Is it still worth doing if you know you will fail?
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sheldonklein wrote: »There is a great deal in my life that I am not very happy about and I am confident there is noting I can do to change. Weight is one thing that I am unhappy about that I can change. I am succeeding at it because it is solely in my control and I need one damn success in my life and can'tbear one more failure. Not inspirational, perhaps, but for me it passes for motivation.
I agree with this. I seldom allow myself to whine. And when I do, I have friends/family who quickly call me on it. I never want to sound like a person who can't help themselves. There are some people who can't and I'm not one of them. I can't control the promotion at work or meeting Prince Charmining at the grocery store or hitting the lottery. But I can control what I eat, how I look and how I take care of myself. I got myself into this predicament and now am committed to lose weight and keep it off. When I hit rock bottom and made the decision to make a change, I didn't say I hope I lose it or I will try to lose it. I said I am going to lose it. Just saying those words gave me such a level of confidence and comfort. I've had tons of tests (Thanksgiving, retirement parties, holiday luncheons, leftover pizza from the break room at work, etc.) and I've trampled all over them.
I'm not telling you this to brag. It's not easy and I have a long way to go. I'm telling you because I think you just have to change your attitude and things will start flowing for you for good. Stop saying you can't. Stop buying junk and keeping it in the house. Just put one foot in front of the other. One meal at a time. At 290lbs (I dunno your height) you are going to feel amazing when you weigh less and don't have that stress on your frame. You will be an inspiration to others and they will approach and ask you for advice. I read someone's profile that said "I want to be an 'after'". I loved that. I scoured the Success Stories threads for "proof" of what I will achieve when I reach my goal. That drives me right past the cheetos, pizza, lack of exercise, etc. You can do it. Look to this site and all over the internet for proof of people who defied much worse odds than what you're looking at. What they have done is nothing short of amazing. If someone that is 400 or 500lbs can lose weight and be 130lbs, I can certainly suck it up and do what I need to do.
Look at your original post and be objective. Is that really who you are? Are you comfortable with that outlook? You can do whatever you set your mind to. I don't know your circumstances, but I'm not sure you need a sleeve or other device. Start slow. Log, move your body, make healthy food choices. And don't think about next week or tomorrow or later today. Just put one foot in front of the other and you will get there.0 -
flirtyfingers wrote: »I think the key is changing one thing at a time. The only way I can change is if the WHY is bigger than the cheetos. I personally love nachos, pizza, candy, chocolate, ice cream, you know all that super healthy stuff. So what I did (to lose 70 lbs) is start with one thing at a time... So this MONTH start with using a smaller plate... eat one thing on the plate and get up to refill it... only give yourself what you want on that plate... Eventually, you might notice you're not refilling the plate as often.... Don't do too much at once, it's not sustainable. I personally think it's not as simple as "change your attitude" because damn that's hard. and definitely try to not feel any pressure. once the pressure starts, my inner rebel eats the whole case of cheetos, not just one bag... hahaha. Good luck!! You can totally do this
I like the smaller plate idea also...0 -
conniebug76 wrote: »And you can eat a whole bag of Cheetos if it isn't there. You go to the store and buy it. It's actually pretty easy to do.
So buy the itty-bitty snack size bag. You get to taste the food, getting the mental "Yum" you're after, but you don't undo a day or week's worth of work.0 -
conniebug76 wrote: »MakePeasNotWar wrote: »Are you trying to fix everything all in one go and feeling deprived? That would make me eat a bag of cheetos, too. What if you just picked one or two small things to change, then once they were solid habits, take on another. Obviously you will lose more slowly, but if you can truly take your time to build up small habits, you'll be able to maintain your weight loss for life.
Maybe try just logging for a while, until it's second nature. Then look through your diary for something that seems easy to fix - the "low hanging fruit", as it were. Or in my case, the low hanging cheesecake, lol
I do go all or nothing a lot. I know all the "right" things to do, so I do them. Then I get stressed out keeping up with it all: staying in calorie budget, getting enough water, getting enough protein, getting enough veggies, exercising enough times, getting my heart rate up, stretching, strength building, meditating, etc.
I like the idea of just logging for a while. No pressure to change, yet, but it will let me have a good picture of what I'm doing "most" wrongly. Then I can change that.
I tend to have an all or nothing attitude also, but when it comes to dieting and exercise, sometimes you need to throw it out the window.
First, you need to start having a better attitude. You're talking yourself into failing by saying you always do and probably will again. To set yourself up for success, you need to THINK you will succeed - tell yourself you CAN do it, because you really can.
