Fat friends..
karyabc
Posts: 830 Member
So yesterday i was at a dinner birthday party at applebee's , a small one with only 7 of my closest friends witch most of them i haven't seen for a while cause they are living abroad, anyway much gossip happened about other people aspect and how much we have change since college, they where meannnnnn is like for real doesn't common sense tells you that is an awful thing to talk/criticize about other people weight issues when your "best friend" who is obese is in front of you?people they're like can't forgive the fact that someone have weight issues
they were like "omg have u seen lately X person, she's so fat, did you see her arms? and her face? (ohhhh i swear all wanted to do was punch them in the mouth! this was about a friend of us who maybe have gain 10 pound at the most)and then the pearl of the night was one of the husband of my friend who said something like 'well if you're 28 and haven't got married it is pretty much that is not gonna happened for you and that's just sad (im 27 ,single -__-)
i just goshhh felt so bad and couldn't wait to get home, i suppose someone can relate to the situation or it just might be that i have the worst group of friend ever
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I'm sorry That's no way to talk about your friends. If it happens again, I recommend either telling them they're being very rude and inappropriate or leaving and choosing not to have them as part of your life again.
Sometimes it's sad from the other perspective too... I have two friends who always call themselves fat and it makes me sad!0 -
So yesterday i was at a dinner birthday party at applebee's , a small one with only 7 of my closest friends witch most of them i haven't seen for a while cause they are living abroad, anyway much gossip happened about other people aspect and how much we have change since college, they where meannnnnn is like for real doesn't common sense tells you that is an awful thing to talk/criticize about other people weight issues when your "best friend" who is obese is in front of you?
people they're like can't forgive the fact that someone have weight issues they were like "omg have u seen lately X person, she's so fat, did you see her arms? and her face? (ohhhh i swear all wanted to do was punch them in the mouth! this was about a friend of us who maybe have gain 10 pound at the most)
and then the pearl of the night was one of the husband of my friend who said something like 'well if you're 28 and haven't got married it is pretty much that is not gonna happened for you and that's just sad (im 27 ,single -__-)
i just goshhh felt so bad and couldn't wait to get home, i suppose someone can relate to the situation or it just might be that i have the worst group of friend ever
Oh man, I'm sorry you had to sit through that. Next time, stand up for yourself! Or leave. No one needs to hear that and, honestly, no one needs that kind of negativity in their lives no matter what size they are.
And in regards to the marriage thing - that's just his way of justifying his own decision to take the plunge.
I'm 32, never married. Is it lonely sometimes? Sure. Do I think I'll be alone forever? I don't think so. But, if I am, I can take care of myself. And that is way better than settling down with the wrong person because there is an arbitrary time stamp on my marriage worthiness...for all he knows, he might be divorced in a few years anyway.
And, also, I have girl friends who are single just like me at my age. They are beautiful, intelligent, successful, capable and amazing people. Just haven't found the right guy yet.
So, you aren't alone.
Don't let other people's stupidity get it you.0 -
and then the pearl of the night was one of the husband of my friend who said something like 'well if you're 28 and haven't got married it is pretty much that is not gonna happened for you and that's just sad (im 27 ,single -__-)
Not true. You are still young and have plenty of time to find someone.0 -
This is why I don't socialize with people.0
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WOW, these are horrible people. I'm 36 & never married and feel it was the best decision I ever made. I'm in a long term, live together, relationship and have been for more than 2 years, but I have no plans to ever marry him. I see too many divorces happen.
And for the "weight" comments, just chalk that up to stupidity. And their own self-esteem issues. People that are confident in who they are don't talk about other people that way.
Sorry you had to deal with that. You are still very young and very pretty and you have such a long live ahead of you. Don't let other drag you down.0 -
Plenty of time. I know a beautiful woman who waited until she was 42 to find the man of her dreams (me). We've been married 5 years today. If you can find a way to be happy no matter your "status" then it's amazing how attractive that will become to others. And I'm sure everyone at that table had "issues" they wouldn't want anyone else to know about. Those who talk like that about other people and point out their flaws usually do.0
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your dinner companions sound like insecure bullies if they think it's okay to use people as punching bags. If you can't call them on it, change the subject, and if you can't do that, you need to walk away.0
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Sounds like an awful outing. I know I've been in groups where someone will start a conversation badmouthing fat people and it's supremely uncomfortable. Really makes you think what people are saying when you're not around.
As far as the marriage thing, please. There are any number of reasons why someone wouldn't be married until later in life, and honestly in my opinion that's the better way to go about it. If I'd gotten married at 20 or even 25 it would have been a huge mistake. I've grown so much as a person since then and have had a lot of time to realize what kind of partner would really work best for me. There is no shame in that.
