight loss, focus on you and what you can control. Wasting time worrying about other people is exhausting and counterproductive.0 -
you wont have to constantly anything.
after awhile it becomes your 'new normal'. it'll all happen by instinct and second nature.
and when all those people who you are obsessed with (which helps Nothing with your own body at all) get to be in their late thirties and forties - after never having had to watch how they eat or stay active - they will start falling apart.
And you'll be better than great.
Right?
RIGHT.0 -
ShrinkingMuslimah wrote: »
I have so much jealousy of people who can eat whatever they want, never paying attention to it, never thinking about calories, fat, sodium, protein, etc., and they are healthy and happy. And I have a lot of these people surrounding me.
You have no way of knowing what they think about, or pay attention to. Don't let assumptions get the best of you. Just focus on yourself.0 -
NoelFigart1 wrote: »ShrinkingMuslimah wrote: »I have so much jealousy of people who can eat whatever they want, never paying attention to it, never thinking about calories, fat, sodium, protein, etc., and they are healthy and happy. And I have a lot of these people surrounding me.
I used to. Then I read a comparison for people who struggle with weight that I totally loved, and it helped me get over that.
The author compared having trouble just "knowing" how much food was enough to having poor eyesight. These days, you just wear glasses and are done with it. The stigma against glasses is pretty much gone, and we have this medical device to compensate for a disability that would have been serious trouble in the pre-lens era, right? Most people don't feel shame about glasses or contacts. They just wear them. (I've worn corrective lenses since I was five, btw)
Some people just have a broken "I ate the right amount" sensor, and there's no more shame in that than glasses. We might have to use technology to compensate (such as a calorie counting app), but once we start using the assistive technology, we can easily compensate for the fact that our appetite sensor is broken in the same way we compensate for poor eyesight.
Sometimes glasses are a pain in the butt (coming in from the cold and having them fog up, having them fog up when you open the oven, etc) but for the most part, we don't grind our teeth about having to use them. Counting calories can be the same.
Very interesting comparison! Haven't heard that one before, but I like it. Thanks for sharing!0 -
I have had anxiety and had to see a psychologist regarding it.
I find with anxiety, just take each day as it comes. Don't think too far ahead. Like you, I can't imagine counting calories for the rest of my life, but I am going to deal with that once I have achieved my goal. And maybe by then counting calories will become second nature?0 -
"ShrinkingMuslimah wrote: »"I have so much jealousy of people who can eat whatever they want, never paying attention to it, never thinking about calories, fat, sodium, protein, etc., and they are healthy and happy.
You don't know that! You don't know what they're mindful of - maybe they just don't talk about it. Maybe they eyeball everything and guestimate, which takes experience.
Anyways, once the novelty of being a conscious eater wears off, it's just something you do. It's something _every_ healthy person eventually has to do. You'll relax about it.
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This too:ShrinkingMuslimah wrote: »It truly does take up a huge amount of mental space. I spend probably more than an hour each day tracking, looking up nutritional info, calculating calories, and that doesn't even include the time i spend actually cooking and eating.
Tracking is taking me probably... two minutes a day or something.
It helps if you eat mostly the same stuff day-after-day that you already know the macros of so it's just click-click-click-done.
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You have no idea what other people's inner journey looks or feels like, so if you're feeling "jealous" of them, it's because of your internal state, not anything they are doing.
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ShrinkingMuslimah wrote: »monicabroadbentswearingen wrote: »You have a lot going on with the Asperger's . I do know a little about Asperger's. It would seem to me that everything you are going through are typical of Asperger's disease. This disease is a training of your mind in itself. Your thoughts and action are harder for you because of the Asperger's. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's really too bad you can't find a DR. that actually deals with Asperger's in your area. That would really be the way to go. I can't even imagine the struggles you go through. You almost need to find something in this that really peaks your interest or it will be a constant struggle for you. If you ever just need to vent please feel free to friend me. I am a good listener and would love to be their for you. Faith is also a good thing to have. I turn to my faith everyday. I pray for you to find away that will help you be who you want to be. Amen
Amen! Thank you.