Stop worrying about every little thing. Worrying about "enough this or that" IS going to stress you out. It stresses me out sometimes! Just concentrate on staying within a healthy calorie range, and try to eat foods that are filling and good for you.
Don't make exercising complicated - until you get into the habit and start enjoying exercise at least. Just start out by doing SOMETHING, even if it's a 15 minute walk every day. Then add on to it. If you come across days that you're really in the "I can't possibly work out" or do the other things you think you should for exercise...relax. Skip all that and do something physical that you enjoy. You need to change your mindset mostly. Little changes...in eating and exercise.0 -
Since you're into reading, check out The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. I'm not usually much for non-fiction, but I read this book a few months ago and have cultivated some awesome new habits. You seem introspective (which is how I would describe myself), so maybe this book will help to change your perspective for the better.0
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conniebug76 wrote: »MakePeasNotWar wrote: »I do go all or nothing a lot. I know all the "right" things to do, so I do them. Then I get stressed out keeping up with it all: staying in calorie budget, getting enough water, getting enough protein, getting enough veggies, exercising enough times, getting my heart rate up, stretching, strength building, meditating, etc.
I like the idea of just logging for a while. No pressure to change, yet, but it will let me have a good picture of what I'm doing "most" wrongly. Then I can change that.
Every day is a new day. Forget about what you did last year, last week or yesterday. Forget about three months from now. Focus on what you are doing today.
Losing weight doesn't need to be complicated. Set a reasonable healthy calorie goal. Eat less calories than you burn. Eat whatever you want as long as you burn more calories than you eat. It is that simple. You don't have to do anything else unless you want to.
I would choose just one or two small goals to focus on for a few weeks instead of overwhelming yourself. Any small change is still progress. Logging is a good start. Maybe after you log for a few weeks you see that if you exercise a moderate amount you don't need to eat much less. Maybe you try using a smaller plate and reducing portion sizes or decide to see the impact of cutting down on drinks other than water.
For me, I pay attention to my calorie goal and I try to exercise somehow for 30 minutes every day.
I've been pre-logging my food for the whole day and that simple action has helped a lot. I mostly eat the foods I would usually eat. I try to eat more fruits and vegetables but I don't obsess about how many servings I have had at this point. I do drink water but I don't track it.
I don't feel hungry all the time. I feel my body becoming more flexible. I feel like my lung capacity is better. I can feel my mood improve after I exercise.
Good luck!0 -
Yeah, I agree dawnna, if it isn't there, you won't eat it, and when you're in stores/shopping you just say to yourself "no" and walk off and firmly stick to your shopping list. (I only ever do this with food I KNOW I will binge on.)0
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conniebug76 wrote: »Well, that answers the question. I'll save change for another day. Thanks!
"Hey, I just got permission from an anonymous Internet person to disregard my health, comfort AND the way I look!"
You don't need our approval lady.0 -
conniebug76 wrote: »I know how to do this, but every time I start, I last a shorter and shorter time before I go off the rails. I don't stall out or hit a plateau. I just decide, "I'm going to eat that whole bag of Cheetos because reasons!" Then I binge for days, regain the weight I lost, and wallow in misery for a few months.
So now I'm feeling like I want to count calories again, to start exercising again, to do all the things that I know will work. But I am also afraid to even bother when I have such a track record of quitting.
I hate that I'm one of those people that loses and gains, loses and gains, but do I hate it enough? Do I need the answer to that question before I start?
Lots of people start and stop lots of times until they stay with it. (Lots of people lose and regain too, but that's another issue.)
I don't think you should feel like you won't stay with it because you didn't before--sometimes something just clicks. But rather than thinking of the past experiences as failures, why not think of them as learning experiences? If possible, maybe start now by doing some thinking about what was going on when you stopped before and what you might be able to do differently this time.
That's one thing I did this time that helped me. (And one of my things sounds like it might apply to you--it dealt with being able to screw up and get back on plan, not having things be so all or nothing.)
Another thing I kind of found out accidently is that for me having a community to feel part of and make it interesting helped a lot. I think there were other things going for me this time too, but I'm really grateful I finally decided to try MFP back in March.
And goals are important for me, not just general ones (of course I want to be thinner), but specific long and short term goals to focus on, related to action plans and not merely results (i.e., cook 5 dinners this week).0 -
If it were me then I wouldnt start until I was ready. You seem to know how to calorie count and exercise to an extent, so address the problems which really put an end to your diet plans.