I hope everybody in your group wasn't so insensitive, but situations like that do make you think about who your real friends are, and who you can trust and who you maybe shouldn't.0 -
Oh, and I was married young to the wrong person for the wrong reasons and stayed in it for nearly 12 years. I have 3 wonderful kids but my ex and I were both completely miserable and not the right people for each other. There are so many things worse than staying single or waiting longer for the right person.0
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This is the perfect example of who has grown up and who's still acting like high school kids. Kudos to you for seeing their behavior as wrong. You're 27 and overweight, so was I and you know what, all of that led me to the person I am today. I remember the snotty comments about weight or marriage or the fact I didn't have kids by the age of 27. Who cares what they think, clearly they're not real deep thinkers so pay them no mind and carry on.
Here's to you for being who you are, for caring enough about others to not join in the bashing and for rising above the negativity around you.0 -
Speak up. If they are your 'friends' then they should know better. If they get all pissy at you walk away. If they talk about other folks like this while with you what do you think they might say of you? Life is too short. Left some "friends" in the dust because of politics, religion, and gossip... don't miss them. Have better, new-and-improved ones now.0
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OH! And if you need a laugh, here you go: myfriendsaremarried.tumblr.com/
I was having a down day and one of my buddies on my FL sent this to me. Hilarious.0 -
Yup, time to start replacing friends. I found love at forty. You have plenty of living yet to do, and these people will still be stuck in their little time warp.0
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@karyabc, it looks like you've found more than 7 "good" friends right here. Sometimes it's sad and disappointing to go back to a reunion to find out most of our high school "friends" never grew up.0
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I think you should either not go out with them again or, if you do, sit right there and tell them exactly what you think of what they're saying. Most of the time when people bad mouth others like that it's because they are trying to build themselves up by pushing others down. Which means that they are not nearly as happy or content with life as they would like you to believe. I call it the "life race" -- people who try to make up for being unhappy by proving that they are doing better at life than others, so they nitpick whatever faults they can find in order to "prove" that they are ahead in the race to have the best life. As for marriage, I am also part of the "30's and never married and super happy about it" club. I'm incredibly glad that I didn't marry young just for the sake of being married. I've seen too many people make that mistake and wallow in misery for years as they paid for it. Be proud of yourself for having the good sense to wait it out until you find the right person for you (or to just stay single if it never happens, which is the better option IMO).0
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This is why I don't socialize with people.
ditto.
that and I cant just sit and listen to stuff like that without making faces or saying something. I get labelled as the b***h of the group because I let people know when I think theyre being out of line.
..I wish people would be more thoughtful.0 -
blktngldhrt wrote: »This is why I don't socialize with people.
ditto.
that and I cant just sit and listen to stuff like that without making faces or saying something. I get labelled as the b***h of the group because I let people know when I think theyre being out of line.
..I wish people would be more thoughtful.
So much this for me too...0 -
thank you so much guys, i've read all of your post !! im not gonna lie i felt bad but on the positive side I've grown so much from the person i used to be, on another time i may have eat my feelings out, cry and that sort of things but hell nooooooo this time i said noo , people are not gonna bring me down, neither im gonna let them hurt me with their lack of common sense, i though to my self well you are gonna feel sorry when we see each other next Christmas, now more than ever i fell fuel to continue my journey
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Well, fact is - you're friend's husband is proof that you wouldn't want to be in her shoes married to him. He's an idiot to stereotype people by age and say we're fated to such-n-such ending.
Find your happiness within you, and then if the right person comes along that you want to share your happy space with - go for it. It's not some time-driven activity.
Hope you recover from that night out, and get back into your happy zone.
Good luck.
Rose0 -
Oh man, I'm sorry you had to sit through that. Next time, stand up for yourself! Or leave. No one needs to hear that and, honestly, no one needs that kind of negativity in their lives no matter what size they are.
And in regards to the marriage thing - that's just his way of justifying his own decision to take the plunge.
I'm 32, never married. Is it lonely sometimes? Sure. Do I think I'll be alone forever? I don't think so. But, if I am, I can take care of myself. And that is way better than settling down with the wrong person because there is an arbitrary time stamp on my marriage worthiness...for all he knows, he might be divorced in a few years anyway.
And, also, I have girl friends who are single just like me at my age. They are beautiful, intelligent, successful, capable and amazing people. Just haven't found the right guy yet.
So, you aren't alone.
Don't let other people's stupidity get it you.
This this this! Heck, I'm 45 and single--tons of people don't marry for whatever reason, but it doesn't mean it can't happen. And being alone can be great! Esp. if you know who you are and your value.
You might want to think about distancing from such negative friends. Or at the least, don't be afraid to challenge them sometimes. You have a voice, a valuable one, and you shouldn't have to listen to such awfulness.