I don't look at asperger's as a disease. It isn't. It's just a different way of functioning. Most people are iphones, I'm a samsung. That kind of thing. Most of my family and friends don't even know I have it, they just think I'm a bit weird and clumsy. It's the main reason I avoid most Drs though, because the way I tend to describe symptoms, and the way I hide my pain because I don't really understand facial expressions very well, they usually tell me I'm faking for attention.
Have you been diagnosed?0 -
sherimiller123 wrote: »ShrinkingMuslimah wrote: »monicabroadbentswearingen wrote: »You have a lot going on with the Asperger's . I do know a little about Asperger's. It would seem to me that everything you are going through are typical of Asperger's disease. This disease is a training of your mind in itself. Your thoughts and action are harder for you because of the Asperger's. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's really too bad you can't find a DR. that actually deals with Asperger's in your area. That would really be the way to go. I can't even imagine the struggles you go through. You almost need to find something in this that really peaks your interest or it will be a constant struggle for you. If you ever just need to vent please feel free to friend me. I am a good listener and would love to be their for you. Faith is also a good thing to have. I turn to my faith everyday. I pray for you to find away that will help you be who you want to be. Amen
Amen! Thank you.
I don't look at asperger's as a disease. It isn't. It's just a different way of functioning. Most people are iphones, I'm a samsung. That kind of thing. Most of my family and friends don't even know I have it, they just think I'm a bit weird and clumsy. It's the main reason I avoid most Drs though, because the way I tend to describe symptoms, and the way I hide my pain because I don't really understand facial expressions very well, they usually tell me I'm faking for attention.
Have you been diagnosed?
I do believe I said earlier I am undiagnosed, so that pretty much means no i have not been. It is very difficult and takes generally years of work for a female (in the aera that i live in) to get an official diagnosis and I just don't have the energy to go through that fight right now. But it's very clear that I'm on the spectrum.0 -
Just to clearify too.
The people I'm talking about who seem to eat whatever they want and not think about it. I'm getting a lot of "you don't know what's in their head" - yes. I do. I have asked them. They are people who I trust are honest with me. So yes. I do. And it's not something they 'learned to do' that has become second nature to them. It's something that they really truly don't think about, don't care about. I have asked them to guestimate who many calories they have in a day and they aren't even able to guess how many calories is in an apple. I'm not talking about the people who have learned what works, or are secretly estimating what they are eating. Not what I'm not talking about.
Also, it is not an obsession. It was a ten minute frustration which I decided to post about to see if anyone else has the same feelings occasionally.
There's been some really great feedback though. I like the glasses thing.
I posted this because I was having a down moment, not an obsession, and not assuming I can read into peoples minds (I think I already clarified that, but maybe some people didn't read that part). Am I not allowed to have a down moment every now and again? I guess not on public forums.
*sigh* at some of these replies.
But thank you to the non-judgmental ones
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ShrinkingMuslimah wrote: »The people I'm talking about who seem to eat whatever they want and not think about it. I'm getting a lot of "you don't know what's in their head" - yes. I do. I have asked them. They are people who I trust are honest with me. So yes. I do. And it's not something they 'learned to do' that has become second nature to them. It's something that they really truly don't think about, don't care about.
There's no magic to this. They just don't want to eat as much, so they stay slim by default. It's not like they could truly eat anything and still somehow not put on any weight.0 -
ShrinkingMuslimah wrote: »So I seem to do really well loosing weight for a few months, then stop, then start again then stop. Sometimes I gain some weight back, sometimes I don't.
I think the reason this happens is because I realize that there is no 'diet' that will work for me - it's a lifestyle change. I have accepted that I will have to eat this way for the rest of my life. But that terrifies me.
I have so much jealousy of people who can eat whatever they want, never paying attention to it, never thinking about calories, fat, sodium, protein, etc., and they are healthy and happy. And I have a lot of these people surrounding me.