Thats getting the correct mindset, so when the time comes with the cheetos you have confidence in yourself that you know how to handle it, in a way that does minimum damage to your plan and aims. Until your mindset is able to deal differently with the things that have let you down in the past, then id find it dull to be doing groundhog diet day, which has a cumulative effect.
Once you have the mindset, then begin and take all the tips people have given you, work on self belief, making small achievable targets and encouraging yourself. One of the posters mentioned feel the fear and do it anyway, that book helps you develop a mindset where you are willing to take risks and can deal with concequences more easily.
You can definitely do it as its pretty straightforward process imo, but planning and preparing are very important if you want to last the whole journey. be smarter this time round and good luck.0 -
Right now, you don't have confidence, but you do have motivation. If not, you would not be here. But you don't need either to lose weight. You don't need a positive attitude to lose weight. I'm chronically depressed, I'm never positive. I've lost 90 pounds (20 before mfp). You don't need to be confident to lose weight. I have the self-esteem of pond scum, especially after a blogilates session has me squirming on the ground like magikarp.
Having "failed" at diets before does not mean you will fail now. This is the first time I've ever maintained a diet longer than 2 months. My past "failures" have taught me about healthy eating, exercise, and what I can do to help with dietary success (it's like quitting smoking, every time you try your chance of succeeding increases). And, I have a tendency to gain about 10 pounds a year. If I look back, my total gains have been less (16-41 180 pounds gained, not 250). If I hadn't had those "failed" diets and attempts at exercise, I would have started this diet 70 pounds heavier and a lot less aware of what works for me.
Why try? If you can't try for yourself, try for everyone in your life that needs you. I started because my family pushed me into horseback riding lessons and I felt sorry for the horse. I'm continuing because I want to be healthy and active for my family. I'm going to be an active part of Christmas this year, instead of hiding in my room and waiting for it to go away. And, on the way, when these things happen:- Compliments
- Shopping in the regular size section
- Knees that don't complain on stairs
- More energy
- Having an easier time getting to and getting through workouts
- More confidence and better mood
- etc..
Well, it doesn't hurt anyone if I enjoy it, right?
Ignore the negativity on this thread. Every step you take towards better health is a gift to yourself and the people who love you. Every year you gain by losing pounds is a priceless treasure for your family. You don't need to go at it like Rambo, you just need to show up. It's all try. It isn't easy but it is doable. Don't dwell in the past, don't stress over the future, just do the best now you can. And then do it again. And then make a mistake, and then try again. You absolutely have it in you to do this. And even if something happens, and you need to take a break, your body and the things you've learned will be there ready to succeed when you are ready to come back. All the work you put in counts. Good luck 0 -
First of all… you don't have to go all or nothing. Of all the things you see that you need to do… pick the one that you think will be easiest for you. And just work on that. Don't even worry about the others. Once you feel like you have that one down and your comfortable doing that and making it part of your life… then pick the next most easiest thing. Little by little those things will add up. But by doing it slowly it won't feel so overwhelming.
But also, you've got to re-think your ideas of what failure means. Eating an entire bag of Cheetos may not be your best idea… but it's not failure. Missing a workout is not failure. Even a couple of months of bad eating and missed workouts and "wallowing in misery" is not failure. Failure only happens when you just give up altogether and forever. A couple of years ago I was working on a personal overhaul of another sort and things were not going well. In fact, I felt like I was actually in a worse spot than I was when I started. And I wondered why I even bothered trying if it was only making things worse. The thought that came to me was that "if this is where I am when I'm trying… imagine where I'd be if I gave up altogether!" And that kept me going then and it keeps me going now. As long as you keep getting up every time you fall down… even if it's a royal crash and burn type of fall… you haven't failed.
People talk that progress sometimes looks like taking two steps forward and one step back. And that's true. But sometimes progress even looks like taking one step forward and two steps back. I told a friend that one time that I felt like that's the way things were going for me. I LOVED his response… "well, at least you are going backwards slower! And that's still progress!"
It is true that you have to want it. That you have to make the decision. But sometimes "wanting it" comes in stages. And that's okay. It's okay to take one step at a time. To take one day at a time. Or sometimes even one minute at a time. It's okay to be where you are. Just keep getting back up when you fall. Just don't give up altogether. The time will come when things will come together and it won't seem like quite such a massive fight every day of your life.0 -
I think it sounds like you binge because you have denied yourself the things you like. Perhaps start out saying I won't have the massive bag of cheetos but if I eat well for the whole day, tonight when I sit down I can have half the bag - or whatever fits in your calorie allowance. I find I can stay on track for the day if I know there is a treat coming at the end of it - also - more likely to stick it for the rest of my life rather than just for now! I can do this - its hard but you can do it, and you know you can! Try not to beat yourself up and perhaps try to look at why you want the bag of cheetos - did you feel stressed or upset when you started to crave them?
