Spouse not joining in

I know there's probably not too much advice to be given, but I guess I just need a sound board for my issues. My lovely, wonderful husband is very supportive of me losing weight. However, he continues to eat badly. But then he says, "Oh I need to lose weight...my jeans don't fit." I cook healthy meals at home but he overeats and then indulges on ice cream right before bed. None of this bothers me on my determination to lose weight. But part of me is like...really, you don't want to be a team on this journey? We've always been a team. We used to go to the gym together. Now I go by myself. We used to eat healthy together...now it's just me. I know I can't make him want to eat healthier and exercise, but I'm just super frustrated right now.
«13

Replies

  • TopazCutie
    TopazCutie Posts: 386 Member
    You need to tell him this!
  • libbydoodle11
    libbydoodle11 Posts: 1,351 Member
    I am torn on this one. I am sensitive to others mentioning my weight gain. Some folks respond well to loved ones letting them know there is room for improvement in regards to their weight gain. I think I would just try to lead by example on this one.
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,574 Member
    Sometimes spouses are not on the same page. My hubby gently nudged me for years. On my own time and in my own way, I got back to watching how much I ate.
  • Lourdesong
    Lourdesong Posts: 1,492 Member
    TopazCutie wrote: »
    You need to tell him this!

    This.

    You could show him your post you wrote about him and see what he thinks of that.

  • tiptoethruthetulips
    tiptoethruthetulips Posts: 3,310 Member
    Because you are ready to get fit and become healthy doesn't mean he is. I suspect the more you push the more he will push back at you.

    You can express concern for his health, but you shouldn't give him the opportunity to complain that you are nagging about his diet or lack of exercise.

    In his own time...
  • GiveMeCoffee
    GiveMeCoffee Posts: 3,556 Member
    If and when he wants to lose weight he will. If he complains about his jeans being tight, tell him easy solution is to lose weight. Also how is eating ice cream at night a bad thing?

    Judging all his eating choices might also be taken as nagging.
  • maasha81
    maasha81 Posts: 754 Member
    Because you are ready to get fit and become healthy doesn't mean he is. I suspect the more you push the more he will push back at you.

    You can express concern for his health, but you shouldn't give him the opportunity to complain that you are nagging about his diet or lack of exercise.

    In his own time...

    I totally agree. AS you said, it's out of your control ...focus on yourself. I know it can be frustrating but he may join you when he is ready.
  • 20yearsyounger
    20yearsyounger Posts: 1,643 Member
    Keep doing what you are doing. He'll join when he is good and ready. For years my wife has been telling me about losing weight. Unless he has some other type of emotional issue, it will be hard for him not to do anything when he has a smoking hot wife.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    If and when he wants to lose weight he will. If he complains about his jeans being tight, tell him easy solution is to lose weight. Also how is eating ice cream at night a bad thing?

    Judging all his eating choices might also be taken as nagging.

    I agree with this person.

    Since you are concerned, I would just ask him whenever you are going to the gym to join you. If he says yes, great! If not, try again next time but don't nag.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,346 Member
    One thing I realized right away when I started losing weight was, just because I was making changes, didn't mean anybody else was obligated to. Would it be nice if I had someone to do this with me? Sure. But it didn't work out that way. Would it be nice to do this with your hubby, as a team? Sure. But he's not interested. I have people tell me all the time that they want to lose weight like I did, only to watch their eyes glaze over when I tell them how I did it. It's just how people are. When he's ready, your hubby will jump on the bandwagon, but not before.
  • CipherZero
    CipherZero Posts: 1,418 Member
    (In before "Just break up")

    I go through the same thing. It's been two and a half years on and my wife is just starting her journey into better fitness and health.

    On the upside, she's asking me a lot of questions on health and fitness that I can actually answer with researched facts.
  • GiveMeCoffee
    GiveMeCoffee Posts: 3,556 Member
    I also want to add that if you take care of you and others around you people see the change, the domino effect may happen. Since I started, my daughter, mother, father, and husband have all started... but they did it when they were ready not when I was.
  • logg1e
    logg1e Posts: 1,208 Member
    I agree with libby you need to strike the balance between telling him how you feel and how you'd appreciate his support and companionship whilst not giving him the message that you are judging him or expect him to have the same goals as you.

    What are you going to do?
  • Juvenica
    Juvenica Posts: 460 Member
    agree , almost with everyone above.
    I'm into focus mode right now, trying to eat healthy and workout yet my family is overweight and eating Granted healthy foods mostly , but still even healthy foods when taken too much make you fat and they're making me backtrack.
    there is nothing you can do for him trust me, focus on yourself and hope that when he sees your results and your efforts will be more supportive and hopefully get on a healthy train as well.
  • middlehaitch
    middlehaitch Posts: 8,386 Member
    Scupit, glad you had a place to vent your frustrations. Sometimes one just has to verbalise to stop it whizzing around and around in ones head.
    Now sit back and enjoy the holidays with the man you love.

    Cheers, h.
  • Whitty1982
    Whitty1982 Posts: 30 Member
    edited December 2014
    Try finding activities that he enjoys - like hiking, dancing, rough housing with the kids if you have them, building something, martial arts, riding bikes, swimming, or whatever. He probably gets frustrated that you are frustrated and then doesn't feel like doing anything. Then you're both aggravated and not enjoying the lifestyle change.
    - Make it a game so you both can have fun with it.
    Even use some bedroom temptations as a motivator. You'll both enjoy it and get some cardio in with it. Go on a hike and take a camera or your phone so you can snap some flirty photos in secluded areas of the trail together.

    He may find the gym boring so think of activities you can do together that he will enjoy.

    It can also help to spend more time with friends that are more active on a regular basis. The goal isn't to ritually go to a gym or whatever - the goal is to keep moving so you keep burning calories. After being more active, his diet may follow suit so he feels better when having fun.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,014 Member
    Just break up.
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
    If and when he wants to lose weight he will. If he complains about his jeans being tight, tell him easy solution is to lose weight. Also how is eating ice cream at night a bad thing?

    Judging all his eating choices might also be taken as nagging.

    ^This. Lead by example.
  • Phrick
    Phrick Posts: 2,765 Member
    Liftng4Lis wrote: »
    If and when he wants to lose weight he will. If he complains about his jeans being tight, tell him easy solution is to lose weight. Also how is eating ice cream at night a bad thing?

    Judging all his eating choices might also be taken as nagging.

    ^This. Lead by example.

    Leading by example doesn't always work - in fact in my own personal experience, it doesn't work at all! @ OP - be an example all you want but don't pin your hopes on your husband *ever* joining you. Focus on you and on loving him as he is. IF changes come, welcome them, but don't make his change or lack thereof any kind of focus at all, unless you thrive on frustration and disappointment.



    (P.S. Sorry if that comes across wrong - I have a lot of years of chronic disappointment from hoping my own husband will change under my belt and am finally coming to the place of accepting that this is who I am married to... I either get to take it as it is, or do the "just break up" thing)
  • NoelFigart1
    NoelFigart1 Posts: 1,276 Member
    When he comments he needs to lose weight, just shrug and say, "Well, you know what you do when you decide you want to" and leave it at that. It does two things. It doesn't try to take choice away from him and it does remind him that if that's what he wants, he needs to make the choice to do it.