So after I've done really well for a while, I start getting overwhelmed when thinking about 'this is my new life' and it freaks me out because, truth is, I don't *want* to have to constantly be thinking about calories and macros every time i put food into my mouth (or at least the majority of the time - I do have my off days, or special occasions where I let myself not worry too much about it).
I do know I have anxiety issues, and have recently accepted the fact that over eating can be considered an ED in some circumstances - I believe I fall under that category.
Does anyone else struggle with accepting this as their new life? Or struggle with jealousy of people who don't seem to have to worry about this stuff?
I am also someone who will have to do this for the rest of my life to not be overweight and it overwhelms me. I have an eating disorder that I've had since I was a toddler called selective eating disorder (SED), so I am not one of those lucky people who can just be like "well, instead of taking Pringles as a snack I'm going to take carrots!". I have bad food phobias and so I can only eat a small list of foods and I eat the exact same thing every single day. I also have to eat up to 10g of sodium a day due to a chronic illness to keep my blood volume up and keep me from passing out, so I constantly retain water. I've lost 60lbs and I want to keep this off and lose a bit more, so it frustrates me when I'm at work or at a restaurant and see people who are eating pizzas and french fries and all these other things and not gaining weight. I work with people who order food out every single night and eat multiple big meals a day and never put on a pound. It drives me insane. I have become obsessive about logging and making sure that I don't go over my allotted carbs. On days where I don't exercise I am always a whole pound+ bigger than the days I do exercise and that makes me want to exercise 7 days a week. It's a hard line to walk between this turning into anorexia and just staying as making sure I stay in a healthy weight range.
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There's no magic to this. They just don't want to eat as much, so they stay slim by default. It's not like they could truly eat anything and still somehow not put on any weight.
That's exactly what I mean. They just naturally know when to stop, and what to eat. Sometimes they choose a gigantic burger and fries because that's what they crave. Sometimes they choose a super healthy salad because that's what they crave. They don't think to themselves "well I had a burger yesterday, so I'd better have a salad today" - they just automatically crave it and listen to their bodies. Like you said, they stay slim by default that way. (and before I get more 'you don't know what they think when they order a salad' - again, yes, i do, i have asked them)
Like I said earlier though. This doesn't mean they don't have other struggles, and it doesn't mean I don't have other struggles either. That's not the topic though. And like I said again, it doesn't mean that my strugg;es or "worse" or "easier" than theirs. Everyone is different and deals with challenges differently.0 -
loribethrice wrote: »I am also someone who will have to do this for the rest of my life to not be overweight and it overwhelms me. I have an eating disorder that I've had since I was a toddler called selective eating disorder (SED), so I am not one of those lucky people who can just be like "well, instead of taking Pringles as a snack I'm going to take carrots!". I have bad food phobias and so I can only eat a small list of foods and I eat the exact same thing every single day. I also have to eat up to 10g of sodium a day due to a chronic illness to keep my blood volume up and keep me from passing out, so I constantly retain water. I've lost 60lbs and I want to keep this off and lose a bit more, so it frustrates me when I'm at work or at a restaurant and see people who are eating pizzas and french fries and all these other things and not gaining weight. I work with people who order food out every single night and eat multiple big meals a day and never put on a pound. It drives me insane. I have become obsessive about logging and making sure that I don't go over my allotted carbs. On days where I don't exercise I am always a whole pound+ bigger than the days I do exercise and that makes me want to exercise 7 days a week. It's a hard line to walk between this turning into anorexia and just staying as making sure I stay in a healthy weight range.
I'm sorry to hear that. I have found some of these replies tough to read, and a bit judgmental considering I have ED, but I'm trying not to take it personally because a lot of people don't understand how ED effects a person's daily life.