Good luck and get on it!!! :-)0 -
My first reaction is : log the cheetos and go on from there. There's a reason they say "If at first you don't succeed, try and try again". If you ask anyone on this site they will tell you that they've failed--perhaps many times. That doesn't mean you lay down and die. You learn from past mistakes, and try again in a different way. Eat your cheetos, but then go and exercise for an hour--yes, because you ate the cheetos. Start a cycle of responsibility for what you eat and then ENJOY LIFE. Because that's what we're here for---well maybe I speak for myself. Best.
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how bad do you want it? you need to think positive to get good results... buckle down, go kick some butt.0
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I tried and failed for twenty years. Its as much mental as physical. First you need to be resolved to not quit or give up no matter what. You ate that entire bag of cheetos? Oh well, it wont harm your weight loss in the long run if you just keep going. You ate another bag of cheetos a few weeks later. Oh well, forgive yourself (no self loathing allowed) and carry on.
it is very overwheming when you look at the sheer amount of weight you have to lose, but time will pass either way. Look at it this way, if you never give up, even when you fail you will eventually beat this.
And like the others said, I eat some cheetos almost every week.0 -
If you don't buy it and bring it into the house, then you won't be tempted to eat it, and fall off the wagon. It's hard to do but well worth it in the long run.0
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cincysweetheart wrote: »But sometimes progress even looks like taking one step forward and two steps back. I told a friend that one time that I felt like that's the way things were going for me. I LOVED his response… "well, at least you are going backwards slower! And that's still progress!"
I love that! "Going backwards slower!"0 -
Thanks for all the support from those that offered it. I logged all my food yesterday. I'm looking at it as the first day of my new streak!
I'm following some of the advice on here by starting off just by logging what I eat. I'm not changing anything or trying to stay in calorie range. I'm just making a habit of logging everything.
Thank you, again. Some of said things that really made me see things in a different way and made me believe that I really might be able to do this. So I'm giving it a go!0 -
I have been attempting to lose weight for about 18 years (I'm 24 and became obese in elementary school). Over the years, I have attempted SO many diets. Each one was based primarily around caloric restriction, and I would start to get hungry and binge each time. Usually around a week to three weeks into the effort.
I have struck gold with the low carb (ketogenic) diet. In the past few years (and most especially the past 6 months when I started counting calories carefully and tracking religiously, I have just melted with little effort. (Down about 40 pounds since this July, 95 pound loss total) The cravings and binges have stopped dead in their tracks. (I haven't binged over my daily allotted calories or eaten excess carbs for 12 weeks straight as of right now)
Here's the thing: I am NOT a person with intense willpower. I am actually rather weak-willed. My room is a mess and I can usually be found procrastinating tasks, but keto allows me to near-effortlessly control my calories and food cravings. (The second I eat high carb, the cravings and binges return!)
This leads me to believe that adherence to my plan is based on something that is happening hormonally inside my body in the absence of carbohydrates. (Research suggests: Insulin and ghrelin (fat storing, hunger activators) go down, leptin (satiety hormone) goes up on a diet like mine).
My point is, I had to change not only the AMOUNT of food I was eating, but also the TYPE of food. Calories absolutely count, but if you can't stick to your lower-calorie plan it could potentially be due to the effects of carbs in your diet. It certainly seems to be the case for me.0 -
Decide not to fail!
Easier said than done, I know, but if you start deciding you've already failed you're not giving yourself a chance.
This time is different - don't fail!
What do you want more - to have to keep saying "I tried but I failed" or to eventually say "I kept trying until I succeeded"?
You CAN do it, just decide to, honestly 0 -
Good for you for deciding to log. I'd recommend looking at Dr. Yoni Freedhoff's recent book The Diet Fix: Why Diets Fail and How to Make Yours Work. He emphasizes that if you don't enjoy your lifestyle, you'll give it up, so the challenge in weight loss is how to eat as few calories as you need to enjoy life. The book is a little gimmicky (it starts with a 10-day reset) but generally it's quite sound.
By the way, the question you asked at the beginning makes me think of another one: is life worth living if you know you will die? I certainly think so!0 -
I had posted something a little similar when I started. I was just starting out AGAIN, and had a track record of doing well for a few days and then blowing it. It was depressing. So was the weight. I didn't know what to do.
It's been 63 days now, and I can tell my entire mindset has changed. Do you want to know what I did?