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I would want new friends!0
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I would say time for some new friends. Next time they ask you out be like no I was really not impressed by all the gossip and mean things you guys said. It makes me wonder what you've been saying about me behind my back.0
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and then the pearl of the night was one of the husband of my friend who said something like 'well if you're 28 and haven't got married it is pretty much that is not gonna happened for you and that's just sad (im 27 ,single -__-)
Not true. You are still young and have plenty of time to find someone.
I agree. My friend's mom is like 55 and just got married for the second time. Also you said you haven't really seen any of them for a while...maybe you should think about why you're holding onto these people. Is it because you feel obligated? If so I would try to find new friends. I actually had this happen to me. I thought some of my friends cared about me, but they didn't. They would also talk bad about other people in front of me and I realized one day that if they'll say it in front of you then they'll say it about you. I realized that when I wasn't around they were saying the same ugly things about me! Flush those negative people out of your life! It's done wonders for me. I have new friends now that I know care about me and are always there for me and that's what you need too.0 -
See, I would call these people a group of people I used to hang out with, not friends. You don't need that nonsense.
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NoelFigart1 wrote: »See, I would call these people a group of people I used to hang out with, not friends. You don't need that nonsense.
This!
I have a group of freakin' cool friends, they seem much younger than their age (mid to late 30's) and are fun, strong, interesting women. We seriously DO NOT gossip or badmouth one another. So it's possible. However it took a lot of "breaking up" with what I'd call typical girls to find my tribe of cool chicks...so yeah...it happens.
I would not hang out with those women much or at all. If you can even call them women!
BTW I know how cruddy that feels, too. I worked with a woman who would talk about her sister-in-law's dramatic weight gain in front of me when I was at my heaviest (307 lb) and she even said, "I don't mean like YOU...I'm talking like 300 lb!" While I'm sure she thought she chose an impossibly high number, it was very hurtful!0 -
beautifulwarrior18 wrote: »I would say time for some new friends. Next time they ask you out be like no I was really not impressed by all the gossip and mean things you guys said. It makes me wonder what you've been saying about me behind my back.
ooh yeah I love that line!
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That's women for ya. I wouldn't dump them though. Even Tyra Banks says best friends talk about best friends. No one is a saint.0
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DOOOONT leave them. Use them as motivation!!! if you're not happy change something, and use that feeling you felt that night every time it's hard for you to get up early or go to the gym or eat healthy!!! AHHH im getting motivated just thinking of it! Grind in your own time without them looking and prove them wrong. that's insanely rude what they said that night and in front of your face! it makes me mad!! but at the same time it makes me want to go back to the gym right now. Use the pain to make you better. good luck with everything!0
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So yesterday i was at a dinner birthday party at applebee's , a small one with only 7 of my closest friends witch most of them i haven't seen for a while cause they are living abroad, anyway much gossip happened about other people aspect and how much we have change since college, they where meannnnnn is like for real doesn't common sense tells you that is an awful thing to talk/criticize about other people weight issues when your "best friend" who is obese is in front of you?
people they're like can't forgive the fact that someone have weight issues they were like "omg have u seen lately X person, she's so fat, did you see her arms? and her face? (ohhhh i swear all wanted to do was punch them in the mouth! this was about a friend of us who maybe have gain 10 pound at the most)
and then the pearl of the night was one of the husband of my friend who said something like 'well if you're 28 and haven't got married it is pretty much that is not gonna happened for you and that's just sad (im 27 ,single -__-)
i just goshhh felt so bad and couldn't wait to get home, i suppose someone can relate to the situation or it just might be that i have the worst group of friend ever
They sound like people you don't need in your life no matter your size. I'd make new friends and miss the next get together.
Get married when you meet the right person. Don't get married because you are almost 28. That is ridiculous. There isn't a clock ticking.
People get married and re-married at all ages. There is nothing wrong with being older and single or getting married later. My parents were 27 and 35 when they got married and were married until my mom died over 30 years later. My dad got re-married in his 70's, father-in-law remarried in his 50's, mother-in-law is also on her 3rd marriage and well over 28 as well.0 -
karlsantiago wrote: »DOOOONT leave them. Use them as motivation!!! if you're not happy change something, and use that feeling you felt that night every time it's hard for you to get up early or go to the gym or eat healthy!!! AHHH im getting motivated just thinking of it! Grind in your own time without them looking and prove them wrong. that's insanely rude what they said that night and in front of your face! it makes me mad!! but at the same time it makes me want to go back to the gym right now. Use the pain to make you better. good luck with everything!
thank you so much for your post!, that is exactly what i'm doing, is like i can't wait for next Christmas when i have to face them again![:\](https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/resources/emoji/confused.png ":\")
i know i won't be the same person cause i hell won't give up in my journey to become a better version of me 0
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