Like you said exactly... it's a very hard line to walk. I can only imagine how difficult it is to have only a small list of foods to choose from and have to eat them every day. I live off variety, which is why it takes me so long to log, because I'm always trying new things and have to look them up, or enter recipes. That must be really tough to live with, but I hope you are finding good ways to cope.
Thank you for the reply. *faith in humanity restored*0 -
ShrinkingMuslimah wrote: »
There's no magic to this. They just don't want to eat as much, so they stay slim by default. It's not like they could truly eat anything and still somehow not put on any weight.
That's exactly what I mean. They just naturally know when to stop, and what to eat. Sometimes they choose a gigantic burger and fries because that's what they crave. Sometimes they choose a super healthy salad because that's what they crave. They don't think to themselves "well I had a burger yesterday, so I'd better have a salad today" - they just automatically crave it and listen to their bodies. Like you said, they stay slim by default that way. (and before I get more 'you don't know what they think when they order a salad' - again, yes, i do, i have asked them)
Like I said earlier though. This doesn't mean they don't have other struggles, and it doesn't mean I don't have other struggles either. That's not the topic though. And like I said again, it doesn't mean that my strugg;es or "worse" or "easier" than theirs. Everyone is different and deals with challenges differently.
If you put this much energy into your logging, it would be second nature for you. :ohwell:0 -
ShrinkingMuslimah wrote: »loribethrice wrote: »I am also someone who will have to do this for the rest of my life to not be overweight and it overwhelms me. I have an eating disorder that I've had since I was a toddler called selective eating disorder (SED), so I am not one of those lucky people who can just be like "well, instead of taking Pringles as a snack I'm going to take carrots!". I have bad food phobias and so I can only eat a small list of foods and I eat the exact same thing every single day. I also have to eat up to 10g of sodium a day due to a chronic illness to keep my blood volume up and keep me from passing out, so I constantly retain water. I've lost 60lbs and I want to keep this off and lose a bit more, so it frustrates me when I'm at work or at a restaurant and see people who are eating pizzas and french fries and all these other things and not gaining weight. I work with people who order food out every single night and eat multiple big meals a day and never put on a pound. It drives me insane. I have become obsessive about logging and making sure that I don't go over my allotted carbs. On days where I don't exercise I am always a whole pound+ bigger than the days I do exercise and that makes me want to exercise 7 days a week. It's a hard line to walk between this turning into anorexia and just staying as making sure I stay in a healthy weight range.
I'm sorry to hear that. I have found some of these replies tough to read, and a bit judgmental considering I have ED, but I'm trying not to take it personally because a lot of people don't understand how ED effects a person's daily life.
Like you said exactly... it's a very hard line to walk. I can only imagine how difficult it is to have only a small list of foods to choose from and have to eat them every day. I live off variety, which is why it takes me so long to log, because I'm always trying new things and have to look them up, or enter recipes. That must be really tough to live with, but I hope you are finding good ways to cope.
Thank you for the reply. *faith in humanity restored*
I think I understand because I already have an ED that I've lived with since I was a toddler and I know I'm always on the line of another one. It's rough and I'm sorry you live with it too. I used to eat either sauceless 5 cheese pizza or pepperoni rolls with garlic dipping sauce every single night of the week because pizza is one of the only foods I actually like and crave. I work 11p-7a and pizza places are open late so it made it convenient for me. I would still do that and eat Dairy Queen ice cream (it's the only other food I actually like and crave) every single freaking day of my life if I wouldn't gain weight. I am not genetically blessed in that way though. My parents are both overweight and so is my sister and my aunt and uncle and a few of my cousins, so this is just how we were made. My mom was anorexic in her 20s and was bad enough to lose her period and her hair. Her brother in law had to take her to a hospital to get her fixed. And she ALWAYS encourages me to be thin/stay thin because she thinks it's extremely important for a woman to be that way, so it doesn't help really. If I gain any weight at all she automatically will say something. "Your face got fat" or "that shirt is a bit small" type of comments. I am glad you eat variety at least because then you know you're getting the nutrients you need! That's a good thing no matter what.
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