First, I made a goal to not look at the big picture but to the present day. It can be very overwhelming when you look at it as a week, a month, a year. Yuck...that makes me cringe even right now! TODAY! What will you do today? Try to eat at your calorie goal. Maybe take a walk. That's it. Then tomorrow, do that same thing. Soon enough, it'll have been a whole month.
Come here daily, and read the threads. Talk to people. Even if it's for 10 minutes. Everytime I do, it inspires me to want to do good today. Because...remember....its all about "today".
And another thing, coming here and logging your food -- no matter what -- generally helps. If anything, you probably won't GAIN more weight if you are really trying. So think of it that way. I was having a problem not getting past a certain weight until this week. It was depressing....BUT.....at least I hadn't GAINED any weight in two months.
This IS a lifestyle. You just have to eat less (and move more). No whole bags of chips. You CAN really live if you don't eat whole bags of chips! And you will feel BETTER too.0 -
SmartAlec03211988 wrote: »Well that escalated quickly.
lmao0 -
MakePeasNotWar wrote: »Are you trying to fix everything all in one go and feeling deprived? That would make me eat a bag of cheetos, too. What if you just picked one or two small things to change, then once they were solid habits, take on another. Obviously you will lose more slowly, but if you can truly take your time to build up small habits, you'll be able to maintain your weight loss for life.
Maybe try just logging for a while, until it's second nature. Then look through your diary for something that seems easy to fix - the "low hanging fruit", as it were. Or in my case, the low hanging cheesecake, lol
This!
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conniebug76 wrote: »MakePeasNotWar wrote: »Are you trying to fix everything all in one go and feeling deprived? That would make me eat a bag of cheetos, too. What if you just picked one or two small things to change, then once they were solid habits, take on another. Obviously you will lose more slowly, but if you can truly take your time to build up small habits, you'll be able to maintain your weight loss for life.
Maybe try just logging for a while, until it's second nature. Then look through your diary for something that seems easy to fix - the "low hanging fruit", as it were. Or in my case, the low hanging cheesecake, lol
I do go all or nothing a lot. I know all the "right" things to do, so I do them. Then I get stressed out keeping up with it all: staying in calorie budget, getting enough water, getting enough protein, getting enough veggies, exercising enough times, getting my heart rate up, stretching, strength building, meditating, etc.
I like the idea of just logging for a while. No pressure to change, yet, but it will let me have a good picture of what I'm doing "most" wrongly. Then I can change that.
Bingo! you got it!
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Connie, what is the real issue? What's driving you to sabotage yourself? What are your thoughts about yourself? What's really bothering you? When we get to the bottom, the root of why we do what we do and start being kinder to ourselves, then the healing starts and the sabotaging becomes less and less until we gain control.0
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Maybe you should do something different this time.
In the past you relied on your knowledge and planning to follow your calorie counting and exercise routines.
Have you ever followed a workout training program that was designed to move you forward instead of always doing the same thing?
Check it out. Most of us aren't knowledgeable enough when we start out to be in charge of our own program planning because we aren't sure what to do to move forward. ALl we know is eat right, exercise, rest, drink water and balance your strength vs cardio workouts.
But actually plotting those workouts for a few months, so you have to keep up with a program that carries you closer to your goals - will help with motivation, discipline and SUCCESS.0 -
Sorry, I haven't read most of the comments on here. You made it very clear what the issue is, you've already decided you're going to fail, no one can succeed at anything with that attitude. Make the decision that this time will be different, I mean are the Cheetos and other crap really worth it? Sure it's tempting, but you are in control of your own actions. If you haven't already or recently, maybe you should discuss your feelings with your doctor, it sounds like you might have some depression (or other medical issues) going on, and medication can make a world of difference for some people. Maybe don't go all out all at once, make small lifestyles changes. Trade ice cream for a yogurt, skip the creamer in your coffee, instead of Cheetos have a couple triscuits with cheese, water or tea instead of soda, park further away from the store so you have to walk. Take baby steps, change one thing at a time and be proud of yourself when you do.0
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conniebug76 wrote: »Thanks for all the support from those that offered it. I logged all my food yesterday. I'm looking at it as the first day of my new streak!
I'm following some of the advice on here by starting off just by logging what I eat. I'm not changing anything or trying to stay in calorie range. I'm just making a habit of logging everything.
Thank you, again. Some of said things that really made me see things in a different way and made me believe that I really might be able to do this. So I'm giving it a go!
Her mind has shifted! Way to go MFPrs!! Good luck Conniebug76!!!
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